Protect Yourself: 25 Common Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships

It cannot be denied that to make a romantic relationship work, whether you’re just getting to know each other or a few years into marriage, much work goes into it.

However, you and your lover work through the ups and downs of your relationship.

Sometimes, relationships can turn unhealthy and even toxic. Gaslighting is a psychological phenomenon that is very troublesome. Gaslighting phrases in relationships may be used by one or both partners during everyday conversations or during disagreements.

Using gaslighting phrases in relationships can turn a relationship into a toxic one.

Therefore, it is important to be aware of these phrases so that you’re aware of any signs of gaslighting. This is a form of emotional abuse.

The concept of abuse is also important. Abuse is not just limited to physically hurting a person. Abuse can take several forms– emotional, physical, verbal, mental, and financial.

Given how common a gaslighting relationship is, it is imperative to be aware of the gaslighting phrases in relationships people use to gaslight others. You are in charge of your safety and sanity. To learn about gaslighting in general, continue reading.

Related Reading: What Is Gaslighting in a Relationship

What is gaslighting in a relationship?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner in a relationship deliberately makes the other one question their own sanity or perception of events.

 This is often done through denying facts, shifting blame, or making the victim feel responsible for the abuser’s behavior. It can lead to severe emotional and psychological damage to the victim and undermine their self-esteem and confidence.

Know more about it here: How to Deal With Gaslighting in Relationships in 15 Ways

How does gaslighting take place in relationships?

Gaslighting can cause a lot of pain in a relationship. It has the potential to wreak havoc. So, what is gaslighting in relationships? This is an emotional abuse tactic. The abuser uses it to shift blame to the one who is being gaslighted.

When a person uses gaslighting phrases in relationships, they may be trying to alter the conversation or information to show that they are completely harmless, with no ill intentions.

Gaslighters use these phrases to exert power in a relationship. They may have a high desire to control the victim.

Gaslighting is considered a form of emotional abuse because these gaslighting phrases in relationships and sentences can ruin the victim’s self-esteem, confuse them, and even affect their sanity.

Gaslighters use 5 direct manipulation techniques- countering, stonewalling, diverting/blocking, denial/intentional forgetting, and trivializing.

Related Reading: Stages of Gaslighting in Relationships

What are the signs that you’re being gaslighted?

Gaslighting harms the victim because the victim may feel very confused and upset. They might start questioning the truth behind his/her/their perceptions. The victim begins doubting themselves.

If you’re being subjected to gaslighting Phrases, there is a possibility that it may have been happening for a long time. This is because gaslighting is challenging to detect. It may not harm you initially. However, the long-term consequences may be detrimental.

A victim of gaslighting may spiral into a strong sense of self-doubt, confusion, feeling anxious all the time, isolation, and eventually, depression.

The effect of gaslighting on the victim may start with a feeling of disbelief. It can then turn into defensiveness, which can eventually result in depression.

Related Reading: Common Signs of Gaslighting

25 commonly used gaslighting phrases in relationships

Consider the following phrases to be examples of gaslighting phrases in a relationship. Be aware, and please protect yourself from this form of emotional abuse.

Here are commonly used gaslighting phrases in romantic relationships:

1. Stop being so insecure!

Gaslighters are great at playing the blame game. They’re good at shifting the blame on the victim.

If you point out something about the abuser that concerns you, they will make you feel bad for even bringing it up. They don’t want to work on themselves. So, they may call you insecure.

2. You’re way too emotional!

This is one of the most commonly used gaslighting phrases in relationships. Gaslighters lack empathy.

However, they may not acknowledge this about themselves. Instead, they may divert the attention to you and comment on how emotional you are.

3. You are just making this up.

If your significant other has narcissistic personality tendencies, then you may have heard them say this. This is one of the most common phrases narcissists use.

They may be prone to using denial as a defense mechanism. So, they may coerce you to alter your perception of a situation.

4. That never happened.

If you’ve been subjected to this phrase repeatedly, it may lead you to question your sanity and lose touch with reality.

5. Stop exaggerating the situation!

Gaslighters use this phrase to convince the victim that the victim’s concerns are exaggerated and trivial.

This is a direct attack on the victim’s rational abilities.

6. Can you not take a joke?

An abuser uses this phrase to say something hurtful and get away with it. That’s why they say something hurtful jokingly.

If the victim then points out that it was rude or mean, or hurtful, the abuser may use this phrase to normalize their nasty comment.

7. You are just misconstruing my intentions.

This is one of the more direct gaslighting phrases in relationships used by abusers to deflect responsibility from themselves to the victim.

They will often say that the situation was a misunderstanding and try to get away with it by using this phrase.

8. The problem isn’t with me; It is in you.

This classic phrase has one of the highest potentials to hurt the victim.

The gaslighters use projection (a defense mechanism) to erode the victim’s self-esteem by saying this phrase.

9. I think you need help.

This is one of the phrases gaslighters use that can be used healthily with good intentions, but it can also be misused. If your partner is quite manipulative by nature, then they can use this phrase to harbor self-doubt in the victim’s mind.

They question the mental health status of the victim by deceiving them through this statement.

10. That was never my intention; Stop blaming me!

This is another deceiving statement made by gaslighters that are riddled with falsehood.

By saying this, they’re trying to come clean and look innocent with pure intentions when they’re deflecting the issue.

