20 Tips to Deal With Unresolved Issues in a Relationship

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At times, a couple argues over the same problems in a relationship but consistently finds a way to stop the conflict for the time being. This only comes back another time, leaving unresolved issues in a relationship to form an unhealthy pattern.

Compromise is never given consideration with the ideology that no one is deemed the “winner.” The thought process that the partnership should be nurtured and cared for instead of concerning themself with who’s right doesn’t play in. And the problem continues.

How can mates approach unresolved issues within a partnership?

There’s no hard and fast rule to approaching unresolved issues in a relationship, or couples would have already taken that road to fix their problems. The key is always to have effective communication instead of emotional arguments. 

The moment you become emotional and defensive is the second you stop listening or, rather, hearing what your partner is saying to you. That’s the time to step away from the conflict to collect your thoughts. 

By doing that, you can then come back together with a calm mindset, ready to have a productive conversation to identify the issues in your relationship.

20 effective tips for handling unresolved issues in a partnership

Conflict is a harsh reality in all relationships. Love can be wonderful and magical, but it’s not always perfect. It’s vital to recognize there will be rough patches, a natural part of being in a long-term, committed partnership.

You can’t share a household, responsibilities, finances, plus passion and not experience, at the very least, bickering, despite the amount of love you share with the other person. 

Let’s look at how to deal with relationship issues more productively, but before we do that, look into this book, “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget. 

You might find it particularly helpful in showing you how to find a way to make peace within yourself when you simply cannot find a resolution with the other person—moving on with our tips.

1. It’s vital to be accepting of the fact no relationship is perfect

No one has a fairy tale, but that’s okay because none of us would genuinely want everything to be perfect if we really sat down and thought about what perfection would be like and the amount of effort it would be to maintain.

The idea is to recognize that as imperfect people in a partnership, you will each make a few mistakes and some bad decisions, but that just means you talk about things, acknowledge or own responsibility, work through it and gain a life lesson. 

That’s not so tough, and it’s better than leaving unresolved issues in a relationship.

Related Reading: 7 Different Ideas of a Perfect Relationship

2. Communication is key 

In that same vein, communication is among the most important components when you hope to work towards a strong connection and establish a deep bond. 

You will still not be able to call your partnership perfect, but you’ll have the elements to stake a pretty good claim for being close to one.

According to licensed professional counselor Christiana Njoku:

Communication is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. Partners who communicate about everything always find a way to resolve issues that may arise in the relationship.

When you talk about relationship problems in a calm, respectful manner with the mindset of coming to the point of compromise, that’s the goal for every conflict. 

This ultimately leads to your solution. It genuinely doesn’t matter who was “at fault” or who “wins.” What’s important is that each person involved nurtures the relationship. 

One might apologize, and one will likely forgive, but together there’s growth and the opportunity to progress forward healthfully. This podcast details how to resolve conflict and practice vulnerability in a partnership. The speaker is “Jayson Gaddis.”

Related Reading: The Importance of Communication in Relationships

3. Allow some time apart for a specified period of time

When the arguments start to turn heated with emotions high, it’s wise to take a step back and consider putting some space between you. The time apart will allow each person to gather thoughts concerning the surface issue and what is the root of the problem. 

You should designate a set period of time and schedule an appointed date when you’ll come back together to discuss the topic with a more rational thought process. It shouldn’t be too long, but long enough for everyone’s emotions to cool off.

4. Change your scenery with the next round

Generally, unresolved issues in a relationship bring the same arguments consistently but likely, the place you have these disagreements are in the home environment. 

Instead of constantly doing battle in the same atmosphere, take it outside. The intensity is less likely to get heated. You can enjoy a nice walk together, helping to clear the mind, a benefit with exercise and fresh air.

With a greater sense of clarity, there’s more likelihood for productive communication and, at the very least, an acknowledgment that you have a shared goal.

5. Physical touch is a component recommended by experts

Experts recommend holding hands as beneficial when talking through conflicts. When talking through an issue, the physical touch allows each person to feel emotions instead of just hearing the words. 

There’s more of an intimate connection creating an atmosphere of empathy. The compromise that comes deems much more sincere and heartfelt.

Related Reading: What is the Physical Touch Love Language®?

6. A sincere apology can be felt

Unresolved conflict in relationships often leads to hurtful arguments where couples make mean-spirited comments that warrant apologies. These aren’t just off-handed “sorry” and move on about your day even if you leave unresolved issues in a relationship.

Christiana Njoku states:

One of the ways to resolve issues faster is to take responsibility for your actions, apologize, and let it go.

That doesn’t have to mean you’re conceding or admitting fault but genuinely have sorrow for hurting your mate with your words. Remember, apologies are something that the other person needs to feel to mean anything.

7. You should be in-tuned to your partner to recognize their reactions

If you know your mate well, you should be able to communicate with your partner so that you’ll understand how they will respond before you present a potential compromise. 

