Why Do Men Lie in Relationships? 5 Possible Reasons

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Asking ‘Why do men lie?’ can be really gender specific. The reality of lying is not really gender-specific as the title may suggest. Men and women both lie essentially for the same reasons. Worse, their behaviors actually end up being a catalyst for perpetuating the lies of the complementary gender.

While men can’t exactly claim from that idea that it is all a woman’s fault that he lies, much of their motivation can be traced back, strangely, to their desire to please or ease the mind of a woman.

What does it mean when a man lies to you?

More important than “why do men lie?” can be the severity of the lies and the quality of communications.

When men lie about the great price of a t-shirt they bought online or the high cost of a special perfume they bought their girls that actually came from a knock-off shop, it is likely just a softening of reality.

The desire is just to appear a little bigger than the truth. This is why he will brag to his friends to exaggerate his conquests and, at the same time announce to a woman that he lacks them to appear more serious about his relationships.

There can be multiple reasons for lying, hence, multiple meanings. Sometimes, he might just want to protect you from a harsh reality, sometimes, he might be covering up a mistake. 

What do men most lie about?

Things guys lie about can depend on their priorities and habits. Although there’s no parameter to detect the matters behind lying, there are some common things men can lie about on a routine basis. 

From their physical features to their feelings, men are often hesitant to talk honestly about them. Their finances and past mistakes are some more areas where you can see many men hiding the facts. Some men also tend to lie about their fantasies and past relationships. 

Related Reading: 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating

What is the real cause of lying?

Why do men lie if they were not inherently compulsive liars? A man who was not a liar before a relationship began can morph into one over a simple desire for harmony.

So, at a superficial level, why do guys lie? Keeping the peace is an eternal desire in most relationships, and when a lie seems less harmful than the truth, the truth may be more likely to bend. Reasons why men lie can be really subjective at times.

Once the neutral pathway for lying is created, it is more likely that the lies will be repeated, reused, and nurtured. Then the lies are defended with more lies, and a perpetual barrier to the truth is erected. That’s also a twisted take on “Why do men lie?” 

The quality of communication in a relationship can play a significant role in how lying starts, as well as in how and why it perpetuates and matures. Handling men and lying can depend on how effectively the discussion goes.

According to the psychologist Silvana Mici:

As a psychologist, I always try to suggest and make my clients understand that men, like individuals of any gender, may lie in relationships for various reasons. These can include a fear of conflict, a desire to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings, or an attempt to protect themselves from perceived negative consequences. 

Whether it is fibbing, real whoppers, or white lies, sometimes the spouses wish to communicate empathy when they may not be feeling it during the interaction.

Struggling to communicate effectively while trying to avoid an argument or a matter from snowballing is one of the reasons men lie to women. 

So, why do men lie when they know there is every likelihood of being caught? Men who lie in relationships may do it to circumvent complexities arising in the interaction.

There are some men who lie about everything and others who are more selective. Men can have a more direct way of navigating in conversation than women, so the pulse of a lie is like pulling the trigger on a gun: it is over in an instant.

For women lying is a masquerade or circumlocution, and if they enjoy the game of it and the feeling of manipulation, lies can be buried in catacombs of truth, cleverly disguised or hidden below waves of truth that cover up the deception.

The curious lesson there is that women will more likely be suspicious when a man lies because of their expertise in layering. Their nature of simple deception and sugarcoating, even if it is passive, creates an atmosphere and precedence.

A peculiar solution to the problem of men lying may actually, in some cases, be to just not make a man practice.

The lies that you make him tell instead of accepting the truth may just be leading to the behaviors you prefer to avoid.

What helps in handling lying men?

All lying is certainly not nurtured. So, why do men lie in relationships with their spouses?

Narcissists, in particular, will have a predisposition to lie chronically. So do guys lie about loving you and yet make you genuinely believe they do? Sadly, it is more common than you would like to believe.

Reasons men lie about little things when they are narcissists could be to present false images of themselves, confuse you, and also because it is not a lie to them. They are delusional!

Learn to recognize traits of narcissists and pathological liars, avoid them in your personal relationships, and make efforts for strong, truthful communication that does not nurture a habit of lies.

Have a keen eye for when a man lies to you. Take note of their behavioral pattern, like the tone of their voice and body language, to detect lying. Try to maintain eye contact with them to reassure your attention.

Do all men lie? The answer lies in the negative. However, if your intuition tells you that your significant other happens to be one of the men who lie about everything, chances are there is less likelihood of you both winding up happy together in the end.

What to do when a man lies to you?

Not that you know “Why do men lie?” to their wives, but how do you handle the deceit?

Controlling what you can help keep lies at bay. Once you know you are dealing with a liar, play dumb and stop playing along with their fibs.

Seek details pretending you are trying to comprehend what they said; chances are they will end up fudging up and misspeaking.

Call them on their lies by backing them up with evidence.

If the lies are serious and the savvy liar is incorrigible, weigh your options and decide to stick with them by deflecting the lies with humor and seeking third-party, expert intervention in the form of therapy or relationship counseling.

However, if everything else fails, and if you feel these lies are a form of betrayal with no scope for recovery from this kind of breach of trust, consider parting ways as a last resort. 

5 reasons why do men lie in relationships?

When caught in a tricky situation, bending or hiding the truth can seem like the most convenient option. So, what are those situations which make men more prone to lying than others? Let’s find out.

1. To avoid getting caught

Nobody wants to get caught doing something that they weren’t supposed to be doing. It can be both punishable and embarrassing. Hence, the easy option of lying and avoiding facing the music.

2. To avoid conflict

If they do something that can cause any drama, they will try to hide it. Most men hate petty conflicts that can arise from their habits and can try their best to avoid them.

Related Reading: 23 Tips to Overcome Your Conflict Avoidance Issue in Relationship

3. To save their ego

Masculine ego is a thing for many guys. They tend to lie in matters that might bring a blow to their sense of pride in front of others. It could be about any past relationship or a mistake they made years back.

4. Laziness

Some men try to avoid being given tasks and responsibilities. They might lie to convey their inability or unavailability to take up chores and tasks.

5. To protect the other person 

This is an emotionally driven reason. Some men are protective of their partners and others close to them. They might hide the truth from them if they sense it can hurt or harm them. This type of lie doesn’t always have a negative impact.

Related Reading: Protect Your Relationship from Falling Apart

To learn more on how to stop compulsive lying in relationships, watch this video by relationship consultant Geoffrey Setiawan:

Lying can’t be justified all the time

Lying can be an escape for some people while a toxic habit for others. It’s important to keep lying under check and take measures to avoid it as it can affect your relationship not just with your spouse but with others as well.

Psychologist and certified coach Silvana further explains:

Societal expectations and traditional gender roles may contribute to men feeling pressured to present themselves in a certain way, leading to dishonesty at times. Understanding the underlying motivations for lying and fostering open communication can help address and mitigate these issues in relationships.

For those who’re being lied to frequently and thinking about “How often do men lie?” it’s advisable to talk to the person in question and confront them on the consequences of lying. If this doesn’t seem to work, you can consider taking therapy.