My Husband Puts His Family Before Me: Signs, Reasons & What to Do

You’ve planned a special dinner to celebrate your anniversary, but at the last minute, your husband cancels because his mother needs help with something trivial. You feel hurt and sidelined, and it’s not the first time this has happened. 

Does this sound familiar? Do you often find yourself wondering, “Why does my husband put his family before me?” or “Why is my husband obsessed with his family?”

Pause and think for a moment. 

Have you caught yourself feeling like a secondary priority in your marriage, consistently overshadowed by his obligations to his parents or siblings? 

You’re not alone. Many partners experience this same frustration and confusion.

This article will dig deep into the possible reasons behind your husband’s behavior and provide practical techniques to address the issue.

We understand how isolating and challenging this situation can be. We’re here to help you find a balance that respects both your needs and his familial bonds. 

Should you always prioritize your spouse over others?

Relationships can be complex, and the question of prioritization often comes up. Should you always put your spouse first?

You’re juggling work, friends, and family, and suddenly, you feel like you’re caught in a loyalty tug-of-war. Maybe you’re asking yourself, “My husband puts his family before me; is that fair?” or “Why my husband always puts his family before me, even when I need him?”

It’s crucial to strike a balance. 

While it’s important to maintain close ties with extended family, your spouse should feel valued and prioritized. After all, your partner is your chosen family, the person you’ve committed to sharing your life with. Constantly feeling sidelined can breed resentment and distance.

What happens when you don’t prioritize your partner?

Imagine feeling like an afterthought in your own relationship. It’s disheartening and can lead to a cascade of emotional turmoil. 

 

When you constantly hear yourself thinking, “My husband puts his family before me,” it’s more than just a passing concern—it’s a signal that something fundamental is out of balance. When your husband chooses his family over you repeatedly, it can erode the very foundation of your relationship.

Here are some consequences:

• Feeling neglected can create a growing emotional gap between you and your partner.
• Persistent sidelining can lead to deep-seated resentment, affecting how you interact daily.
• When one partner feels undervalued, genuine communication often diminishes.
• Constant prioritization of others can make you question your partner’s loyalty and commitment.
• Emotional neglect often translates into physical disconnection, impacting your intimacy.
• The cumulative effect of these issues can put immense strain on the relationship, making it hard to sustain a healthy partnership.

7 possible reasons why your husband puts his family first

“Why does my husband put his family before me again and again?” If you are caught in this loop, it is better to understand the potential causes behind it. 

Here are seven reasons why “My husband puts his family first”, along with what they can mean to your husband and his known ones.

Possible reason	Understand it this way
Cultural norms	In many cultures, family loyalty is paramount. If you're thinking, "My husband puts his family before me," it might be due to deeply ingrained cultural values.
Close family bonds	Strong familial ties can lead to a sense of obligation. When your husband prioritizes his family, it’s often because he feels a deep connection and responsibility.
Guilt and pressure	Sometimes, family members can exert pressure, making him feel guilty if he doesn’t prioritize them. This can make you feel like my husband always puts his family before me.
Unresolved childhood issues	Unresolved issues from childhood can lead to an over-reliance on family as a source of stability and support.
Fear of conflict	Avoiding conflict with family can lead him to always put them first, to keep the peace and avoid potential arguments or tensions.
Lack of awareness	He might not realize the impact his actions have on you. Open communication can help address the feeling that “my husband puts his family before me.”
Emotional dependence	Emotional dependence on family can make it difficult for him to prioritize his spouse, often leading to frustration and feeling sidelined.

13 signs your husband puts his family first

Imagine feeling like you come second in your own marriage. Remember that weekend getaway you planned for months? Canceled because his sister “needs help” (again).  Or maybe it’s the constant arguments where you feel unheard, his family’s opinion always outweighing yours.

It’s not about him not loving you, but sometimes family dynamics can become unbalanced. Here are some signs to consider:

1. He cancels plans with you for them

Imagine feeling excited about a date night or weekend getaway, only to have it canceled because his family “needs help” (again). This frequent prioritizing of their requests over your pre-arranged plans can be frustrating and chip away at trust.

2. He always takes their side in arguments

Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship. But during arguments, do you feel like you’re constantly outnumbered and unheard? Does he consistently side with his family, even when you have a valid point? This constant defense can make you feel isolated and unimportant in your own relationship.

3. He discusses personal matters with them first

Imagine a major life decision you’re excited to share with him, only to discover he’s already discussed it with his family. Sharing personal and sensitive information first with his family can be a blow to trust and intimacy. Open communication and prioritizing each other’s feelings are crucial for a strong bond.

4. He spends more time with them than with you

Do weekends feel more like family reunions with little to no dedicated time for just the two of you? While spending time with family is important, neglecting quality couple time can create a feeling of distance and neglect. A healthy marriage thrives on shared experiences and connection.