Body language and emotions will typically signify a decision before there’s a verbal response without someone needing to “spell something out succinctly.” 

A mate can often read their partner before they utter a word. If you’re not in-tuned to your partner, you can each face trouble understanding what the other is trying to say.

8. Find a point of peace and serenity

In some instances, people will turn to spirituality. For some, this might involve religion and prayer or taking time to meditate quietly. 

They hope to find a point of peace and serenity within their mind as a couple to carefully consider the issues and come back together for a solution.

9. Breaking up should not be a part of the conversation

Unresolved issues don’t have to lead you down the road to a break-up. That’s something that shouldn’t even come up during the course of any conversation or argument, regardless of the emotion involved. The staunchest stand should be that you will work the problems out.

10. There should be no pointing fingers

Address problems in a relationship without playing the blame-game. While someone could have made a mistake, two people are involved when a partnership is working and going well, and there are always two there when something goes wrong. 

When someone messes up, how might the other person have contributed?

Check out this video to understand how you can stop the blame game in relationships:

11. Outside influences should not be a part of the process

While difficulties in relationships warrant reaching out to support systems and even asking others for advice, it’s essential not to let those opinions or judgments influence how you react or respond to your mate, particularly if it’s not how you might have handled the situation initially.

12. Avoid vices for temporary comfort 

When there is unresolved conflict in relationships, it can be stressful for mates, often leading to finding varied methods for coping. 

Being creatures looking for comfort when stressed, many humans automatically head for the vices with either alcohol, tobacco, or food, and some choose to flirt outside of the partnership.

It would help if you considered how these temporary solutions could render permanent damage not only (in some cases) to your health but to the health of your partnership.

13. Use your words, but select them carefully

Words are powerful. When used respectfully and carefully, they can help solve unresolved issues in a relationship. On the other side of that coin, when words are used destructively, they can wound to the point of ending partnerships.

Christiana Njoku added that:

Mind your words! As much as you can, bridle your tongue, particularly during a disagreement.

Once you say something particularly damaging, there’s no going back. While you might be angry and emotional, it’s essential to try to reason.

14. Face-to-face interaction is a must

There should be no exception when dealing with relationship issues; face-to-face interaction is necessary. Any other form of communication lacks respect. 

If you’re concerned about emotion or things becoming heated, set up a time that you can meet each other for dinner or a date in a cafe for coffee. Unless your mate has no fear of public scenes, you should be safe from humiliation.

15. Don’t speak poorly of your mate to friends or family

When you’re fresh from a heated argument with your mate, it’s better to avoid friends and family while you’re emotional. The tendency to vent will be there. 

You want to avoid that since you’ll probably get judgment and opinions that will only add fuel to the fire. Plus, while it’s okay for you to be upset with your partner, it’s not okay for others to say negative things about them.

16. Why do you love your mate

In that same vein, it’s worth it to go off after a heated argument alone to let go of some of the anger in favor of reflecting on why you love your mate and what made you fall in love with them. 

Focusing on the positive can help motivate you to find a solution to the unresolved issues in a relationship.

17. Stop “sweeping unresolved issues in a relationship under the carpet”

As issues arise, work on them right then and there instead of pushing them aside, hoping for a better time so you can prepare. Hunker down beside your mate with as calm and respectful a demeanor as you can muster.

Choose to handle problems as they come forward without ending sessions until there’s a solution. That way, they can’t accumulate into a ball of problems that you ultimately don’t know how to handle; one at a time is much simpler.

18. Agree to disagree

With some conflicts, there are no solutions. One person has a valid and reasonable point, as does the other, with neither choosing to compromise on their stance. 

The only resolve when the desire is to remain together is to agree to disagree and move forward feeling secure in your position but being able to live with theirs also.

19. Are the issues dealbreakers 

There are unresolved issues in a relationship that some mates simply can’t live with; they’re deal breakers meaning the relationship needs to end. A break-up is the solution. It’s important to know your boundaries, and what you will and won’t tolerate. 

But when you do decide it’s best to walk away, you need to recognize that a new partner will not be any more perfect. There is no perfection in relationships. You will always have work to do and problems to strive to find solutions for.

Related Reading: 21 Deal Breakers in a Relationship That Are Non-Negotiable

20. Reach out for third-party assistance

There’s no shame in reaching out to a third party to help when you come to a stalemate. 

Sometimes, it takes the guidance of a professional to take you out of blocked mindsets, helping you see a fresh perspective you otherwise wouldn’t have thought of without the assistance. 

In saying that, you could very well benefit from courses and workshops for couples on communicating through challenges. Take advantage of these whether you’re facing difficulties or not. The tools the teachers provide could benefit you at some point in the future.

Takeaway 

The problem is when you let the issues in relationships open with no solution, only to continue to return to these problems again – and again. 

Eventually, it can be detrimental to the partnership if not result at the end of your relationship. You can’t thrive, let alone survive when there’s an accumulation of festering conflicts that you continue to add to but with the right approach, the relationship is sure to stay healthy.