10 Reasons Why Are Second Marriages Happier

Listen to this article

When it comes to marriage, the first one may not be the one for you. It may take getting married a second time to find the person you are meant to be with. Does this make all second marriages happier?

It may not, but there may be reasons why some couples feel that their second marriage is more successful than their first was. Keep reading for reasons this may be the case.

What is a second marriage called?

In general terms, a second marriage is called a remarriage. This can refer to any marriages past the second one as well. Are second marriages happier? They may be for some, especially if a person feels like they made many mistakes the first time.

On the other hand, the second-marriage divorce rate is slightly higher than the divorce rate for first marriages, but the statistics are not from the last few years.

There are many reasons this may be the case. It could be because a couple was in a rush to get married, it was hard to blend their families, or they were holding on to old hurts and not giving the marriage a chance.

Top 10 reasons why second marriages are happier

Let’s look at some common reasons why second marriages are happier and more successful than the first.

1. You aren’t looking for your perfect mate

All those romantic novels and movies have given us a vague idea of having someone in life that will complete us instead of complimenting us.

So, when you get into your first marriage with this idea, you expect things to be romantic all the time. You expect your significant other to behave like the hero from a movie or a novel. But when you get into your second marriage, you know that you don’t need someone to complete you.

You need someone who can understand you, compliment you, and can appreciate you for your flaws.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

In subsequent marriages, the focus shifts from seeking a perfect mate to finding someone who understands, complements, and appreciates you, flaws and all.

This shift in perspective fosters more realistic expectations and a deeper connection based on mutual understanding and acceptance.

2. You’ve grown wiser with your second marriage

In your first marriage, you were likely naïve and living in your dream world. You didn’t have experience with married life.

Others may have guided you, but you never walked that path yourself. So, things were bound to bounce back at you. With your second marriage, you are wiser and smarter. You know about the nuances of living a married life.

Also, you know the problems and differences that might come, and you’re ready to battle them out with your first-hand experience from the first marriage.

3. You’re practical with your second marriage

Why are second marriages happier?

With the second marriage, people are sometimes more practical, and they’ve accepted the reality of the way they are. With the first marriage, it’s okay to have a lot of expectations and hopes. You both have your own expectations and try to make them real.

You both forget that reality is different from the dream world. With your second marriage, you’re practical. You know what would work and what won’t.

So, technically speaking, you don’t have high hopes or aspirations for the second marriage except that you’re with someone who truly understands and loves you.

4. Couples understand each other well

In the first marriage, the couple may have spent quite a lot of time with each other, but certainly, the high hopes may have overruled the reality.

Thus, they might have ignored each other’s personality traits. However, with the second marriage, they are grounded and look at each other as human beings. They spent enough time to understand each other well before getting married.

This is essential since no one is perfect. When they look at each other this way, there are high chances that the second marriage will last.

Just as Grady Shumway explains:

In second marriages, couples often have a deeper understanding of each other’s personalities and flaws, having learned from past experiences.

This grounded perspective allows them to appreciate each other as imperfect human beings, increasing the likelihood of a lasting relationship built on mutual acceptance and understanding.

5. There is a sense of gratitude

After a bad first marriage, an individual spends time getting back on track.

In most cases, they lose hope of finding a suitable match. However, when they get a second chance, they want to cherish it and express their gratitude towards their second marriage. Couples don’t want to make things worse with their stupidity and by being immature.

This is another reason why second marriages are happier and more successful.

Here is a video about how being grateful can lead you to happiness.

6. You want to be more authentic and honest

As mentioned above, in the first marriage, both individuals want to be perfect, which in the real world doesn’t exist. They are not honest and authentic, and when they are tired of pretending, things start to fall apart.

By learning from this mistake, they try to be authentic and honest in their second marriage. This can work and allow their marriage to last longer. So, if you want to have a successful marriage, just be yourself.

7. You know what to expect and what you want

The reason behind the failed first marriage could be the vague preconceived idea of a perfect married life and life partner.

This idea comes from romantic novels and movies. You believe everything will be perfect and you won’t have any problems. However, with the second marriage, things change. You know what to expect from your partner.

You are experienced in married life, so you know how to handle tough situations. This experience pays off well.

It’s tough to answer, are second marriages happier and more successful? However, the above points show what happens when an individual gets married for the second time. It depends upon couples and how well they’re ready to accept each other with flaws and are ready to make things work.

