How to Disarm a Narcissist: 13 Powerful Strategies

Learning to navigate someone with strong narcissistic traits can feel draining, confusing, and emotionally heavy… especially when their reactions seem impossible to predict. You may find yourself second-guessing your words, walking on eggshells, or trying to protect your peace while still staying true to yourself. 

That’s why understanding how to disarm a narcissist can feel like a small breath of relief—because it reminds you that your calm, clarity, and boundaries matter. 

These gentle strategies can help you respond rather than react, step back when needed, and feel a little more grounded, even when their behavior becomes overwhelming or intense.

What is disarming a narcissist?

You must understand that you can’t control narcissistic behavior to disarm a narcissist. What you can do, though, is to identify how not to let a narcissist affect you. That includes knowing subtle ways to handle a narcissist and getting a narcissist to listen to you.

Transformational mentor & therapist Dionne Eleanor says,

Often, when people find themselves in a narcissistic relationship and needing to change something, they usually feel like they are already drowning in a sea of manipulation and gaslighting and it can feel like they are struggling to find solid ground.

Therefore, disarming a narcissist involves actions that protect you from the effects of a person’s narcissism. It also includes knowing specific words to disarm a narcissist and reduce its impact on your mental health. Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and exhausting. 

However, you can protect yourself by managing narcissistic behavior and knowing what to say to disarm a narcissist.

How to disarm a narcissist: 13 ways

Knowing what to say and what to use to disarm a narcissist is the right way to deal with them. Here are some ways that can help you disarm a narcissist: 

1. Build your self-esteem

The first step to disarming a narcissist is to build your self-esteem. That’s because typical narcissists are usually intentional about their victims. 

So, they go for individuals with low confidence and courage. If you want to build your self-esteem, you must have self-respect and set clear boundaries with a narcissist, no matter how low they make you feel.

• Quick tip: Remind yourself daily of your strengths—confidence weakens their control.

2. Be calm

While you may want to infuriate a narcissist, the best way to disarm them is not to flare up. If you know narcissists well enough, they know they love to fight. So they will always be ready for you.

Instead of fighting back, keep calm. A fight or argument with a narcissist will always make you look bad. Be emotionally intelligent, and don’t argue. When you do this, a narcissist will back off eventually.

• Quick tip: Take a slow breath before responding—silence often disarms them more than words.

3. Don’t feed their ego

Praise is the fuel of narcissists. Perhaps, they are used to people giving them adoration for the things they do. You can’t deal with a narcissist by lauding them – it may make you look like their perfect candidate. 

Once you don’t feed their ego, their narcissistic behavior is less likely to affect you.

•  Quick tip: Keep your responses neutral—no exaggerated praise or validation.

4. Don’t take responsibility for their actions

Whatever you do in disarming a narcissist, do not take responsibility for their actions. Making others answer for their actions is one of the tactics of narcissists. You may think accepting their faults will make them calm down, but not for long. 

You feed them what they like, and they will keep coming back. Instead, let them be responsible for their behavior. Sooner or later, they will calm down.

• Quick tip: When blamed, calmly repeat: “That’s your choice, not mine.”

5. Don’t give them attention

A narcissist loves nothing more than 100% attention. They like to be the center of attention, dominate a conversation, win an argument, and have absolute power over others around them. But don’t give them any worthy attention if you want to handle a narcissist.

• Quick tip: Give brief, minimal responses—they lose interest when you don’t engage.

6. Avoid giving out negative emotions

Although you should avoid giving a narcissist attention, try not to respond with negative emotions. Narcissists are always looking for an excuse to lash out at you and hold you responsible. Giving them negative attention makes it easy for them, and you don’t want to do that.

• Quick tip: If triggered, excuse yourself briefly to reset emotionally.

7. Control your emotions

Every person living with narcissists must arm themselves with strong emotional intelligence because narcissists look for emotionally weak and vulnerable individuals. 

Narcissists know the button to push to make you angry so that they can hold it against you. But you can win. It is best to control your emotions and not ever dance to the tune of a narcissist.

• Quick tip: Practice grounding techniques—like focusing on your breath or surroundings.

8. Set clear boundaries

To know how to disarm a narcissistic husband or wife, you must set clear boundaries. To set clear boundaries means you don’t need to justify or defend yourself to a narcissist because winning against them can be difficult. 

Also, be firm with your decisions when you deal with narcissists. Decide what you will tolerate and what you want. Importantly, you should know when to say no or yes.

• Quick tip: Use firm statements like “I’m not available for this conversation right now.”

9. Know the words to disarm a narcissist

To set clear boundaries with a narcissist means having a conversation with them. In other words, you must know what to say to disarm a narcissist cleverly so the narcissist doesn’t overpower you. 

• Quick tip: Keep phrases short and calm, like “Let’s revisit this later.”

10. Don’t give an ultimatum

How do you disarm a narcissist, and their behavior is not to give in to conditions. Of course, you may want to give them a chance to change, but setting a deadline is equivalent to giving them control over you. As such, they will use it over you many times.

You may feel an ultimatum gives you control over them, but that may make you as toxic as they are – an opportunity to use the same tactic over you. Instead, express your need for a change respectfully. 

If they are unwilling to change, you may consider getting emotionally detached from them. 

• Quick tip: State your needs clearly without threats or deadlines.

11. Sidestep negative comments 

One of the best ways to know how to disarm a narcissist is to sidestep negative comments and questions tactfully. This process involves changing the topic, giving a different statement, or answering a different question from the one asked. 

For example, assuming a narcissist, fond of finding fault with your spending habits, dressing, personal choices, etc., starts nitpicking, you can shift to a topic the narcissist loves. 

Ask for their opinion on the recent news or a football game. Of course, that is a chance for them to display their egotistic attitude and show how knowledgeable they are, but it lets them focus on another topic.

