How Important Is Sacrifice in a Relationship? Can It Be Too Much?

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Most of us would like to call ourselves ‘givers,’ but the idea that we must ‘sacrifice in a relationship’ has many couples shivering.

How important is sacrifice in a relationship might be difficult to quantify, but its importance cannot be denied. It highlights the adjustments and concessions one has to make to have a more harmonious relationship with their partner. 

For many of us, the sacrifice in a relationship means completely and unequivocally giving up what we want so that someone else gets to do what they want to do. Sacrifice in a relationship sounds scary if this is how you perceive it!

But before we run for the hills claiming the unbound freedom of single life, let’s look at sacrifice’s definition in a relationship and the ways that sacrificing in a relationship can be good for us.

What does ‘sacrifice in a relationship’ actually mean?

Contrary to the belief that sacrifice in a relationship means essentially giving away your life to another, we can actually learn and grow from putting the needs of someone else and the relationship’s needs on the same level as our own.

The willingness to set aside our desires for a time in order to be in service for another is a characteristic of a giving human being. That willingness to sacrifice in relationships shows a deep level of care and commitment to one another.

So, what does it mean to sacrifice for someone?

Here’s a story of my dear friend:

Her fiancé moved cities to be with her, which was certainly what some might call a ‘big relationship sacrifice.’ But he did it because he wanted to. And he happened to live in a beautiful home right by the sea.

He may have sacrificed a party pad in a huge vibrant city, but actually, the move to the ocean was more aligned with his true calling to be closer to nature.

And by the same token, my friend usually travels for at least 3 or 4 months of the year. But she is also in love with someone who wants to stay home.

Why would she jet off and hang out on a beach somewhere when she could snuggle with her partner by the fire? 

So, you can see here how sacrifices in relationships are all in the perception.

So, sacrificing in a relationship implies choosing something that matters to you rather than something you have to give up.

Why do people make sacrifices in relationships?

Think about the times you have been there for a friend in need, often dropping other plans to be by their side. That’s a sacrifice in a relationship you made.

Taking your niece to the movies instead of lunch with your best friend is again an example of sacrificing your happiness for the sake of your loved one.

These seemingly small gestures mean the world to those you support. Sacrifices in a relationship show that you care for your loved ones.

There is value in sacrifice. Sacrifices build character, intimacy, and trust in all our relationships.

So, what is sacrifice in a relationship truly?

The real essence of making sacrifices lies in small things. Sacrifices in relationships don’t have to be these substantial sweeping gestures.

They are small everyday actions with giving as the core motivation. It’s picking up groceries when you know someone you care for is just too tired. 

It’s just about making a loved one’s life easier. It’s that easy!

How important is sacrifice in a relationship

Making sacrifices for your relationships, especially if you are married, is paramount if you want to go the distance. As per a study, there is a direct correlation between sacrificing and relationship satisfaction.

Giving your time, energy, and devotion to your partner doesn’t make you a pushover. It makes you a lovely, giving human being. And that will come back to you tenfold!

The quality of our relationships has such a powerful effect on our health.

Robert Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, directed an 80-year longitudinal study that unequivocally proved that while taking care of our bodies is important, tending to our relationships is a form of self-care too. 

We are at our healthiest when we are joyful and honest in our relationships! This shows the importance of sacrifice in relationships, our longest commitment to love.

7 sacrifices you need to make in a relationship

Now that we’ve established that there is value in making sacrifices for love and that it’s actually healthy, let’s look at the seven main areas that are going to require sacrifices if you want a successful and loving partnership.

1. Time

We do not have all the time in the world. Our minutes and hours on planet Earth are finite. And I don’t mean that in a morbid way.

It just means that we have to be careful and conscious of how we spend those precious hours. Sacrifice in a relationship means giving up some of your own time.

Alone time is undoubtedly important for self-reflection and development, but there is value in that sacrifice.

Certified relationship coach Christiana Njoku says,

Contributing your time to be with your partner whenever they need you is a great sacrifice. It enhances the growth of your relationship

If someone you care about needs you right before a massage, then it’s okay to punctuate your preening with the gift of your time for those you love. Making sacrifices for others is important. These are things you just do in a relationship.

We need to be as flexible with our time for each other and not become rigid. Your loved ones will appreciate you making sacrifices for love. 

