Managing the Spouse Suffering from Sensory Processing Disorder

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Robyne Howard

Robyne Howard, Psychologist

Expertise: Psychologist

Dr Robyne Howard Psy.D is the Owner and Founder of Lakefront Counseling Group Ltd., a group practice with offices in the Chicago Loop and Evanston/Northshore neighborhoods.... Read more

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, Psychologist , Psychologist

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Updated: 26 Nov, 2025

SPD can amplify everyday irritants, and your path to closeness is through listening, learning together, and validating each other's experiences.
A diagnosis and targeted treatment can open doors to understanding and practical strategies, helping you reconnect with empathy and patience.
Effective strategies exist to manage SPD, and with support you can deepen trust, feel seen, and enjoy meaningful moments together.

Does your partner find ways to “ruin” important events?

Do they complain about the brightness of the lights in the local movie theatre, the uncomfortable texture of your bedsheets, the annoying and unpleasant scent of your perfume, and the sweat on their neck, which prevents them from going to the gym?

It may seem that they are purposefully trying to create drama and take pleasure in negatively experiencing events that should be enjoyable and pleasing.

You may hear that they can’t go to a baseball game because the seats are too cold, the crowds too loud, and the smell of beer too pungent. You may find that you often argue about this and resent including them in experiences that are pleasurable and meaningful for you.

You may feel lonely and frustrated by their lack of ability to meet your needs or share in the things that seem normal and exciting to most people.

When confronted, your spouse may seem defensive and unable to articulate why these experiences are so overwhelming for them and instead externalize blame; to the ballpark owner for not having comfortable chairs, to the airlines for not reducing noise and air quality on the plane or even to the restaurant owner for not knowing how to appropriately dim the lights.

If these challenges occur on a regular basis, your spouse may have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

For adults with SPD, small and sometimes not so small irritants feel unbearable and intolerable.

For adults with SPD, small irritants sometimes feel unbearable and intolerable.

It makes it difficult to enjoy everyday things, like the smell of a new TV, the scratchiness of a beautiful new sweater, or even the sound of a high-speed train headed to Paris.

Sensory Processing Disorder is a challenging neurological condition which impairs one’s ability to process sensory information efficiently.

SPD affects how the brain absorbs information from our body’s receptors; our skin, joints, eyes, ears, nose.

People with SPD experience over-reactive processing, which can amplify the senses and create over-sensitivity to stimuli, resulting in sensory overload. To a person without SPD, a train is loud but tolerable, but to a person with SPD, that sound can be stifling, intolerable and even painful, creating anger and avoidance.

Common triggers for someone with SPD include:

Scratchy labels and clothes
Unwashed hair
Sweating Spicy or bitter foods (think blue cheese)
Strong odors
Loud noises
Textured food
High-wattage lights
Intense sunshine or heat
Loud music
Dark tunnels
Crowded elevators
Condos or apartments with loud neighbors

These disruptions and escalations often make relationships highly conflictual and/or create detachment and greater separation.

If you think your spouse has Sensory Processing Disorder, it is important to seek medical/psychological help.

Dr. Jennifer Schulz, PhD in Psychology, states,

Sensory processing disorder tends to occur alongside other conditions, such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. This means that seeking treatment can help your partner get to the root of the problem, leading to a higher quality of life.

Physicians, occupational therapists, and psychotherapists trained in assessing for PSD can help. Once a diagnosis is made, working through the challenges of being married to a partner with SPD can begin.

Know that there are many effective strategies to manage SPD and that your relationship can improve with an accurate diagnosis and targeted treatment.

Dr. Schulz offers,

Your partner may benefit from therapy to help them cope with co-occurring symptoms like anxiety, and couples counseling can help you learn tools to manage the symptoms together.

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Robyne Howard Psychologist

Dr Robyne Howard Psy.D is the Owner and Founder of Lakefront Counseling Group Ltd., a group practice with offices in the Chicago Loop and Evanston/Northshore neighborhoods. She is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience treating adults and couples with mood disorders, life... Read more transitions, chronic illness and couple’s conflicts. She completed her postdoctoral work at Ravenswood/Illinois Masonic Medical Center where she remained on staff for many years training doctoral and post-doctoral students and family practice physicians. She has consulted to numerous medical clinics, corporations and to small business owners. She is a Gottman Level 3 trained couples therapist using powerful and effective strategies to positively change relationships. In her work, she uses a strength-based approach to empower individuals to more deeply understand conflicts and challenges and to develop tools and solutions to help live a meaningul, balanced life. Read less

(Robyne Howard is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Chicago)