Why Am I Single? 15 Reasons People Often Stay Single

Do you actively put yourself out there, working the single bar scene and taking singles-only cruises? Do you find yourself eyeing every potential partner’s ring finger to see if they are taken?

Do you consider yourself attractive, a good conversationalist, and an interesting person to hang out with?  

But now you have reached a point where you hate being single and are tired of being single, and you ask yourself, why am I single, and will I ever find love?

Is being single okay?

Time has changed. At one point, people would like to fall in love and look for a partner to spend their whole life with. However, today, people are either busy shaping their professional careers or have lost faith in relationships.

If you wonder, “Will I be single forever” , know that being single is okay and normal if you are happy and enjoy your own company.   

Nonetheless, some people would still want a life partner but are single. If you are single and that is not your preference, you might feel incomplete and unfulfilled. 

15 possible reasons why you’re single

If you’re among those who look around and find themselves surrounded by love birds and ask, ‘Why am I single?’ by looking at them, this article is for you. 

Here are 15 reasons to answer your question, “why am I still single?”

1. Unconsciously appearing to be connection-avoidant

Are you perhaps a little ashamed of your single-state, and therefore avoid showing signs that might be interpreted as being “man-hungry”?

Do you not make eye contact with that cute guy you see every morning when you stop to pick up your coffee, lest he thinks you are desperate?

So, how to deal with being single for life? How to accept being single?  Are you tired of being single forever? Have you ever asked yourself, “Why am I single?”

So be courageous. See someone who looks interesting? Look them in the eye, smile, and see what happens.

Even though you might not be looking for reasons to stay single forever, your inability to put effort into meeting new people diminishes your chances of getting a partner. 

Related Reading: 25 Evidence-based Ways of Communicating With an Avoidant Partner

2. Making excuses about this not being “the right time.”

There is no wrong time for seeking a partner unless you’ve just been through a rough breakup. (And even then, only you can judge if you are ready to try again or need a cooling-off period).  

But don’t delay getting out there to seek a partner because you-

• Have some weight to lose
• Need to devote all your time to your career
• Just got a puppy/kitten who needs you to be home all the time
• The new season of WestWorld has just dropped. 

Potential boyfriends can come into your path any time, so don’t hole up in your house and complain there’s no one good out there. You might miss the next chapter of your love life.

3. You consistently choose the wrong partners

You can attract people easily.  

Your problem is that you attract (or are attracted to) the wrong partner. So you end up single, again and again. If this sounds familiar, you must work hard to identify the root issues behind this attraction.

This is best done with some short-term self-awareness and self-worth therapy.  

Break the pattern. You’ll be amazed at how many lovely people are

out there that you were missing because you were wearing the “wrong glasses.”

4. Your emotional attachment scares potential partners off

You love to be in love, often not carefully choosing the love object.  

A couple of dates, maybe you’ve slept together already, and you are dreaming about fixing a wedding date. Whoa, Nelly! Slow down! What’s behind this behavior? Work with a therapist to see why you quickly attach to your partner. 

Don’t put all your emotional attachments in one basket.  

Try dating several potential partners at the same time. (There’s nothing wrong with this. If it makes you feel better, tell your dates you are not into being exclusive right now.)

This will help you keep perspective and avoid attaching unhealthily to one person. 

The benefit? 

Dating several people at a time gives you time to get to know each of them in a healthy, thoughtful way so that when you commit, it is for the right reasons (and not just fear of staying single).

5. Your dating criteria are too rigid

Sure, it’s great to have a mental list of the type of person you’d like to date. Most lists include single, employed, emotionally available, geographically close, and interesting conversationalists.  

For many years, people have wondered what potential partners want in a relationship.

If your list is super specific, for example, single and never married, must be blond, tan, and wear black loafers, must live in my town, preferably in my neighborhood, must practice yoga at the same studio as me.

Well, that’s just setting yourself up for perpetual singlehood.   

Open your criteria up a bit, but honor what is important to you. Be more flexible.

Dating is a numbers game. The more you date, the more possibilities you bring into your life for finding a mate. But date intelligently, and be patient. 

Don’t go out with anyone to go out—that’s a waste of your time. Take a break when you start to feel overwhelmed or hopeless that you will never find anyone.

You’ll want to recharge your dating energy so that your dates can feel your enthusiasm (and not your despair). Honor your standards, be authentic, and keep getting out there.

Related Reading: Dating vs. Relationships: 15 Differences You Must Know About

6. You’ve closed yourself behind doors

Life is not a fairy tale.

