Power Dynamics in Relationships: Types, Signs & How to Balance

Listen to this article

Are you in a relationship where one person always makes the decisions—what to eat, where to go, even how to spend weekends? The other just goes along, feeling unheard or unimportant. 

Over time, this imbalance starts to create tension, resentment, or even distance. 

Sound familiar? This is a classic example of power dynamics in relationships at play.  

Understanding power in relationships is crucial because it shapes how we connect, communicate, and grow with our partners. 

Whether it’s about who controls finances, how decisions are made, or even emotional influence, relationship power dynamics can determine whether a partnership feels equal and fulfilling or one-sided and draining.  

Recognizing the signs of unhealthy power dynamics in relationships—like one partner dominating conversations or making all the decisions—can help you address imbalances early. 

What does power dynamic mean in a relationship?

Regarding power dynamics in a relationship, it highlights how partners behave, which impacts each other’s behaviors, feelings, and satisfaction. 

When there is a proper balance of power, it makes partners trust, love, respect, and value each other. In comparison, an imbalance of power can cause loss of emotional intimacy, resentment, lack of trust, isolation, etc.

To understand more about what power dynamic means in a relationship, this study by Robert Korner and Astrid Schutz is an eye-opener. This study is titled Power in romantic relationships, and it explains how positional and experienced power is associated with relationship quality. 

What are the different types of power relationships: 3 variants

When there is a negative power imbalance in a relationship, three likely types of power dynamics may occur. You can also take notes on common examples of power dynamics in relationships. Read below carefully.

1. Demand-Withdrawal dynamic

In this type of power dynamic, one of the partners feels the other half does not prioritize or consider their needs and demands. They might try to get through to their partner but get ignored. Often, this might cause resentment, malice, and frustration.

The partner who withdraws from the relationship may intentionally avoid responding to the demands of their partner. Partners in relationships can change this dynamic by being more sensitive to each other’s needs, alongside open and honest communication.

2. Distancer-Pursuer dynamic

This power dynamic is featured by the “distance” trying to avoid intimacy from their partner, so they become resistant to all their partner’s moves. 

On the other hand, the “pursuer” strives to achieve a level of intimacy with their partner. As a result, the pursuer is usually more invested in the relationship than the other, and they are more likely always to bring ideas and suggestions.

3. Fear-Shame dynamic

In this power dynamic, when a partner exhibits fear and insecurity, it affects the other party, bringing out shame in them. Most time, this power dynamic does not happen intentionally. For instance, in a relationship involving a man and a woman. 

If the woman experiences anxiety, it can cause a shame reaction in the man, who might begin to feel that his wife’s emotions are because he cannot protect her.

What are some relationship dynamics examples?

Power dynamics exist in every relationship, but they don’t always look the same. Sometimes, they’re subtle, like who chooses where to eat, and other times, they shape major life decisions. Here are some examples of power dynamics or types of power dynamics you might recognize:

1. One partner makes all the decisions – Whether it’s about finances, social plans, or household rules, one person calls the shots while the other just goes along with it.
2. Financial control – If one partner earns more and uses that as leverage—deciding how money is spent or making the other feel guilty for spending—it creates an imbalance.
3. Emotional manipulation – This happens when one partner uses guilt, silent treatment, or emotional outbursts to get their way, making the other feel responsible for keeping the peace.
4. Unequal effort in problem-solving – If one person constantly initiates difficult conversations, apologizes first, or tries to fix things while the other doesn’t, the power is uneven.
5. Dependency-based power – When one partner relies entirely on the other for emotional support, decision-making, or even self-worth, it can create an unhealthy dynamic.

What causes power dynamics in relationships?

Power dynamics in relationships don’t just appear out of nowhere—they develop over time based on different factors. Here are some common reasons why power shifts happen between partners:

1. Personality differences – Some people are naturally more assertive, while others are more easygoing. If one person prefers taking charge and the other avoids conflict, an imbalance can form.
2. Financial control – Money plays a huge role in relationship power. If one partner earns significantly more or controls the finances, they might (intentionally or unintentionally) have more say in decisions.
3. Past experiences and upbringing – How you were raised affects how you see power in relationships. If you grew up seeing one parent dominate, you might repeat that pattern without realizing it.
4. Emotional dependency – When one partner relies too much on the other for validation, support, or decision-making, it can create an unhealthy dynamic where one holds more power.
5. Communication styles – Some people are direct and vocal about their needs, while others struggle to speak up. If one partner always leads conversations and the other stays quiet, power can become one-sided.

13 warning signs that an unhealthy power dynamic exists in your relationship

When an unhealthy power dynamic is present in a relationship, it might lead to resentment, sadness, anxiety, and lots of conflicts. Here are some signs that show an unhealthy relationship dynamic and a need to know how to change the power dynamic in a relationship.

