Good Communication in Marriage Starts with These 4 Key Habits

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Married couples face a lot of trials along the way. Hardships test our capacities, and problems challenge us both as individuals and as a couple.

What eventually makes a difference between those who will grow and thrive together and those who will grow resentful and miserable instead is the way the couple communicates. 

Good communication habits in marriage are the bedrock for a happy relationship, without which the marriage would be left neglected. 

Importance of communication in relationships

The importance of good communication in a relationship is often not taken seriously as many couples tend to think that the daily banter or the lack of it doesn’t affect them on a day-to-day basis.

But communication is the vehicle through which all other important parts of marriage are performed.

If you love someone, but you don’t use your words and your actions to communicate it, you’re not doing right by your partner. If you trust someone, let them know it. Communicate it to them.

If you can communicate honestly, your marriage has a good chance of being happy and healthy.

The importance of good communication skills in a relationship should be considered right from the courtship days as it sets the right foundation for the relationship.

Here are some communication habits of happily married people that all of us can incorporate into the way we talk to our spouses daily as well as during difficult times:

1. Honesty

Honesty is by far the most important communication habits for those who are happy with their lives.

Being completely honest about the things we might be ashamed of or we think would hurt our spouses is hard. But no one said it would be easy, right?

The key to building good communication habits in marriage is in making an effort to always say what’s on our mind, even when it seems like the most difficult thing in the world.

But you also need to do so in a courteous, considerate, respectful, and kind way. And this goes for both small and potentially devastating truths.

Whether you don’t like your wife’s new recipe or you were unfaithful, you owe it to her and to yourself to be honest about it.

It’s the person you will spend your life with and with whom you already share so much – so how could you not be who you are and lie?

2. Flexibility

One thing is certain – there is only one way to have it all your way, and that is to spend your life alone, which might not be worth it.

Happily married people constantly adapt to their spouses and family, and they all grow together through this process.

This doesn’t mean being passive and accepting whatever your husband of wife proposes without expressing your opinion on (and your disagreement with) it.

It does, however, mean that, if you wish to have a healthy conversation with your spouse, you will need to make the special effort to step into their shoes and rethink your attitude.

By being assertive and adapting this communication habit, a compromise won’t feel like caving in to unreasonable demands. Still, you will also allow your significant other to share their point of view with you.

3. Active listening

Apart from using the right language, which means not being disrespectful, hurtful, and not casting blame, knowing how to listen is a key communication habit, that indirectly leads to a fulfilling relationship. 

You might think that there can’t be anything problematic about listening, but it’s also a competence.

This means that you can be lousy at it, and you can also improve your listening skills with some practice.

What is it to know how to listen, then? First, the next time your spouse says something, try hearing it without becoming defensive.

We get so accustomed to our small fights in a marriage that we often forget how to hear objectively, without coming up with a defense. A good listener also remains focused and listens carefully to everything the other person is saying.

Then, after your husband or wife shares their point of view, try making sure that you understood them well.

Rephrase their thoughts and check with them if that’s what they meant.

For example, you might try saying something like: “If I understood you correctly, you think that we should (do this or that)…” or “Did I get you right, you feel that…” and similar.

In that way, you’ll have a chance to clarify what you just heard and get corrected if you interpreted it wrong, and to support your spouse in sharing their thoughts, feelings, and plans.

4. Talking

What this means is that those who are happy in their marriages devote time and energy to making small talk and serious discussions with their partners.

And this often sets apart couples who will last for a long time from those whose marriage will soon be in serious need for professional help.

Marriage comes with a lot of duties that add to our responsibilities and commitments, and conversation often gets lost in all that chaos.

Yet, all happily married people report that they talk to their spouses whenever they can, about things that happened to them during the day, about their plans, about their fears and feelings, about their passions and new interests.

Also watch: Important communication skill for couples

Just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean you know everything about your life partner, and the magic is to discover and rediscover yourself together while building good communication habits in marriage for the longevity of your happy relationship. 

Love, trust, honesty, and every other important characteristic of a strong marriage aren’t meaningful in themselves.

It is the expression of these things that produces a marriage worth envying—showing that love, showcasing your trust, and acting honestly is where the magic is.

Being able to communicate how much your wife or husband means to you is where your marriage goes from good to great.