What Is a Low Key Relationship? Reasons, Signs and Benefits

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Low key relationships can be confusing because they can make you question the intensity of the relationship. But first, what is a low key relationship?

After several days or weeks of talking or going on a date, you and your love interest finally decide to take it further. Officially, you are now a couple hoping to build a healthy relationship. Expectedly, you are excited and can’t wait to tell your friends and family or even show your PDA.

However, your partner feels different. He doesn’t explicitly state it, but you believe the public display and announcement don’t freak them. It looks like they want to keep your relationship private but not a secret.

That can be confusing because you don’t know if they are not proud of the relationship or want it to be a low-key relationship. How do you tell the difference between private and secret relationships? Also, what does it mean to be low-key?

What is a low key relationship?

To better understand a low key relationship, it is best to state the difference between private and public relationships.

A public relationship is one where everyone knows you and your partner are in a relationship. That means not only your close friends are aware, but also family members and acquaintances. They have seen you many times together, asked you about your affair, and you have confirmed it.

Your relationship is a general knowledge that everywhere you go, your partner follows. And when they don’t see one of you, people inquire. Also, you are not afraid to tell anyone who cares to listen that you have a partner.

On the other hand, a low key relationship is operated on a low level. That does not mean people are unaware of your relationship, but only a few people.

For instance, if you and your partner work in the same organization, only your best friends and his will know about your low-key relationship. A low-key relationship means the couple doesn’t appreciate displaying their relationship publicly, except in the presence of close friends and family members.

Meanwhile, many people have trouble categorizing their relationship as private or secret. Simple! As the name implies, a confidential relationship is an affair hidden from the public, including friends and family members. This relationship often exists in place of work where dating each other is forbidden.

Also, a low-key relationship can happen when there is a feud between two family members or cultural or religious differences. Or a relationship can be private because another person is in the picture.

Regardless, low-key dating is concealed from everyone for reasons best known to the individuals concerned.

What is the difference between secret and low key relationships?

The key difference between a secret affair and a low key relationship is the level of intentionality in keeping things under wraps. 

In a secret relationship, couples willfully and deliberately keep their relationship under wraps. They usually want even the existence of the attachment a secret. 

However, in a low key relationship. Couples try to keep the relationship and aspects of it more private. The level of intentionality is lower as compared to secret affairs. Even when the relationship is public, they may keep the details private. 

10 reasons why people keep low key relationships

Public relationships are some of the sweetest affairs you will experience. Your partner is unafraid to show you off or take you to great places.

A big part of understanding what is a low key relationship is learning why some people choose to keep their relationship on the down low. 

People love low-key dating due to many reasons. Some of the common reasons for a low-key relationship are:

1. You want to know each other better

Many people like a low-key relationship because they need time to know each other well.

It is also one of the signs of a would-be healthy relationship. Keeping a relationship private initially can give the partners enough time and freedom to know each other’s likes, dislikes, weaknesses, and strengths.

Related Reading: Top 100 Getting to Know You Questions

2. Fear of other’s opinions

For some couples, publicizing their relationship is a chance for others to contribute to the affairs. That can be detrimental to relationship growth, especially at the early stage. Whether you like it or not, people can always have something to say about your relationship.

So, if your partner fears the opinions of others might influence their decision, it is best to keep your relationship private but not secret.

LMHC Grady Shumway says,

Keeping your relationship private can shield you from outside pressures and let you grow closer without others weighing in. But remember, there’s a difference between being private and keeping it a secret. Being open and communicative with each other builds trust and shows you both respect and value one another. Focus on what makes you and your partner happy, not on what others might think. This approach can lead to a stronger and more genuine connection.

3. Some people will be unhappy

No matter how much of a good person you are, some people will be unhappy about your relationship. Your new relationship can trigger hate in some people, such as your ex, crush, etc.

That often happens in workplaces or the same community. Keeping a low-key relationship is the best in this scenario.

4. You are uncertain

Uncertainty about the relationship or the person is acceptable at the early stage of the affair. You might enjoy your love interest’s company but fear disruptions.

Also, you might feel the person is hiding some things from you even though they already told you about their life. Nonetheless, if you feel unsure of many things in the relationship, it is right to keep a low-key relationship.

Grady Shumway further says,

It’s normal to feel unsure in a new relationship as you’re both figuring each other out. If doubts keep popping up, taking things slow can give you the space to work through your concerns and build trust gradually. Just enjoy the journey of getting to know each other better.

