10 Things to Do When Your Spouse Doesn’t Put You First

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“What do you do when your spouse doesn’t put you first and prioritize other things in their life?” 

Sometimes you may get the impression that your lover or spouse doesn’t put you first almost every time and in everything and that they may be acting uninterested in your relationship.

On the other side, you may also find yourself getting concerned that you are being overly sensitive, and that confronting them head-on would probably mean that you are taking it too over the top.

Here’s the thing. Just like you, many people have been there too, and we understand exactly what you are talking about. The worst thing you want to do at this point is lock in your feelings and allow them faster till they become a thing of anger or resentment.

If this happens, it will leave a significant scar after the disputes since you’ve kept everything bottled up for too long. If these sentiments are not addressed, they can lead to bitterness and eventually the end of the marriage.

Therefore, this post will explain 10 things to do when your spouse doesn’t put you first. Herein, you will discover what putting your partner first in a relationship means and also find the practical steps to take when such a situation arises without losing your sanity.

Why does your spouse not put you first?

There could be several reasons why your spouse doesn’t put you first. While you keep in mind that every relationship has its unique nuances, you must also understand that there are some unspoken rules; putting your partner first, for say. 

If your partner has made a habit of neglecting your feelings and needs, here are some possible reasons why they may not be putting you first. 

1. Different priorities

Differences in goals and preferences can deter a person from putting a spouse first.

Your partner may have placed more priority on other things in life, including work, pursuits, or personal ambitions, than they may have placed on your relationship. 

They may have a busy schedule or feel overwhelmed with other responsibilities, causing them to struggle with having a balance between various aspects of their life.

Related Reading: Top 10 Priorities in a Relationship

2. Past experiences

Research shows that people who have healthy relationships with their parents end up being better lovers when they get into relationships. This is because their relationship with their parents sets the stage for a balanced emotional lifestyle.  

Your partner’s past experience and parenting also play a part in how they prioritize you in their life. Their childhood history, connections with former mates, and cultural/societal influences can shape their behaviors and, ultimately, how they treat you in your marriage.

3. Lack of communication

Productive communication leads to productive relationships, which basically helps to avoid a wife ignoring the husband or a husband not prioritizing the wife.

If you and your partner don’t effectively communicate your needs and expectations, they may not completely understand how important it is for you to be a priority in their life. Effective communication skills can be the key to experiencing emotional satisfaction in your relationship.

Related Reading: 10 Effects of Lack of Communication in a Relationship & Ways to Deal

4. Personal issues

Your partner may be dealing with particular issues such as stress, internal health issues, or unresolved emotional baggage that could affect their capability to put you first in the relationship. It’s important to have empathy and understanding towards their struggles and work together to resolve them.

5. External pressures

If you’re always complaining ‘’My husband puts me last’’, then you should also check for external factors leading to such behavior.

External pressures like work demands, fiscal stress, or family scores may also be a reason why your spouse doesn’t put you first in your relationship. They may be feeling overwhelmed, and finding a balance between various aspects of their life may be a challenge at this time.

LCSW Maggie Martinez highlights that,

Related Reading: How to Handle Being Pressured Into a Relationship: 25 Tips

5 signs that your spouse does not put you first

Do you worry that your spouse does not put you first in the relationship? These 5 signs will help you to be sure. 

1. When they are always working

Do you wonder in what ways does your partner put you first? By making time for you in their busy schedule. 

Is your spouse often keeping you waiting at home while consistently working late? Do they constantly fail to return your calls because they’re always nose-deep in a pile of work? This is a huge red flag.

This might make you feel excluded and as if your needs are not being satisfied, leading to anger and even hostility against your partner.

If your partner is often working late or neglecting you, chances are that your spouse does not put you first.

Related Reading: How to Make a Relationship Work: 15 Ways to Help

2. They don’t make time for you

A spouse who prioritizes your needs and displays concern throughout the day makes time for you. When your spouse doesn’t put you first, they will always complain about having so many other demands on their time that they are unable to give you quality time.

If you’re married and your partner never makes time for you, they may prioritize something else above you.

Here’s the strange part. They may not even be aware that they are doing it, especially if they have a hectic schedule or are anxious about something else. This is why you must be vocal about your needs. 

3. They’re always disappointing you

We can’t help but disappoint people from time to time. While it isn’t ideal, how we cope with the issue is important.

If your spouse is consistently disappointing you, investigate how they handle it. Does your partner feel concerned that they continue to fail you and hurt your feelings?