Related Reading: What to Expect After Marriage: 15 Things All Newlyweds Experience

8. You’ve learned from your own mistakes

You may feel like second marriages are the best because you have learned from the mistakes you made during your first marriage. 

There may have been things you did in the previous marriage that you don’t do now or you have learned from. Research indicates that problems that start early in marriages are unlikely to go away and can linger and cause bigger issues in some cases.

You likely understand more about yourself and your actions, so you are aware of how you will operate in different situations. Sometimes, you can learn valuable lessons from doing the wrong thing, so you can address these behaviors and ensure you are acting appropriately in a given situation.

Related Reading: 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions

9. You know how to get past disagreements

When you are in a successful second marriage, one of the reasons it may be working well is because you can get past disagreements effectively. You may no longer think you have to win, or you might be better able to express what you need to say.

Moreover, you may have fewer arguments with your second spouse than with your first spouse. There might be things that don’t bother you as much anymore, or you can have your interests and activities.

Overall, you are likely able to work out your differences better through talking and compromise than you were able to previously.

Related Reading: 6 Key Ways to Manage Financial Disagreements in Marriage

10. You aren’t expecting perfection

Marriage can be hard work, but when you are in your second marriage after getting a divorce from your first spouse, you may not be expecting as much. You may have thought that you could make your marriage perfect the first time, and now you likely understand how to pick your battles.

When you are able to look past flaws in your partner as well as understand flaws within yourself, this can lead you to be able to accept each other for who you are and not have to think that you have to act perfect or be happy all the time.

Are second marriages better than first marriages?

Many of us ask this question at some point in our life. We hear about failed first marriages, but most people are lucky the second time.

Have you wondered why? Well, mostly the reason is the experience.

Despite many, do’s and don’ts, most individuals’ idea of a married life gets torn apart when reality strikes. Everything is new about the person you’re living with, even after being together for quite some time. You may often fail to understand how to handle situations or deal with their reactions.

There are different ideologies, habits, thoughts, and personality clashes that later emerge as a reason for the separation.

However, when you try your luck the second time, you have an experience of what may come forth and know how to handle that situation.

You may not be worried about the same things that you were before, or you are mature enough to realize that people have differences and quirks, which can be worked out. In other words, you may know more about how to argue and make up, both of which can make a big difference in your relationship.

Furthermore, you may feel different pressures in your marriage than you felt in the first one, especially if you have already had kids or made certain career goals.

FAQs

Is a second marriage usually better?

A second marriage can be better in many ways. You may be older and wiser, and you are able to understand yourself better, as well as know what you expect. Moreover, you may appreciate your bond more and not take anything for granted.

Whatever reasons your first marriage didn’t work likely helped you learn more about how to make the second one work, and you may be more willing to put in an effort. You may continue to wonder are second marriages happier and figure out the ways this is true for you and your relationship.

What is the rule for a second marriage?

A rule for getting married the second time is that you should try your best to be your authentic self. You can be who you are, be honest with your partner, and say when you are unhappy or would like something to change.

When you and your spouse are willing to work through problems and are able to lean on each other, this may be different than what you experienced in your first marriage. You probably now have the life experience to understand how to make your marriage more stable and secure, or at least try to reach this goal.

What is second wife syndrome?

Second wife syndrome refers to how a wife may feel in her second marriage, although it can also happen to a husband. She may feel like she isn’t good enough or like she is insecure in the relationship from time to time. There are a few reasons why she may feel this way.

One reason is that other people view her as the new wife and may have liked the other one better or feel that they are trying to take her place. This includes family members, friends, or even a spouse’s children. For some, remarrying is something that they don’t think is acceptable.

Another reason a wife may feel second wife syndrome is because of children within the relationship. Many second marriages involve the blending of families, which can be challenging, especially if someone doesn’t have experience being a stepparent.

However, it would be best if you understood that you don’t have to figure everything out overnight and trust yourself to know that you will be able to strengthen your relationship with continued effort and work.

If you feel like you need more help getting used to things or letting your second wife syndrome go, you might want to work with a therapist or check out marriage courses online.

Conclusion

So, are second marriages more successful? They can be in many ways, but if you were unable to learn from your mistakes, you might repeat the same ones when you marry again.

Many people would answer yes to, are second marriages happier since they can be open and honest with their partner when they have married again. If you are considering a second marriage, you should read more about this subject or talk to a therapist for more information.