10 Consideration When Remarrying After Divorce

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Marriage, the sacred vows and promises “till death do us part,” are the wonderful doors opening to a new life together for innumerable couples daily. But sadly, there is a very high percentage where divorce becomes inevitable.

During this emotional transitional period, many couples act with their hearts and not their minds, plunging into remarrying after a divorce.

Is remarrying after divorce possible? Remarriage after divorce is often a rebound phenomenon, where initial support and attention by someone is mistaken for true love.

However, to answer the question, “how long should you wait to get married,” there is no hard and fast rule or a magical number about when to consider remarrying after divorce.

Nevertheless, a common consensus among most marriage experts is that the average time for remarrying after divorce is around two to three years, which can substantially reduce the likelihood of a divorce. 

This is the most delicate time when no hasty decisions about remarrying after a divorce should be made.

Financial, emotional and circumstantial factors must be evaluated and then a decision is made on whether remarrying after divorce should be considered.

10 things to consider before remarrying after a divorce

Once you have entered into a relationship, proceed slowly and carefully. If the prospect of remarriage starts emerging, open your eyes and reevaluate your emotions and decision, especially if children are involved in one or both partners’ first marriages.

Remarriage for the right reasons is never wrong. But a second marriage after divorce is not a simple thing.

Challenges to marrying a divorced woman or man force you to consider the following factors attached to remarriage after divorce.

1. Give yourself time before committing

Slow down. Do not rush into a new relationship and get married again after a divorce. 

These rebound relationships may provide transient numbing of the divorce pain. Rushing into marriage after divorce has its pitfalls. 

In the long run, remarrying after a divorce impulsively spells disaster. So, before getting remarried after divorce, do the following.

• Give yourself time to heal.
• Give your children time to recover from their loss and pain.
• Then step into a new relationship by ending the previous one.

Related Reading: 15 Tips on How to Stay Committed in a Relationship

2. Are you blaming your ex-partner for the divorce?

Is it okay to remarry after divorce?

Remarrying after a divorce is a loft decision and can be a bad idea if the past looms large over your head.

Plans for remarriage are doomed for failure if you cannot let go of your past. If the anger is still there for your ex, you will never be able to get fully involved with a new partner.

So, get your ex-spouse out of your thoughts before starting a new life and getting married after a divorce. Getting married right after divorce can increase the likelihood of a relationship meltdown and regret. 

3. Think about the kids – yours and theirs

When contemplating remarrying after a divorce, it can be a bad idea and a grave mistake, as some people just put their needs first, forgetting what their children might be feeling or suffering because of parental separation. 

Remarriage for children means that the chances of a reconciliation between their parents are finished.

That loss, grief, and entering into a new stepfamily is a big step into the unknown. Be sensitive and considerate of your children’s loss. Sometimes it’s best to wait until your kids leave home and then remarry.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

Every family is different, though, and it is important to ask your children how they would feel about the potential of you dating with the possibility of finding a long-term partner.

4. Keeping old loyalties

Do not force your children to make choices when remarrying after a divorce.

Give them permission to feel and love their biological as well as step-parents. Doing the balancing act between the biological and step-parents is a common fear of marriage after divorce.

5. The equation between your new partner and the kids

Remember, for your new spouse, your kids will always be yours and not ours.

It’s true that in many instances, close bonds are formed between step-parents and stepchildren, but moments will come when disagreements may result over your kids’ decisions.

6. Are you marrying someone you love

When couples live together, they become increasingly involved in their lives and problems.

Time breeds familiarity between them and ultimately, these couples decide to marry. This decision is reached because couples think it’s the obvious outcome of their relationship.

These marriages see failure in many cases. So, before remarrying with someone you are living with, ask yourself, are you committed to each other, or will it be just a marriage of convenience?

If you are dealing with such a situation, marriage counseling can help you explore the important aspects and chances of remarrying after divorce. 

7. Do they understand your emotional needs

Reevaluate your feelings.

Figure out which of your emotional needs were not fulfilled, which led to divorce in the first place. Take a deep look if your new relationship is not like your first. Feel your emotions to ensure that the new relationship will take care of all your emotional needs.

