15 Signs of a Superficial Relationship and How to Fix It

True love is not about perfection, it is hidden in flaws and acceptance.

Genuine relationships go beyond appearances and touch the depth of who we are, but sometimes, we may find ourselves in a bond that feels shallow or lacking true connection. 

These are the signs of a superficial relationship—where the focus lies more on appearances, status, or comfort rather than emotional intimacy.

Have you ever felt that your relationship lacks depth? Do you find yourself avoiding serious conversations, or feeling like you’re just going through the motions? 

If you feel like something’s missing, you might be experiencing the effects of being superficial in a relationship.

 

But the good news is, it doesn’t have to stay that way. This article will help you recognize the signs of a superficial relationship and provide practical steps on how to fix it, so you can build a deeper, more meaningful connection.

What is a superficial relationship?

First things first, let’s define superficial relationships. A relationship that isn’t serious or isn’t taken seriously by one or both partners can be called a superficial relationship.

From the very name of such a type of relationship, the bonding or intimacy of such relationships is wholly on the surface level. Such relationships are almost entirely based on physical attractiveness.

Some of the main motives of such relationships are to just have fun-filled times together and sexual intimacy is usually as far as it goes in terms of proximity and connection.

The lack of the desire for long-term commitment is present for either both partners or just one partner. It’s important to learn about such relationships because things can get very awkward and upsetting if one partner wants more out of the relationship, but the other partner doesn’t.  

An easy one among the examples of superficial relationships is sort of like the ones you may have had as a young teen. Those “spring flings” are a great example of relationships that are short-term and based on physical attractiveness.

Simply put, superficial relationships lack depth unlike relationships based on love. Such relationships do progress beyond a one-night stand situation but don’t extend beyond sleeping together.

What are the drawbacks of having a superficial relationship?

A superficial relationship may seem comfortable at first, but it often lacks emotional depth and genuine connection. When there’s no real bond, it leaves you feeling empty, unseen, and unfulfilled. 

The signs of a superficial relationship include shallow conversations and a focus on appearances, which prevent real growth and intimacy. If you’re seeing the signs he is keeping the relationship superficial, it’s time to reconsider your needs and wants. 

Narcissist superficial relationships can especially be emotionally draining, as they revolve around one person’s needs alone.

How to tell if someone is superficial in a relationship?

Sometimes you may find yourself thinking, “My relationship feels superficial.” If you’ve ever felt like your partner is more concerned with how things look rather than how they truly feel, you might be dealing with someone who’s superficial. 

Understanding the signs of a superficial relationship can help you decide whether it’s worth investing your time and emotions or if it’s time to move on. 

Generally superficial relationships lack real emotional connection, prioritizing convenience, appearance, or status.

Here are some clear instances:

• They avoid serious topics, focusing only on small talk or trivial matters.
• They’re more excited about posting couple pictures than actually experiencing meaningful moments together.
• They compliment your looks often, but rarely appreciate your personality, thoughts, or feelings.
• They shy away from emotionally intimate conversations, keeping everything on the surface.
• The relationship often feels like a checklist—favors in exchange for status or gifts, rather than genuine love and care.

15 identifying signs of a superficial relationship

Now that we’ve covered what superficial means in a relationship, let’s move on to the signs to figure out whether you’re in a superficial relationship.

Here are 15 common superficial relationship signs

1. Lack of intimacy beyond sexual intimacy

Let’s understand superficial love meaning in terms of intimacy.

Sex is important in romantic relationships. However, in serious relationships, it’s not the only important aspect. For superficial relationships, it’s different. Sex is probably the only important aspect of that connection. In fact, the connection may just be physical and/or sexual.

As already mentioned, superficial relationships are sort of like a fling where you or your partner may be drawn to each other based on how physically attractive you perceive each other to be. So, superficial relationships involve a lot of sexual intimacy.

2. It just feels convenient

What comes to your mind if you’re asked why you’re with your beloved? Is it because the relationship with your partner just feels “convenient”? If convenience is the first thing that occurs to you or your partner when asked about the relationship, it may be superficial by nature.

There is a certain component of safety when it comes to superficial relationships. You may find your partner to be helpful in your life and vice-versa. Maybe either or both of you feel that your basic needs are being met and that you don’t require any emotional fulfillment from it.

3. An on-again-off-again situation

Another sort of indirect sign of a superficial relationship is that you and your partner have broken up and patched up multiple times. Basically, you’re in an on-again-off-again sort of relationship. Ask yourself why either of you keeps coming back to each other.

One of the reasons for this breakup and makeup cycle may be due to one of the partners pushing for commitment and the other backing out.  

4. Friends with benefits 

This is another one of the key signs of a superficial relationship. If you or your partner believe that you’re both single and just mingle with each other when you want to have sex, then you’re basically friends with benefits.

There’s no dating, no meeting outside the living space to just hang out, no deep conversations, no getting to know each other in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. It’s just sex.

5. Withholding information

Another subtle sign of superficial relationships is the habit of withholding information from each other. This is not to suggest that your partner may be doing this intentionally. 

They may just not think it’s important to share information with you about their life, work, loved ones, their feelings for you, and so on.

The unwillingness or the idea that it’s not important to talk to one’s partner is a subtle sign that your partner may be considering the relationship to be a short-term, surface-level relationship.

6. Lack of communication

Communication is mostly broken down into surface-level relationships. You can call it superficial communication, and it never goes beyond a certain level.

Think about the kind of conversations that you have with your partner. What do you both talk about and how often do you communicate with each other? Is the communication regular, direct, and open? Do you both talk about your feelings or your thoughts or your aspirations?

