17 Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex

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So, you may have walked away from the relationship and decided you can do better for yourself than remain with your ex. And you might be feeling good because you’ve got your life back on track (or, at least, you are close to achieving that).

However, it may have been weeks (or even years) since the breakup, but something might not feel right as you can’t seem to get them out of your mind. 

Although it may be difficult to admit, it is possible you’re still hung up on your ex. In such cases, exploring the signs you’re not over your ex may come to help.

If you have ever been there, rest assured you aren’t alone. According to a report by YouGov, 44% of Americans have gotten back with their exes at some point.

Another report by Associated Press states that 4 out of 10 Americans have found themselves visiting an exes’ Social Media feed, and another 4 out of 10 young Americans have checked out the social media handle of who their ex currently dates.

So, let’s understand what causes such scenarios and how you can detect these signs.

What does it mean to not be over your ex?

Recovering from a breakup can take time, primarily because of the emotionally challenging experience that can come with it. Giving yourself the time to heal in such a case can help you move on. However, you sometimes can’t get over it entirely for various reasons.

So, when we say, “You’re not over your ex,” it means you still have some attachment and lingering feelings for your former partner that are not fully resolved yet. Because of this, you may continue to think about your ex and experience emotional pain while possibly hoping for a reconciliation.

You may find yourself comparing your new potential partners to your ex. Moreover, this can also involve experiencing a sense of emptiness or getting triggered by specific reminders of them.

LMHC Grady Shumway says,

Realizing you’re not over your ex is a big step towards healing. It’s okay to take time to work through those lingering feelings. Talking things out with friends, family, or even a therapist can really help you deal with these emotions and find closure. Just remember to be kind and patient with yourself as you heal and grow.

So, if you find yourself asking, “Why am I still not over my ex,” the above reasons might be playing a role in it.

17 signs you’re not over your ex

Do you wonder, “Why I am not over my ex or still stuck on my ex?” Or the big question might be, “How do you know if you’re not over your ex?”

You can’t be sure, but if you find yourself experiencing any of these signs, there’s every possibility you’re not over your ex. 

1. You look for the slightest opportunities to reach out to them

Something just happened to you? Your sibling got engaged? A new person moved into the neighborhood?

The smallest things make you think about them, and try your best to reach out to your ex. When these things happen, you may find yourself picking up the phone to call them. That almost indicates the signs you’re not over your ex.

2. Everything reminds you of them

If you constantly find yourself seeking parallels between your everyday activities and your ex, it could be that you’re still in love with your ex.

Does the barking dog in your mom’s neighborhood look like the German Shepherd your ex has? Does the chandelier in your new dining room remind you of the one in your exes’ bedroom?

3. You compare all your present relationships against them

So, you finally decided to give yourself a chance at love again.

After mourning your relationship with them, you have (maybe) allowed your friends to talk you into seeing new people and being less guarded when interested people approach you at work every day.

Awesome!

The only challenge might be that you’ve subconsciously found yourself using them as a yardstick for all your new relationships.

If conversations with your new romantic interests revolve around how awesome your ex was or how bad they were, or you’ve caught yourself thinking about how your new partner will never measure up to your ex in some ways, that could be a sign you’re not over your ex.

4. You’re snooping on their social media

It’s Friday, and you’re home alone. Out of boredom, you pick up your phone and decide to check out your Instagram feed.

30 minutes later, you find yourself on your exes’ Instagram wall, and that’s the last thing you remember doing that night.

This particular instance is just one example of how this behavior can manifest. However, it’s essential to acknowledge that there could be similar scenarios where you catch yourself constantly seeking updates on your ex’s life through social media.

These repetitive actions might indicate that you are not entirely over the past relationship and that there may still be unresolved emotions or a longing for the connection you once had.

It’s essential to recognize these patterns and reflect on your feelings to understand better where you stand in terms of moving on.

5. You still value the gifts they gave you

It is okay to value the gifts you get from loved ones. However, when it comes to your ex, this can be a bit different.

If you still keep the gifts they gave you (even the ones from ages ago), especially when you do not need them, it could be a sign you’re not over your ex.

Take a quick look around your home at the moment. Are the gifts they gave still within sight? If yes, you may want to get rid of them (if you want to forget them for good).

Grady Shumway further adds,

Letting go of things from past relationships can really help you move on. Think about what those old gifts mean to you now, compared to the memories they bring back. If they’re stopping you from living in the moment and opening up to new experiences, it might be time to let them go. Clearing out the old can make room for new beginnings. Remember, moving forward often starts with letting go of the past.

6. You’re probably putting up a strong front

When your friends ask you how you’re doing or a random acquaintance from work tries to check up on you, you may tell them you’re fine and good as new. Often, you may even be tempted to do this with a more outward projection of strength than is absolutely necessary.

You may find yourself putting up a smiling face or trying to sound quippy when in truth, you’re still in love with your ex.

While it’s necessary to show people you’re strong and have moved on, please remember to deal with this squarely if you truly want to move on from the breakup. Take as much time as you need. Deflecting almost never works!

7. You dread self-assessment moments

Our seventh sign is somewhat connected to the last one. While it is so much easier to convince people that you are fine and you’ve got it all figured out, there’s one person who may not fall for your cute smiles and strong facade.

You!

This is probably why self-assessment/introspection exercises may not be your favorite at the moment.

When you try to get rid of the noise and have a conversation with yourself, you may hear that insistent voice in your mind that reminds you that you haven’t quite healed from the breakup and demands that you pay closer attention to leaving your ex in the past.

8. You have little or no interest in pursuing new love interests 

Depending on the relationship you had with your ex and how your breakup went, it might be natural for you to dread jumping into the dating pool immediately.

