10 Emotional Effects of Sexless Marriages & How to Handle It

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Imagine lying next to your spouse every night, yet feeling miles apart. Conversations become superficial, and physical touch fades into memory—this is the reality of many couples trapped in a sexless marriage.

The lack of marital intimacy creates a deep emotional void, leaving partners feeling unseen, undesired, and disconnected. Over time, the emotional effects of sexless marriage can damage self-esteem, foster resentment, and even lead to mental health struggles. 

For some, the solution may lie in working through the issues; for others, parting ways might be the only path to inner peace. However, leaving a marriage—especially peacefully—requires patience, careful planning, and mutual respect. 

In this article, we’ll explore how to understand, fix, or, if needed, gracefully exit a marriage devoid of intimacy.

What is a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage is a relationship where sexual intimacy is infrequent or absent. While definitions vary, it’s often characterized by having sex less than ten times per year. This can stem from various factors, including physical health issues, hormonal changes, stress, relationship difficulties, or simply a mismatch in libidos. 

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, 

A sexless marriage can lead to feelings of rejection, low self-esteem, and frustration for both partners. It can also create distance and strain the emotional connection between them.

A sexless marriage can still be loving and fulfilling, but it’s important for couples to communicate openly about their needs and desires to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship.

Why do sexless relationships happen? 5 common reasons 

A sexless marriage doesn’t develop overnight; it is usually the result of unresolved issues, lifestyle changes, or emotional shifts over time. While every relationship is unique, understanding the underlying causes can offer insights into how intimacy fades. 

These reasons also play a crucial role in sexless marriage psychology by influencing both partners’ mental and emotional states. Here are five common reasons why sexless relationships happen:  

• Health issues  

Physical health plays a crucial role in intimacy. Chronic illnesses, hormonal imbalances (e.g., low testosterone, menopause), or mental health conditions like depression can lower sexual desire. Additionally, medications such as antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, or birth control can reduce libido, creating a barrier to sexual connection.  

• Emotional disconnect  

Intimacy often declines when emotional closeness deteriorates. If partners feel misunderstood, neglected, or emotionally unappreciated, they may find it difficult to engage physically. The absence of emotional bonding can lead to a vicious cycle where physical intimacy is further avoided, deepening the disconnect.  

• Stress and lifestyle factors  

Daily stress, whether from work, finances, or parenting, can drain emotional energy. When couples are overwhelmed by schedules and responsibilities, physical intimacy often takes a backseat. Over time, this lack of connection becomes normalized, creating an unintentional pattern of avoidance.  

• Past traumas and unresolved conflicts  

Emotional wounds such as betrayal, unresolved arguments, or past trauma (e.g., childhood abuse or previous infidelity) can hinder sexual intimacy. If these issues are not addressed, partners may avoid physical closeness as a defense mechanism, leading to further estrangement.  

• Sexual incompatibility  

Differences in libido, preferences, or comfort levels with sexual expression can create tension. When one partner feels pressured or frustrated, it can erode their desire for intimacy altogether. Without compromise and communication, these differences can widen, making it challenging to rekindle sexual connection.  

The emotional toll of these challenges can manifest through the emotional effects of sexless marriage, leading to frustration, resentment, loneliness, or even depression. Recognizing these root causes is essential for couples to decide whether to address their issues or consider healthier alternatives, including separation.  

10  damaging emotional effects of sexless marriage 

The emotional effects of sexless marriage can extend far beyond the bedroom, affecting not only the couple’s connection but also their mental well-being.

Many partners in such marriages experience confusion, sadness, and frustration, leading to deeper emotional challenges. If unresolved, these issues can spark conflicts and raise questions about whether staying in such a relationship is healthy for long-term happiness.  

Here are some effects of a sexless marriage that can explain how it affects mental health:

1. Loneliness within the relationship  

Even when couples share the same space, the absence of physical intimacy can make one or both partners feel emotionally abandoned. 

Couples may experience a sense of disconnection, as if they are roommates rather than lovers. This loneliness becomes even more painful because it exists in the context of a relationship that is supposed to provide companionship and closeness.  

