20 Signs Your Boyfriend or Husband Is a Misogynist and How to Deal With It

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When we read or hear stories about misogynists, we can’t help but feel disappointed with these people’s way of thinking.

You may not yet be familiar with the term misogyny, but indeed, you’ve had your fair share of dealing with them.

Unknowingly, you might even have a misogynist husband.

Misogynists are everywhere. They belong to your family, your circle of friends, co-workers, and even your husband.

The reality is, they are hard to spot, and you’d be surprised to know that they are closer than you think.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Spot a Misogynist

What is the definition of misogyny?

Before we can understand how to recognize a misogynist and his traits, we must first discuss the meaning of misogyny.

If you search the web, you’ll find that misogyny is contempt or hatred for women.

The term misogyny originated from the two words. First is ‘misos,’ which means hatred, and ‘gyny,’ which means woman.

Even in ancient literature, we would see many counts of misogyny.

Aristotle is a known misogynist, describing women as inferior beings, often being ruled over by men.

Today, misogyny still tackles the same hate for women.

Related Reading: 8 Things Men Want Women to Know

How does misogyny start?

Most often, characteristics of misogynistic men don’t show up upfront. Some of them don’t even know or realize that they are misogynists.

Coach Silvana Mici states,

Misogyny often stems from deep-seated beliefs about gender roles and superiority. It’s important to challenge these beliefs through education and empathy.

An early life trauma, disappointment, or even heartbreak from a female figure in their lives may cause the subconscious to start hating women.

Perhaps, the person had a mother who abandoned him, a sister who belittled him, a teacher who humiliated him, or even an ex-girlfriend who cheated.

All of these situations can take a toll on a person’s mind, planting hatred that won’t show until the later years of his life. 

As a coping mechanism, the person may begin justifying the pain by thinking that women are inferior to men and don’t deserve respect or equal status in our society.

This way, the pain will be masked by believing that men are better.

Want to know some more misogynistic behavioral signs? Watch this video.

How can you define a misogynistic relationship?

No woman would want to be dating a misogynist, right?

Unfortunately, it’s hard to notice. People who discover that they have a misogynist husband usually happen months after tying the knot. Suddenly, they realize that their perfect and understanding spouse is a misogynist.

LMHC Silvana Mici further adds,

What you can keep in mind is that misogynists often seek to control women, whether it’s through limiting their independence, monitoring their activities, or dictating their choices.

What happens when you’re in a misogynistic relationship?

Misogynists would often show their sweet and caring side to other people, but when they are alone with their wives, their misogynist’s actions take over.

Having a misogynist husband can be difficult. What more if you already have kids?

20 red flags that your husband is a misogynist

We have to be aware that the signs of a misogynistic man may be hard to notice.

It can take months or even years to realize that they have a misogynist husband.

It’s not until they have put together the pieces of the puzzle that they start to understand that their spouse’s actions are misogynistic.

At first, you may think that it’s the usual misunderstanding of married couples.

After some time, he would be sweet and understanding again, so we would never think that there are already signs your husband is a misogynist.

Is my husband a misogynist? Here are 20 traits to watch out for:

1. He thinks women are weak or incapable

“See, that’s why women shouldn’t drive cars!” 

He might say it as a side comment, a joke, or even a direct opinion of how a woman shouldn’t do certain things. A misogynist husband would always have the idea that women can’t do things correctly and should leave it to the ‘men’ to do it.

Related Reading: What Makes a Woman Insecure in a Relationship?

2. He will not support your ambition to grow your career

“Well, what did she have to do to get into that position?”

Misogynists think that women do not belong in the corporate world. They don’t have respect for a female CEO or supervisor. 

There are even times when they assume a woman would have to do so many things just to ‘get’ their position; women can’t equally achieve that because of hard work, talent, and brains.

He would often discourage you from achieving your dream job. He would recommend that you stay at home and take care of him and the kids.

Related Reading: How to Make a Man Respect You: 15 Effective Ways

3. He shows anger and disgust towards female leaders

“She could not have done that without any help from powerful men.”

A misogynist will always think that women of power are ‘useless’ and will not contribute anything to society. They can also comment on how manly they seem to be or how they try to be men, just to justify that men are still dominant in this field.

4. He doesn’t believe in equality among men and women

“That’s nonsense! Men and women cannot be equals!”

Because of social media, we often see women empowerment, not to mention the equality amongst women and men. Whenever he sees them, he would usually have side comments about how women are still trying to pretend to be equal with men. 

5. He won’t let you earn more than he does

“So, you’re happy that you got lucky with that job? Good for you.”

A misogynist husband will never be happy for women who want to achieve their dream job.

If you recently landed a job or have been earning more than him, he’ll take that against you.

He would show no interest in your career. He might even give side comments on how women should focus on the family and kids.

On the other hand, all he does should be praised because he’s the man of the house, the breadwinner, the provider, and you should be thankful for him.

6. He uses degrading statements

“Give me a break! Don’t be a woman who thinks she can rule the world!”

That’s it, a misogynist right there.

Those words contain the use of the ‘female’ word to degrade or insult. It’s like showing that being a woman means you’re lower than men; that only women can do shameful things.

7. He always puts you down

“Seriously? That’s it? Without me, you won’t be able to go anywhere with that skill!”

He may try to say it like a joke, but remember this, he means it!

Every chance he can – he would belittle, make fun of, or put you down. From your family background, education, friends, skills, he would find a way to make fun of you so he could feel better.

