Everything You Need to Know About Gaslighting if You Are Married to a Narcissist

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Here are the definitions of these terms and the approaches you can take to avoid manipulation 

What is a narcissist?

A narcissist is a mental condition where sufferers have a false, inflated sense of their own importance and value. Alongside such, they demand excessive attention and admiration, also  developing a severe lack of empathy for others.

Narcissism is extremely difficult to diagnose and separate from high- self-confidence and cockiness. As a result, many will enter relationships with narcissists unaware of their mental condition until signs of emotional abuse become apparent, what can be months later.

You may be surprised to learn that nearly 7.7% of men and 4.8% of women develop NPD during their lifetime, according to a study conducted by the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. And this behavior is attributed to the predominant usage of social media, especially posting of images and selfies results in a subsequent increase in narcissism.

If you are married to a narcissist, then parting your ways from them is going to be really tricky. But before you visit a divorce lawyer, make sure you are married to one. After all, there are few tips to divorcing a high-conflict personality.

Look out for the glaring signs you are married to a narcissist and find ways to leave a narcissist.

There are a few common traits of narcissists and gaslighters show that there is not much difference between the two. In fact, sociopaths and narcissists use gaslighting tricks to subdue their partners and manipulate them.

If you are married to a narcissist, then you are likely to become a victim of gaslighting sooner or later. But how do you recognize the signs you are a victim of gaslighting? Before that, it is important to learn a few things about gaslighting itself.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a primary form of mental abuse that is performed by a narcissist.

It involves manipulating another person by making them question their own sanity and resultantly, gain power over them. Gaslighting can be done slowly and take place over long periods of time so the victim is unaware of the manipulation.

There are different shades of gaslighting and if you are married to a narcissist, you are likely to experience one or two of its traits.

Shades of gaslighting

Dr. Robin Stern, the author of the book, ‘ The Gaslighting Effect’, said “The Gaslight Effect results from a relationship between two people: a gaslighter, who needs to be right in order to preserve his own sense of self, and his sense of having power in the world; and a gaslightee, who allows the gaslighter to define {his or} her sense of reality because she idealizes him and seeks his approval.”

Further, the National Center On Domestic Violence And The Domestic Violence Hotline stated that, “Most survivors who reported their abusive partners had actively contributed to mental health difficulties or their use of substances also said their partners threatened to use the difficulties or substance use against them with important authorities, such as legal or child custody professionals, to prevent them from obtaining custody or other things that they wanted or needed.”

Gaslighting causes self-doubt and cognitive dissonance.

So, if you are married to a narcissist, you are likely to witness the following behavioral patterns in your partner.

1. Gaslighters master the art of blatant denial, if questioned on their actions such as infidelity
2. Subtle shaming and emotional invalidation are weapons used by gaslighters to shut their partners down and forcefully negates their allegations
3. Evade accountability of their actions by discrediting their partners, and
4. In the worst-case scenario, Gaslighters are capable of driving their partners to commit suicide

Healing from gaslighting is not easy and there are certain tricks to accomplish such a humongous task.

Do narcissists know they are gaslighting?

 If you are recognizing a pattern of gaslighting abuse, but just because they may be unaware, doesn’t mean that you should put up with it.

If you are spotting subtle signs of gaslighting when you get into an argument with your partner, it is worth being open, educate them on gaslighting and tell them how it makes you feel. If they understand what they are doing, they then have the tools to make a change.

However, if you are experiencing systematic emotional abuse, it is worth seeing a marriage counselor and see for yourself if this can be resolved or leaving the relationship, especially if it is damaging to your mental health.

How do I deal with my partner’s gaslighting?

If you are being gaslighted by a partner, it is often beneficial to put some distance between you and the mental manipulation they are inflicting.

Take a trip with friends or spend time with family and by taking some time to reflect, you can consider whether you are willing to work with your partner to stop the gaslighting and prevent further emotional abuse.

If so, encourage your partner to seek therapy. Narcissists are unlikely to change their habits if simply asked to, they will need intensive therapy in order to change.

The first step to stopping the emotional abuse is recognizing the fact that you are being manipulated. But once you’ve seen the signs, don’t do anything, it is time to act to save your relationship but most importantly, your mental health.