5. He seeks their approval for major decisions

When it comes to important choices, like finances or vacations, do you feel like your input is valued less than his family’s? Constantly seeking their approval over discussing things openly with you can be a major blow to your sense of partnership and equality in the relationship.

6. He prioritizes their needs over yours

Does he consistently prioritize his family’s needs and desires over yours? Maybe he readily helps his siblings move furniture while your long-pending home improvement project remains untouched. A balanced relationship involves mutual consideration and compromise, ensuring both partners feel their needs are met.

7. He expects you to adapt to their traditions

Does your husband insist on rigidly following his family’s traditions without considering your preferences? While honoring traditions is important, a healthy marriage involves creating new traditions together and respecting each other’s customs. Rigidity can lead to resentment.

8. He defers to their opinions

Does your husband often defer to his family’s opinions on various matters, big or small? This can make you feel like your own voice and perspective don’t hold weight. Feeling unheard and undervalued can erode self-esteem and weaken the partnership.

9. He invites them to every outing

Does your husband constantly invite his family to join every outing or event, even when you were hoping for some quality couple time? While spending time with extended family is enriching, it’s crucial to have dedicated space for just the two of you to nurture intimacy and connection.

10. He avoids conflict with them at all costs

Does he go to great lengths to avoid any conflict with his family, even if it means sacrificing your feelings or needs? This constant appeasement can lead to unresolved issues and long-term resentment building within you. Healthy communication involves addressing concerns constructively.

11. He defends their unreasonable behavior

Does your husband defend his family’s unreasonable or hurtful behavior towards you? This can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported. A healthy marriage involves open communication and addressing disrespectful behavior, even from family.

12. He makes excuses for their intrusions

Does your husband constantly make excuses for his family’s intrusive behavior, even when they’ve crossed boundaries? This sends the message that their presence and opinions hold more value than your comfort and well-being. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for a happy marriage.

13. He puts their happiness above your relationship

Ultimately, if your husband’s actions consistently prioritize his family’s happiness over the well-being of your relationship, it’s a clear sign that you might not be his top priority. This can be incredibly isolating and painful.

5 wise things to do if your husband always puts his family first

It can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining when you feel like “my husband puts his family before me.”

Instead of letting resentment build up, it’s important to take proactive steps to address the situation. Here are five wise things to do if your husband always prioritizes his family over you.

1. Speak your heart out

Start by: Setting aside uninterrupted time to talk with your husband about how you feel. Express that when “my husband puts his family before me,” it affects your emotional well-being and the relationship.

Continue by: Using “I” statements to communicate your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel neglected when our plans are canceled for family events.” This approach encourages a constructive dialogue and helps him understand your perspective.

2. Mark some boundaries

Start by: Identifying the boundaries you need to feel respected and valued. Consider what behaviors and actions make you feel like “my husband puts his family before me” and where you need clear limits.

Continue by: Discussing these boundaries openly with your husband. Be specific about what needs to change and why it’s important for the health of your relationship. Ensure that both of you agree on these boundaries and are committed to upholding them.

3. Make your relationship non-negotiable

Start by: Planning regular date nights or special activities that focus solely on the two of you. This helps reinforce the importance of your relationship and creates space for intimacy and connection.

Continue by: Making these activities a non-negotiable part of your routine. When your husband sees that these moments are prioritized, it helps shift the dynamic and demonstrates the value of your relationship over external family pressures.

4. Look out for couples counseling

Start by: Suggesting professional help if the situation doesn’t improve. Counseling can provide a neutral space to explore the underlying issues when “my husband puts his family before me.”

Continue by: Attending sessions together and committing to the process. A counselor can offer tools and strategies to improve communication and help both partners feel heard and valued. This professional guidance can be pivotal in restoring balance in your relationship.

5. Build your support network

Start by: Connecting with friends, family, or support groups who understand your situation. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can provide emotional relief and practical advice.

Continue by: Engaging in activities and hobbies that boost your confidence and independence. Having a strong support network and personal fulfillment can help you cope better when your husband prioritizes his family. It also demonstrates that while you desire balance, you’re capable of maintaining your own happiness and well-being.

Learn about the importance of a social support system with this meditative video:

Strengthening your marriage when family ties interfere

Know that your feelings are valid and deserving of attention. Through some proactive steps, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.

Seeking help and support further empowers you to handle this delicate situation with grace. Don’t wait for things to improve on their own—take charge of your happiness and your marriage.

Start today by initiating an open dialogue with your husband. Express your feelings, set clear expectations, and make consistent efforts to nurture your bond. 

Your relationship deserves the same dedication and commitment that you show to others. Your efforts today can pave the way for a stronger future together.