7 Prime Signs of a Somatic Narcissist and Ways to Deal

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Imagine swiping right on someone gorgeous, only to find out they’re obsessed with looks (theirs and everyone else’s). That, my friend, could be a somatic narcissist.

We’ve all seen those “perfect” couples on social media, but behind the facade, things might be rough. Somatic narcissists crave constant admiration for their appearance, and dating them can be a rollercoaster.

What are the red flags? How do you deal if you’ve already matched with such a person? 

Let’s break it down further in sections below:

What is a somatic narcissist?

Ever seen someone who seems to live for the perfect Instagram pic? We all love looking good, but some people take it to the extreme. That’s where somatic narcissists come in.

Somatic narcissist, in a clear word, is the one who is obsessed with their physical self. They believe they’re good-looking and attractive and make others do anything using their charm.

They can be someone who never misses out on an opportunity to flaunt their body and feel pride when someone appreciates their physical self. They’re also one of those who are constantly working on their physique.

Somatic narcissists crave constant validation for their looks. Compliments are like air to them, and they might fish for them in subtle ways. Conversations can feel one-sided, all about their appearance and less about, well, you.

7 prime traits of somatic narcissism

Who doesn’t love looking good and feeling confident? But for some people, appearance becomes an obsession. That’s where somatic narcissists come in. Here’s the lowdown on these folks with somatic narcissist traits:

1. It’s about appearance

Let’s start somatic narcissist signs with the elephant in the room.

Somatic narcissists are all about the aesthetics. Think perfectly curated social media feeds and endless gym selfies.

These people are so obsessed with their appearance that they want to have the best clothes, eat the right thing, look the best, and demand a flawless skin.

They get sad if anything of these goes wrong. They’re health freak, and not in a good way. They won’t appreciate if someone praises other’s appearance in front of them.

You would found them mostly either in a salon or in the gym or eating the healthiest food.

2. Crave for approval

Remember that friend who needs constant outfit validation? 

They want people to appreciate them and praise them for their physical self. They can’t handle criticism. They’re also obsessed with performing their best.

When you’re in a relationship with someone who wants to dress up good and would ask your approval for their looks every time, or would seek your feedback every time you had sex, take this as sign.

You’re in a relationship with a somatic narcissist.

3. Sexual relationship

If you’re married to a somatic narcissist, you might relate to this better. 

Sex with a somatic narcissist can feel more like a chore than a way to connect.

When you’re in a relationship with a somatic narcissist, you would observe that for them sex is all about performance and not emotional satisfaction.

For them, sex will not be about two individual coming together to express love to each other. It will be, for them, to stand up to their expectation every time they have sex. With them, the love in ‘love-making’ is missing and they care about how they performed.

They often might use the other individual as an object to attain self-satisfaction.

4. Vanity

We all have come across someone or the other who drives the most expensive car, dines at the best restaurant, dresses up extremely well, and lives in one of the best neighborhoods.

However, what separates people with somatic narcissistic personality disorder from others is that they need others’ approval of their lifestyle.

Others might not flaunt it every now and then, but a somatic narcissist loves flaunting their lifestyle and feels pride when people appreciate that fact about them. They love creating an image of themselves as the ‘perfect’ or ‘desired’ person.

When you’re dealing with one of them, make sure that you don’t disapprove of their lifestyle as you would be deeply hurting them.

5. Your existence

You might feel like their hype person more than their partner.

You may feel happy and content to be in a relationship with a somatic narcissist and may believe that they’re equally in love with you. However, it may not be entirely true.

In most cases, male or female somatic narcissist and relationship doesn’t go well. For them, most partners are there only to serve their emotional needs. They only care about their own emotional needs.

They will reach you whenever they want an approval or want to have sex with you. Otherwise, you simply don’t exist for them.

6. Mistreating you

Somatic narcissists can’t handle anyone stealing their spotlight. 

They can’t find it satisfying if someone else is more beautiful or handsome than them. So, somatic narcissists won’t think twice about insulting you or putting you down. For them, you must be underneath them.

They have to be the best in the room, no matter what. So, if you’re in a relationship with a somatic narcissist, be ready to hear insulting words and constant criticism of your appearance.

They are ruthless, and all they care about is their position in society.

7. Clear lack of empathy

Somatic narcissists struggle with empathy. 

They might seem charming at first, but eventually, you’ll realize they’re mostly interested in themselves and their needs.  Your feelings and experiences become an afterthought.

Somatic narcissists can take extreme measures to maintain their facade. Know more about their behavior with this informative video:

How does somatic narcissism impact relationships

Matching with someone gorgeous can be exciting! But what if they seem more obsessed with their looks than getting to know you? That could be a sign of somatic narcissism.

Dating someone like this can be confusing. They might be super charming and confident at first, but over time, things can get lonely. Here’s why:

• Imagine your partner is all about the gym selfies and perfect outfits. They might crave compliments constantly, and if you don’t gush all the time, they might get upset. It can feel like you’re just there to admire them, not for who you are.
• Somatic narcissists often prioritize their appearance over emotional intimacy. Dates might feel one-sided, with them talking about their looks and not really asking about you or your feelings.
• They might feel threatened if someone else gets attention. Subtle jabs about your appearance or bragging about their workouts can leave you feeling insecure and unseen.
• In a healthy relationship, you’re both important. But with a somatic narcissist, it can feel like you’re just there to support their image, not an equal partner.

How to deal with a somatic narcissist: 7 impactful ways

Being in a relationship with a somatic narcissist can be confusing and frustrating, but there are ways to protect your energy and maybe even help them grow. 

Here are seven strong strategies

Setting boundaries: IRL examples

1. The compliment vacuum: Setting limits is important. Imagine your partner constantly fishing for compliments about their new haircut. You can say, “Hey, I love your hair! But you know I think you’re amazing for way more than that. How was your day at work?”
2. The selfie spree: Does your partner flood your Insta feed with gym selfies? Let them know, “You look great! But social media can get overwhelming. Maybe we could try a new recipe together this weekend?”

Staying grounded & finding support

3. Feeling neglected? If your partner’s all about their #gains but forgets to ask about your day, prioritize self-care! Catch up with friends, take a relaxing bubble bath, or do that thing you love (that doesn’t involve endless scrolling).
4. Talk it out: Bottling things up won’t help. Open up to a trusted friend or therapist. They can be your cheerleader and offer advice you might not have considered.

Encouraging balance & patience:

5. Ditch the gym: Suggest activities that spark deeper connections. Maybe try that art gallery you’ve been eyeing or take a cooking class together. Who knows, you might discover a new shared passion!
6. Change takes time: Don’t expect your partner to become a zen master overnight. If they’re open to therapy, be supportive (but realistic). Celebrate small wins as they work on themselves.

Knowing when to walk away:

7. Love shouldn’t hurt: If your partner’s narcissism is making you miserable and they refuse to budge, prioritize your well-being. It’s okay to walk away. Remember, you deserve a relationship that’s healthy and uplifting! 

Save your worth

Swerving drama is always an option! Dating should be a fun adventure, not a never-ending cycle of emotional push and pull.  

By understanding somatic narcissism, you can avoid getting caught up in someone else’s need for constant validation and find a partner who truly values you for who you are, looks and all.

Remember, your worth isn’t defined by how many people like your pictures. You deserve a relationship with someone who makes you feel good, not just about your appearance, but about yourself as a whole.  

Keep your eyes peeled for the good signs (respect, open communication, genuine interest in your life), and don’t settle for anything less than a partner who celebrates you for the amazing person you are.  Go out there and conquer your dating life!