13 Signs You Are Single in a Relationship & How to Cope

Listen to this article

Have you ever felt alone, even when you’re supposed to be in a relationship?

It’s a confusing place to be, right?

You go out together and share moments, but something feels off… like there’s a gap you just can’t bridge.

Are you always the one making plans?

Do you feel more like a roommate than a partner?

Relationships can sometimes slip into a strange zone where you feel single… even when you’re not. Let’s dive into some signs that might explain why you’re feeling this way!

What does being single in a relationship mean?

Being single in a relationship means feeling alone even though you’re with someone. Strange, right?

You might be physically present together, but emotionally, you feel miles apart.

Do you find yourself always initiating conversations or making plans?

Maybe you feel like you’re not a priority in their life… or like you’re just going through the motions without real connection. It can be incredibly frustrating!

It’s like having a partner who’s there but not really “there.” If you often feel more like roommates than a couple, this might be what’s going on. It’s tough, but understanding it is the first step to figuring things out.

13 signs you are single in a relationship

Recognizing that you’re single in a relationship can be a tough pill to swallow. But sometimes, it’s essential to face the reality of your situation to make positive changes.

So, how do you know if you’re stuck in this emotional limbo?

Here are 13 signs that might indicate you’re feeling more single than taken. Keep an open mind and see if any of these resonate with your experience… it might be time to reevaluate your relationship!

1. Lack of emotional connection

Emotional connection and intimacy through open and effective communication is the cornerstone of any sound relationship. When you don’t feel emotionally connected to your partner, you might feel like your partner doesn’t truly understand, hear, or value you. 

You might have noticed that you’re not sharing your thoughts with your partner as openly as you once did or that your partner isn’t interested in what you have to say.

Remember: Building an emotional connection in a relationship takes time and effort. So, don’t rush. Sit together to understand each other better. This will help you deal with feeling alone in a relationship.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

There are various small exercises you can do with your partner to feel more emotionally connected to them.

2. Lack of physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is just as important as emotional intimacy in a relationship. Physical intimacy helps you feel much closer and more connected to your partner.

Hence, if you no longer feel physically attracted to your partner, this can create a sense of disconnection.

Remember: You and your partner must communicate openly and honestly about your physical needs and work on finding a good enough compromise.

3. Making decisions without consulting your partner

When you’re in a committed relationship, you value your partner’s judgment and turn to them when you’re lost. So, if you start making decisions without consulting your partner, it can make you feel like you’re not in a partnership.

Remember: It’s important to involve your partner in important decisions, even if you don’t always agree on everything. Doing so can help you feel more connected and invested in each other’s lives.

Maggie Martinez further explains:

If you find your partner is frequently making big decisions without you, an open and honest conversation needs to be had.

4. Lack of shared interests and activities

Without shared interests or activities, spending quality time together and feeling like you’re part of a team can be challenging.

Though you don’t have to do everything your partner likes or vice versa, try to find some activities you can both enjoy and make time for them regularly.

Remember: Finding common ground in hobbies or activities can strengthen your bond and provide opportunities for quality time together.

Research highlight: In Study 1, 196 individuals and in Study 2, 83 couples reported shared activities with their partners to enhance closeness. Three months later, couples assessed the quality of these activities and their relationships. Results showed that shared activities help sustain relationships.

5. Lack of support 

When a relationship is truly synergistic, both partners support each other in ways that help them grow and reach their goals. If your partner doesn’t support your personal growth and goals, it can make you question whether you’re on the same page. 

Remember: It’s essential to communicate your needs with your partner and find ways to support each other in your individual pursuits.

6. Prioritizing your friends over your partner

If you’re wondering, “Why do I feel single in a relationship,” think about how much time and attention you’re actually giving your partner. Spending a lot of time alone or with your friends over your partner can create a huge wedge between you.  

Remember: Find a balance between time spent together and time spent pursuing individual interests.

7. Lack of trust

Trust is a fundamental pillar of any healthy relationship. It’s hard to feel like you’re part of a team if you don’t trust your partner or feel like they’re hiding something from you. 

Remember: It’s important to work on building trust by communicating openly and honestly with each other.

8. Contrasting vision for the future

In order to feel fully invested in a relationship, you and your partner should have a shared vision for the future, at least regarding your relationship. If you don’t talk about long-term plans with your partner, you hold off from becoming too invested, lest it’s all for nothing.

Remember: Have open and honest conversations about your goals and aspirations and work on finding ways to align your visions for the future.

9. Unequal effort in the relationship

Though each partner has their own role in a relationship, the load they bear must be equal. Otherwise, when one partner puts in significantly more effort than the other, it promotes feelings of resentment, frustration, and loneliness.

You might feel like you’re not getting what you need from the relationship, or your partner doesn’t appreciate you.

Remember: Communicate with your partner honestly. If you need some mediation and guidance for this conversation, try relationship counseling!

