35 Relationship Check-in Questions to Ask Your Partner

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Relationship check-in questions can be game changers when taking care of your marriage.

Consider this: if you have a health concern, you see a doctor. You get the issue looked at and likely ask questions about why this happened. Or you may go for a checkup when nothing is wrong to ensure your body stays in tip-top shape.

Similarly, whether your relationship is in turmoil or you have a happy marriage, scheduling weekly relationship check-in questions is wise to ensure you and your spouse are satisfied.

Keep reading for questions to ask when starting a relationship and healthy relationship check-in questions to ask at any stage of your love.

What is a relationship check-in?

Relationship check-ins are weekly or monthly meetings where you and your spouse discuss what’s going on in your life and your relationship.

It’s a time to open up about what you love in your marriage and tactfully address issues that you would like to see improved upon. Couples check-in questions facilitate open communication and build a stronger connection with your spouse.

35 relationship check-in questions to ask for relationship health

Whether you are looking for questions to ask when starting a relationship or have been with your partner for a while and want to dig deeper, these relationship check-in questions will flow the conversation. 

Below are 35 relationship check-in questions that can be of great help to keep your relationship healthy.

1. How do you feel we’re doing with communication?

Christiana Njoku specifically advised that:

If you and your partner have difficulty communicating openly and honestly, it can lead to misunderstandings and problems in the relationship. In the good times and in the bad, couples need to have frequent conversations to understand their partner better and as an opportunity to improve the relationship.

Because communication is so powerful in relationships, this is one of the most important check-in questions. Here are some ways in which you can ask about this:

• Does your spouse feel like you communicate well?
• Do you feel seen and heard by your partner?
• Do you both practice active listening, or are you just waiting to cut in while your partner is speaking?
• When you disagree, how can you focus better on solving the issue as a team instead of taking your frustrations out on one another?

2. Are you satisfied with our sex life?

There are more important things in life than sex, but it’s still a huge part of a healthy marriage, making it quite a priority when it comes to marriage check-in questions. 

So, if things aren’t going your way in the bedroom, it might be time to speak up. Studies also indicate that couples who communicate about their sex life experience greater happiness, higher levels of sexual satisfaction for both partners and increased orgasm frequency in women.

3. Is there anything you want to talk about?

Another one of our favorite weekly relationships check-in questions is about your emotions. How are you both feeling this week? Was there anything you’ve done to hurt each other? Is there anything you want to get off your chest and clear the air about?

Now is the time to find calm and tactful ways to tell your partner either A) that they hurt you or B) that you are genuinely sorry for any pain you’ve caused.

4. How is your mental health?

Relationship check-in questions don’t always have to be about the relationship itself. It can simply be a question about your spouse.

Life is stressful, and that can take a toll on mental health. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner how they’re doing and whether there is anything you can do.

5. Do you feel close to me?

Some studies found that couples who consider each other their best friend expressed marital satisfaction twice as much as the average couple.

One of the questions to ask early in a relationship is whether your spouse feels close to you and if there’s anything you can do to be more open with them.

6. Is there anything you would like me to do?

Healthy relationship check-in questions are about showing love, support, and compromise to your spouse.

If your partner seems especially overwhelmed (or even if they don’t!) this week, ask them if you can do anything to make life easier for them.

Even something as simple as cleaning up the house or brushing the snow off their car in the morning can bring so much love into your marriage.

7. Are we spending enough time together?

Are you and your partner getting enough “we” time? 

Research shows couples experience a reduction in stress and an increase in happiness when spending quality time together.

Between work and perhaps raising children, there may not seem to be enough time to go around, but prioritizing quality time with your partner will strengthen your relationship more than you thought possible.

8. Do we trust each other?

One of the biggest questions for a relationship is: Do you trust each other? Why or why not?

No one is perfect, and the longer you are together, the more likely you will do something to hurt each other. This past hurt can make trust harder to gain and give.

By asking relationship check-in questions about trust, you and your spouse will be able to dig deep and start repairing the damage done by past mistakes.

9. Is there anything stressing you out?

Asking your partner whether something is causing them stress is one of the best weekly check-in questions for couples because your partner may be taking on excess stress without telling you. 

It may lead to out-of-character decisions or actions that could weigh your relationship. Ask your partner if anything is causing them anxiety, and reassure them that you are always there to talk and listen.

10. Are you happy?

Asking whether your partner is satisfied within the relationship is one of the more important relationship check-in questions, so it’s best answered honestly – even if honesty may hurt you or your partner’s feelings.

If you are unhappy, tell your spouse what you feel your relationship might be missing and work on improving things. If you are happy, tell your partner how much you love them and shower them with compliments.

Weekly relationship check-in questions aren’t just there to point out issues in the relationship. They are designed to draw couples closer together and to find joy in things that are going great while working together as things that could use tweaking. So don’t be afraid to celebrate the good!

11. How do you envision our future together? 

Reflecting on the future is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Discuss your individual aspirations and collective dreams. Are there specific milestones you’re both aiming for? 

Whether it’s career goals, family plans, or personal development, sharing these thoughts can help align your paths and ensure you’re both moving in the same direction, supporting each other’s dreams along the way.

