15 Ways How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You in a Relationship

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Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Imagine you’re sitting alone, replaying the hurtful moment over and over in your mind. The sting of betrayal or disappointment still lingers, making it hard to move forward. 

You’ve asked yourself countless times, how can you forgive someone who hurt you so deeply? Can you ever trust them again? Will forgiving them erase the pain, or is it a step toward your own healing?

If you’ve been caught in this emotional whirlwind, you’re not alone. Many struggle with the question: ‘How do you forgive someone who hurt you without losing yourself in the process?’

Well, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. 

This article will guide you through 15 practical, compassionate ways to learn how to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship and finally free yourself from the burden of that pain.

Why is forgiving someone so difficult sometimes?

Forgiving someone who has hurt or disappointed us can be difficult as we might be unable to move past these feelings. Any reminder of these feelings can stop you from letting go of whatever hurt you in the past. 

Sometimes our ego can also get in the way of us forgiving someone. By forgiving them, we accept their behavior or undermine the painful past, even if this is untrue. 

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Forgiving someone can be challenging because it requires us to confront and process our emotions, which can be painful and uncomfortable. 

Additionally, our ego often resists forgiveness, as it may perceive it as a sign of weakness or capitulation. By forgiving someone, we may feel like we’re condoning their actions or betraying our own sense of justice.

How to forgive someone who isn’t sorry

The problem with forgiving someone who has hurt you is that sometimes they aren’t exactly feeling sorry over what happened. But your forgiveness should not be dependent on this fact. 

If you are trying to forgive someone who isn’t sorry, remember that you are doing it for yourself. Studies have shown that forgiveness can improve your mental and physical health, so don’t allow your forgiveness to be dependent on another person’s acknowledgment. 

15 thoughtful ways to forgive someone who has hurt you

If you are trying to learn how to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship, you are already on the right path. It indicates your intention to move past a painful incident and heal yourself. 

Here are some steps that can assist you in figuring out how to forgive a partner who has hurt you:

1. Do it for yourself

When your partner has hurt you, you feel the urge to hurt them the same way. However, doing so can give rise to even more complications in the relationship. 

If not for the partner, you must forgive them for your own sake and peace of mind. The more grudges you will hold against your companion regarding their mistakes, the more mental stress you will put yourself into. So forgive them for yourself because you don’t deserve this.

2. Understand what happened and why it hurt

Look back to the incident which hurt and upset you. Accept that it happened and establish the causes of why it hurt you. It could be a deep-rooted problem that you dislike about yourself and has been mirrored before you in the shape of your partner’s doing. 

Reevaluation of the incident is very crucial to get to the point where a solution can be achieved. You can analyze why what the partner did hurt you to be able to forgive them truly.

3. Acceptance of each other

Another way to learn how to forgive your partner who has hurt you is to accept certain behaviors. When you get into a committed relationship with someone, you already know some of the behaviors they possess. 

When the relationship continues for a long time, you get more accustomed to how your partner behaves in different circumstances. Initial fights and arguments in a relationship reveal the other partner’s general nature and attitude towards dealing with issues. 

If a certain behavior does not change and the same problems keep arising, it is best to accept some things so no more fights occur. Once you accept your partner’s certain manners, you do not get so annoyed and can easily forgive them and move on.

Mental health counselor Grady Shumway says:

Acceptance of each other’s imperfections plays a crucial role in learning how to forgive your partner. Recognizing that no one is perfect and understanding that certain behaviors are inherent to your partner’s personality can alleviate some of the frustration and resentment.

4. Don’t go to bed angry

Some may think that after getting into a fight with your partner who has hurt you, the best option is to sleep it off as you are too furious to talk to them. 

Also, when you wake up the next day, you are going to be equally or even angrier than the night before. 

Discussing the matter then and there allows you both to see the situation more clearly and feel better sooner. Thus, whenever you are caught up in a similar circumstance, be vigilant to talk it out before you go off to sleep. This will lead to a quick reconciliation of the matter.

5. Be patient

It would be best not to push yourself into forgiving your partner to feel fine. It must happen on its own time. Be patient with the process and allow yourself to feel any emotions expected of you as you are hurt. 

If you jump to the step of forgiveness without fully comprehending and accepting the situation, it may lead to bigger problems. One of the problems with repressed emotions and feelings is that they may eventually outburst at the wrong time.