2. Energy

This is a big one. Set the scene: After a hard day at work, you have absolutely zero motivation to cook dinner. You get home totally fatigued, and your beloved isn’t back yet.

You get a message from them. They’ve had a day from hell, and they are starving, and they won’t be home for another hour at least.

What do you do?

Take-out?

Or do you muster up the energy and think, “Okay, the person I love most in the world is an anxious wreck, and I know how much they love my spaghetti bolognese. If I whip that up tonight, it’s going to make them feel so loved, appreciated, and less wiped out”. 

That’s an energy sacrifice right there. (And so is doing the dishes when the love of your life is passed out on the sofa from sheer exhaustion.)

3. The need to be right always

The need to be right about everything all of the time has got to go. If you are willing to make this sacrifice in a relationship, you are infallibly ensuring relationship happiness.

Rigidity is a recipe for disaster, and the more work you can do to bring emotional flexibility into your relationships, the healthier they will be.

And it can’t be only one of you that is literally bending over backward. You both need to do the work and sacrifice for love.

It isn’t easy. But we have to learn to embrace the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of others.

We may not agree, but we also don’t have to make our significant other concede on absolutely everything. After all, it’s not a warzone!

Relationships are not a competitive battleground. Sometimes we have to just sit and listen, be present, and not immediately jump into the ring with rebuttals and contrary viewpoints.

Over time we can learn that we don’t need to have the last word. That it’s not always about being ‘right.’

Sometimes it’s just about being ‘there’ and accepting that sometimes love is a sacrifice!

4. The constant urge to seek perfection

Nobody is perfect. Our flaws are what make us so beautifully human.

It’s really worth remembering here that we don’t wake up every single day in the world’s most compassionate mood with the patience of a saint.

Some days we are mean and crabby, and we need to accept that everyone else has days like that too.

Part of sacrificing in relationships is learning how to manage those moods and helping each other out without nitpicking and being overly critical.

We all make mistakes and have bad days, be caring to your loved ones through these times, and you can expect them to be there to pick you up when you fall down too. These are things we do in relationships and serve as examples of sacrifice in a relationship. 

5. ‘Me’ and ‘myself’

We live with ourselves 24/7, and we hear our own thoughts and desires, and needs constantly whirring within us.

It’s easy to think we are the center of our own world. But in reality, we are but a teeny tiny speck of stardust in an infinite universe.

I find this thought especially comforting when I get too wrapped up in MY needs, and MY wants to the detriment of a loved one.

It takes great strength to think of someone else before yourself; it takes willpower to be able to act in a selfless way for the benefit of sacrificing for your relationships.

It’s not easy backing down in an argument, but do you really need to win every single time?

Hit the pause button and sacrifice in a relationship for love!

How would it feel to just take a pause and sit as a compassionate witness to the thoughts and feelings of others?

Instead of saying hurtful things, or acting from a place of making YOUR life easier, remember that your relationships are a two-way street; you can meet in the middle and not crash head-on. 

6. Privacy

Do you love alone time so much that your relationships suffer?

For those of us who like to go into hermit mode and hide away for days on end, not replying to messages or phone calls, sacrificing privacy can be incredibly hard.

There are some of us who like to try and deal with emotional issues in total isolation, but honestly, a problem shared is a problem halved. There is great value in sacrifice when it comes to sharing.

Allowing ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable and letting loved ones into our private inner worlds has benefits beyond just having a shoulder to cry on.

Being open with each other naturally leads to greater levels of trust and intimacy and, therefore, a much deeper and more satisfying relationship.

Long-lasting partnerships involve sharing physical, emotional, and spiritual space. We have to sacrifice in relationships, including some of our privacy, in order for these relationships to go the distance and thrive.

Sacrificing privacy vs. keeping secrets

Some couples share absolutely everything – including bathroom breaks!

And some create specific times to share their private feelings. It’s up to you as a unit what kinds of privacy sacrifices you will make, remembering the difference between privacy and secrecy.

Privacy is something that establishes healthy boundaries. And secrecy builds walls. Making sacrifices in relationships should build trust, and keeping secrets undermines that trust.

7. Money

Bills, bills, bills! Definitely, not something anyone brings up on a first date. Or even a third. Talking about money isn’t exactly the most romantic topic on the agenda.

But what if we removed the taboo of ‘money talks?’

