17 Signs Your Husband Is Not Attracted to You & What to Do

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Have you ever wondered if your husband is truly attracted to you? Are you feeling a shift in your relationship but can’t quite put your finger on what’s happening? 

It’s common for attraction to fluctuate over time, influenced by various factors like stress, life changes, or even complacency. However, when the signs your husband is not attracted to you become more pronounced, it can lead to feelings of insecurity and confusion. 

Understanding these signs is essential for addressing the situation constructively and reigniting the spark in your relationship. 

In this article, we will explore some signs that may indicate your husband’s waning attraction, discuss potential reasons for this shift, and suggest actionable steps to rebuild intimacy and connection.

Is he just busy, or has love faded?

If you find yourself worrying, “Is my husband attracted to me?

It is important to remember that if you are feeling a lack of affection from your husband, it might not be that he has lost attraction for you. Maybe he is extremely busy, and he isn’t making the effort he used to make.

Or, perhaps he is dealing with a stressful situation at work or a health problem that has made him take a back burner. In this case, the signs your husband is not attracted to you could point to a personal problem with him that could be resolved with a simple conversation.

If you are wondering about the signs your husband is not physically attracted to you, read the red flags below and find out what you can do to keep the love alive.

17 signs your husband is not attracted to you and what to do about it

If you find yourself wondering, “Is my husband attracted to me at all?” or “How do I know if my husband is still attracted to me?” chances are that you are worried he’s not into you anymore.

Perhaps you have a non-affectionate husband or are noticing other behaviors that suggest lost attraction to the wife.

Consider the following 17 signs your husband is not attracted to you

1. You rarely talk

You might say “Hey” to each other when passing through the hallway, but when was the last time you two really sat down and talked?

If you can’t remember the last time you had his full attention in a conversation, this is a concern and can be one of the signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive or interesting.

What to do:

Start by asking him about his day. Really listen to his answers and respond by asking questions that lead to further conversation. 

2. He doesn’t state his needs

Being open and honest is crucial. When not, this is one of the most common signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore or probably never was.

On the subject of talking, does he still tell you what his needs are? Marriage requires two people to learn how to take care of each other, but if he is no longer telling you what his needs are, this is trouble.

What to do:

Ask! Start the day by asking what he needs from you that day or if there is something he needs in general that you can help with. The best way to know what our spouses need is to ask.

3. He ignores your needs

When you’re communicating your needs to him, and yet he fails to acknowledge them every time! Does he respond at all, or do you feel he dismisses you?

Being put on the back burner or flat-out ignored could be signs there’s a lack of investment or that a husband has lost attraction to his wife.

What to do:

First, you need to know what your needs are. Without a clear idea of what you are asking for, it will be difficult for him to respond.

You want to state your needs directly and straight to the point. Short, direct, and without accusing is a good way to avoid confusion on what the core need is you want to get across.

4. He is no longer affectionate

A constant lack of affection from him could be one of the signs your husband is not attracted to you.

It is important to know that individuals don’t always have the same need for affection. If your need for affection is higher than his, then it’s likely you may feel he is a non-affectionate husband, when really it’s just a difference in expression.

The real concern is if the relationship lacks any affection, especially if you saw each other as an affectionate couple in the past. If he never hugs you, holds your hand, kisses your cheek, or gently puts his hand on your back, these could be signals his mind is elsewhere.

What to do:

Take inventory. Are you affectionate? Do you gently touch him or offer a hug when you leave one another for the day?

If you find that you may be holding back on the affection or showing more signs your husband is not attracted to you, too, try re-introducing it slowly here and there and see how he responds. This can be a key way of answering “how to know your husband is not attracted to you.”

5. Sex is dead

Has intimacy reached the bottom line in your relationship? Do you look for “Signs my husband is not attracted to me?” You feel “My husband loves me but not sexually.”

It is normal for any long-term couple to decrease the amount they have sex after the honeymoon phase is over, meaning that it’s also common for the time between sexual encounters to grow a little the longer you are together.

But lack of sex is a major sign you two are no longer connected or one of the signs husband doesn’t want you sexually. If you find yourself thinking, “My husband ignores me sexually,” this is another one of the major signs your husband is not attracted to you.

What to do:

Figure out what your sexual need is. Is once a month comfortable for you, or is once a week more like it? Do you know what his ideal amount of sex is?

