How to Save a Marriage When Only One Is Trying

Couples are made in heaven; they meet each other on earth; start a life and try to live happily ever after. That is the general idea of a marriage, but not everyone is this fortunate.

Many people struggle to keep their marriages afloat. They fight tooth and nail to keep their relationship going. To some people, their marriage is all they have, and it’s hard for them to break away even when the other partner isn’t even trying to save the relationship. What should one do in such a case to save a marriage?

The first thing you need to do to save a marriage is to assess your situation, if it were a loving marriage that has gone down to drain and you are the only one realizing this, then know that you will be the only one to try and save this marriage. If your partner doesn’t even realize that they are sinking the ship, they won’t help save it either.

So when you know that you are the only one trying, instead of asking yourself how to save your marriage from divorce, you should ask yourself how to save your marriage even if your spouse is checked out. another good question would be, do I want to save this marriage?

Here are some great tips that you can apply to your sad reality and change the whole game of your marriage and create a win-win situation.

How to save a marriage when only one is trying

1. Ask why do I want to save it

The first step is to ask, why do I want to change this? Why do I want to save this? Why do I need to save a marriage from doom? You need a clear answer to this question, what is your reason.

1. Is it because you took vows to stay married till death do you part?
2. Is it because you can not deal with an ugly divorce?
3. Is it because of your kids?
4. Or is it simply because you love your partner too much to let them go?
5. This list of reasons will keep you motivated to put more effort when you feel down and discouraged.

Recommended – Save My Marriage Course

2. Take your focus away from the problems in your marriage

How to save a marriage that is falling apart? The answer is, quit focusing on negative points.

According to Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, LCSW:

If you feel your spouse is not trying to save your marriage, all you can do is focus on things you can control. This means calming yourself, taking care of your own needs, and controlling your reactions to your partner in a healthy way.

Stop talking about this altogether, to yourself, to others and to your spouse. You might think it is like being an ostrich who buries itself in the sand to avoid danger but trust the logic of this; it truly works.

Here’s what you need to do:

1. Quit discussing the issues with your partner (It doesn’t help)
2. Quit telling them where they are wrong (It only fuels the fire)
3. Quit advising them to do things differently (They’d only drift apart more)
4. Quit the blame game with your spouse (Nothing good comes out of blaming)
5. Stop giving your family and friends a rundown of all your fights and arguments.

When you start letting go of the problems and negative points, you start focusing on what’s good, what’s positive and enhance that. Here’s what you can do every time you start getting depressed at the problems.

1. Start by making a list of things to be thankful for in your marriage.
2. Start humming your favorite song.
3. Start listening to a song that reminds you of the early days of your marriage.
4. Run an errand that you have been putting off to distract yourself.
5. Give your partner a call just to say, “I am thinking of you.”
6. Calm yourself and take deep breaths.

Self-care leads to positivity, and it will start to show in your relationship. Value yourself more than these negative thoughts.

Stop asking yourself, how to save your marriage when you are the only one trying, and start acting on the plan that you have devised with effective ways on how to save a marriage when only one is trying.

Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

3. Take a u-turn

Your worried tantrums and your clinginess can drive your partner away from you. Stop doing that and take a U-turn.

So, how to save your marriage alone? Start reasoning with yourself; stop thinking about the abandonment that you might feel looming near you.

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz highlights that:

Making an intentional effort to spend more time together and show affection can make a big difference in turning a marriage around.

Instead, start focusing on becoming the person your partner loved and married. Bring your partner on board again to get your marriage work again; these will make them notice you more and value you more.

1. Arrange dates
2. Unexpected loving texts and calls
3. Cook together to keep things light
4. Play a song that brings back old memories of love and intimacy
5. Hug a lot (This releases endorphins and make a person relax)
6. Communicate better
7. Cuddle and watching movies that you once loved.
8. Plan intimate massages
9. Keep reminding them you love them and miss them
10. Texts are great, but love letters are even better
11. Hold hands more
12. Plan for walks and long drives.
13. Arrange candlelit settings to encourage intimacy.

It must feel like a lot, to save a marriage, but given time and effort to a broken relation heals a lot.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

How can I save my marriage alone?

What to do when only one is trying in marriage?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now