10 Tips to Reconcile a Marriage After Separation

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Divorce is a long and tiring process that will scar you emotionally and not just you but your children as well. We all know that divorce takes time; it can be months and with that span of time, anything can happen. 

Some couples drift apart even more, some move on with their lives and some can become friends at the least but there is one question to still be answered – “Can separated couples reconcile?”

If you are in the first few months of your divorce negotiations or have decided to give trial separation a go, chances are you will not even consider this thought but for some couples, at the back of their minds, this question exists. Is it still possible?

5 reasons why it’s possible to reconcile a marriage after separation

Reconciling a marriage after separation is definitely possible, with commitment and effort from both partners. Here are five reasons why it can work:

• The love that brought the couple together in the first place can still be there, and with effort, it can be rekindled.
• Couples who have been through challenges and come out on the other side often have a stronger bond than before. They have a shared history and memories that can help them reconnect.
• Going through a separation can give both partners a new understanding of themselves and each other. This can create a foundation for a more empathetic and supportive relationship.
• Separation can provide the space for both partners to reflect on what they want and need from the relationship. Open and honest communication can help them work through any issues and build a stronger relationships.
• Marriage counseling can provide tools and strategies for rebuilding a relationship after a separation. With the guidance of a qualified professional, both partners can learn new skills to help them work through their issues and create a happier future together.

How is reconciliation possible in a marriage?

Or do separated couples ever reconcile?

To answer the question, yes, divorced couples can even reconcile even after a rough divorce or getting separated. In fact, if a couple decides to seek counselors or lawyers, they don’t suggest divorce immediately. 

They ask if the couple would be willing to take marriage counseling or even a trial separation. Just to test the waters and give them time to re-think their decisions. However, even in the chances that they do proceed with the divorce, no one can really say where this is going.

While some couples decide to separate while waiting for divorce negotiations to take place, what really happens is that they get time off from each other. As anger subsides, time will also heal wounds, and in the process of divorce may come personal development and self-realization.

If you have children, the bond that you have is stronger, and for their sake — you’d begin to ask if there is another chance. From there, some couples begin to talk; they begin the process of healing and growing from the mistakes they made. 

Grady Shumway, LMHC, says

That is the start of hope, a glimpse of that love asking for a second chance.

10 tips to reconcile a marriage after separation

Can separated couples reconcile? Of course, they can! Even couples after divorce can sometimes get back together after many years. No one can say what the future holds. 

If you’re in the phase of your relationship where you’re considering giving your spouse a second chance, here are 10 tips to help in your reconciliation. 

1. If both of you are not in the mood to discuss anything, then don’t

If there are any steps to marriage separation reconciliation, start by getting over what had happened.

If both of you are not in the mood to discuss anything, then don’t. This is important when thinking about how to reconcile a marriage after separation.

You can find another time to do this. Avoid clashing by respecting your spouse. Avoid heated arguments if possible. 

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Get Your Husband in the Mood

2. Be there for your partner

This is already your second chance in your marriage. It’s time to not just see your spouse as your partner but also as your best friend. Be there for each other while reconciling marriage after separation.

You’ll be spending most of your time together, and more than the romantic aspect of marriage, it is the companionship that’s most important if you want to grow old together. 

Be that person who your spouse can run to in case he or she has problems. Be there to listen and not to judge. 

3. Have time for yourselves

Go on dates, it doesn’t have to be in a fancy restaurant. In fact, a simple dinner with wine is already perfect. Go on a vacation with your kids. Go on a walk once in a while or just exercise together. 

4. Learn from your mistakes

How to reconcile a marriage after separation? Take lessons from the past.

Talk and compromise. Don’t turn this into a heated argument but rather a time to talk heart to heart. 

Grady Shumway further adds,

Regular, heart-to-heart talks can help both partners address issues and make meaningful changes, fostering a more understanding and supportive dynamic.

You can hire the help of a counselor through marriage therapy if you think you need it but if not, weekly talks about life give your heart a chance to just open up. 

5. Appreciate your partner

Be grateful to your partner if you want to reconcile a marriage after separation.

Instead of always focusing on your partner’s shortcomings, why not look at all his or her efforts? Everyone has shortcomings and you do too. So instead of fighting one another, appreciate your spouse and see how much this can change things. 

Related Reading: 8 Ways to Show Appreciation to the Love of Your Life

6. Learn to compromise

There will still be instances that you’ll disagree with things or situations. Instead of being hardheaded, learn to compromise. There is always a way to meet halfway and it’s possible to make a little sacrifice for the betterment of your marriage. 

