Top 10 Priorities in a Relationship

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Priorities in a relationship can differ for every individual and every phase of life. Everyone dreams about being with someone they love as early as elementary school and by the time we are in high school, we have heard enough stories, watch some movies, or been in a relationship ourselves.

Some puppy love relationships blossom and go on to last a lifetime. Most end up as learning experiences as we cruise through life. It’s interesting that in spite of the low batting average, people keep going through it. There are those who had enough, but in time, fall in love again.

Victorian Poet Alfred Lord Tennyson hit the nail on the head when he immortalized “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” because everyone eventually does.

So why do some relationships last forever, while most do not even last three years?

What do priorities mean in a relationship?

Priorities in a relationship can mean a set of guidelines set aside by both partners to follow in the best interest of their relationship. Priorities are important to keep a relationship happy and healthy over time. 

Even the most promising relationship requires a certain amount of effort from both partners and if either one fails to contribute their part of duties, it can adversely affect the relationship.

So, what does priority mean in a relationship? Priorities in a relationship can range from making time for your spouse in a busy schedule to listening to and respecting their opinions even during an argument.

Top 10 priorities in a relationship

Priorities in a relationship depend on the two individuals who’re part of it. It’s purely up to them as to what is important and what is not. So, what are some priorities you can adopt in your relationship? We can list out 10 top relationship priorities for any couple to consider. 

1. The relationship itself is a priority

A generation ago, we had something called “the seven-year itch.” It’s the average time most couples break up. Modern data has reduced the average relationship length from 6-8 years to (less than) 3 to 4.5 years.

That’s a considerable drop.

They are blaming social media for the drastic change in the statistic, but social media is an inanimate object. Like guns, it won’t kill anyone unless someone is using it.

Relationships are like a living being that needs to be fed, nurtured, and protected. Like a child, it requires the right balance of discipline and pampering to mature.

The digital age provided us with a lot of great tools to communicate with people around the world. It’s cheap, convenient, and fast. Ironically, it also became time-consuming.

People live under one roof because they want to spend more time together, but as time goes by, we miss other people in our lives and eventually reach out to them. So instead of having our partner as the foremost person to share our lives, we now do it with everyone else, even strangers, because we can.

It may not sound like a big deal, but each second you spend chatting with other people is a second you spend away from the relationship. Seconds pile up into minutes, minutes to hours, and so on and so forth. Eventually, it would be like you aren’t in a relationship at all.

2. Build a relationship with a future

Nobody wants to commit very long to nonsensical things. It may provide good laughs and entertainment, but we won’t dedicate our lives to it. Relationships especially marriage, is going through life as a couple. It’s about going places, achieving goals, and raising a family together.

It is not about endless drifting in a sea of sand.

That’s why it’s important for couples to align their goals. They discuss it while they are dating and hopefully, it gets somewhere.

So if one partner wants to go to Africa and spend his life taking care of starving children, while the other one wants to be a real estate developer in New York, then obviously, someone has to give up on their dreams or else there’s no future together. It’s easy to deduce that the odds of this relationship working is low.

Building a future together is one of the three biggest priorities in a relationship. It needs to have something more than just love, sex, and rock n’ roll.

Related Reading: Dreaming Together: 3 Essential Tips for Having a Happy Future as a Couple

3. Have fun

Anything that isn’t fun is difficult to do for a long time. Patient people can survive tedious work for years, but they won’t be happy.

So a relationship has to be fun, sure sex is fun, but you can’t have sex all the time, and even if you could, it won’t be fun after a few years.

Real world priorities eventually take over people’s lives, especially when there are young children involved. But spontaneous fun is the best kind of recreation and children themselves are not a burden, kids regardless of how old they are a great source of happiness.

Fun is also subjective. Some couples have it just by gossiping about their neighbors while others need to travel to a distant land to enjoy themselves.

Having fun can be an important part of priorities in a relationship. Fun is different from happiness. It is one of its important components, but not the heart of it. It doesn’t have to be expensive, couples with long-lasting relationships are able to have fun without spending a cent.

Everything from watching web shows, to doing chores, and playing with kids can be fun if you have the right chemistry with your partner.

When long-term relationships become comfortable, it also gets boring. That’s why relationships need to be fun, meaningful and prioritized. Like most things in this world, it needs conscious effort to grow and mature.

