What Am I Doing Wrong in My Relationship? 15 Possible Things

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There is almost nothing better than being in a strong and healthy relationship. For one, you have someone you love and wish to be with. And likely, it feels safe and secure to be with them. It may just feel so good and divine that you pray for it to never end. 

However, if things begin to go south, you may ask yourself, “what am I doing wrong in my relationship?” 

Here’s the first thing you must understand today. There are things to never do in a relationship, especially if you sincerely love your partner and want the relationship to last. 

Since figuring out how to fix a relationship that you may have messed up can be stressful, you should find out how to keep your relationship as good as it was at the very beginning or try to make things even better. 

In this article, you may see what you are doing wrong in your relationship. The aim of this is to show you the things you shouldn’t do in a relationship if you want to enjoy it. 

What can go wrong in a relationship? 

Let’s start with the numbers. 

Every single day, many relationships get awry. Reports show that every single day, about 1300 new stepfamilies are formed in America. This implies that daily, old relationships break, and new relationships/marriages are formed. 

Furthermore, the statistics in the report reveal that one out of every two marriages is likely to end in divorce and 75 percent of the people from these split relationships will eventually remarry.  

If there’s one thing these numbers can do, it is to force everyone to introspect and ask, “what am I doing wrong in my relationship?” This is because finding a good answer to this question is the first step to readjusting your approach to your relationship and making the most out of it. 

So many bad things can happen in a relationship. The options are vast from lack of communication, trust, and even infidelity. To help you make sense of all of these, this article will show you some key things you are probably doing wrong in your relationship. 

How do you know what you did wrong in a relationship

Analyzing your behavior and being open to making changes is a good way of ensuring that your relationship is thriving and healthy. 

There are many ways to know what you did wrong in a relationship. To know if you are in the wrong relationship, check whether you are willing to do the things mentioned here:

1. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes 

An easy way to find out what’s wrong with your relationship can be to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

According to Licensed Professional Counselor Christiana Njoku,

Having an empathetic partner is a great plus; if you can’t take the same energy you’re giving out to your partner, then it’s not worth it.

Are there things you would be angry about if they were done to you? Then be sure that you aren’t doing those things to your partner. And if, by chance, you find yourself doing them, do not hesitate to reach out to your lover and let them know that you are sorry. 

Related Reading: How Seeing Things From Your Partner’s Perspective Can Boost Your Love

2. Talk to them 

“What am I doing wrong in my relationship?” 

The easiest way to find an answer to this is to communicate. Speak to your partner in an atmosphere that is devoid of judgment, hate, and anger. You may be surprised at what your partner may tell you when they are sure you wouldn’t get defensive or furious when they come clean.  

15 things you are doing wrong in your relationship 

You can improve your relationship by analyzing your behavior and slowly correcting things that may be harming the relationship.

If you have been asking the “am I the problem in my relationship” question, please pay close attention to some things you are about to learn. These are the things you may be doing wrong in your relationship:

1. Ineffective communication 

When 886 couples who had split up were asked, for a study, to state the primary reason for their decision to go their separate ways, 53 percent cited lack of communication as the main reason for their breakup.  

If you are in a relationship where you find it difficult to have deep conversations about everything with your partner, or you start conversing and end up fighting every time, it might a signal that you are in the wrong relationship.  And it would be best if you worked on your communication fast. 

Related Reading: 10 Effective Communication Skills in Relationships for Healthy Marriages

2. Keeping secrets 

Keeping secrets from your partner is another thing you are probably doing wrong in your relationship. There is almost nothing as disheartening as finding out that your partner kept a significant secret from you. 

Realize that your partner would feel betrayed if they discover that you’ve been hiding things from them. 

If there are things you have been keeping from your partner, you may want to consider spilling the beans to them so they don’t find out from another source.

3. Distancing yourself from their family

Most relationships go through that “we are not yet ready to meet our families” stage. However, when you meet your partner’s family and all you can do is criticize and keep your distance from them, that could be a deal-breaker. 

While their family can be different from yours, please ensure that you aren’t only focused on the negatives. See the positive and make an effort to connect with your partner’s family.   

4. Breaking trust by lying

Research has proven, time and again, that trust is non-negotiable for most healthy relationships. If you want to enjoy your relationship, there must be mutual trust. 

When your partner finds out that you have lied to them, their trust in you may dwindle. It may affect the relationship if it is not addressed immediately. Lying kills relationships as fast as anything you can think of. 

Related Reading: How Lies in a Relationship Can Tear Apart Even the Closest of Couples

5. Being inattentive  

If you are sitting at dinner with your partner but your eyes never leave your phone, no matter what they say, you might be in the wrong. 

Your partner may have spent the whole day planning out their appearance, setting their hair, shopping for new clothes, or even picking out a new perfume. They walk into the door and meet you occupied with something else.

If you don’t even give them a second look or compliment the effort they put in to look as good as they do, this is another thing you may be doing wrong in your relationship. 

Your partner must feel like they have your attention to make the relationship work. This way, they can do their best, knowing that you are important to them and that you would notice all they are doing.   

