What Happens When You Stop Chasing an Avoidant?

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If only love could be as simple as answering with “yes” or “no.” Unfortunately, even though beautiful, love can also be very complex. Indeed, human emotions and relationships have long been a topic of intrigue and study.

One aspect of our complex relationships is the avoidant attachment style. This is a psychological framework that influences how we connect with others. But what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant? Understanding this style can illuminate complex dynamics and empower individuals to tread through relationships with clarity and mindfulness.

As per LMHC Grady Shumway highlights,

Love is rarely straightforward. One significant factor in romantic dynamics is avoidant attachment style. Ceasing to chase an avoidant partner can lead to new perspectives and insights, fostering a clearer understanding of relationship dynamics and personal needs. Recognizing this can empower individuals to engage in healthier, more fulfilling connections.

What is an avoidant attachment style?

Let’s first understand the avoidant attachment style definition before we can understand what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant. Avoidants have what we call the avoidant attachment style.

The attachment style stems from early childhood experiences manifested in adulthood as a hesitancy to form deep emotional bonds and an inclination to maintain independence.

So, do avoidants want to be chased? They don’t do this on purpose. We must see how these individuals with this attachment style often fear dependency and struggle to express their feelings or seek closeness in relationships.

7 realizations you might experience when you stop pursuing an avoidant partner

What happens when you pull away from an avoidant? What would you feel? Below are some realizations you can expect when you stop chasing an avoidant:

1. Relief

Knowing you’ve released yourself from a draining pursuit, a sense of alleviation may wash over you. The emotionally and mentally challenging chase is over. It’s time to let go of a sigh of relief. Find solace in the fact that you have conquered the obstacles and emerged stronger.

2. Empowerment

Recognizing your worth and honoring your needs empowers you to choose healthier relationships. Break free from the never-ending drama of chasing, and instead, focus on cultivating meaningful connections. This newfound empowerment sparks a transformation within, allowing you to set boundaries and prioritize self-care.

3. Liberation

Breaking free from the cycle of chasing can liberate you from the emotional turmoil and uncertainty that often accompanies it. 

It’s a transformative experience that creates a profound sense of peace and relaxation. You finally let go of the constant need to chase and instead find solace in the present moment.

4. Peace of mind

The clarity gained from stepping back brings peace of mind, allowing you to focus on your well-being. How long has it been since you have prioritized yourself? In our fast-paced world, self-care often takes a back seat.

Rediscovering this essential aspect of life can restore balance, reduce stress, and boost overall happiness.

5. Curiosity

You might feel curious about the future, whether it’s a reconnection or a new path altogether. It’s exhilarating to plan ahead and dream. Curiosity is the spark that ignites innovation and growth. Embrace your inquisitive nature as a driving force for personal development and exploration.

6. Anxiety

Initially, worry about the unknown and the potential outcomes of this decision might arise. However, your anxiety will disappear as you navigate the peaceful, calm, and relaxed atmosphere. 

It’s natural to experience anxiety when facing uncertainty, but by embracing this journey with an open heart, you can transform that anxiety into excitement. 

Grady Shumway states,

It’s common to feel anxious about the unknown and what lies ahead. Initially, this worry may cloud your thoughts, but as you immerse yourself in a more peaceful and relaxed environment, that anxiety will gradually fade. Embracing the journey with an open heart allows you to transform feelings of uncertainty into a sense of excitement.

7. Hope

Despite the uncertainty, a glimmer of hope may persist, rooted in the possibility of growth and positive change. Finally, learning what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant becomes clearer. This hope acts as a beacon, guiding you toward a path of self-discovery and empowerment.

13 things to expect when you stop chasing an avoidant

Even if you love a person, when an avoidant ignores you, sometimes, you just want to let go and give up. Walking away from an avoidant is difficult, especially when you love the person. 

There would also be instances where you just want to change how this person loves. Is it possible? Here are a few things to expect for those curious about what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant. 

1. Heightened self-awareness

Stepping away from chasing an avoidant partner prompts a reflection on your needs and boundaries. You could have been in this cycle for months or even years. Now, you are finally realizing what you need to prioritize. This heightened self-awareness can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. 

2. Emotional liberation

Doing this is not because you want to see how to get an avoidant to chase you, but rather for you to have emotional liberation. 

The freedom from constant pursuit leads to a surge of emotional liberation and personal growth. It’s a process of releasing yourself from the emotional shackles that bound you to an unhealthy dynamic.

3. Rediscovery of independence

Detaching from an avoidant allows you to rediscover and nurture your own independence and autonomy. Chasing an avoidant may feel like you’re in a cage and a never-ending cycle. Reclaiming your independence is like unlocking the door to that cage, stepping into the sunlight of self-reliance.

4. Clarity of priorities

A break from chasing helps clarify your relationship priorities and what truly matters to you. You may have halted your goals and dreams in pursuit of your avoidant partner. 

Now, it’s time to get back on track. This period of reflection allows you to reassess and prioritize your life’s ambitions and the things that bring you fulfillment. 

