13 Thoughtful Ways of Living With a Mentally Ill Spouse

Living with a spouse with mental illness in marriage is quite difficult. 

A renowned clinical psychologist and author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism in Raising Teens and Tweens, John Duffy, Ph.D. has added, “The stress level often stretches into a crisis mode, in which managing the illness becomes, for all intents and purposes, the sole function of the relationship.”

A famous Chicago psychotherapist and relationship coach, Jeffrey Sumber, MA, LCPC, has also given his input on mental illness and relationships, “The mental illness has a way of wanting to direct the movement of the relationship, rather than the individual partners.”

But he also said, “It is not true that mental illness can destroy a relationship. People destroy a relationship.”

Normally, people like to talk about how their mental illness affects their family, especially their parents or the child. But it is a far more serious matter. 

Living with a mentally ill spouse can negatively affect a person’s marital life and make it reach a crisis level. It can even impact the spouse’s mental health. 

While experiencing these challenges, people can take a leap of faith and learn how to maintain a healthy relationship while coping with a spouse with mental illness.

What is a mental illness?

There is no one answer to this question, as mental illness can be experienced in many ways. But in general, mental illness is a condition that affects a person’s brain or nervous system. Examples of mental illnesses include depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. 

The exact cause of mental illnesses is not known. The symptoms vary from person to person but can include things such as depression, anxiety, loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable, and sleep problems. 

While anyone can develop mental illness, some people are more at risk than others.

9 signs your spouse has a mental illness

It’s important to approach the topic of a spouse’s mental illness with sensitivity and understanding. If you suspect that you might be living with a mentally ill spouse, it’s crucial to offer support and encourage them to seek professional help. 

While there are some signs that might indicate a potential mental health concern, remember that only a qualified mental health professional can make a diagnosis. Here are some signs that your spouse may be dealing with a mental illness:

1. Noticeable changes in behavior or mood

If your spouse undergoes significant and prolonged changes in behavior or mood, it could be a sign of a mental health issue. This could include sudden irritability, sadness, withdrawal from social activities, or a loss of interest in things they once enjoyed.

2. Difficulty with daily functioning

Mental illness can make it challenging for a person to carry out daily tasks and responsibilities. If your spouse is struggling to maintain their job, personal hygiene, or household responsibilities, this could be a sign of an underlying issue.

3. Changes in sleep patterns or appetite

Disrupted sleep patterns, such as insomnia or oversleeping, and changes in appetite, either overeating or undereating, can be indicative of a mental health problem.

4. Increased physical complaints

Sometimes, individuals with mental health issues may experience physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained pain. These physical complaints can be related to stress and anxiety.

5. Social withdrawal and isolation

If your spouse is avoiding social interactions and withdrawing from friends and family, it may suggest a mental health concern. Isolation is a common response to depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.

6. Substance abuse

An increase in the use of alcohol or drugs as a way to cope with emotional pain or mental health symptoms can be a sign of underlying mental health issues. Substance abuse is often linked to mental health problems and may serve as a form of self-medication.

7. Excessive worry and anxiety

If your spouse is constantly preoccupied with excessive worry, fears, or anxiety that interfere with their daily life, this may be a sign of an anxiety disorder. Physical symptoms like restlessness, muscle tension, or panic attacks can also accompany anxiety.

8. Suicidal thoughts or self-harm

If your spouse expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it is a critical sign that they are in distress and need immediate help. Take such statements seriously and seek professional assistance or emergency services to ensure their safety.

9. Extreme mood swings

Severe and rapid mood swings, which can include intense highs (mania) and lows (depression), may be indicative of bipolar disorder. These mood swings can disrupt a person’s life and relationships.

If you observe any of these signs in your spouse, it’s important to have an open and non-judgmental conversation with them. Encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist. 

Remember that supporting your spouse through their mental health challenges is essential, and you should seek guidance and support for yourself as well, as it can be emotionally taxing to be a caregiver when living with a mentally ill spouse.

7 risk factors for developing a mental illness

Mental illness can develop as a result of various factors, and it often involves a complex interplay of genetic, environmental, and lifestyle factors. 

So, do you think, “My husband or wife is mentally unstable?” There are many risk factors for developing a mental illness. Here are seven common risk factors for developing a mental illness:

1. Family history

A family history of mental disorders can increase the risk of developing a mental illness. Genetics can play a role in susceptibility to conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia.

2. Trauma or adverse life events

Exposure to trauma or significant life stressors, such as physical or emotional abuse, loss of a loved one, or a traumatic accident, can increase the risk of mental health issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.

3. Brain chemistry and structure

Imbalances in brain chemistry and structure can contribute to mental illness. Neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine play a role in mood regulation, and disruptions in their functioning can lead to conditions like depression and anxiety.

4. Chronic medical conditions

Certain chronic physical health conditions, such as chronic pain, diabetes, and autoimmune disorders, can increase the risk of mental health issues. The physical and emotional toll of managing these conditions can lead to depression and anxiety.