8. Is there financial compatibility

Economics plays a vital pivotal role in any relationship. It is best to evaluate your financial standing before remarrying after divorce.

It is essential to evaluate if you or your new partner are in any debt, what are your earnings and assets, and whether one can support the other in case one loses their job.

Maggie Martinez further adds:

Remember that when you marry someone, you are also inheriting their debts and loans.

Find the time to seek the right answers to these important questions.

9. What will you tell your children

Emotional distress experienced by children about dealing with step-parents can be alleviated through open communication. Be truthful with your kids about your decision.

Sit down with them and discuss the following issues when remarrying after divorce:

• Ensure you will love them always
• They will now have two homes and two families
• If they feel resentment and grief and are not ready to accept the new family – it’s alright
• The adjustment may not be easy, and it will come with time

10. Are you ready to work as a team?

Remarrying after divorce demand commitments.

Both partners must work as a team to overcome these challenges. The question arises, are the step-parents ready to take their roles, know their limits and authority and contribute to parental leadership?

5 benefits of remarrying after divorce

Remarriage can seem daunting because of the failed past marriage and the upheaval it may have caused. However, the effects of remarriage after divorce can be positive and have the potential to add value to your life.

So, Why do divorced couples get remarried? Here are some reasons why remarriage can be beneficial for you:

1. Emotional support

If you are divorced and remarried, you can gain an emotionally supportive spouse that is there with you through the highs and lows. You can share your achievements and doubts with this person, making you feel supported. 

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Improve Emotional Support in Your Relationship

2. Financial stability

Financial security is a significant advantage that marriage offers. By choosing to share your life with someone, in many cases, you also end up sharing financial responsibilities. 

In moments of financial insecurity or trouble, remarriage can ensure that you have a spouse who can support you financially. 

3. Companionship

Many marry because they are looking for companionship and remarriage can offer divorced people a chance to get this again. Your spouse can be your companion through thick and thin, helping you feel loved, understood, cared for and supported. 

Watch this video to learn why many bother with getting married:

4. New beginnings

Divorce should be seen as an end to life or the wonderful opportunities life offers. 

After maturely assessing how long should you wait to remarry after a divorce, you can consider matrimony again and treat it as a new chapter in your life. 

Remarriage can be the new beginning that gives you the opportunity to heal your old wounds and doubts related to marriage. 

5. Physical intimacy

The need for physical intimacy, in different forms, is a human one. Just because your first marriage ended up in a divorce, you don’t have to give up on these. 

Remarriage can give you a chance to be physically intimate with a dedicated partner who is looking out for your interests. 

Maggie Martinez highlights that:

It is natural for humans to want physical intimacy, and it is unhealthy to deprive yourself of it.

Some commonly asked questions

Remarriage can raise many questions in your mind. Here are the answers to certain questions related to remarrying after divorce can provide you with the clarity that you are looking for:

• Is it okay to remarry after divorce?

Yes, it is okay to remarry after divorce if you have found someone that you truly love and who understands you. When done maturely, marriage can give you a chance to share your life with someone who wants to take care of you. 

However, if you are remarried quickly after a divorce, there might be unresolved issues that would create problems if you’ve not taken the time to avoid that. 

• Who is most likely to remarry after divorce?

People who are looking for love and are open to it are the ones that are more likely to marry. A positive attitude can ensure that they keep looking for someone that they share chemistry and understanding with. 

There are also some people who choose to be remarried quickly after divorce but this could cause future problems in the marriage. 

• When can I remarry after divorce?

There is no fixed time period for healing after a divorce. Many factors determine how long it takes for a person to feel safe enough to take this step again. 

You must take the time to heal from the divorce before considering marriage again. Check whether your reason for remarriage is mature and balanced. You can use the list mentioned above to make things clearer.

Final thoughts

If you are looking to remarry after a divorce, you should consider whether the reason for doing this is maturely taken. A hasty decision can set you on the wrong path, where remarriage may become a cause of significant stress and damage one’s self-esteem. 

Ask yourself the things mentioned in this article to ensure that your reasons for doing this are right. 

If you are facing confusion about making this decision, then you can consult an expert to help clear out your doubts.