Related Reading: What Happens When There Is Lack of Attention in Relationship?

6. Holding onto partner’s past mistakes

You may be holding onto mistakes made by your partner in the past. And worse, you could be waiting for the slightest opportunity to bring these up again.

We all have our flaws and make mistakes along the way. However, holding on to your pain and guilt-tripping your partner every chance is not how to make a relationship better when it is bad.  

If you want to enjoy your relationship, please remind yourself that your partner is human too and that they can make mistakes too. Forgiveness is a significant part of every successful and healthy relationship you admire today. 

Check out this video to learn ways to forgive your partner when you can’t forget:

7. Emotional manipulation and abuse 

Your partner will most likely do anything to keep you happy and satisfied. This is because they love you and would want the best for you. However, it becomes downright cruel when you try to take advantage of this and start toying with their emotions. 

Emotional abuse and manipulation are as terrible as physical abuse, if not worse. One of the easiest ways to end your relationship for good is to use manipulative techniques on your partner. 

Related Reading: 25 Examples of Manipulation in Relationships

8. Using your newest partner as a rebound 

Rebound relationships have caused more harm than good. These usually happen when you go through a bad breakup, and to overcome it(or prove to your ex that you don’t need them anyway), you jump into a new relationship for all the wrong reasons. 

Other terrible reasons people get into relationships include peer pressure (because all their friends are now coupled up), wanting to have sex, or thinking they are too old to be single. 

If these are your reasons for being in a relationship, that’s all good. Just ensure your partner is up to speed, so they don’t expect what you are not ready to give them. 

9. Throwing your own life away

Please note that giving your partner attention does not mean that you must make them the center of your world or your only priority.

Christiana Njoku further advises, 

Your life should not revolve around a relationship and as much as you can, never lose your own identity in a relationship.

Being a clingy partner is usually not good. No matter how much you love your partner, you may benefit from some time apart as you navigate your independent worlds. 

Again, your respect for each other may skyrocket every time you remember that your partner has their own life to live. 

10. Listening to what everyone has to say 

Having some trusted people who can advise you on the side is vital. These could be your friends, family, and closest allies. However, you must censor the information you collect from them and know what is best for your relationship. 

It can become a problem when you listen to what everyone says and allow their opinions to define how you interact with your partner. When you listen to every piece of gossip, you will be confused, which will negatively affect your relationship. 

11. Being extremely selfish 

Being in a healthy relationship is all about love, mutual trust, and helping yourself live the best life. 

When all you can think of is yourself, what your partner can do for you, what you can get out of the relationship, and not what you can give them, you may allow for the relationship to suffer. 

Being too selfish is one such harmful trait. If you find yourself constantly taking and never giving anything in your relationship, you may want to reassess what you are doing. 

Related Reading: How to Stop Being Self-Centered in a Relationship: 25 Ways

12. Trying to change your partner’s personality 

More often than not, trying to change your partner may end in pain and disappointment. 

Think of all the time that passed. You probably met your partner in their 20s or 30s. If all this time has passed, what’s the guarantee that they would change into the person you want them to be just because they met you? 

While compromise is important in every relationship (for the relationship to be healthy for all parties involved), remember that trying to change your partner’s core personality is almost impossible. 

So, if you notice traits you consider deal breakers from the beginning, you may want to reconsider your stance on the relationship early enough. 

Related Reading: Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Try to Change Your Partner

13. Lack of financial transparency  

Financial infidelity, which has been described as a situation in which couples with joint finances lie to each other about money, is another thing you might be doing wrong in your relationship. 

Research shows that relationships in which couple’s deliberately lied to each other about their finances, life and relationship satisfaction were lower. 

For example, taking a massive chunk of money out of your joint account without discussing it with your partner first or getting into a huge debt without the knowledge of your partner can be serious deal breakers in a relationship. 

14. Not expressing your love 

You might think they know how you feel and won’t ever forget that you love them. However, if you don’t consistently remind them that you love, appreciate, and celebrate them for being in your life, it can be a problem.

The best way to do this is to understand their primary love language and make sure that you keep speaking this language for as long as you can. If they love to hear heartfelt words, don’t get tired of telling them that “you love them.” 

Related Reading: 30 Romantic Ways To Express Your Love Through Words & Actions

15. Trying to be someone you are not 

If you get into a relationship because you have maintained a facade of someone you are not in front of your partner, the relationship may not last too long. 

Pretense is stressful and it takes a lot to keep up the act, especially after a significant amount of time has passed. At this point, the act may begin to slip and your partner may come to see the real you. 

There’s almost nothing better than getting into a relationship where you are comfortable showing your partner the real you. When you allow your partner to see who you are from the start, they can adjust or help you adapt to your ways more wisely. 

Final thoughts

If you have been asking yourself, “What am I doing wrong in my relationship,” this article has covered some things that are areas that most people often overlook. If you are guilty of any of these, do not kill yourself. Instead, focus on fixing things one at a time. 

Talk to your partner if you must. Get professional help if you need to. In any case, ensure you don’t give up unless calling off the relationship is the only way to go.