15 Signs Your Friends With Benefits Is Falling For You

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A friends-with-benefits scenario is when two consenting adults choose to add sex into their friendship but agree to avoid emotional commitment or any investment in the relationship romantically. The idea is to be able to explore sex without “strings.” 

When you see signs your friends with benefits is falling for you, it means the plan you set in motion is not working. 

Still, each FWB scenario is different. The boundaries mates involved set up depend on that couple, whether they will see other people, sleepover, let other people know about the arrangement, and so on. 

Friends with benefits: The role of chemistry

What they can’t control is the chemistry between them. The “feel-good” hormones are released when two people engage intimately – a bit of dopamine, loads of endorphins, and, of course, “oxytocin.” 

Most humans get attached to the person they’re intimate with and develop a deeper connection. The brain produces “oxytocin” when there’s an attraction to someone with links to reducing anxiety instead of helping to institute feelings of security and trust or develop a bond or connection.

According to research, “oxytocin” and “vasopressin” hormones are responsible for helping along the process of sexual arousal. Still, these hormones motivate the individuals to also fall in love, adding complications to the friends with benefits boundaries. 

Learn a few rules for the FWB scenario with the “Friends With Benefits Rulebook” ebook.

Related Reading: What Does Friends With Benefits Relationship Offer?

Can my friend with benefits fall in love with me?

For many people, a friends-with-benefits scenario is ideal for sexual gratification while sparing the need for committing a great deal of time and effort or particularly emotion into a partnership. 

As long as the boundaries remain in line, the FWB (friends with benefits) intimacy can be maintained. Still, some individuals are challenged with distinguishing sexual intimacy from emotional attachment begging the question, “Can friends with benefits fall in love?”

The noncommittal confines of the FWB situation and other boundaries the two individuals decide upon can eventually grow blurred when one person begins to catch feelings, easy enough to do if:

1. Sex becomes two “personal” 
2. Engage in an FWB partnership with someone you already have feelings for
3. There’s no emotional maturity
4. Don’t set boundaries
5. Stop dating other people

If you find yourself asking if he is catching feelings, it’s time to have a conversation. If you can’t see yourself in a romantic relationship with this mate, the FWB partnership needs to stop to avoid the potential of hurting the other person and in an attempt to salvage the friendship.

According to Psychologist Silvana Mici:

Communication and setting boundaries from the beginning may help you avoid a situation like this.

If you’re over 50, this video speaks to those interested in FWB in that age group.

15 signs your friend with benefit is falling for you

The only thing to consider in a friend-with-benefits situation is having a good time together and enjoying sexual gratification. The boundaries you set for the relationship mean to keep the friendship from growing into anything more than that. 

The situation should remain casual, but despite saying this, most people attempting to follow the guidelines end up recognizing signs your hookup is catching feelings, or perhaps you are. 

If you’re unsure if you’re still just friends with benefits or more, you might want to look at a few signs your friends with benefits is falling for you.

Related Reading: Sensible Guidelines for Friends with Benefits Sex

1. There’s a gut instinct

Among the signs your friends with benefits is falling for you is a mere instinct. If feelings are developing between you and another person, that’s something you can instinctively recognize. 

Usually, when your gut tells you something, it’s right on, and if it’s saying a mate has feelings for you, you should likely pay attention. 

It’s essential to take the time to consider how you feel, whether you have friends with benefits love, or it’s time to break things off to avoid losing a good friend to heartbreak. 

Check this study speaking on details of transitioning to friendship from friends with benefits.

Related Reading: 15 Tips on How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You

2. Sex is more than mechanical

Suppose you find that sex is becoming more frequent and aggressive instead of the mechanical going through the motions of an FWB scenario that carries boundaries to avoid going beyond casual. 

In that case, you might be falling in love with your friends with benefits. If you have chemistry like that, a partnership might be worth exploring.

Related Reading: 6 Ground Rules for Casual Sex

3. There have been discussions on previous relationships

One of the primary stipulations with an FWB situation is to avoid discussing personal details too much to prevent the possibility of an emotional attachment. 

Suppose there’s a discussion concerning previous relationships or things that happened in the past with dating, intimate details on breakups, or ex-mates. 

In that case, you might consider being more than friends with benefits but not a relationship. But this would indeed no longer be deemed as casual.

4. Going outside the bedroom should be taboo

How do you tell if a friend with benefits is falling for you? You might be spending time together outside the bedroom, which goes beyond the scope of casual since most people consider their spare time particularly valuable.