10. Daydreaming about being single 

Daydreaming and fantasizing are perfectly normal and natural things. But when you always fantasize about being in another relationship or single, it’s one of the clear signs that you are alone in a relationship and feel unhappy.

Remember: When this happens, you should step back and evaluate what might be causing those feelings.

11. Lack of mutual respect

Mutual respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If there’s a noticeable lack of respect from your partner, such as dismissive behaviors or not valuing your opinions, it can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness reminiscent of being single. 

This lack of respect can manifest in various ways, including public belittlement, private dismissals of your feelings, or a general lack of consideration for your well-being.

Remember: Mutual respect is about valuing each other’s perspectives and treating one another with kindness. Address issues openly and set boundaries to ensure respect is maintained.

Maggie Martinez highlights that:

Be careful to note where the lack of respect might turn into verbal or emotional abuse.

12. Absence of conflict resolution

Conflict is natural in relationships, but failing to resolve disagreements constructively can lead to feeling lonely in a relationship and a sense of detachment. 

If arguments consistently end in a stalemate or if issues are habitually ignored rather than addressed, this can breed a sense of solitude, as the partnership lacks the collaborative problem-solving that typifies committed relationships.

Remember: Effective conflict resolution involves listening to each other, understanding perspectives, and finding a compromise.

13. Feeling indifferent or detached

When you start to feel indifferent about your partner’s actions, emotions, or presence, it may indicate that you are detaching from the relationship. This could manifest as apathy toward previously important shared activities, a lack of interest in your partner’s life, or a general emotional numbness toward the relationship. 

Remember: When one stops caring, the emotional investment in the relationship mirrors that of a single person’s autonomy and detachment from a partner.

7 ways to cope with being single in a relationship

Feeling alone in a relationship can be incredibly isolating and confusing. You might find yourself asking, “Why do I feel so alone in my relationship?”

Understanding how to cope with being single in a relationship can help you find ways to reconnect and rebuild intimacy. Here are 7 strategies to help you address these feelings and stop feeling lonely in your relationship.

1. Communicate openly with your partner

Honest communication is crucial when you feel alone in your relationship. Share your feelings and concerns with your partner, expressing why you feel so alone.

This can help them understand your perspective and open up a dialogue about how to improve your connection. Be clear and specific about what you need from them to feel more supported and valued.

Remember, it’s a two-way street, so listen to their feelings, too.

2. Reconnect through shared activities

Engaging in activities you both enjoy can help bridge the gap and bring you closer together. Find common interests or hobbies and make time for them regularly.

Whether it’s cooking, hiking, or watching a favorite show, shared experiences can encourage a sense of unity and reduce feelings of isolation. This is a practical approach to how to cope with being single in a relationship by focusing on quality time.

3. Seek support from friends and family

Sometimes, leaning on friends and family can provide the emotional support you’re missing in your relationship. They can offer a different perspective and help you feel less alone.

Discussing your feelings with trusted loved ones can also relieve some of the emotional burden, making it easier to cope with being single in a relationship. Just be mindful not to overburden them or neglect your partner entirely.

4. Practice self-care and self-compassion

Taking care of your own emotional and physical well-being is essential. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as reading, exercising, or practicing mindfulness. Self-compassion involves being kind to yourself and recognizing that it’s okay to feel lonely sometimes. By prioritizing your own needs, you can better manage your emotions and feel more balanced.

5. Set realistic expectations

Reflect on whether your expectations of the relationship are realistic. Sometimes, feeling lonely stems from unmet expectations that might be unrealistic. Have a candid discussion with your partner about what you both can reasonably give and expect.

This can help align your expectations and reduce feelings of disappointment, answering the question of how to stop feeling lonely in a relationship more effectively.

6. Focus on personal growth

Investing in your personal growth can help you feel more fulfilled and less dependent on your partner for happiness. Pursue your passions, set personal goals, and strive for self-improvement.

This not only boosts your self-esteem but also adds new dimensions to your relationship. When you feel good about yourself, it can positively impact your interactions with your partner, reducing the sense of being single in the relationship.

Watch this TEDx Talk where Jen Oliver talks about how to love yourself to the core:

7. Consider professional help

If feelings of loneliness persist, seeking help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and offer strategies to improve your relationship.

Professional guidance can help you understand why you feel so alone in your relationship and develop effective coping mechanisms. Therapy can also enable better communication and understanding between you and your partner.

Final thoughts

Being single in a relationship is a situation where no one wants to find themselves. Indeed, it can be difficult to manage the feelings of disconnection while also trying to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.

Hence, it’s important to focus on what feels right for your individual needs, whether that means being single, in a committed relationship, or somewhere in between.

Whatever you decide, the point is to break free from this confusing, gray, in-between state. Soon enough, you will find the joy and fulfillment you seek.