You won’t get your Prince or Princess just by sitting at home. You must socialize to be able to find the right one for you. You should go out, meet people and talk to them. That’s how you meet people and find the right person.

Some people prefer to stay indoors and don’t socialize much. Getting into a relationship will be difficult for you if you’re the one. 

Our recommendation would be to meet friends, join groups or get involved in some activities. The more you meet new people, the higher the chances of finding a life partner. 

7. Not-so-good experience is holding you back

Some people are born reserved, and some become one in the process.

If you’re born reserved, you must work hard to open yourself up. However, if you had a bad experience in the past and have decided to take a step back and hide behind your doors, then asking, ‘Why am I single?’ won’t help.

There are different kinds of people. Some are good, and they leave behind a sweet memory. And others end up breaking our hearts. Just because you had a bad experience doesn’t mean you should cut yourself off from your surroundings and hide behind the four walls.

Step out. Make new friends. Leave the old bad memory behind and make the new one. 

8. Dating is not on your priority list

We all have our aspirations in life. We all are chasing our dreams and are working towards them, day in and day out. When we have a to-do list, we focus on completing those tasks. We work according to our life’s list.

So, one of the reasons you’re still single is that you still need to put the relationship on your priority list. 

In today’s competitive world, everyone is aiming to do better professionally. While you’re paying attention to your professional life, don’t neglect your personal life as well. 

You must make space for your personal life in your to-do list and start giving it due attention if you don’t want to be single for the rest of your life. 

9. You’re hard to get through

Playing ‘hard to get’ might increase our demand and people might die to contact us. This may look like a promising plot in the movies, but in reality, people avoid those who are hard to get through.

Don’t act pricey or throw your weight around if you don’t want to stay single. Be approachable. Let people come and talk to you. Show them that you’re easy to reach, but don’t lean on them.

Remember, being approachable doesn’t mean you have to be desperate. 

10. Chasing the wrong person

It so happens with us that we sometimes fall for those who are not so perfect for us and ignore those who are perfect for us. We all have gone through this phase at some point in our life.

The problem is how we identify them. Well, it isn’t easy and it’s subjective. So, it would help if you kept your eyes and ears open.

If you’re falling for the wrong person, you will be single for a long time. You must select the person who loves you and cares for you. Not the one who considers you as an option and mostly ignores you. 

11. Constantly defending your single status

If you’re asking, ‘Why am I single?’ while you’re too busy with your daily routine or constantly making excuses to go out there and have fun, you know what’s wrong.

It would be best if you made time for everything. You can’t make excuses and avoid relationships or any possibility of it. 

Some people are surrounded by self-doubt. Just like New Year’s Resolution, they promise to break the norm and make an effort to find someone right, but towards the end, they land up on the couch.

The first thing you should avoid is excuses, like ‘I will try once I lose weight, ‘I will see someone once I am settled in life, or ‘Maybe I am not good enough for people around.’

It’s time you should throw away all those excuses and get going. 

Related Reading: The New Relationship Status – Single but Dating

12. You refuse to compromise

If you wonder, “Why am I single?” One reason could be that you refuse to adjust or compromise in the relationship. You want everything your way, which results in a rather negative attitude every time you date.

In a relationship, both parties adjust, and another reason to be single is that you are unwilling to do so. 

13. You don’t want to give up your independence

You appreciate your solitude.

One of the reasons for being single for a long time is that you might not be wanting to give up on independence. You can do anything you want, all that you like, without anyone’s interference or involvement.

14. You refuse to be vulnerable

You like to keep your armor up and do not like opening up to anyone, which could be why you are single. Being vulnerable means you need to open up about your challenges and weaknesses, and you aren’t yet ready for that. 

15. You are busy

If you wonder why is it so hard to find someone, it’s just that you could be too busy to date. You try but aren’t able to find time to go on dates and invest in the relationship.

Your life is probably very overwhelming right now, and you need a break to plunge into the dating game.  

Signs you might be single forever

When you have been single for years, it’s normal for thoughts to be like, “will I be single forever?” and of course, we shouldn’t forget the social pressure of people constantly asking about your status.

Staying single, whether or not by choice, is okay. There are so many people who think that they might end up being single all their lives.

Of course, it’s better to find ‘the one,’ but what if you still need to find your life partner? Does this mean you should give up?

If you’re curious, there are 20 signs to answer the question, “Why am I single, and will this be forever?”

5 ways to not be single forever

“Why am I still single? I don’t want to stay single all my life. I want to find ‘the one.’ Is this possible? Where do I start?”