1. Speaking up for yourself is a chore

When it comes to power dynamics in relationships, one of the ways to tell that there is an unhealthy pattern is when you’re not comfortable defending or speaking up for yourself.

You will discover that staying quiet saves you the stress of entering a dialogue or conversation with your partner, especially when you have opposing views about something.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, points out,

If you feel like you are walking on eggshells with your partner, this can be a sign that there is a power dynamic at play.

Sometimes, people might not speak up for themselves because they think their partner will reject their ideas outright. Similarly, they might be afraid that their partner will take revenge. People who don’t speak for themselves in relationships will likely not get their fundamental needs satisfied.

2. Your partner has the final say in an argument

Another way to know that unhealthy power dynamics exist is when your partner seems to have the upper hand in every argument. It is important to mention that couples experience conflict in relationships, which is meant to help them grow stronger.

However, it might be a cause for concern if your spouse has to be right each time there is an argument. This might mean they are not concerned about the present issue but just want to prove a point. 

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

If your partner struggles with recognizing they are in the wrong, marriage counseling could be helpful.

When this keeps happening regularly, the power dynamics in relationships might be unhealthy.

3. They don’t consider your feelings when making decisions

One of the clear signs that show that you’re in an unhealthy power relationship is when your partner does not care about your feelings when making decisions. Most times, they might make these decisions and only tell you as a matter of notice.

In a healthy relationship, partners are meant to consider each other’s desires, opinions, and needs when making decisions. If one party cares about themselves without thinking about how their partner would feel, achieving harmony and balance in the relationship might be difficult.

4. You feel lonely in the relationship

Partners in healthy relationships are likely not to experience loneliness because they can always depend on each other for support during their bad days. One of the ways to know if the power dynamics in relationships are unhealthy is when you feel lonely, even when your partner is there. 

When you are lonely in a relationship, you might be cut off from everything happening. It might be difficult to have a sense of direction and purpose when you are lonely. 

Also, you might be less concerned about who calls the shot in the relationship because you may find it hard to process your thoughts or opinions.

5. They don’t care about your needs but want you to meet theirs

If you want to tell if the dynamics of a relationship are unhealthy, you can know from their disposition to your needs. In a situation where your partner expects you to meet their needs, but they don’t reciprocate, it might be an unhealthy power dynamic. 

This could mean your partner does not think it is necessary to return the favor, irrespective of what you’ve done for them.

If you happen to revolt and demand that they meet your needs, they might begin to gaslight you and make themselves the victims. When it comes to healthy power dynamics relationships, both partners are always concerned about each other’s welfare.

6. They’re mostly content, and you’re always disappointed

If you’re looking out for the signs of healthy power dynamics in relationships, one of the ways to tell is when both parties are happy and content with each other. 

However, if there is an imbalance of power in the relationship, one party might always feel discontent while the other may feel satisfied with all that is happening.

Hence, if you mostly don’t feel satisfied after crucial discussions with your partner, it might mean an unhealthy power imbalance in relationships. If your partner’s needs are always met, and yours are neglected, then it could mean that there’s a power imbalance in the union.

7. They care about their experience during sex

When there is an unhealthy power dynamics in relationships, one of the partners might care about their experience when having sex, without minding if their spouse is satisfied or not. 

This means they might want to have sex when they feel like it, even if their partner is not in the mood. They may not try to satisfy their partner, as they would be focused on their needs.

8. They don’t respect your privacy and boundaries

Another way to understand an unhealthy power dynamic meaning is when your partner constantly infringes on your privacy or boundaries with or without your consent. They might want to regularly go through your call log, emails, and social media messages to monitor your activities.

If they see anything out of the ordinary, they will likely jump to conclusions without waiting to understand the underlying issue.

In a healthy relationship, where boundaries exist, partners may not snoop around each other’s phones looking for details of their private lives. Instead, they trust each other to communicate appropriately regarding any situation.

9. They threaten to leave the relationship when you don’t do their bidding

When it comes to unhealthy power dynamics in romantic relationships, your partner might keep threatening to leave the relationship if you don’t do what they want. However, most of them are certain that when they’re faced with the possibility of an immediate end to the relationship, they might adjust some of their behaviors. 

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states,

When a partner threatens to leave the relationship in order to get what they want, this is emotional abuse.

Hence, when you find yourself trying to make your partner happy so they don’t break up with you, an unhealthy power dynamic might be at play.

10. They don’t discuss matters that are important to you

If your partner does not see the need to discuss matters you hold dear, it might indicate unhealthy power dynamics in relationships. You might notice that anytime you want to bring up an important issue, they will find a way to deflect it.

On the other hand, they will ensure that you listen to what they say without thinking about whether it is convenient for you. Ultimately, you will notice that they are more concerned about themselves than your welfare.

To understand more on how power affects intimate relationships, read this study by Carter A. Lennon titled The role of power in intimate relationships. This study examines the relationship power in the investment model of relationship commitment. 