12. Are we managing our finances to both of our satisfaction?

Financial harmony is crucial in any relationship. Openly discuss your financial goals, budgeting strategies, and any concerns you might have.

Observations drawn from long-term married couples indicate that practicing positive financial habits, such as living within one’s financial means and steering clear of debt, could potentially enhance the quality of marital relationships.

Are you saving for something special? Do both of you feel involved and informed in financial decisions? This conversation can help identify discrepancies in financial expectations or management styles and create a plan that works for both partners.

13. Do we have a fair balance of household responsibilities?

Chores and daily tasks can become a point of contention if not evenly distributed. Discuss how household duties are currently managed and if any adjustments are needed to feel more equitable. 

It is also a good time to express appreciation for each partner’s efforts to maintain the home, acknowledging that these tasks contribute significantly to a harmonious living environment.

14. Do you feel supported in your personal ambitions and hobbies?

Individual growth and satisfaction are as substantial as the growth of the relationship. 

Ask your partner if they feel they have enough time and support from you to pursue their interests. This can include discussing how to make more space for personal development or how to celebrate each other’s achievements and passions better.

15. How can we improve our conflict resolution strategies?

Reflect on recent disagreements and discuss the methods you’ve used to resolve them. 

Are there patterns that could be adjusted for a healthier dialogue? This question can encourage both partners to think critically about their communication styles during conflicts and to explore more constructive approaches that could lead to better understanding and resolutions.

16. Are your emotional and physical needs being met?

Asking about your partner’s needs is a broad question that covers everything from intimacy to emotional support. 

Encourage your partner to share openly if there are areas they feel neglected or wish for more attention. This dialogue can strengthen your connection by ensuring both partners feel valued and understood in all aspects of the relationship.

17. How do we maintain intimacy and affection beyond our sexual relationship?

Discuss the importance of non-sexual touch and emotional intimacy in your relationship. 

Do you both feel that your emotional needs for affection are being met? This question can lead to conversations about ways to increase intimacy through daily gestures, quality time, and verbal affirmations, enhancing the overall closeness between partners.

18. What strategies can we adopt to stay connected during busy times?

Life’s demands can sometimes make it challenging to maintain a strong connection. 

Share strategies for keeping the bond strong, even when you’re apart or overwhelmed with responsibilities. This could involve setting aside dedicated time for check-ins, date nights, or simply sending thoughtful messages throughout the day to show you’re thinking of each other.

19. Are there unresolved issues from our past that we need to address?

Holding onto past grievances can hinder the growth of a relationship. 

Invite your partner to discuss unresolved feelings or issues that may still affect them. This honest conversation can pave the way for healing and moving forward together, with a stronger foundation built on mutual understanding and forgiveness.

20. How satisfied are we with our social life and time spent with friends and family?

Balancing a healthy social life with couple time is essential. Discuss whether you both feel you’re spending enough time with friends and family and how social interactions impact your relationship. 

It can help ensure that you’re both feeling fulfilled in your social lives while still prioritizing your relationship and finding the right balance that suits both of your needs.

21. How do we feel about our communication during difficult times?

It’s crucial to discuss how effectively we communicate when faced with challenges or stress. Are we able to express our fears and concerns openly without judgment? 

Such a conversation can lead to strategies for improving our communication during tough times, ensuring we both feel supported and understood, and strengthening our ability to navigate difficulties together.

22. What are our thoughts on personal space and independence within our relationship?

Independence is vital in a healthy relationship. Let’s talk about whether we feel we have enough personal space to pursue individual interests and how we can support each other in maintaining a healthy balance between togetherness and independence. 

Such a dialogue can help reinforce our respect for each other’s need for personal growth and space.

23. How do we feel about our current work-life balance and its impact on our relationship?

Work can significantly influence our relationship, especially if one or both of us are struggling with finding a balance. Discussing this can help identify if adjustments are needed to ensure quality time together, supporting each other in achieving a healthier work-life balance that benefits our relationship.

24. Do we have shared goals and values, and how do they influence our relationship?

Reflecting on our shared goals and values can help ensure we’re aligned in what we consider essential. This conversation can deepen our connection by highlighting our common ground and discussing how our individual goals and values complement each other, reinforcing our partnership’s direction.

25. How do we handle jealousy or insecurity within our relationship?

It’s natural to experience feelings of jealousy or insecurity at times. Discussing how we deal with these emotions can help us understand each other better and develop strategies to reassure each other, enabling a trusting and secure environment where both partners feel valued and confident.

26. What are our expectations for growth and change within our relationship?

Relationships evolve, and so do the people in them. Talking about our expectations for growth and how we can support each other through changes can help prepare us for future transitions, ensuring we grow together in a way that strengthens our bond.

27. How do we celebrate our achievements and positive moments?

Recognizing and celebrating successes, big or small, can boost our relationship’s positivity. Let’s discuss how we currently celebrate these moments and if there are new ways we’d like to acknowledge our achievements together, enhancing our appreciation for each other and our shared journey.