However, if after a decent amount of time, you still find it difficult to move on and find happiness with someone else (especially when there’s someone in the picture who likes you and who you also like), it could be a sign you’re not over your ex.

If you’re at this point, please give yourself a break. You may want to try letting go of the past and pursuing something new with new people who are worth your time at the moment  Self-awareness and acceptance can go a long way in helping you move on.

9. Seeing them makes you remember

You may think you’re over them until you stumble into them during a hangout they’ve also gotten invited to. Then, your knees may go weak, and your heart may begin to beat three times faster.

Those few seconds may remind you of everything you used to have with them, the time you spent together, the memories you made, the vacations/events you attended, and the plans you had for the future.

Oh, and you may even find yourself thinking about how they’ve gotten much better looking since the last time you set your eyes on them. If this happens to you, you’re probably not over your ex.

10. You still see them in your future

Most people make plans, and at some point, we may daydream about the ideal future we see for ourselves.

However, if they still hold a significant position in your future (and your future plans), it is quite possible you’re still in love with your ex.

The sad part about this is that it may keep you from living your best life and maximizing your present moments.

11. You’ve started sounding cryptic

If you’ve noticed your friends giving you the ‘what’s up with you’ kind of look recently (the type where an eyebrow goes up higher than the other, or both get furrowed) when you speak to them, you may want to check if you’re truly over your ex.

One of the things that may happen to you at this stage is that you may take to social media to share cryptic sentences/quotes.

Conversely, if you find yourself lashing out at everyone who seems to have their love lives figured out, it may be a sign you’re not yet over your ex.

Watch this video to learn more about why silence possibly makes your ex come back

12. You always find an excuse to be in the places they frequent

If each morning you find ways to meet your ex at the diner where they go to get coffee, or you take the path they run through, you may want to rethink your stance of having gotten over your ex.

Simply put, stalking them (on social media or physically) is a sign you’re not over your ex.

13. You still have dreams about them

We all love having nice dreams! But what happens if your dreams involve your ex? Also, this becomes extra concerning if these dreams aren’t the type where your ex is the villain but the sweet dreams you wish you won’t wake up from.

If you find yourself constantly having dreams where you’re experiencing intimacy of any kind with your ex.It could be a sign that you’re still holding on to them somewhere in your mind and wishing you could return to the way things used to be.

14. You get jealous or protective of them 

Getting jealous or protective over your partner or loved ones is common. But, if you’re having such feelings for your ex, there’s no logical reason why this should happen because your relationship is supposedly in the past. 

However, getting jealous or protective over them is a sign you’re not over your ex.

So, if you caught that streak of jealousy when you heard they had moved on from you and were with another partner, or you found yourself ready to jump to their help when they had a challenge, are you over your ex?

15. You make decisions based on their preferences 

If you’ve found yourself wondering what your ex would have wanted/the decisions they would have wanted you to take under specific circumstances and allowing their preferences to influence your ultimate decisions, that’s a sign you’re not over your ex.

For example, you’re standing in the center of the mall, about to pay for a new duvet for your bed. Short of when you should pay for the duvet you already picked out, you recall that your ex liked ‘red.’

Somehow, you replace the one you already picked out and reach for the nearest red duvet (although you aren’t the biggest fan of the color). This can be a clear sign that you still have feelings for your ex.

16. You still think of your ex and get emotional remembering them

It’s been months or years since you had your breakup. However, you still think of the memories and past you had with your ex. This may as well indicate that you’re still emotionally attached to them.

Also, if you keep wondering how do I know if I still love my ex, these recollections may be a sign that you’re still not over your ex. 

If visiting that restaurant you used to visit with your ex gives you sorrow or a twinge, it shows you’re not over them yet.

17. You’re isolating yourself

If you find yourself isolating from social activities and avoiding your usual social group, it is potentially part of the signs you are not over your ex. You may avoid social interactions, distance yourself from your loved ones, or cancel plans so you can protect yourself from possible emotional triggers.

However, remember that doing this can make you feel more lonely, especially if you recently broke up.  

Commonly asked questions

Now, let’s explore some of the most common questions asked by individuals who are concerned about the signs that indicate they are not over their ex.

Why do I still feel connected to my ex?

It’s common to still feel connected to your ex, even after a breakup. The possible reasons behind it could be your history, memories, and the emotions you hold for them. The bond you form during your relationship can take time to fade away.

Hence, you should focus on self-care and personal growth to overcome this lingering connection with your ex.

How can I get over my ex?

Getting over your ex takes time which can be weeks, months, or sometimes even more. However, some helpful approaches can make this transition easier:

• Allow yourself to grieve
• Practice self-care
• Cut off contact with your ex
• Reflect and learn
• Set new goals
• Seek support

Healing from a breakup can vary for each individual. However, focusing on self-care and talking to your loved ones can help overcome your past relationship.

In a nutshell

In this article’s last section, we looked into some signs you’re not over your ex. The aim of making this list isn’t to get you depressed or make you feel bad for not being over your ex.

However, now that you can see that you’re still a bit hung up on them, you need to take steps to facilitate your healing.

Conscious practice of self-love will play a pivotal role in helping you get back on your feet. Also, cut yourself some slack and take all the time you need to get better.

If you think it is necessary, you may need to see a specialist to help you sort through your emotions.

Lastly, to answer your question, am I over my ex, or how to know if you are over your ex? If you no longer hold any ill feelings for your ex and feel fine, it usually indicates you’re over them. 

Breakups are no one’s best friend, but you’ve got to commit to getting over your ex. For good!