11. They dismiss your achievements and successes

In relationships marred by an unequal power dynamic, one partner may consistently downplay or outright dismiss the other’s achievements and successes. 

This behavior can erode self-esteem and contribute to a feeling of insignificance within the relationship. Healthy relationships, in contrast, thrive on mutual support and celebration of each other’s accomplishments.

12. You’re always the one apologizing

If you find yourself always being the one to apologize after arguments or disagreements, regardless of the circumstances, it could signal an unhealthy power balance. 

This pattern often suggests that one partner is taking undue responsibility for the relationship’s issues while the other refuses to acknowledge their own role in conflicts.

13. They control the finances without mutual agreement

Financial control is a common tactic in maintaining an unequal power dynamic. If one partner unilaterally controls the finances, making significant decisions without mutual agreement or transparency, it’s a red flag. 

Financial autonomy and mutual decision-making are crucial for equitable partnerships.

Can you fix power dynamics in a relationship?

Yes, power dynamics in a relationship can be fixed, but it depends on several factors. If both partners recognize the imbalance and are willing to address it, change is possible. 

Sometimes, people don’t even realize how much control they have or how little say their partner feels they have. In such cases, simply acknowledging the issue can open the door to improvement.

However, fixing power dynamics isn’t always easy. Some imbalances are deeply rooted in personality, upbringing, or long-standing habits. 

If one partner is unwilling to share control or if the other struggles to assert themselves, shifting the dynamic can take time. External factors like financial dependence or emotional insecurities can also make it harder to create an equal balance.

That said, relationships are constantly evolving, and power dynamics aren’t set in stone. With the right mindset and effort from both sides, there is always a chance to build a more balanced and respectful partnership.

7 good ways to balance power dynamics in a relationship

When the power dynamics in a relationship are balanced, it may become easier to steer the relationship in the right direction. Here are some ways you can explore to balance the power dynamics in a romantic relationship.

1. Hold honest and open communication

You and your partner can make good attempts to make your discussions more open and honest. When partners are honest with each other, it becomes easier to build intimacy and trust.

Additionally, partners should not keep things from each other to foster a balanced power dynamic in the relationship.

For instance, if any party is not happy with the other, it is better to speak out than keep quiet because it might build resentment. Having honest and open communication also helps to solidify the relationship and make it healthier.

2. Learn to compromise

One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is when both parties compromise in certain situations.

It is important to mention that you might not always get your way in a relationship because your partner’s needs should also be considered. You may have to be willing to adopt new ideas and see things from a different perspective.

3. Support your partner

Giving your partner good support is one of the healthy power dynamics examples. You and your partner need to motivate each other to pursue and achieve personal and career goals. 

Additionally, you should support their individual interests in other aspects of life. If you are uncomfortable with some of them, you can communicate your thoughts lovingly without criticizing their actions or ideas.

4. Take responsibility for your actions and mistakes

You can also balance the power dynamics in your relationship by admitting your fault each time you are wrong. However, doing this might encourage your partner to do the same if they’ve not done it before.

When you and your partner take responsibility for your mistakes and actions, it reduces the rate of conflict in the relationship. It may also help to foster understanding because both of you are self-aware and intentional about keeping the relationship in the right direction.

5. Share responsibilities with your partner

Partners in relationships need to share responsibilities with each other instead of leaving one person to do all the work. If one person keeps doing everything while the other partner does not contribute to executing these duties, there might be an unhealthy power balance in the relationship.

For more tips on how to balance the power dynamics in dating relationships, check out this study by Liz Grauerholz titled Balancing power in dating relationships. This study highlights the connection between fair play in dating relationships and the different psychological factors that are featured by intimate relationships. 

6. Celebrate each other’s independence

Encouraging and celebrating each other’s independence is key to a balanced relationship. It’s essential for both partners to have their own hobbies, friendships, and time alone. This not only enriches individual lives but also brings new energy and perspectives into the relationship. 

When both partners feel free to be themselves and pursue their interests, it prevents dependence and resentment, contributing to a healthier power dynamic.

Belgian-American psychotherapist Esther Perel explains why giving your partner space is important for a relationship. Watch here:

7. Engage in mutual decision-making

Incorporate mutual decision-making on all matters, whether they’re big life decisions or day-to-day choices. This ensures that both partners have a say in the relationship, fostering a sense of fairness and equality. 

By discussing decisions together and considering each other’s opinions and feelings, you build a partnership based on respect and mutual trust, further balancing the power dynamics in your relationship.

Seeking a balance

Understanding and addressing unhealthy power dynamics is crucial for the health of your relationship. Recognizing the signs of imbalance, as outlined in this article, is the first step toward fostering a healthier, more equitable partnership. 

If these insights resonate and you find the dynamics in your relationship skewed, consider relationship counseling. 

Professional guidance can offer tailored strategies to rebalance power, ensuring both partners feel valued, respected, and heard. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to nurturing a loving, balanced relationship.