Try to find a compromise in the middle if it varies. It never hurts to try something new in the bedroom to spark the fire.

Psychologist Mert Şeker says 

All orgasms take place in the brain first. You can adapt your brain to orgasm and thus make your experience with your partner more enjoyable.

For your spouse to desire you, you can change the environment in which you have sex. You can also get sex toys and fancy underwear and become open to different and new experiences.

6. He spends his free time with his friends and never invites you

He used to take you out and show you off, but now his friend time is always solo. It can be one of those subtle signs your husband is not attracted to you.

Having some time with his buddies without you around is nothing to worry about, but if he is spending a lot of time with his crew and you’re no longer invited, pay attention. This could be one of the signs that your husband is not attracted to you.

What to do:

Next time he tells you he has plans or wants to hang out with his friends, ask if you can join him. It’s possible he may not know you want to hang out with them. So, clarify that you would love to catch up with his buddies, too.

7. He looks at his phone more than he looks at you

With cell phones everywhere, we have become used to people having a device in front of their faces; however, if he is constantly looking down at that screen, he can’t look at you.

There is nothing wrong with screen time, but if in every conversation, date, or hangout, the moment there is a screen between you and him, it could be a sign his interest in you is dwindling. This can certainly lead to feeling unwanted by the husband.

What to do:

Suggest and prioritize times when no phones are allowed.

For example, implement a rule there are no phones allowed at the dinner table. Making time for each other without digital distractions can force a conversation that can lead to connection.

8. He doesn’t compliment you

Although physical compliments are great, the lack of them doesn’t always mean he is no longer into you. The question is, does he compliment you at all? About anything?

Even words of encouragement about “silly” things (great job taking out the trash!) can be helpful. The point is you want him to notice and respond positively to you in at least some way.

What to do:

Get the compliments started, even if it’s just telling him the lawn he mowed looks great. Compliments are great ways to break the ice and begin warming up to someone. 

Offering a compliment to him can be a solution if you start to notice signs your husband is not attracted to you.

9. “Quality” time together feels forced

Lack of genuine quality time could be one of the signs of a husband not interested in the wife. It could also be one of the signs he doesn’t want you sexually in his life anymore.

Not making time for you is, of course, an issue, but sometimes even if you have time together, it’s not the quality time you need.

Maybe he keeps up with the date night routine, or you two still do brunch on Sundays, but does that time together feel good? Or does it feel like he can’t wait for it to be over?

If it feels like spending time with you is a chore for him, you might be justified in feeling – “I think these are signs my husband isn’t attracted to me.”

What to do:

If you’re stuck in a routine, shake it up and do something new. If you’ve tried that, then focus on the environment.

For example, taking a long walk together can create an opportunity to connect. Even if the conversation is dragging, enjoying a quiet walk with each other can create calm and a feeling of bonding.

10. He doesn’t share his interests or hobbies with you

If you have been together for years, you may think you know all his interests, but do you? Does he share his thoughts, opinions, or ideas with you? Does he ever mention something he wants to try or learn about?

For example, if he is a sports guy, has he mentioned how his favorite team is performing? If he no longer shares his interests or hobbies, it’s a sign he is distancing himself.

What to do:

You can always ask him, but even better, if you can find something you two can do together.

Maybe he loves horror movies, and you can suggest a marathon night. Perhaps he plays fantasy football, and you can ask him to teach you about it. Show interest in him and share your own. You might realize you are getting to know each other all over again.

11. He is no longer dependable

Is he not showing up when he says he will? Can you trust he will be there for you when needed? Was he supposed to pick you up and forgot?

Sure, things can slip our minds at times, and we’ve all dropped the ball sometimes, but if he never follows through and you can’t depend on him, this is a sign he is losing his attraction.

What to do:

Ask him to help you with a project or chore and complete it together. Be clear it is important to you and what you are asking from him. Giving him a clear “ask” and explaining its importance to you can help draw his attention back to your marriage.

12. He calls you names

Calling your spouse names (like ugly, dumb, or even worse) is verbal abuse. Has he changed the way he talks to you or about you? Does he show you respect and treat you with dignity?

Even during times of struggle, you should always be treated with respect by your husband.

