The Importance of Masculine and Feminine Energy in a Relationship

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Masculine and feminine have often been defined by gender referring to men and women but, with the current research, this is a now a very outdated belief system.

In my last 30 years as a Marriage and Family Therapist, 100% of couples seeking treatment for their relationship realized that the masculine and feminine roles were reversed without their knowledge.

And 100% of these couples were shocked when I educated them that this was their main issue for communication meltdowns, decreased respect and lack of sexual attraction and desire.

So, what does being masculine mean?

Masculine energy is action-oriented, direct, logical, strong, sound reasoning, sharp, risky, fast-moving, and thought-provoking.

It also represents the right side of our body. It references our left brain that is associated with linear and analytical thought.

Feminine energy is fluid.  It swirls and curves, it’s radiant, it’s peaceful and calm, nurturing, intuitive, agreeable, soft, and compassionate.

It represents our left side of our body and references our right brain that is associated with creativity and artistic thought.

Now we will address polarity

Polarity is a necessary dynamic in all relationships.

Think of a magnet – when the poles touching are opposite, it will pull or attract the other metal. When the poles are the same, it will push away or repel. This is a foundation for all relationships – both personal and professional.

The importance of living within both energies

The Chinese refer to these energies as the Yin and the Yang – which are described by the story of a hill.

The sunny side of the hill is the Yang and it is active, warm, and growing. The opposing side of the hill is the Yin and is receptive, moist, cool, and shady. If it stays sunny all the time, everything dries out and dies – if it is shady all the time, nothing grows.

This represents the importance of living within both energies to bring balance and synchronicity.

We embody both energies within each of us

Now checking in with yourself from the above definitions and discussions – are you more aligned with your masculine or feminine energy? Have you realized that we embody both energies within each of us?

My mentor Kedar Brown challenged me several years ago asking me to “drop deep into your feminine energy.” I was baffled. I had no idea what he meant – Do I start wearing dresses, more makeup, act coy?

He suggested a book by David Deida called The Way of The Superior Man – and after reading it, I was shocked to learn I was a man!

Living in my masculine energy most of the time.

I also read a book by Alison Armstrong called The Queen’s Code which taught me the art of femininity. This was another eye-opener to learn the ways I was unintentionally emasculating men – correcting them, criticizing them, interrupting them – and expecting them to be more like me.

Basically, wanting a man to be more like a woman – kind of like wanting a dog to be a cat – impossible!

It’s clear masculine energy is rewarded in our society

We are a nation who rewards and applauds action and productivity.

Action and productivity all the time will lead to depression, anxiety, disease and burn out! Feminine energy is about doing nothing. Yes, doing nothing.

So each one of us has to learn how to flow back and forth between these two energies in order to get things done while also finding the time to relax and be still.

If you are a man, wanting to become more masculine – definitely read and practice David Deida’s book – and drop deep into your masculine energy. Many men believe they should do things to please their partner – but it is just the opposite – pleasing themselves first will earn them respect and admiration.

Also, create man time by hanging out with more men, engage in a sport and lift weights to further your masculine quest.

Drop deep into your feminine energy

If you are a woman wanting to become more feminine – definitely read and practice Alison Armstrong’s book – and drop deep into your feminine energy.

Be receptive, inviting, happy, supportive and stop emasculating men. Also, move your body with dance/yoga/stretching/walking, create sacred space by journaling, meditating, lighting candles and incense, and feel your feelings by being vulnerable without judgment.

I promise you won’t be disappointed.

So much passion has been lost in each of us and in our relationships due to this lack of awareness.

Claiming our dominate energy and feeling deeply into that energy will reignite our passion. It will also awaken our sensuality and confidence and will rekindle excitement and playfulness.

A perfect recipe for a happy relationship.