8. You need to follow his terms, even when it comes to sex

“It’s your responsibility as a wife to please me and have sex with me.”

Sex is a beautiful thing, but if you have a misogynist husband, you won’t have a say in your relationship.

It would seem that sex has become an obligation of a woman to please her man. You should, ‘as a woman, ‘ whenever he wants it,’ oblige to his demands. If not, he’ll get angry or punish you by not talking to you.

Remember that if he tries to force you, even if you’re married, that’s considered rape.

9. He will not help you with “women’s tasks”

“No. That’s a woman’s job.”

That’s right, a ‘woman’s’ job. A misogynist can never see himself doing such tasks. For him, he should only be in the corporate world, and women shouldn’t ask ‘men’ to do chores.

He would often just watch you clean while he’s watching the game. Even if your baby is crying, the laundry has piled up, and there’s no food yet, he won’t help.

Related Reading: 5 Signs of a Lazy Husband and How to Deal With Him

10. He thinks it’s a woman’s responsibility to stay at home

“Where are my clean clothes? Don’t tell me you haven’t cooked yet! You’re just here doing nothing while I work so hard!”

For a misogynist partner, he’s the only one doing great things. He works and gives his woman money. Without him, their family would suffer.

Of course, he expects his wife to do everything for him, but still, he sees her as incompetent and useless.

Related Reading: Appreciating And Valuing Your Spouse

11. He describes his exes as “crazy” women

“That woman is crazy! Good thing I left her!” 

Think about this, is your husband a psycho magnet? Why would he describe them as such?

This is a red flag that you have a misogynist husband who will discredit all his exes.

12. He would show sexism masked as concern for women

“You’re a woman. You shouldn’t be working. That’s your husband’s job to provide.”

Sounds concerned and sweet? Well, not really. For him, women are incapable of working or having a promising career.

Often masked as concerned, they have hidden meaning to every phrase they say about women.

13. He thinks highly of himself – in every aspect

“Can you imagine your life without me?”

Seems like a harmless joke, but read between the lines. One of the signs of a misogynistic man is that he thinks highly of himself that you won’t live without him.

Sometimes, he may even say that women would do everything to get a guy like him.

14. He shows two different sides

“Friends, let me tell you. I’m the luckiest man alive to have a wife like her. She’s everything to me.”

So sweet! So adorable and loving, but sadly this is just a facade when you’re with other people. He’s just showing his good side, but when you are all alone, he changes and shows his true colors. 

Related Reading: How to Stay Together When You Are Different From Each Other

15. He takes credit for your ideas and hard work

“Of course! I’m a hands-on father to my kids. Look at them. They’re precious!”

When other people are around, he becomes the best dad, but that’s just an act. When you’re at home, it becomes the woman’s job to take care of everything, but when it comes to credit, well, he has the right to claim that.

16. He doesn’t take feminism seriously

“There is no such thing. Women make everything complicated.”

That right there is a sign of a misogynist. Of course, whenever there’s an issue, it’s the women’s fault and for a misogynist.

17. He would convince you about other women’s ‘irrational’ ideas

“You know better than that! Don’t be like those women who are so full of themselves.”

A man who thinks feminism is a joke is a misogynist. Whenever there’s a topic about feminism, he would think that it’s just an act for attention, and he would even discredit them.

18. He gets defensive when you talk about misogyny

“Seriously? That’s what you get by listening to those women!”

He would refuse to talk about misogyny and would even blame the thought of it as toxic or as a result of listening to ‘women’ who want attention.

19. He’s abusive

“Don’t blame this on me! You did this to yourself! You deserve this!”

A misogynist would grab every opportunity to belittle and attack you. Aside from that, he would even gaslight at every chance and would remind you of how incompetent you are.

You would see it in his eyes. He has that disgusted look when he stares at you.

20. He passes his mindset to your children

“Son, you have to grow up like daddy, okay? Never let any woman boss you around!”

Sadly, a misogynist husband is a misogynist father.

If he has a daughter, don’t be surprised if he would treat her the same. However, a son to him is a prodigy. It would become his goal to nurture him to be like him – a misogynist.

Living with a misogynistic partner – now what?

My husband is a misogynist. Now what?

For you to deal with a misogynist husband is not easy.

Depending on the severity of the problem, some relationships can be saved with the help of therapy.

But what if there is no chance of winning in a battle with a misogynist?

What if you’re being abused, being forced to have sex, being humiliated?

If you know that you’re in this type of relationship, then please, you need to leave.

Conclusion

Misogynists, upon treating women poorly, unconsciously feel good about themselves. Deep down, misogynists get that ego boost, they feel better about their insecurities, and they feel powerful each time they belittle women.

Unfortunately, having a misogynist husband will only leave you heartbroken.

Coach Silvana Mici advises,

Always remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust, not control. Recognize your worth and assert your right to make decisions for yourself.

A misogynist may show a lack of empathy towards women’s experiences, dismissing their emotions or minimizing their concerns. Educate him about the impact of his words and actions. Encourage him to listen actively and empathize with women’s experiences. Seek couples therapy if communication issues persist. 

By knowing the traits of a misogynist, you’ll discover and confirm if you are in a relationship with one. This is the time to think about your future. No one deserves to be treated this way, and no one wants to raise kids who belittle other people.

You deserve to be in a relationship with a partner who treats you as an equal – who treats all people as equals.

It’s time to stand up and refuse to be in the shadow of misogynists. We all deserve better than that.