5. Your partner is in another relationship

Oops! Yes, cheating is one of the top reasons people engage in low-key dating. It is not news that people cheat on their partners.

If your love interest prefers to call you rather than you calling them, you should ask some questions. Also, someone could keep a relationship private if you ask to meet their family, but they decline after months of dating.  

6. Personal preference 

A person with a low key personality may prefer to be in a low key relationship, as this is more in line with who they are and how they function socially. 

Keeping one’s relationship private or details about it might be what certain people feel more comfortable doing as they don’t like displaying their private life. They are low key in love because it is more natural for them to be that way. 

7. Maintain low expectations 

For some, a low key relationship means low expectations and fewer chances of getting hurt. 

Usually, when a relationship is out in the open, some may feel pressure in terms of how they should behave and how they should treat their partner. Being a low key couple can allow you to experience being in love without societal pressures and expectations.

Related Reading: 5 Glaring Facts About Expectations in a Relationship

8. Avoid drama 

Low-key meaning in relationships is linked to the absence of drama for many people. For example, once you tell others, some in your circle might disapprove of the relationship or aspects of it, which can create drama and tension. 

Keeping the relationship low key can allow them to be with each other without dealing with the drama that might ensue once others know of their relationship. 

9. Emotional safety

Emotional safety can be a part of the meaning of low key in relationships for certain people, who find the intrusion of others harmful. 

The opinions, curiosity and judgment may unsettle them into feeling emotionally unsafe and unstable.

Related Reading: 6 Tips for Building Emotional Safety in Your Relationship 

10. Career limitations 

A normal relationship can be too much to handle for those that are focused on their careers. They may keep their relationship low key so that they are not forced to pay more attention to their relationship and its future. 

10 signs of a low key relationship

It becomes easier to understand what is a low key relationship when you can see how it reveals itself through certain signs. 

If you are having trouble telling the difference between a private and secret relationship or a public and low-key relationship, check the following signs:

1. Your partner prefers more intimate time with you

Most people who prefer a low-key relationship dislike public shows whenever they are with their partner. Private dinner and Netflixing together are their watchwords. They always feel like the whole world is watching in public.

It can sometimes be frustrating if you love to visit the cinemas or attend occasions with your partner.

Related Reading: 12 Ways to Have an Intimate Conversation With Your Partner

2. You settle issues privately

If your partner is the type that would rather sit you down and toss out the argument or disagreements, you might be in a low-key relationship.

Although not in all cases, one of the signs of a public relationship is the need to tell your friends or family members about your issues. That can worsen the situation as others’ opinions might turn you against your partner.

3. Your partner does not say much about your relationship

A low-key relationship meaning encompasses giving out little details to outsiders concerning your affair. If your partner only reveals a few details when asked about their relationship status, they want to keep your relationship private but not a secret.

For instance, if a friend or family member asks your partner if they are in a relationship, they might answer in the affirmative but refuse other questions that follow it.

4. Your partner introduces you to only their closest friends

Even though your partner has a pool of friends, they introduce you to only one or two friends.

That may be the sign of keeping a relationship private, and it has nothing to do with you. They only want their most trusted friends, rather than everyone, to know you.

5. You display affection only when you are together

Have you noticed that your man or woman only gives you random pecks when you are somewhere private? If yes, your partner keeps a low-key relationship. You might question your partner’s intention towards you whenever you are outside or among people.

However, once it’s the two of you or close friends, your partner changes to a lover. They hold your hands and give you one of those passionate forehead kisses. That’s a sign they want to keep your relationship private but not a secret.

6. Your partner still cares for you in the public

Another sign of a low-key relationship is that your partner cares for you outside, even if they do not want others to know.

They might not have spelled out your relationship to people, but their caring side always comes out when you are outside. That is the main difference between a private and a secret relationship.

7. Your partner doesn’t post you on social media

Thanks to our digital world, it is hardly impossible to keep anything private. As such, people now count social media posts as one of the ways to show love to your partner.

However, you don’t have this luxury in a low-key relationship. Your partner can care for you and show you to a small circle of friends but insists on not moving your relationship to social media.

8. Your partner is not rushing things

When your partner suggests that you don’t rush into things at the early stage of the relationship, it means they want low-key dating. For instance, if they suggest you avoid a sexual relationship, they are probably taking it slow. That means they are paying attention to you and the new relationship.