Related Reading: How to Stop the Blame Game in Your Relationship

11. Let’s start over from square one.

Narcissistic gaslighters commonly use this to avoid acknowledging and working on their own mistakes or issues.

These abusers don’t like confronting their problems. They use this phrase as a way to skim over their past mistakes and start anew.

12. I won’t tolerate lies.

This is a commonly used diversion tactic where the gaslighter uses this phrase to avoid confrontation about their problematic behavior.

If the claim raised by the victim doesn’t align with the abuser’s narrative, they use this phrase to divert.

13. You need to lose weight.

Gaslighters often want the victim to depend on them for validation and love. This is one of how the relationship becomes toxic.

To create this dependence, they often resort to criticizing the victim’s physical appearance so that the victim ends up feeling wrong about their body image.

14. You’re frigid and bad in bed.

Apart from physical appearance, this is another favorite target area of attack where gaslighters make victims feel bad about their sexual health, sexual preferences, and sexuality as a whole. 

In addition, this phrase is often used to get away with unacceptable sexual behavior or cheating.

15. Your friends are idiots.

As mentioned earlier, isolation is a common consequence of being gaslighted. Family and friends can usually identify gaslighting activities even before the victim realizes this.

Therefore, gaslighters use this phrase on victims to raise questions about the latter’s rationality and sow seeds of self-doubt, and isolate the latter by saying this phrase.

16. If you loved me, you would….

This phrase is used tactfully to put the victim in a challenging position to feel obligated to forgive or excuse the gaslighter’s unacceptable behavior.

17. It’s your fault I cheated.

This stems from a place of the unwillingness of the gaslighter to accept their fault. They just can’t admit to the fact that they cheated, and it’s all on them.

Because gaslighters ignore their guilt by never admitting to their mistakes and hiding them behind their partner’s insecurities. 

18. No one else would ever love you.

When the relationship turns very sour, this is one of the most commonly used Gaslighting Phrases.

Say the victim musters the courage to propose a breakup. A gaslighter may take that opportunity to attack the victim’s self-worth directly. This phrase may make the victim feel like they’re unlovable or broken.

19. If you’re lucky, I’ll forgive you.

This is one of the most common things gaslighters say.

For example, after a narcissistic gaslighter successfully manages to shift the blame on the victim, the victim may start apologizing profusely for forgiveness.

But when the gaslighter does end up forgiving the victim for something that the gaslighter did, they say this phrase to make the victim feel worse about themselves.

20. You’re supposed to love me unconditionally.

This is another one of those Gaslighting Phrases that abusers use when the relationship may be the breaking point to use the victim’s fundamental beliefs about love against them.

21. I remember you agreed to do that.

This phrase is another major red flag where the abuser tries to distort the victim’s memories about a situation concerning the latter.

22. Just forget about it now.

The non-confrontational nature of abusers leads them to use this phrase often to sidetrack pertinent issues about the relationship.

23. This is why no one likes you.

This phrase is another jab at the victim’s self-esteem and self-worth to create a sense of dependency on the abuser and isolate the victim.

24. I’m not angry. What are you talking about?

The silent treatment is a common tactic used by narcissistic gaslighters by using this phrase to confuse the victim.

25. You’re gaslighting me!

Gaslighters use this phrase to buy some time for themselves. Unfortunately, they do this by distressing the victim by using this phrase.

Remember these gaslighting phrases in relationships, and please be careful and protect yourself.

Related Reading: How to Deal with Gaslighting

Now that you’ve known the gaslighting phrases, here’s a quick video about gaslighting:

How to respond to gaslighting in a relationship

In any relationship, there will be times when one or both partners feel insecure or vulnerable. When this occurs, it’s important to remember that gaslighting is a form of manipulation that can be used to make someone feel confused, crazy, and inadequate. 

Here are 5 ways to respond when someone is gaslighting you.

• Acknowledge your feelings and let them know you are upset by their actions.
• Share how you feel with a trusted friend or family member who will listen and support you as you process the situation.
• Avoid arguing with the person attempting to manipulate you. (It will only make them more angry and less likely to listen).
• Remove yourself from the relationship temporarily if necessary.
• Look for another partner who will be a better match for you.

More questions on gaslighting in relationships

Check out more questions on gaslighting phrases in relationships and what happens when you ignore a gaslighter:

• What can you do if you experience gaslighting?

If you are experiencing emotional abuse or gaslighting in the relationship or marriage, the most important thing to do is seek support from someone who is safe and willing to provide unbiased emotional support.

 You can do this by getting marriage therapy from a therapist or joining a support group for victims of domestic violence and abuse.

• How do gaslighters apologize?

Gaslighters rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will often blame their partner for their own bad behavior and try to turn the blame back on the victim. 

They may also try to apologize, but the apology will be full of empty promises that are impossible to keep. This can leave you feeling angry, disappointed, and even betrayed. The best way to deal with a gaslighter’s apology is to ignore it.

Takeaway

Basically, if you even have a doubt that your partner is gaslighting you, please look into it. Being a victim of a gaslighting situation can lead you to depression, and you might lose your sense of sanity.

It can get worse by the day. Please take care that the situation doesn’t get out of hand. If you think that your partner will reason with you, you can take the help of a professional to deal with the situation.