5. Substance abuse

Substance abuse, including alcohol and drug misuse, is a significant risk factor for the development of mental health disorders. Substance abuse can exacerbate pre existing mental health conditions or trigger new ones.

6. Environmental factors

Environmental factors, such as exposure to pollution, toxins, or infectious agents during prenatal development, can influence the risk of mental health problems. Additionally, living in a stressful or unstable environment can contribute to mental health issues.

7. Social isolation and lack of support

Social factors, such as isolation, lack of social support, or experiencing discrimination, can increase the risk of mental health problems. Loneliness and a lack of social connections can lead to conditions like depression.

It’s essential to recognize that having one or more of these risk factors does not guarantee the development of a mental illness, and many people with risk factors do not experience mental health problems. 

Furthermore, mental illnesses are treatable, and early intervention can make a significant difference. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional.

13 ways to deal with a spouse with mental illness

Living with a mentally ill spouse can be very daunting, as it can challenge you and make you question your own motives and choices. However, being informed and seeking help from more informed people can be the right way forward. 

So, how to deal with a mentally ill spouse? Here are some ways to maintain a healthy marriage while dealing with a mentally ill spouse:

1. Educate yourself first

To date, many individuals are uninformed about the basics of mental illness, or they believe in inaccurate information.

Before you learn how to deal with mental illness in a spouse, the first step is to find a high-quality psychological and medical expert. After that, search for related content and online information about the particular diagnosis.

Choose from legitimate websites with a good reputation and recommendation by your psychotherapist.

It is very hard to recognize the symptoms of mental illness for a common individual. It is easy to consider your spouse with mental illness as a lazy, irritable, distracted, and irrational human being.

Some of these “character flaws” are the symptoms. But to identify those symptoms, you need to know the basics of mental illness.

The most effective treatment will include therapy and medication. You can consult a Mental health professional to get yourself educated. You must become an essential part of your spouse’s treatment plan.

2. Spend time together as much as possible

If you are living with a mentally ill spouse, stress would be a common issue that would affect your relationship.

Regardless of the level of stress you are experiencing, you should have a sense of care and support for one another. A loving bond may create a relationship that is likely to survive.

You may sit together for a few minutes and discuss your requirements and intentions for the coming days. Tell your spouse with mental illness how much you care about them. Tell them how much you appreciate even the smallest things about them.

This will help you to keep your spouse relaxed and your relationship healthy.

Mental health issues can harm your normal sex life. It may happen when being a mental patient; your spouse regularly takes medications. If you are experiencing a disturbance in your normal sex life due to medications, discuss the matter with your partner and your doctor.

Make sure you are not going under medications that are not prescribed by your doctor. Also, do not stop your prescribed medications without your doctor’s approval.

Normal sex life is important to calm your body and mind. Sex improves your immunity system and strengthens your mind. Reduced sex life can create mental issues, and your body reacts negatively to mental illness.

“What mental health needs are more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.” – Glenn Close

3. Maintain positive communication

As per my experience, couples who express their emotions every day by saying a few lovely words like ‘I love you,’ or “I miss you” through messages or via phone calls or direct conversation can maintain better chemistry in their relationship.

Maintain your marriage and mental illness just like a newly married couple. Try to communicate with your spouse as much as possible.

If your spouse is a full-time working individual, you should also look after whether they are facing workplace depression or not. There are multiple reasons for which a person can be affected by workplace depression.

So, what’s the solution to when you start feeling, “My partner’s mental health is affecting me?”

Find some spare time, at least twice a week, and go on dates together. You are the only one who can comfort them from this misery.

You may go to a musical concert, watch a movie together, or dine in an expensive restaurant, whatever makes them happy. Don’t let living with a mentally ill spouse ruin your marriage.

4. Regularly practice self-care

This is an important aspect that you should deal with when having a mentally ill spouse. Self-care is important when you have a spouse with mental health issues. If you shift your focus from both your physical health and hygiene, you’ll be putting both of your lives at risk.

Start from the basics- Drink plenty of water, get enough sleep, and do some regular physical activities such as jogging, cycling, running, aerobics, etc.

You also need to eat healthy food, avoid junk food, spend time with friends or loved ones, take a break from your daily life, and go on a vacation trip.

You may also engage yourself in different creative activities or hobbies.

5. Avoid blaming each other

Blaming each other for some simple reasons may go beyond the limit and can make the mental illness severe. This will gradually make your relationship unhealthy. I would suggest you cultivate understanding in both of you.

So, if you’ve been wondering, ‘how to live with a mentally ill spouse,’ make everything clear, accept what you have done, and move forward. Don’t be judgmental; know everything, then react.

You can discuss queries about illness and listen to what your spouse has to say. You may not agree with the responses, but you have to understand that your spouse is ill.

A heated argument can make them restless. You need to understand them, no matter how difficult it becomes.

6. Avoid drinking alcohol or taking drugs

Many couples who face severe marital stress or trauma may start drinking alcohol or taking drugs. You and your spouse may also fall into this addiction.