6. Own your emotions

Your feelings are your own. It is in your hands to allow how much a situation discomforts you. The better control you have over your anger, the easier it becomes for you to feel better and eventually forgive your partner for their mistakes.  

7. Practice self-care

If you are trying to understand how to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship, take some time for yourself, as this can be mentally taxing. 

Try to do healing things for youself so that you are in a better position to assess and react to the situation. It can also help you understand the difference between forgiving and forgetting. Part of this self-care includes walking away from your hurtful partner for some time. 

8. Give yourself time

People might give you a lot of advice on how to forgive someone you love, but all advice should consider your specific circumstances and personality. 

If you feel that you are not mentally ready to forgive your partner, give yourself time to accept your feelings and come to terms with them. Forcing yourself to forgive someone before you are ready can make things worse. 

9. Communicate how you feel 

Relationship counseling emphasizes the importance of communicating properly with your partner, especially when something hurts you. 

An important aspect of forgiveness is conveying how you feel and what hurt you. It allows the other person to understand your perspective and realize where they went wrong. Once you feel they understand your problem, you will likely find it easier to forgive them.

10. Choose forgiveness

Forgiveness does not happen automatically in situations where you’re genuinely hurt. You will have to consciously decide to forgive them daily. 

It would be best if you recognized that holding a grudge won’t benefit you, so make the decision to forgive them. However, if the mistake is insurmountable for you, you can choose to forgive and yet consider ending the relationship to protect yourself. 

Watch this video to learn more about choosing forgiveness, as explained by UNESCO Goodwill Ambassador for the Culture of Peace Kim Phúc Phan Thị:

11. Seek support

If you find it difficult to process your hurt sentiments, talk to people that you know and trust. They can help you understand the position that you are in and how to deal with it healthily. 

Your friends and family can allow you to see why and how forgiveness is possible for the sake of the relationship or your mental health.

12. Focus on the present

If you continue living in the past, then you will not be able to move on towards a healthier future. 

Forgiveness allows you to prioritize the present over the past and stops you from dwelling on things that may have happened in the past. It can hamper healthier possibilities that are available in your present.

13. Be grateful for the good

You can make room for forgiveness if you choose to be grateful for all the good things that your partner does. It might help you identify the insignificant nature of the mistake in comparison to the major positives that your partner brings into your life. 

14. Write things down

Take the time to write down how you are feeling and the reasons why forgiveness can be a healthier option for you. 

It will help you understand your feelings better while also being cathartic in helping you purge the feelings of being wronged or hurt. 

15. Try being empathetic

We all make mistakes at times, even if our intention is not to hurt anyone. So, try to be empathetic towards your partner and what might have led them to make the mistake that they had made. 

Situations when forgiveness Isn’t enough

Sometimes, forgiveness just isn’t enough to heal the deep wounds left behind. While knowing how to forgive someone who hurt you in a relationship is important, certain situations call for more than just forgiveness.

1. If someone continuously harms you, how to forgive someone who hurt you emotionally becomes less about peace and more about self-preservation.
2. When trust is shattered, like cheating, how to forgive your spouse for hurting you might not repair the damage alone.
3. Forgiving without seeing real effort or change leaves room for future hurt, making forgiveness feel empty.

Can I truly forgive someone who has deeply hurt me?

Many of us might wonder, “Should I forgive him for hurting me,” but the first doubt is usually whether it is even possible. Can we truly forgive someone who has hurt us in a real way?

Yes, it is possible to forgive someone completely even after they have hurt you, but it takes a lot of discipline and self-awareness. 

However, this does not mean you treat the incident like it never happened; it just means you choose to move past the negative sentiments and start anew with someone. 

What comes next

Forgiveness is a powerful tool, but it isn’t always the solution to every problem. Sometimes, even after you’ve learned how to forgive someone who hurt you emotionally, the damage remains. 

In these moments, it’s important to remember that forgiveness is about you—it’s your release. However, when the hurt keeps coming or the relationship feels stagnant, it might be time to look beyond forgiveness. 

Healing could mean setting stronger boundaries, choosing self-respect over second chances, or even walking away. Don’t feel pressured to stay in a situation where forgiveness alone isn’t enough. Your peace, growth, and emotional safety should always come first.