7. Give space to your spouse

Another very important thing to do during the reconciliation of marriage after separation.

This doesn’t mean that you’ll do trial separation every time you fight. Instead, if you feel your partner needs space — don’t annoy him or her for answers. Let your spouse be and in time, when he or she is ready, you can talk. 

Watch Mary Jo Rapini, a psychotherapist, discuss healthy ways to give your partner space in this video:

8. Show love not just with actions but also with words

Wondering how to reconcile a marriage after separation? Show love through all means possible.

It’s not too cheesy, it’s just a verbal way of saying you appreciate or love the person. You may not be used to this but a little adjustment won’t hurt, right?

Related Reading: 6 Simple Ways to Show Love to the People You Care About

9. Keep family and friends out of your relationship for a while

Reconciliation after separation calls for some privacy.

It may sound stereotypical for some time but people close to you can influence you to make decisions that may not be the best for you. Since a separation already leaves out a negative image in the eyes of both partners’ families, it is important to keep the news to yourself for some time.

10. Prioritize your relationship at all cost

It goes without saying, but sometimes, people don’t realize when or how they start taking their relationship for granted. Whatever you do, however busy you are, remember that your marriage is a priority, especially now that you’ve got a second chance at it.

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Prioritize Your Spouse

10 marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after a separation

Reconciling a marriage after separation can be a difficult and emotional process. It’s important to approach it with care and avoid making mistakes that could jeopardize the reconciliation. 

Here are 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid:

Rushing the process

Rebuilding a marriage after separation takes time and patience. Rushing the process can put too much pressure on both partners and lead to setbacks. It’s important to take things slow and focus on making steady progress.

Ignoring the past

A successful reconciliation requires both partners to address the issues that led to the separation in the first place. Ignoring the past can create unresolved resentment and hinder the progress of the reconciliation.

Failing to communicate

Open communication is key to rebuilding a relationship after separation. Both partners should be willing to listen to each other’s concerns and feelings and work together to find solutions. Failing to communicate effectively can create misunderstandings, and misunderstandings can escalate into bigger issues.

Not seeking help

Rebuilding a marriage after separation can be challenging, and it’s important to seek the help of a qualified professional if needed. Marriage counseling can provide guidance, support, and practical tools to help both partners work through their issues and build a stronger relationship.

Blaming each other

Blaming each other for past mistakes and issues can hinder progress in the reconciliation. Both partners should take responsibility for their actions and focus on finding solutions instead of assigning blame.

Related Reading: The Blame Game Is Destructive to Your Marriage

Holding grudges

Holding onto resentment and grudges can create a toxic environment and make it difficult to move forward. Both partners should be willing to forgive each other and focus on building a positive future together.

Not being consistent

Rebuilding a marriage after separation requires consistent effort and commitment from both partners. It’s important to maintain a consistent approach and keep working towards the goal of a healthier and happier relationship.

Trying to control the other person

Trying to control the other person can create tension and resentment in the reconciliation process. Both partners should respect each other’s autonomy and work together as equals to rebuild the relationship.

Not being honest

Honesty is essential to rebuilding trust and creating a stronger relationship. Both partners should be willing to be honest with each other and themselves about their feelings, needs, and goals.

Not giving each other space

Rebuilding a marriage after separation can be intense and emotionally charged. It’s important to give each other space when needed and respect each other’s boundaries.

Frequently asked questions

Do you have more questions related to the topic of reconciliation in a marriage? Read this section to find some such questions along with their logical answers.

• How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?

Telling if your wife still loves you after a separation can be challenging. Some signs that she may still love you include staying in touch, being willing to talk and work on the relationship, expressing care and concern, and showing interest in your life. 

However, the best way to know if your wife still loves you is to have an open and honest conversation with her.

• What should you not do during separation?

During a separation, it’s important to avoid actions that could harm the chances of reconciliation. Some things to avoid include badmouthing your partner, dating other people, neglecting your children, engaging in reckless behavior, and making major decisions without consulting your partner. 

It’s important to focus on self-care, communication, and working through the issues that led to the separation.

Start again together!

So can separated couples reconcile even if they are already in the divorce process or even after a traumatic experience? Yes, it’s definitely possible though this is a process in which the couple should both want it and would work hard for it. 

Reconciling a marriage after separation is possible with commitment and effort from both partners. It’s important to avoid past mistakes and approach the process with care and patience.

It’s not easy to start over but it’s definitely one of the bravest decisions you can make, not just for your marriage but also for your children.