Also, it means they want to enjoy things with you alone and ensure you both are making the right decision. A low-key relationship often allows you to study the relationship and know where it’s heading.

9. Your partner wants both of you to hang out alone

A low-key relationship is full of “My partner and I.” Instead of going on group hiking, your love interest would prefer you do it as a couple. To your partner, that will allow you guys to have time alone to enjoy the moment and bond.

10. Your partner gives you privacy

Even though your love interest likes to spend quality time with you alone, they give you enough me-time. They do not bother you for dates and allow you enough privacy. In other words, your partner respects your boundaries, instead of invading them.

Watch this video to learn whether it is okay to keep secrets from your partner:

5 benefits of keeping your relationship low key

Low key relationships can be what some of you choose to maintain for various reasons. They offer special benefits as they change the dynamics of your relationship compared to others. 

Here are some specific benefits that low key relationships offer:

1. It reduces the pressure

A key benefit that low key relationships offer is that they can reduce the amount of external pressure that a couple may have to face from close people who are critical or concerned. 

2. It protects your privacy

Low key relationships can offer privacy for new relationships or more private people. It can also give a couple time to live in their private bubble if they know that others might oppose their relationship based on some bias.

3. You have more control

External voices and opinions can influence people in a relationship through their words and actions. This can impact the health and longevity of the relationship. You can have more control over what happens between you and your partner by maintaining a low key relationship. 

4. Fewer distractions 

Couples can focus on each other completely when not distracted by the expectations of being a normal couple. Distractions like spending time with others as a couple, their opinions or judgments can be avoided by keeping the relationship low key.

5. Serves as a private test run

If a relationship is new, a low key dynamic can serve as a private test run, where both people can try out how things are going within themselves. They can check whether they get along without the added pressures of being out in the public. 

Are low-key relationships a good thing?

One of the decisions couples make early in their relationship is to make it known to everyone. It is even challenging if you work in the same place or have the same friends. Understand that there is nothing terrible in keeping a relationship private as long as you both desire it.

That means you have decided to take your time knowing each other without interference from others. It also means you don’t have to declare your love on each other’s social media pages.

You can post pictures together and like their posts, but not necessarily shower praises and adorations in the comment section.

A low-key relationship is good if you both don’t like being loud but stay unequivocally faithful to each other. The problem, however, comes when you disagree on exclusively low-key dating. If you want to tell your friends everything about your relationship, you may be pushing the relationship faster than your partner.

However, engaging in low-key dating is best if you are relaxed and ready to explore the relationship. It affords you time and energy to study each other and grow the relationship. In addition, low-key relationships assist you in using your head rather than your heart.

That way, there is a low chance you will make the wrong decision. You should only be concerned if there is no deadline for keeping a relationship private.

When should you make low-key relationships public?

The time to make your relationship public solely depends on the partners involved. Besides, people move differently in relationships. To some, a few weeks are enough to decide, while six months is not enough for others.

Nonetheless, it is best to discuss the reasons for the low-key relationship with your partner and for how long. Regardless, one or both of you might want to fast-track things at some point. That’s because feelings and bonds take time to develop at the initial stage of a low-key relationship.

Meanwhile, building feelings for each other is typical after spending lots of time together. All the activities, outings, events you have participated in, and time you spend together will culminate into feelings you can’t control. They only help you to build a strong foundation for your affairs.

Once you find it difficult to express your feelings to your partner openly, it is time to make it public. You would have been confident in each other and the relationship and build trust, strengthening the relationship.

Thus, you have no tangible reason to keep your affair low-key any longer.

However, if your partner feels you should keep the low-key dating, you must express yourself. Express your feelings clearly without mincing words. You are tired of keeping a private relationship; hence, you wouldn’t be talking. 

It might be time to call it quits if nothing changes after this. You can go for marriage counseling to help you sort through these problems. 

How do you become low key romantic?

You can become a low key romantic by doing little things that matter to your partner. Instead of going for the grand gestures you see in movies, try doing small considerate things for your partner that makes them feel cared for and supported by you. 

Final takeaway

Low-key relationships involve two individuals who decide to make their affair known to only selective people.

Low-key dating is different from a secret relationship because it is not hidden. The individuals prefer to keep it low without the usual public show on social media or among friends. The couple must agree and be on the same page to make a low-key relationship work out well.