Once it does mature, it becomes background noise. Something that’s always there, and we are used to it that we don’t bother working it anymore. It is so much a part of us that we neglect our duties past what is expected and are comforted by the fact that it will always be there.

At this point, one or both partners start to look for something more.

Stupid things enter their mind such as, “Is this all that I have to look forward to in my life?” and other stupid things bored people think about.  A biblical proverb said, “idle mind/hands are the devil’s workshop.” It applies even to relationships.

The moment a couple becomes complacent, that’s when cracks begin to appear.

A conscious effort, with an adverb, is needed to keep things from being idle. Because the devil has nothing to do with it, it’s up to the couple to work on their own relationship and make it flourish. 

The world turns and when it does, things change, doing nothing means the world decides the changes for you and your relationship.

Related Reading: 15 Fun Ways on How to Be Dominant in Bed

4. Happiness

Once you’re caught up in the responsibilities of your relationship, you tend to forget about your individual happiness. It’s not correct to expect your partner to fulfill all your expectation in life. Take charge of your desires and work towards them.

Once you’re satisfied with your life, only then you can expect happiness from your relationship. 

5. Respect

It’s often only when you witness disrespect, that you realize the importance of respect in a relationship. Feel and show respect to yourself and your partner in minor details of everyday life. Don’t cut them off while they’re speaking, don’t invade their privacy and support their opinions.

Expect the same treatment for yourself and set healthy boundaries within your relationship. Respect is one of the key pillars of strength in any relationship.

6. Honesty

This one goes without saying. Being honest is an utmost priority in a relationship, a lack of which can lead to a broken bond in no time. You might think that hiding simple facts to maintain peace at home won’t do any damage but that’s not true in the long term.

7. Communication

An effective and uncut communication always remains a priority in a relationship. Prioritizing communication means you always have a way of resolving your issues and ending the day with a clearer mind. Communication should never be taken for granted.

8. Problem solving

Priorities in a healthy relationship should include problem-solving skills. Every couple and every relationship faces problems and setbacks. What differentiates a compatible couple is their ability to work together as a team to solve the issue at hand. 

How well you handle your emotions during tougher times and agree to find a common ground with your partner decides the strength of your bonding as a couple. When you and your spouse have different priorities, it can become a point of conflict.

Related Reading: 4 Signs of Family Problems & How to Resolve Them

9. Trust

Trusting each other is crucial to keep your relationship secure from the test of time. Trust issues can look trivial at the beginning but can become serious relationship issues after a time. Don’t expect your partner to be answerable to you each and every time that you think they’re wrong.

Watch relationship coach Stephan Labossiere explain steps to build trust in a relationship in this video:

10. Kindness

Compassion is a life value. One should be sensitive towards problems and atrocities faced by people around them. In a relationship, it’s pivotal that you treat your spouse with sensibility and kindness. 

Understand their struggle and show that you care about them. Use sentences that convey kindness like ‘thank you for what you did for me’ and ‘I’m sorry that I made you feel bad’.

Related Reading: Niceness Vs Kindness in Relationships-what Matters the Most?

How do you set priorities in a relationship?

There isn’t any set rule about how to set priorities in your relationship. If there is such a thing, it wouldn’t stay a secret for long, but there are only suggestive ways on how you can prioritize things that are important to you. 

Talk with your significant other and decide on what all are important for you as a couple. Find a common ground and set your priorities accordingly. Make sure you both stick to these priorities even after a certain time has passed. 

If reaching the same page seems to be a challenge for both of you, it is a good idea to seek help from a relationship therapist.

How do I give my girlfriend priority?

You must have thought about surprising your boyfriend or girlfriend many times but how many times have you thought about prioritizing them? Many people complain ‘I don’t feel like a priority in my relationship’ which stresses the fact that they are being taken for granted.

Making your partner a priority simply means focusing on their needs and wants in a relationship. Make sure you listen to their thoughts and act on them accordingly. Make them feel heard and taken care of.

It’s all about commitment!

Priorities in a relationship are crucial to keeping it happy and healthy in a long term. If you haven’t thought about setting priorities in your relationship yet, this might be the time to incorporate some in your love life. 

Relationships require commitment and commitment stems from your willingness to prioritize your bond with your better half. It’s not rocket science, just a few thoughtful gestures here and there and you can make sure your relationship stays rock solid through the years.