•  Quick tip: Redirect with: “Let’s focus on something else.

12. Don’t mince your words

Sometimes, it is best to take the bull by the horns when dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists crave attention and the need to fill up the void inside them. Therefore, they will test their power on you to see if they can get away with it.

One way to counter this is to call out their actions. If they try to blame you for something they did, calmly say, “Are you trying to blame me for your actions?” Or “You don’t let me talk during arguments. Why is that?” 

Even if they respond, saying such statements makes them pause to think about their actions. It also tells them you are not stupid, even if you have tolerated them for a long time.

• Quick tip: Use calm, direct statements—not emotional ones.

Watch this TED Talk by Ann Barnes, a leadership coach, who shares practical ways to understand, manage, and protect yourself when dealing with narcissistic behavior.

13. Practice empathetic listening

While engaging in empathetic listening with a narcissist might seem counterintuitive, this approach can help disarm their behavior. Narcissists often have a deep need for validation and attention. 

By actively listening to their concerns and acknowledging their feelings, you can demonstrate your willingness to understand their perspective. This doesn’t mean you must agree with everything they say. However, showing empathy can momentarily defuse their defensiveness and make them feel heard.

• Quick tip: Say things like “I understand that you feel this way” without surrendering your stance.

Key phrases to disarm a narcissist

Understanding how to disarm a narcissist can be challenging, and it’s important to approach such interactions with care and tact. Here are some key phrases that can help you navigate conversations with a narcissist while trying to de-escalate conflicts and maintain a healthy dynamic:

1. “I understand your perspective.” Acknowledging their point of view can help diffuse tension and show that you’re open to hearing them out.
2. “Let’s find a solution together.” Suggesting cooperation can redirect the conversation toward problem-solving rather than focusing on blame or conflict.
3. “I appreciate your input.” This shows that you value their contributions, even if you don’t entirely agree.
4. “I’d like to hear more about what you’re feeling.” Encouraging them to express their emotions can sometimes help them feel understood and less defensive.
5. “Can we take a step back and approach this calmly?” Suggesting a pause can prevent a situation from escalating further.
6. “I’m committed to finding common ground.” Expressing your commitment to finding a resolution emphasizes that your goal is mutual understanding.
7. “Let’s focus on the issue, not personal attacks.” Reminding them to stick to the topic at hand can help keep the conversation productive.
8. “I believe we can work this out respectfully.” Conveying your belief in a positive outcome can encourage them to be more cooperative.
9. “Your insights are valuable.” Recognizing their expertise or knowledge can help ease their need for constant validation.
10. “I’m interested in your thoughts, but I also have some concerns.” This phrase balances acknowledging their perspective while introducing your own.
11. “Let’s consider the impact on everyone involved.” Encouraging them to think beyond themselves can help broaden their perspective.
12. “I want us to communicate openly and honestly.” Emphasizing the importance of open communication can encourage more constructive dialogue.
13. “We’re all still learning and growing.” Gently reminding them that personal growth is ongoing can help mitigate their defensiveness.
14. “I value our relationship and want it to thrive.” Expressing your desire for a positive relationship can resonate with your narcissistic partner’s need for admiration.
15. “Let’s agree to disagree and respect our differences.” Sometimes, acknowledging that differences exist and can coexist peacefully is the best approach.

Remember that interactions with narcissists can be complex, and these phrases might not work in every situation. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and set healthy boundaries. If you’re dealing with a particularly difficult or abusive situation, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or support group.

FAQ

Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by excessive self-centeredness and an inflated sense of importance. To know how to disarm a narcissist can be challenging. Let’s explore some key aspects related to narcissism.

• Are narcissists good at finding faults? 

Narcissists often excel at pinpointing flaws in others while ignoring their own. This behavior stems from their need for superiority and control to maintain their self-perceived image of perfection.

• What happens if I give a narcissist the silent treatment? 

Providing a narcissist with the silent treatment can evoke frustration and anxiety, denying them the attention they crave. They might respond with manipulation, guilt-tripping, or attempts to regain your focus to regain a sense of power.

• How do you neutralize a narcissist? 

Neutralizing a narcissist involves setting clear boundaries, avoiding emotional reactions, and focusing on your own well-being. Limit their opportunities for manipulation and seek support from friends, family, or professionals if needed.

Strength through clarity

To know how to disarm a narcissist, you should know it isn’t about changing them—it’s about strengthening yourself. When you stay calm, set firm boundaries, and protect your emotional space, their influence naturally loses power.

Dionne Eleanor, transformational mentor and therapist, concludes, 

A narcissist understands right and wrong and what hurts others in theory but at a deep level, they rarely understand why they act the way they do or how to stop their behavior hurting others. 

Their behaviors to you is often not personal to you, but a result of deep internal dysregulation and lodged trauma that causes them to do and say hurtful things.

These strategies remind you that your peace, confidence, and self-respect matter just as much as their demands. With clarity and consistency, you can navigate their behavior without losing yourself, rebuild your inner stability, and choose responses that support your well-being.

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Expert Q&A

You say I can control my emotions. But how do I do that? Every conversation with him starts with an outburst of abusive insults. How do you suggest one controls their emotions when their life is falling apart? When is every insult worse than the last?

Christiana Njoku

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

You need to understand there is a difference between controlling emotions and suppressing them. When conversations turn toxic, you need to manage your emotions by taking a deep breath, pausing, and stepping away, if possible. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and whatever negates that should not be tolerated, no matter what. You need to focus on what you can control - your reactions. No, you can't fix him, but you can work on yourself by taking small steps toward emotional freedom. It is important to prioritize self-care, set healthy boundaries, and consider seeking the help of a therapist.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less