2. Growing resentment towards each other  

When one partner feels deprived of physical intimacy, they may start to harbor resentment. The partner who desires intimacy may feel rejected, while the other might feel pressured, leading to a cycle of frustration. Over time, these feelings build up and create emotional walls that are hard to tear down.  

3. Deterioration of self-esteem  

Feeling unwanted in a marriage can take a heavy toll on self-worth. The lack of sexual interest from a partner may lead one to believe they are no longer attractive or desirable. This can result in insecurity, negative self-talk, and a diminished sense of personal value, which contributes to the development of sexless relationship depression.  

4. Emotional withdrawal and avoidance  

To cope with unmet needs, partners may emotionally withdraw from each other. They may avoid deep conversations or physical touch to protect themselves from further rejection. This withdrawal leads to an emotional gulf that grows over time, making reconciliation more difficult and increasing the emotional effects of sexless marriage.  

5. Frequent arguments and heightened conflict  

The frustration caused by a sexless marriage often surfaces as irritability or arguments over unrelated issues. Small disagreements escalate quickly because underlying emotional dissatisfaction is unresolved. This constant conflict erodes the emotional foundation of the marriage, making it difficult to communicate effectively.  

6. Increased temptation for infidelity  

When emotional and physical needs are unmet in the marriage, one or both partners may seek intimacy outside the relationship. Infidelity may become an alluring option to fill the void, leading to betrayal that can devastate the marriage beyond repair. This betrayal leaves lasting psychological scars, demonstrating how sexless marriage’s effect on psychology can be profound.  

7. Risk of anxiety, depression, or emotional burnout  

Living in an unfulfilling relationship can lead to chronic emotional stress. Over time, the disappointment and sadness may evolve into anxiety, depression, or burnout. Partners may feel trapped, oscillating between hopelessness and frustration without a clear way forward. They might begin to question: Is a sexless marriage healthy for personal growth and mental stability?  

8. Loss of trust and mutual respect  

In a sexless marriage, trust can erode over time as partners begin to feel taken for granted. They may question whether their spouse still values them or prioritizes the relationship. The absence of effort to restore intimacy often translates into a deeper loss of respect and trust.  

9. Strain on family dynamics and parenting  

Marital tension can spill over into the family environment. Children can sense emotional distance or hostility between parents, which can affect their well-being. Moreover, the couple’s inability to function as a unified emotional team can create gaps in parenting efforts and decision-making, adding strain to the household.  

10. Diminished hope for a shared future  

A healthy marriage often includes planning for the future, from vacations to long-term dreams. In a sexless marriage, the lack of intimacy undermines this forward momentum. Partners may struggle to imagine a fulfilling future together, leading to feelings of stagnation or disillusionment with the relationship, worsening the emotional effects of sexless marriage.  

These emotional challenges highlight how deeply a lack of physical connection can affect not just the relationship but also the individuals involved. Addressing these issues early through honest communication, counseling, and self-reflection is essential. 

When left unaddressed, the emotional damage from a sexless marriage can become severe, making reconciliation difficult and, in some cases, necessitating the consideration of separation.

Can a sexless relationship be saved?

Yes, a sexless relationship can often be saved with effort and commitment from both partners. 

Open and honest communication is crucial to understanding the underlying reasons for the lack of intimacy. These reasons could be physical, emotional, or even situational. 

Once identified, couples can explore solutions together, which might involve seeking professional help, lifestyle changes, or rekindling emotional connection through other means. While it requires work, many couples successfully reignite intimacy and rebuild a fulfilling relationship.

How to fix a sexless marriage: 8 tips

Reviving intimacy in a sexless marriage takes patience, empathy, and a willingness to address both emotional and physical needs. Many couples face challenges that contribute to a lack of intimacy, leading to various emotional effects. Understanding these dynamics is crucial in determining how to cope in a sexless marriage and ultimately restore the connection. 

Below are detailed steps you can take to rebuild the connection between you and your partner.

1. Open communication  

The first step to addressing the lack of intimacy is having honest, non-judgmental conversations. Both partners need to express their feelings, frustrations, and desires. Avoid blaming or criticizing your spouse—focus on how the absence of physical connection makes you feel. 