5. Enhanced emotional health

The release from the cycle of chasing can lead to improved mental and emotional well-being. This is what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant. 

Your emotional health begins to flourish as you distance yourself from the rollercoaster of their inconsistent affections. The constant anxiety and insecurity give way to a newfound sense of calm and self-assuredness. 

6. Shift in relationship dynamics

Ceasing pursuit may shift the power dynamics in the relationship, offering an opportunity for healthier interaction. If you and your avoidant partner work together, you can still be together and encourage a healthier relationship. 

7. Potential for reevaluation

The avoidant could use this time to reflect on their feelings and the importance of the relationship. Realizing what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant also means there’s a chance to reevaluate.

It’s never too late for the avoidant to realize and work on changing for the better. 

8. Potential for realignment

With space, both individuals may realign their expectations and understandings of the relationship. Use this time wisely. The opportunity for reflection and growth can lead to a deeper, more meaningful connection. It allows you to communicate openly, set new boundaries, and cultivate a shared vision for the future. 

9. Potential for mutual growth

Time apart can be a catalyst for mutual growth, promoting a stronger, more balanced relationship. During these moments of separation, individuals have the space to work on themselves, address personal challenges, and explore their individual interests.

10. Improved communication

Stepping back can pave the way for improved communication and understanding when both parties are ready to reconnect. This pause in the relationship offers a chance to reflect on past miscommunications and issues. 

With self-awareness and the lessons learned during the break, individuals can approach conversations with more empathy and a willingness to listen.

11. Redefining boundaries

Detachment allows for a reevaluation and potential redefinition of personal and relationship boundaries. Realizations, seeking self-improvement, and self-care can make a big difference. It’s a transformative period where you can assess what you’re comfortable with, what you need, and how you want to be treated.

12. Opportunity for healing

Both parties have the chance to heal from any past wounds or insecurities that may have affected the relationship. This period of separation can be a profound opportunity for introspection and growth, allowing individuals to address unresolved issues, whether personal or shared.

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13. Possibility of closure

This period of separation may provide the closure needed for both individuals to move forward, whether together or separately. You can get back together and be better, or you can end the relationship and have a decent closure. 

How long would it take for an avoidant to come back?

Are there signs a fearful avoidant misses you? Will they make a move to win you back? How long will it take for them to come back to you? You may think of those things when you let go of an avoidant.

The duration for an avoidant to return varies based on numerous factors, including the depth of the relationship, the reasons for their avoidance, and their willingness to confront their fears.

Focusing on your growth during this time is essential rather than fixating on the avoidant return. Patience and understanding are key during this intricate period of relationship evaluation.

Commonly asked questions

Learning what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant can help you, your mental health, and even your relationship. It’s not for you to use on how to make an avoidant chase you, but rather to be better.

Now that the basics have been covered, here are some commonly asked questions about what happens when you finally stop chasing an avoidant partner.

• Why do people love chasing avoidant partners?

Why do some people love the chase of having avoidants as partners? The answer here is that people may chase avoidant partners for various reasons, such as a desire to conquer the challenge, believing they can change the avoidant’s behavior, or a subconscious pattern stemming from early attachments.

Recognizing and addressing these motivations is crucial to encouraging healthier relationship dynamics.

• Is it possible for an avoidant partner to change?

Change can be possible for an avoidant partner through introspection therapy and the willingness to confront their attachment style. However, change must come from within, driven by a genuine urge to enhance the quality of relationships and address underlying fears.

It’s essential to remember that a shift in attachment style is a process that takes time and shouldn’t be expected to happen overnight. It will be hard work, but it will surely pay off.

• What if an avoidant still loves you and wants you back?

If an avoidant desires to reconnect or get back to you, it’s vital to communicate openly and honestly about the relationship’s dynamics and the changes needed for a healthier future.

Proceed cautiously, ensuring both parties are committed to mutual growth and understanding. Your efforts in learning what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant will be wasted if you return to the same routine.

• Why do avoidants avoid you?

Being loved and loving someone is beautiful, so why would avoidants do their best to push away those who love them? Avoidants avoid intimacy and emotional closeness as a defense mechanism.

Such behavior can stem from past experiences, making it challenging for them to trust and connect on a deeper level. Understanding their perspective and offering patience and support is essential.

• Is it common for avoidants to fear commitment?

It can be common for avoidants to fear commitment due to their discomfort with emotional closeness and a fear of losing their independence. It does sound complicated, but they do have their reasons.

Commitment triggers their apprehensions of dependency and vulnerability, making it a significant challenge in their relationships. As much as they can, they would avoid this.

In conclusion

Understanding the avoidant attachment style provides a profound insight into the intricacies of human connections. By recognizing the patterns and behaviors associated with avoidants, individuals can navigate relationships with clarity and compassion, encouraging healthier dynamics and personal growth.

Understanding what happens when you stop chasing an avoidant may also help you put things into perspective. Remember, embracing your needs and honoring your emotions lays the foundation for fulfilling and authentic relationships.