If your wife or husband is mentally unstable, you may take these substances to escape from your mental stress or emotions.

These habits not only damage your health but can also destroy your marital life. If you’re having difficulties avoiding drinking and drugs, try yoga, deep breathing, regular exercising, etc. Trust me, it’ll work.

7. Give proper focus on your kids

Kids may naturally think that it is their duty to fix their parent’s problems. But they can’t practically fix your mental issues. So, you must make them understand their limitations. 

You should inform them that curing mental illness is not their responsibility.

If you are having difficulties talking with them about mental illness, you can take the help of a professional. An expert on child psychology may help you to convey your message better.

Get in touch with your kids. Let them know that they can still rely on you in difficult times. It is better if you spend adequate time on family activities.

“Mental health…is not a destination but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.” – Noam Spencer, PhD

8. Let them talk openly and honestly about their feelings 

Mental illness is a very serious and difficult issue to deal with. 

However, for living with a mentally ill spouse, it is important for them to talk about their feelings and how they are feeling. This will help you to better understand what they are experiencing and reassure them that they are not alone.

9. Seek professional support 

In learning how to deal with a spouse with mental health issues, try to seek help from experts when required. 

You can also seek support from friends and family for your spouse. It is important to have people you can talk to about your concerns and who can help support you through this time.

10. Get help with your finances 

If you are unable to work as a result of your spouse’s illness, you will need financial help from your family to support you financially while they recover.

This is also a good opportunity to discuss with your partner how you would like to manage your finances in the future.

The content you provided offers several practical suggestions for dealing with a spouse with a mental illness. Here are three additional ways to support a spouse with mental health challenges:

11. Encourage professional help

While the content mentions educating yourself about mental illness, it’s crucial to emphasize the importance of encouraging your spouse to seek professional help. 

A qualified therapist or psychiatrist can provide the necessary guidance and treatment. Offer to help them find a mental health professional, schedule appointments, and accompany them to the sessions if needed.

12. Patience and empathy

When dealing with a partner with mental health issues, it can be emotionally taxing, but it’s essential to practice patience and empathy. Understand that their condition is not their fault, and they may have good days and bad days. 

Show empathy and be a supportive, non-judgmental listener when they need to talk about their feelings or struggles.

13. Set healthy boundaries

While offering support is important, it’s also essential to establish healthy boundaries. Caring for a spouse with a mental illness can be overwhelming, and you must take care of your well-being, too. 

Set boundaries to ensure that you maintain a balance between supporting them and taking care of yourself. Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for your ability to provide support.

Watch this video to learn how to set healthy boundaries that will benefit your relationship:

Remember that mental illness affects each person differently, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Open and honest communication with your spouse is key to understanding their needs and preferences. 

Seeking guidance from a mental health professional can provide personalized strategies for managing the challenges that arise in your specific situation.

FAQs

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you understand the intricacies of living with a mentally ill spouse

• Can marriage survive a mental illness? 

Marriage can absolutely survive a mental illness. It requires understanding, patience, and open communication. Both partners must be willing to seek help, educate themselves, and support each other. With the right treatment and support system in place, couples can successfully navigate the challenges posed by mental illness.

• Is it possible for a spouse with mental illness to have a successful relationship?

Yes, it is possible for a spouse with a mental illness to have a successful relationship. A strong and supportive partnership can significantly contribute to their well-being. 

Seeking professional help, maintaining open communication, and practicing empathy are key to building a successful relationship despite the challenges.

• What should I do if my own mental health is being affected by my spouse’s condition?

If your mental health is being affected by your spouse’s condition, it’s essential to seek help for yourself. This might involve speaking with a therapist or counselor, joining a support group, or confiding in trusted friends or family members. 

Taking care of your own mental health is crucial for your well-being and your ability to support your spouse.

• Can a mental illness strain a relationship to the breaking point?

Yes, a mental illness can strain a relationship to the breaking point if not properly managed. 

The stress and challenges can become overwhelming, leading to conflicts and emotional distance. However, with the right strategies, treatment, and support, many couples successfully navigate these difficulties and maintain their relationship.

• How do you set boundaries with a mentally ill spouse?

Setting boundaries with a mentally ill spouse is important for maintaining a healthy relationship. It involves open communication, mutual understanding, and agreements about what both partners need. 

Boundaries can help manage the impact of mental illness on the relationship while ensuring self-care and emotional well-being for both individuals.

Takeaway

Living with a mentally ill spouse can be a challenging journey, but it’s possible to navigate with compassion, understanding, and resilience. These thoughtful ways provide a roadmap for creating a supportive and loving environment. Communication, empathy, and seeking professional help when necessary are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship. 

Remember, mental illness does not define a person, and your spouse is more than your condition. By educating yourself, practicing self-care, and fostering an environment of trust, you can build a strong foundation for a fulfilling and enduring partnership. 

Ultimately, by embracing these thoughtful approaches, you can create a supportive and loving home for both you and your mentally ill spouse, fostering a bond that can withstand the trials of mental health challenges.