5. Time apart is starting to be difficult to bear

If you find that you miss the other person when there’s time apart, perhaps they go on a business trip or holiday. 

You have a few days without their company, or maybe they come back indicating how dreadful it was to not be with you; these are signs your friends with benefits is falling for you. 

Missing each other reflects emotions you’re attempting to suppress. You can’t miss another person if you’ve turned off feelings where they’re concerned.

Related Reading: 21 Signs You Need Time Apart in a Relationship

6. Sex is not always necessary

Sex is supposed to be the basis for the relationship. Without sex, there’s genuinely nothing left since you’ve agreed to keep feelings out of the mix. 

If you decide to hang out as friends, plus you’re having sex most of the time, feelings will eventually begin to develop.

7. One or both of you avoid seeing other people

If neither of you is dating or not having sex with the people you’re dating, you might have developed feelings, or it could be a sign that your friend with benefits is falling for you. 

You can’t become exclusive as a couple only seeing and having sex with each other and not call that a committed partnership.

8. Friends have become aware of the arrangement

Friends on both sides have become aware of the arrangement with you meeting and interacting with the other’s social circle. That takes the situation from casual to more of a dating scenario.

9. Dating other people doesn’t compare to what you have

Considering how to tell if your hookup has feelings for you, it becomes evident when their dates are not satisfying them on the same scale that you do.

Instead of going home after an evening out, they come to you with the explanation you were on their mind throughout the date.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons You Should Never Compare Relationships or Your Partner

10. Gestures are kind but not appropriate

It’s kind to have small gestures done for you, like perhaps having all the things you like on hand when you come for the evening or allowing you to decide what movie to put on.

But these kindnesses are not appropriate in a friend-with-benefits situation. It’s supposed to be casual, like buddies who fend for themselves.

Related Reading: A Guide to Romantic Gestures for Him and Her

11. Someone is becoming jealous

Among the most obvious signs your friends with benefits is falling for you is they’re becoming jealous when you mention having a date, seeing someone else, or even if you decide to start talking to another mate. But maybe it’s not just them. 

Perhaps you’re not especially happy that your FWB is becoming involved with another person.

Related Reading: 15 Signs of Jealousy in a Relationship

12. Boundaries are being crossed

At the beginning of the arrangement, generally, you’ll distinguish boundaries. It will need to be decided, for instance, will friends with benefits text every day, do friends with benefits kiss, or do friends with benefits cuddle and hold hands, or things along these lines. 

If a mate is beginning to cross these boundaries, it should tell you that feelings are beginning to develop.

Related Reading: 6 Types of Boundaries in Relationships & How to Maintain Them

13. Suggestions are made toward the notion of progressing the arrangement

Without coming forward and saying it, an FWB might make slight hints indicating how good the two of you are as a couple to plant the idea that you consider dating. 

These are apparent suggestions that you’ll need to put a great deal of forethought into to avoid hurting the other person moving forward, either with them in a partnership or breaking it off to prevent further involvement if you don’t feel the same.

14. There is more of an effort and concern where you’re concerned

Your friend with benefits is suddenly active as a shy school student instead of the carefree casual FWB mate with all the awkwardness and nervous anxiety that comes with attempting to impress and ensure you’re happy.

You can rest assured these are signs your friends with benefits is falling for you. It’s essential to be careful with their feelings, particularly if you don’t share them.

Related Reading: Casual Relationships: Types, Benefits and Risks

15. Reaching out to you in every sense

Instead of merely seeing each other for sex, you’re consistently in contact, whether seeing each other, texting throughout the day, or calling whenever they get the urge to share a funny story or a bad day, and you agreeably respond.

You must have feelings for each other since these are not things people do in casual situations. Still, the idea that they contacted you first equates to significant signs your friends with benefits is falling for you head over heels.

Final Thought

A friends-with-benefits relationship is an ideal scenario, particularly in the modern age, where hectic day-to-day situations consume everyone. But these are not for the faint of heart. If you don’t possess strong emotional maturity, it’ll be likely that you’ll catch feelings.

As Psychologist and certified coach Silvana Mici explains:

Expressions of care and concern are fundamental in emotional connections. When someone shows genuine interest in your well-being, it’s worth acknowledging and exploring the evolving dynamics. As a therapist, I strongly advise that when navigating a friends-with-benefits dynamic, it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly about evolving feelings.