Always be open and honest with your spouse every time this happens, so there will be a better understanding of how you feel. If they still don’t seem to care after these conversations, then you’re not a priority in their life.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Disappointment in Relationships: 10 Ways

4. They never make plans

Are you always the one who tries to get your spouse to make arrangements with you? Is the ball always in your court, whether it’s a casual date night at home or a trip to the movies?

A one-sided relationship should never exist. Your partner should enjoy spending time with you as much as you like spending time with them. If this is not the case, attempt to figure out why.

5. They put certain people above you

If you are in a relationship with someone who prefers to spend time with their friends or peers over you, this is an indication that they don’t put you first.

If you feel your spouse isn’t investing much in your relationship, it could be because they don’t appreciate you and that you are not a priority.

10 things to do when your spouse does not put you first

This is not the time to be dejected, angry, or let go of your life because you’re pining over someone who doesn’t seem to return the same feelings you’re giving. Here are 10 strategic steps to take when your partner doesn’t put you first. 

1. Express your feelings

One of the most common things that you can do when your spouse doesn’t put you first is to confront them about how you feel.

Communicate openly and honestly with your spouse about how you feel. Share your perspectives, emotions, and feelings in a non-confrontational manner. Use” I” statements to express your perspective and avoid condemning or accusing language.

Related Reading: 20 Ways Men Express Their Feelings Without Words

2. Set clear prospects

This is how to get your husband or boyfriend to put you first in the relationship. Clearly communicate your expectations and needs in the relationship. Be specific about what you can bear from your partner and what you consider a no-no in the relationship.

While setting your prospects, ensure you’re being fair to your partner as well. Don’t ask for 12 hours every day if they have a 9-5 job. 

3. Practice self-care

Self-care can significantly make you feel better when your spouse doesn’t put you first. Take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Make sure you prioritize your well-being and happiness, regardless of your partner’s conduct.

Here are 25 self-care ideas to practice today. Have a look:

4. Focus on quality time

You may not get to spend 24 hours together, but make sure whatever time you get together is worth it. Make an effort to spend quality time with your partner. Make sure that you both enjoy any snippets of time you can get without any form of external interference. 

5. Be understanding

When your spouse doesn’t put you first, chances are there are underlying reasons beyond it.

Try to understand your partner’s perspective and challenges. Listen attentively and be empathetic to their feelings and struggles. You may be shocked to discover that they’re dealing with things they may have never spoken about. 

6. Seek support

When your spouse doesn’t put you first, you should consider seeking support from a trusted friend, or a therapist to gain insight on how to navigate the treacherous situation. Remember what they say about two heads being better than one, right?

Related Reading: 20 Steps to Becoming a Supportive Partner

7. Avoid resentment

By all means, run away from resentment towards them when your spouse doesn’t put you first. It never ends well. Rather, find healthy ways to address the issue and work towards a result together.

LCSW Maggie Martinez notes that,

8. Foster open communication

Encourage open communication with your partner, and produce a safe space where both of you can express your passions without fear of judgment or review. Then again, your communication skills will only improve the more you effectively and openly communicate.

9. Collaborate on finding a solution

When you decide to work together to find a solution, you may be shocked at what you’ll come up with. Work together with your partner to find results that address the issue. Communicate ideas and be willing to compromise or make changes to ameliorate the situation.

10.  Seek professional help

When your spouse doesn’t put you first, and it becomes a persistent issue that you’re struggling to resolve on your own, consider seeking to go for marriage therapy. A trained professional can give guidance and support in navigating the challenges in your relationship.

FAQs

Putting your spouse first in a relationship is a key aspect of building a strong and healthy marriage. However, it can also raise questions and concerns. In this section, we’ll explore some common questions and provide helpful answers to guide you.

• Are you always supposed to put your spouse first?

Prioritizing the needs and happiness of your partner is essential for the success of that relationship. Selflessness is one of the shared qualities of every healthy relationship. 

To get started, ensure you come up with an arrangement that works for both parties, one that prioritizes mutual respect, communication, and concern for each other’s needs.

• Who should be the first priority in a marriage?

Both partners should be each other’s first concern in a good and balanced marriage. They must embody mutual respect, communication, and care for one another’s needs, emotions, and well-being. It is a collaboration in which both parties prioritize and assist each other equally.

Your spouse deserves to be put first

For a marriage to be healthy and rewarding, both parties must prioritize each other equally. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to who should be the priority in a marriage because it varies based on individual values, beliefs, and relationship dynamics.

Open and honest communication, mutual understanding, and respect must be established in the marriage, especially when your spouse doesn’t put you first. When both partners work as a team to support each other’s needs, emotions, and overall well-being, the relationship automatically becomes rewarding for each.