Now that you have an idea about your question, “why am I single?” Here are five simple ways to change that. 

1. Love yourself first

Before you expect anyone else to love you, love yourself first. If you learn to enjoy yourself when you’re alone, the pressure won’t be too much.

We’re not saying you are better off single. Rather, if you love yourself, it will be easier for you to love others. Aside from that, if you love yourself, you know that your happiness comes from within and not from another person.

Andrea Schulman, a LOA coach and educator from Raise Your Vibration Today, tackles 3 easy self-love exercises. 

2. Don’t look for the perfect partner

There are so many types of guys who stay single because they are looking for the perfect partner.

There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but we should know that nobody is perfect, so we shouldn’t look for that.

How can you appreciate someone who loves you if you could only see what this person lacks?

If you’re always looking for someone perfect, that is one of the reasons why you’re single now. Manage your expectations and be kind to the people you date. 

3. Learn to socialize

Are you single? You may need to go out more and socialize.

Don’t ask yourself, “why am I single” when you don’t go out and you’re not comfortable dating. 

Your lifetime partner won’t come knocking on your door. You need to go out there and show them you’re single and ready to mingle. 

4. Work on improving your personality

If you are someone who doesn’t want to be single forever, it’s time to reflect on yourself as well.

Remember that we always have something to work on. We will always grow.

That being said, even in relationship counseling, you’ll learn that self-improvement is very beneficial.

If you broke up before for being too jealous, work on that. If you broke up because you lack time, then do better the next time you have a relationship. 

5. Be patient

Love should be patient, and so is the quest for it.

Don’t rush love, for this may not end well. Rushing to be in a relationship could be an enormous risk, especially when you don’t know each other well.

Take your time, again, and enjoy each journey to find the person you will love until you’re old and gray.

5 ways to stay happy and single

“I’m still single, but I’ve accepted that fact. Now, how can I be happy being single?”

Being single isn’t a life sentence where you will sulk and feel pity for yourself. There are so many single people out there and guess what?

They are living the best life!

Here are five simple ways to appreciate being single.

1. Go and ‘date’ yourself

Who says you can’t date yourself? You don’t need a partner to enjoy life. Go out and enjoy!

Just imagine this, if you have so much love to give, why not give it to yourself? Buy toys, chocolates and flowers, and eat at that restaurant you’ve always loved.

Own this life, and love yourself so that you will make yourself happy. If the right person comes along, then that’s just a bonus. 

2. Spend quality time with your single friends

“I love being single because I get to go out with my single friends.”

Making new single friends or just going out with your old single friends will not just boost your self-confidence; it will also help you enjoy your life more.

Go on a trip, spend the night out, go camping, and do everything you like with your friends. 

3. Focus on yourself

Some say that when you are in love, you’re blooming. You get inspired to be healthy, fit, good-looking, and even excel in your job.

Sure, your partner can be your inspiration, but so are you.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to focus on self-care. Do it because you want to because it makes you feel great about yourself, and most of all, because you value and love yourself. 

4. Set goals and grow

Instead of saying, “I hate being single,” why not say, “I love being single because I can focus on myself.”

Do you get why? When you are not in a relationship, you’re free to support your own decisions, set goals you have always wanted, save for your future, and do whatever you want.

Don’t be afraid to reach for these dreams.

5. Be spontaneous

Being single is having freedom. Instead of thinking that you’re unloved or sad, why not appreciate the fact that you have freedom?

Enjoy the spontaneity of the moment. Travel alone, explore the skies, land, and seas, do whatever feeds your soul and nurture your mind.

Be happy and embrace the world. 

Related Reading: Spontaneous Sex: 15 Reasons Why You Should Try It

Commonly asked question

Is it rare to be single forever?

“Will I be single forever? Maybe this case is rare.”

Being single forever shouldn’t be mistaken as a rare occurrence. Many people out there stayed single and didn’t feel pity for themselves.

Rather, they embraced their values and beliefs and focused on themselves.

They made their lives fruitful, happy, and full of adventures. Being single is not something to be ashamed of.

Instead, it’s a status that you should understand, accept, and work the circumstances to benefit you.

Takeaway 

Everyone has flaws, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the goodness in them. Stop being picky if you don’t want to ask, ‘Why am I single?’ all the time. 

Find the person who makes you happy and compliments you. Everything else will fall into place.

If you stay single, don’t feel bad or hopeless. You can make yourself happy, set goals, and live the best life. 

Of course, nothing is permanent. Who knows?

Your person is out there; you need to find your forever love.