• Action tip: Start with “I feel” statements rather than “You don’t” to reduce defensiveness. For example, “I feel disconnected when we don’t have intimate time together.”

2. Therapy or counseling  

Sometimes, it’s hard to address intimacy issues on your own, especially if there are deep-seated emotional or sexual challenges. Seeking the help of a licensed therapist—either individually or as a couple—can provide valuable tools for communication and reconnection. 

A sex therapist can also help if there are performance anxieties or mismatched libidos that require specialized support.  

• Action tip: Choose a therapist both partners feel comfortable with. Sessions may focus on improving communication, uncovering hidden issues, and fostering emotional closeness.

3. Health and lifestyle adjustments  

Physical well-being plays a significant role in sexual intimacy. Hormonal imbalances, chronic illnesses, fatigue, or medications may lower sexual desire. Lifestyle factors like stress, poor sleep, and lack of exercise can also contribute to low libido. Identifying and addressing these health concerns can be key to reigniting intimacy.  

• Action tip: Make small, manageable changes—such as eating healthier, exercising, or getting a medical checkup. If medications are impacting desire, talk to a doctor about alternatives.  

4. Rekindling romance  

Sexual intimacy is often linked to emotional closeness. In a busy marriage, couples may unintentionally neglect romance, making the relationship feel routine or transactional. Bringing back romance can help rebuild emotional intimacy, which naturally opens the door for physical closeness.  

• Action tip: Plan regular date nights or surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures. Focus on creating moments of joy that remind you why you fell in love.

5. Addressing past conflicts  

Unresolved arguments, betrayals, or emotional wounds can create invisible barriers between partners, blocking physical connection. Without addressing these past hurts, it becomes difficult to rebuild intimacy. Forgiveness, though challenging, is essential for moving forward.  

• Action tip: Engage in open discussions about unresolved issues. If necessary, work with a counselor to navigate sensitive topics and rebuild trust over time.

6. Exploring new intimacy practices  

Physical intimacy doesn’t have to be limited to intercourse. Exploring other forms of physical affection—like cuddling, kissing, massages, or holding hands—can reintroduce touch into the relationship in a non-pressuring way. These small actions cultivate closeness, which can gradually lead to more intimate encounters.  

• Action tip: Set aside time for non-sexual touch every day. This could be as simple as holding hands while watching TV or giving each other a goodnight hug.

7. Setting realistic expectations  

Reviving intimacy won’t happen overnight. Both partners need to be patient with each other and recognize that rebuilding a sexual relationship takes time and effort. Unrealistic expectations—such as expecting immediate results—can lead to frustration and setbacks.  

• Action tip: Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate small victories, such as moments of affection, instead of fixating on what hasn’t changed yet.

To learn how to have more realistic expectations in life, watch this video:

8. Rediscovering individual passions  

Partners who feel fulfilled individually often bring more positive energy into the relationship. When people reconnect with their own hobbies, interests, or personal goals, they become more attractive to their partner. This renewed sense of self-confidence can naturally reignite intimacy.  

• Action tip: Encourage each other to pursue personal passions, whether through hobbies, self-care routines, or creative pursuits. Share your excitement with your partner to foster connection.

By applying these strategies, couples can create a path toward renewed intimacy and emotional closeness. While every relationship is different, the key lies in mutual commitment, open communication, and the willingness to grow together.

Rediscover the sensual connection

If you’re experiencing the damaging emotional effects of sexless marriage, it’s time to take proactive steps toward healing—whether that means working to reconnect or planning a peaceful exit. Don’t ignore the warning signs. 

Open conversations, counseling, and personal reflection can help clarify if the relationship is worth saving. 

According to sexless marriage statistics, around 15-20% of couples face this challenge, but not all relationships end. The key is to act with compassion and honesty, ensuring that both partners’ needs are addressed, even if separation becomes necessary. 

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, 

Communication is key when addressing a sexless marriage. It’s important for both partners to openly discuss their feelings, desires, and concerns in a safe and non-judgmental environment.

If staying leads to prolonged resentment and loneliness, leaving may be the healthiest choice. Choose peace, prioritize emotional well-being, and remember—every ending holds the promise of a fresh start.