Surely revealing our spending habits sooner rather than later could help avoid the woes of finding out a few months down the line that one of you is a ‘big spender’ and the other is extremely thrifty.

It’s never going to feel comfortable bringing up money imbalances or pointing out bad spending habits. But we need to be able to see the value in the sacrifice of momentary comfort and have difficult conversations about money.

Long-term love involves shared monetary responsibility, sacrificing your own shekels for the benefit of the relationship. What if one of you gets sick, and the other has to do the grocery shopping for a while?

What if one of you loses a job? Will you be willing to help each other out and give up personal money?

These are things you do in a relationship. These are all important conversations to be having and can establish the extent to which you are willing to sacrifice in your relationship.

5 signs you are sacrificing too much in a relationship

You may have an inkling of how important is sacrifice in a relationship at this point, but you must take care so that you don’t end up sacrificing too much for the sake of the relationship. 

Here are some signs that you are going overboard with the amount of sacrifice you are making in the relationship:

1. You feel resentful about your sacrifices

Resentment is a big indicator of too much sacrifice in a relationship, as giving up your needs, desires, and things can become excruciating when there is no acknowledgment or reciprocal actions from your partner. 

2. You fulfill all your partner’s responsibilities 

Relationship counseling usually involves sharing responsibilities and helping out your partner wherever possible. But you should not become the person who takes on all of your partner’s responsibilities. You should be the helping hand, and your partner should not exploit your sacrifices. 

3. Your partner expects you to sacrifice each time 

In your quest to understand how important is sacrifice in a relationship, don’t forget to assess whether your partner has started taking your sacrifices for granted. If they start expecting or demanding these sacrifices, you will know that they are charging too much. 

Christiana Njoku states that

Sacrificing your time, energy, and money in a relationship is good, but as much as you can, don’t let it be to your detriment.

4. Your partner does not sacrifice equally

There should ideally be a balance of all responsibilities, plans, and chores that are shared between the couple, but too many sacrifices can highlight an imbalance that exists between you two. 

Check whether your partner is as open and willing to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship and your happiness. 

5. You feel responsible for solving all your partner’s woes

 In a relationship where you are sacrificing too much, you may feel responsible for your partner’s problems and sorting them out. This may also be the reason why you may feel the need to give up your things to bring their smile back. 

5 ways to handle sacrifice in a relationship

Sacrificing in a relationship increases the likelihood of long-term happiness. Showing you care by sacrificing for love makes the other person feel valued and a top priority. However, there is a catch. 

If you sacrifice too much in a relationship, you risk losing your sense of self and becoming unhappy over time.

So, here are some ways in which you can make sure that you are not sacrificing too much or too little for your relationship:

1. Assess your partner’s happiness

The willingness to sacrifice for your relationship shows that you care for your partner. If your partner feels loved and cared for is more likely to reciprocate with loving-kindness towards you and the relationship. Sacrifices will go to waste if they don’t make your partner happy.

2. Assess your own happiness and self-confidence 

Making sacrifices for others feels good. Just imagine your partner’s gratitude when you agree to give up your Saturday night to attend a work dinner with them! But don’t overdo it to the point that it starts affecting your self-worth and confidence. 

3. Assess the relationship balance

Perhaps you were willing to make sacrifices early on in the relationship, only to discover that your partner isn’t quite as giving. This can be addressed by having honest conversations about the kinds of sacrifices in the relationship that you are both willing to make.

4. Assess what and how much you have sacrificed 

Giving up something you want to do or doing something you don’t want to do, all in the name of sacrificing for your relationship, can feel inauthentic.

5. Check whether you say “Yes” to everything

You will know if you are making too many sacrifices in relationships if you often find yourself saying, “I just can’t say no” or “I’m exhausted from giving to other people all the time!”

While it’s clear that we need to make sacrifices for others, we also need to make sure that we are taking good care of ourselves. The value of sacrifice can be seen in the balance of our most treasured relationships. 

Watch this video to learn why saying no is hard but important in a relationship:

Final thoughts 

By being open, flexible, and willing to sacrifice for love, we actually create a better, more prosperous future for ourselves and the ones we care for.

We are protected from life’s discontents and early physical decline, and we actually live longer, all from being able to make sacrifices in relationships.

So, I’m perfectly willing to sacrifice in a relationship, especially if it means being able to spend more of my precious hours on this planet with the people I love the most!