What Happens in Marriage Counseling

• How well do you really know each other or yourself? Each person should understand themselves and their partner better and build an understanding of how you and your partner work and function in a relationship. Together you will create a shared vision of your relationship.
• How well do you fight? Conflict resolution.

We need a plan for the couple on how they will approach and resolve conflict in a fair and just way. There is usually one person who likes to talk it all through and one person who avoids conflict, and in counseling, we need to address and get each partner comfortable with a plan on how to resolve conflicts.

• Learning how to take care of each other and get your mutual needs met.

Do you know what your partner needs and wants from you? When is the last time you asked? We mostly complain about what we are not getting, so in marriage counseling, we teach you how to clearly state your needs and requests rather than complaining and blaming.

• We talk about deal breakers. Every couple has deal-breakers like cheating, trust, how to handle family or money. We talk about it all and find out where each partner’s boundaries and deal breakers are and try to negotiate, so each partner feels safe and heard.
• Healing old hurts.

We all come to the marriage with old hurts from our past before we even met our spouse, and then we usually experience some hurts in the relationship as well. In marriage counseling, we sort out which hurts are which and work on healing all of the hurts from the past and in the relationship as they are connected.

Marriage counseling is a time set aside to focus and prioritize you, your spouse, and your relationship. Each person shares their perspective on what is currently happening in the marriage and what they would like their marriage to look like in the present and the future. The therapist guides the couple in conversations, activities, and exercises so the couple could meet their goals. Many couples struggle with communication. Why? Because we are not listening to understand, instead, we are listening to defend. In marriage counseling, the couple will learn a different way to communicate. The couple will start listening to hear, to truly hear, understand, and validate. When empathy is brought into the conversation, communication looks different.

The therapist guides the couple to meet the couple’s goals.Tweet this

SEAN R SEARS, MS, OMC Counselor

The process of counseling is unique to each couple.  However, I have a general blueprint that I follow with every couple I see.  The “blueprint” is the same because the main goals are the same. These goals are to establish safety, connection, and a belief that their partner has their best interests at heart.  If these are not at the foundation of their marriage, then no tools they develop are going to be effective. The “Blueprint” includes the following:

• Taking personal responsibility for their own thoughts, actions, attitudes, and feelings.
• Identifying their core fears that are provoked during a conflict.
• Discovering and sharing “raw spots” and areas of wounding.
• Understanding and walking through the process of real forgiveness.
• Illuminating the destructive cycle of relating that is unique to them and their role in causing or perpetuating that cycle and how to stop it.
• Learning about “bids” and “cues” for engagement – how to recognize them and respond to them.
• Developing the skills to quickly respond to times of disconnection.
• Developing a better understanding of how to “package” love for their partner in a way that makes it more likely it will be received.

You identify core fears that are provoked during a conflict.Tweet this

MICHELLE JOY, MFT Psychotherapist

Each person shares their perspective in terms of what they as the couple are struggling with. Each person is encouraged to also share ways in which they may be contributing to any of the distressful patterns. The therapist observes the couple, and each person interacting with each other.

You are offered insights and tools to help attain your relationship goals. Tweet this

MARCIE SCRANTON, LMFT Psychotherapist

A therapeutic setting is a safe place to be genuine in your relationship with your partner.  When we uncover the feelings and the meanings underneath arguments, couples can transcend the win-lose dynamic and return to a place of empathy, caring, and support. In couples therapy, we learn to recognize true, unspoken feelings and find support in expressing them.  From there, we develop strategies to deal with

• Expectations and goals
• Finances and homemaking
• Communicating differences
• Navigating families
• Resolving conflicts
• Parenting
• Intimacy

You recognize true, unspoken feelings and find support in expressing them. Tweet this

Final take away

Marriage counseling explores what makes each of you unique as individuals, how you interact as a couple, and how the wider context of family, friends, and work influence your relationship.

The best way to encounter the impediments on the way to marital bliss and strengthening your marriage is, seeking the advice of a marriage counselor.