The Cost of Rage – Why It Destroys Relationships

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Updated: 29 Jan, 2023

Table of Contents

Rage comes from fear and a lack of self-love, and recognizing this can soften conflict; commit to daily self-love and open-hearted listening to grow closer.
Stay conscious together and choose peace, because when you both work toward awareness you invite deeper connection; nurture small, consistent steps that show you see and value each other.
Heal your own heart and let love lead your marriage, because two whole people choose closeness when they practice self-love and invite the other to be seen.

The world blames rage on stress, and lack of financial freedom. Most people say stress and lack of finances are what destroys marriages. It is much deeper than this, however. As stress and lack of finances may be triggers, they are not the culprits. When someone has lost their ability to love, it doesn’t matter if they are rich or poor. There are plenty of people that live with a lot of money and yet, a lot of rage. So forget the stereotyping. Statistics show domestic violence in all ages, all social classes, and all financial brackets.

Realizing that you have become a punching bag in the marriage

Years ago, my marriage was one of those statistics. I was married to an unconscious man with a lot of rage and past pain that had taken over his life and I became a punching bag in the marriage. We started losing a lot of income, and all of my retirement funds had dwindled to nothing. He became the unpredictable turbulence whose mind easily evaporated at normal temperatures, and when the heat of life’s circumstances was raised, he was set aflame.

The pivotal time for me was when I began to live my life more consciously and was exercising self-love. This bothered my husband so much that in his observation of me waking up and retiring at night happy, was utterly and undeniably disturbing to him. Rage controlled his life, and eventually, it destroyed the marriage.

Rage comes from the absence of self-love

Rage comes from the absence of self-love and the absence of self-love comes from living in fear. When someone is full of rage, it is typically based on fear. People who are said to be mean-spirited, are actually frightened individuals. They act out with rage because they live in fear. When you live in fear, you are pushing love further and further away. It is so paralyzing that you forget how to walk in love.

Both people in a marriage need to stay conscious and exercise self-love. Otherwise, the differences in the level of consciousness will greatly separate you and cost you your marriage. Sometimes you can be helpful in bringing someone to the light, and sometimes they simply are not ready to evolve. The point is you need to make the choice on your own. No one else can do it for you. The choice is one of the seven gateways to triumph. Situations may not always turn perfect, but the choice to have peace in situations is always there. And if you have peace in a situation, then it truly is perfect. Read more on this in the book “Truth to Triumph“.

In regards to rage, hitting is a deal breaker. And no one is put on this earth to be abused. Anyone who feels their life is in danger will need an exit plan. Conversely, if you are full of rage then chances are it is destroying your marriage. What is the cost of rage for you?

Rage comes from the absence of self-love and the absence of self-love comes from living in fear

Three practical steps to letting go of the rage

1. Self-inquiry

Self-inquiry is the first step to letting go of rage. If you are currently experiencing a situation that you are feeling rage from, see if it is possible for you to set the situation down before you, and say “I no longer want you in my life. I no longer want this pain.” If you are hurting, see if you can tell yourself, “I am hurting. But I am okay.” This is an opportunity for self-inquiry which can bring tremendous inner growth. Inner growth will require you to do the internal work that invites you to exercise self-love.

2. Go to the heart

The second step to letting go of rage is to go to the heart. Go to the heart and listen to it intently. Ignore the thinking mind. The thinking mind wants you to believe what it is telling you. Don’t believe it. Go to the heart and listen to what is it telling you. Your heart will always speak the truth in love. It will bring a sense of peace and calm.

3. Take the shift

The third step to letting go of rage is to take the shift toward peace. You are responsible for your own change in life and how it plays out in your marriage. No one else can do it for you. The shift toward peace can only take place when you are fully present and loving yourself. When you are ready for the shift to awareness and self-love, that awakening will birth an intense sense of peace.

The third step to letting go of rage is to take the shift toward peace

Final take away – the matrimony between you and your inner child is what completes you

In marriage, it isn’t anyone’s position to fix or save another. We are only here to love and become complete as we navigate through life situations. Marriage is not what completes you. The matrimony between you and your inner child is what completes you. Conversely, when two complete beings come together in marriage it is beautiful and harmonious because it is coming from a foundation of self-love.

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How do you tell if something is emotional abuse and not just “normal relationship conflict”?

Mike

I kept telling myself it wasn’t that bad, but I was constantly anxious and careful about what I said. Living like that didn’t feel normal, even if I tried to justify it.

Taylor

I didn’t have a clear label for it at the time, but feeling like I was always walking on eggshells was a big sign something was wrong.

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