28. Are we satisfied with the level of adventure and spontaneity in our relationship?

Adventure and spontaneity can keep a relationship vibrant. Reflect on whether we’re introducing enough new experiences into our lives and discuss ideas for spontaneous or adventurous activities we’d both enjoy, injecting excitement and novelty into our relationship.

29. How do we feel about our relationship’s role in our larger community or social circles?

Our relationship doesn’t exist in isolation—it’s part of a broader social and community network. Discussing how we interact as a couple within these circles can reveal insights into our social dynamics and how we support each other in various social settings, enhancing our sense of belonging and mutual support.

30. What steps can we take to maintain respect and admiration for each other?

Respect and admiration are foundational to a lasting relationship. Talk about the behaviors and actions that promote these feelings and identify any areas for improvement. This conversation can help us commit to actions that reinforce our respect and admiration, ensuring our relationship remains strong and healthy.

31. How do we approach decision-making together, especially in significant life choices?

Making decisions, from minor to major ones, can affect both partners and the relationship’s direction. 

Discussing our decision-making process can help us understand whether both voices are heard and our methods align with our values and goals. This conversation ensures we manage life’s choices cooperatively, reinforcing our partnership’s strength and unity.

32. How can we improve our support for each other’s physical and emotional well-being?

Our physical and emotional health can impact our relationship significantly. Let’s explore how we currently support each other’s well-being and discuss any additional ways we can contribute to each other’s health. 

It might involve new routines, habits, or simply more frequent check-ins about our physical and emotional states, aiming to enhance our mutual support and care.

33. How do we manage expectations around holidays, traditions, and family interactions?

Holidays and traditions can bring joy but also stress, especially when handling family dynamics. Talking about our expectations and experiences with these events can help us find common ground and strategies for handling family interactions and traditions, ensuring they add to our relationship’s happiness rather than detract from it.

34. What role does forgiveness play in our relationship, and how can we cultivate it?

Forgiveness is essential for moving past conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship. Discussing how we view forgiveness, including the challenges and benefits, can help us understand how to handle mistakes and conflicts better. Such a conversation can encourage a culture of forgiveness, allowing us to grow stronger through our challenges.

Watch this video where relationship expert Coach Adrian shares his insights on how to forgive and move on in your relationship:

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35. How do we balance our needs for security and stability with desires for growth and change?

Security and stability provide comfort, but growth and change are necessary for personal development and relationship vitality. 

Discussing how we balance these sometimes conflicting needs can help us plan for a future that ensures both partners feel secure yet stimulated by new opportunities and challenges, facilitating a dynamic and fulfilling relationship.

How to schedule relationship check-ins

Schedule a check-in by choosing a time when you are both calm and relaxed each week. Have a standard list of check-in questions for couples, or change the questions you ask each session. This will keep the conversation flowing and help you to be open and honest about your needs.

You can do weekly relationship check-in questions or do them monthly. Either way, regular couples check-in questions will strengthen your partnership and help you get what you want from your relationship.

FAQs

Addressing concerns and consistent communication are key to maintaining a healthy connection. Below are some frequently asked questions that can guide couples in strengthening their bond.

• What questions should I ask in a healthy relationship?

In a healthy relationship, asking questions that encourage understanding and empathy is beneficial. 

Examples include: “How are you feeling about us lately?” “What can I do to support you better?” and “Are there any needs or desires you feel are not being met?” These questions encourage openness and mutual support.

• What are good check-in questions for couples?

Effective check-in questions for couples include: “What made you feel loved this week?” “Is there anything that’s been weighing on you that you’d like to talk about?” and “How can we improve our communication?” Such inquiries help maintain a deep, empathetic connection and address any concerns proactively.

• How do you assess the health of a relationship?

Assessing the health of a relationship involves evaluating communication, respect, trust, and mutual support. 

Questions to consider include: “Do we resolve conflicts constructively?” “Do we both feel valued and heard?” and “Are we maintaining our individuality while growing together?” Reflecting on these can highlight areas of strength and those needing attention.

• Are relationship check-ins healthy?

Yes, relationship check-ins are healthy. They provide a dedicated time for couples to express feelings, discuss challenges, and celebrate successes. 

Check-ins enhance understanding, prevent misunderstandings, and strengthen the bond by ensuring both partners feel valued and heard. Regular, open communication is a cornerstone of a healthy, enduring relationship.

The takeaway

Relationships are healthiest when partners communicate and feel heard. This is why relationship check-in questions are so helpful. These questions can even come to your rescue in case you’re in an abusive relationship. 

According to one of her articles, ‘Are You Still In That Abusive Relationship?’ Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach, mentioned that:

I know it is a very hard and painful decision to let go of an abusive relationship, but the truth is, you cannot remain where you are constantly manipulated, used, and battered with words and expect to be emotionally stable.

No! That can be disastrous! Life is too short and precious to spend it with someone who delights in hurting, constantly abusing, and putting you down at every slight opportunity without any effort to change.

Relationship check-in allows you and your spouse to celebrate what you love about each other while tweaking areas that may need work. So, ask your partner these questions and build a lasting, healthy, and happier relationship with your partner.