The reason that you’re reading those questions and wondering about the answers is that in superficial relationships, communication (both non-verbal and verbal) is lacking. This is not to say that the partners don’t communicate at all. No. They do. But it lacks depth and regularity.

Here’s how you can fix a lack of communication in your relationship. Watch this video by Relationship & Marriage Consultant Geoffrey Setiawan:

7. No discussions about the future

One of the top signs of a superficial person and a surface-level or casual relationship is that the partners don’t have any conversations about the future.

If you have brought up conversations about the future of the relationship quite a few times but your partner has deflected the conversation or hasn’t answered, it may be because the relationship isn’t serious to them.

8. Out of sight and out of mind

A common aspect of being in love or sharing a strong friendship with someone is that you do think about them even when they aren’t physically present or talking to you (on the phone, text, video call), right?

But if you notice that either you or your partner do not think about each other (for even a few fleeting moments) when you’re not physically present with each other, it may be because of the superficial nature of the relationship.

9. Lack of understanding

Because a superficial relationship lacks the scope for deep conversations about feelings, fears, thoughts, ideas, etc., there is a natural gap in understanding each other.

Think about this: does your partner really know much about you or understand you? Do you feel understood? If not, it may not be very serious.

10. Not caring about the other’s needs

Since there is an overall lack of communication and lack of emotional connection, the desire to care for each other’s needs is also absent in superficial relationships.

In superficial relationships, partners don’t really talk much or enough with each other or spend enough time together or even gauge each other’s needs or desires.  

11. Trivial arguments

An indirect indication of the fact that you may be in a superficial relationship is if you notice that the kind of arguments that you have with your partner are trivial in nature.

A serious relationship based on love comes with a fair share of giving and taking. This happens because it is impossible for two individuals to always see eye-to-eye in all situations. But the topic of arguments is more diverse and requires compromises and sacrifices. 

However, in superficial relationships, the topics are trivial and immature.

12. Absence of shared values

In a superficial relationship, either one or both partners spend time together to primarily have fun and chill together. There’s also the possibility of having sex.

But when fun is always the key motive, there isn’t much scope to observe, talk about, or verify the values of your partner and vice-versa. That’s why superficial relationships, unfortunately, lack the presence of shared values.

13. Rampant lying

Think about the people whom you deeply care for and respect. Do you find yourself frequently lying or withholding information from them? Probably not, right?

It’s because when it comes to your loved ones, you wouldn’t think it’s right or even necessary to lie to them if you don’t want to spend time with them sometimes, right?

However, in superficial relationships, you may find yourself on the receiving end of very lame excuses in case you’ve proposed to hang out with your partner, but they don’t want to. 

Because your partner may perceive the relationship to be superficial, they may not feel comfortable being honest with you.

14. The attraction that is based solely on looks

Unfortunately, a surface-level relationship is based on how physically attractive two (or at least one) people find each other. As already mentioned, superficial relationships are a lot like crushes or flings.

It’s also important to remember that sex or sexual intimacy and having fun together are the main motives for superficial relationships so the main “chemistry” or attraction from at least one partner is just based on looks.

15. Having an open relationship

Now, this is not to say that all open relationships are superficial relationships. No. Absolutely not.

The point here is that if you’ve heard your partner opine that they wouldn’t mind if you dated someone else or slept with someone else while being with them, it can be indicative of the fact that they aren’t serious about the relationship.

How do you fix a superficial relationship: 7 helpful ways

If you feel like your relationship has been running on autopilot—lacking depth and genuine connection—it’s time to make a change. Here are 7 meaningful ways to transform your relationship and build a deeper bond:

1. Prioritize quality time together: Plan regular date nights, but more importantly, be present. Quality time isn’t just about scheduling dates; it’s about creating moments where you truly connect without distractions.
2. Embrace vulnerability: Let your guard down and share your fears, dreams, and flaws. When you allow your partner to see your true self, you pave the way for a more authentic soul connection that goes beyond appearances.
3. Be open about financial matters: Reflect on your financial dynamics, and discuss money matters honestly. Financial clarity can eliminate tension and help build a foundation of trust and transparency.
4. Communicate your expectations clearly: Honest communication is key to a mature relationship. Let your partner know your expectations—emotionally, physically, and practically—to prevent misunderstandings and foster growth together.
5. Engage in shared activities: Find and pursue common interests—whether it’s cooking, hiking, or taking a class together. Shared experiences help strengthen your bond and create memories that connect you beyond the superficial.
6. Celebrate each other’s growth: Appreciate and acknowledge the little milestones you both achieve. Acknowledging growth builds respect and encourages a deeper connection as you celebrate your journey together.
7. Be intentional with affection: Show your love in ways that resonate with your partner. Small gestures—like leaving a thoughtful note or listening when they need to vent—can have a profound impact on creating a more meaningful relationship.

Removing the superficiality

Superficial relationships have a tendency to break because a strong bond did not get established in the first place. If you wish to have a serious relationship, it’s worthwhile to consider doing a course on how to have a serious romantic relationship. You may even consider some couples counseling.

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, 

What you can do to transform a superficial relationship is to start firstly by fostering deeper emotional connections through genuine conversations, active listening, and shared vulnerability. Prioritize authenticity and mutual understanding to cultivate a more meaningful and fulfilling connection.

Remember that a romantic bond with a deep emotional connection is always more fulfilling than a beneficial equation between two people. You should make an effort to pursue a more wholesome relationship in your life.