Psychologist Mert Şeker explains 

The other (non-physical) types of violence, which can be exemplified as emotional violence, social violence, economic violence, and sexual violence, can also be experienced between spouses.

A person who verbally insults you or calls you disrespectfully, even if it is your husband, is committing a crime according to many legal orders.

What to do:

If you realize your husband doesn’t respect you and is verbally, emotionally, sexually, or physically abusive, it’s important you reach out for help. Therapy is always a good idea, and you can also connect with trained advocates who can listen to your concerns and share with you knowledge and resources.

You can find great resources at www.thehotline.org or call

Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

13. There is no romance anymore

Romance may fade away over the course of a marriage as people become more comfortable with each other, but he should certainly still make an effort to make you feel loved.

If he never buys flowers for your birthday or makes small gestures to show you he cares, this can make you feel unwanted by your husband.

What to do:

Have a conversation to see where he’s coming from. Maybe he doesn’t recognize that he’s stopped making an effort. Tell your husband how much small gestures of his love mean to you. You might even try leading by example and trying to show romance to him.

14. He doesn’t check in with you throughout the day

This may look like every phone call or text message conversation involving day-to-day necessities, like who is picking up dinner or whether the electric bill is paid.

If there is still an attraction between the two of you, your husband should be checking in regularly to ask about how your day is going or to tell you that he is thinking of you.

What to do:

Maybe things have just become too routine between the two of you. Try taking the first step and sending him a message throughout the day to tell him you are thinking of him and see how he responds.

15. He seems annoyed by everything you do

Maybe you suggest an idea to try something together, and he rolls his eyes or tells you it is foolish, or perhaps he just seems irritated by your presence. If this is the case, it could be a sign of lost attraction to the wife.

What to do:

Have a conversation with him and tell him how it seems like he is irritated by you and you find it upsetting. Try to get to the root of the problem to see what is causing this attitude from him.

16. Decreased verbal expression of love

When those “I love you” become rare, and sweet words are in short supply, it might be a sign. If your husband used to express his feelings openly and now seems reserved, it could signal a shift. 

Take the initiative to talk about your emotions and encourage open communication to understand what might be going on.

What to do:

If “I love you” seems scarce, take the lead. Share your feelings openly and honestly. Initiate conversations about emotions and ask your husband about his. Create a safe space for both of you to express love and vulnerability.

In the video below, Matthew Hussey provides solid tips on how to compliment that will seem heart-touching and genuine. Check them out:

17. Critical or dismissive comments

Constant criticism or dismissive remarks can create a rift. If your husband is frequently nitpicking or brushing off your thoughts, it’s a red flag. 

Address this by expressing how these comments make you feel and seek a conversation about how to better understand and support each other. Communication is the key to bridging gaps in understanding.

What to do:

Tackling criticism requires open communication. Express how constant nitpicking or dismissive remarks affect you. Encourage a constructive conversation to understand each other better. Establish mutual respect and find ways to support and uplift one another.

3 reasons why he might not feel attracted

Understanding why your husband may not feel attracted to you is crucial for navigating your relationship. Various factors can impact attraction, often stemming from external stressors or internal dynamics. 

By recognizing these reasons, you can approach the situation with empathy and insight, paving the way for more effective communication and connection. 

Here are three common reasons that might explain his diminished attraction:

• Stress and overwhelm

High levels of stress from work, financial burdens, or personal issues can lead to emotional fatigue, making it difficult for him to connect intimately.

• Communication breakdown

A lack of open communication can create misunderstandings and distance in the relationship, leading to feelings of disconnection and reduced attraction.

• Life changes

Major transitions, such as becoming parents, changing jobs, or moving, can shift relationship dynamics, leaving less room for romance and attraction to flourish.

Deciding the course of action ahead

If you’ve noticed the signs your husband is not attracted to you, it’s time to take action. Open communication is crucial—start a heartfelt conversation about your feelings and concerns. 

Share your observations without placing blame, and encourage him to express his thoughts too. 

Rebuilding attraction requires effort from both partners, so prioritize quality time together and engage in activities that reignite your connection. Consider seeking support from a therapist if needed, as a neutral party can facilitate deeper discussions. 

Remember, relationships evolve, but with commitment and understanding, you can strengthen your bond and rediscover the love that initially brought you together. Take that first step toward rekindling your relationship today!