How to Stop Being Insecure in a Relationship: 10 Ways

When you’re in a relationship, the last thing that you would want to feel is insecurity.

If you feel insecure, you are unsure about your partner and yourself, your self-esteem is low, and you show jealousy and anxiety.

No one wants to feel this, but once you do, it’s so hard to control it.

Most of the time, this causes the relationship to fail, leaving one or both parties broken.

Is it possible to learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship?

Related Read: 15 Signs Your Relationship Is Failing and What to Do

What is relationship insecurity?

Insecurity in relationships is more common than you think. Do you feel you are in an insecure relationship?

To define relationship insecurity, it is when someone feels unsure of their position in the relationship.

Feeling insecure in a relationship is like slowly drowning in thoughts that you are not physically pleasing enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not the perfect partner, etc.

Over time, these thoughts become severe. You doubt the love that your partner gives you, and you need constant reassurance. Yet, the feeling of insecurity deepens.

What happens if you don’t know how to stop feeling insecure in a relationship?

It will consume you, making you feel you’re not worth anything. You become overly jealous and even depressed.

The only way to get out of this is to learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship.

Related Read: 6 Key Tips to Stop Being Insecure in a Relationship

Signs of insecurities in a relationship

There may be different types of insecurities in a relationship, but they all feel almost the same. 

Before dealing with insecurity in a relationship, you must first know the signs of someone who is experiencing insecurity in a relationship. There can be many signs, but these are just some of them.

1. You have an extreme fear of losing your partner
2. You have intrusive thoughts of jealousy
3. You have a controlling behavior
4. You demand transparency about your partner’s gadgets
5. You stalk your partner’s social media 
6. You are anxious and paranoid about your partner’s whereabouts once he leaves home
7. You can only be pacified by constant reassurance
8. You find everyone suspicious
9. You don’t believe what your partner says to you, even if it’s the truth
10. You don’t believe in your partner’s love and loyalty

Now that you know the signs, the next question is how to deal with insecurities in a relationship. 

How can you stop being insecure in a relationship? 10 ways

Insecurity in relationships: A feeling we all felt in our lives one way or another at a point or more.

From the self-doubts to the jealousy and hatred that keeps you up at night, we hope you agree with us when we say that feeling insecure has got to be the worst of all feelings, right?

For some people, being insecure in a relationship is more than a matter of a few days or moments. Such people always feel anxious in their relationships; even though it is natural, feeling insecure can be toxic to your relationship.

Thus, it is essential to look out for the times when you feel insecure and work on it from the start. To help you do that, below are the six ways on how to stop being insecure in a relationship.

1. What is the root cause of your insecurity?

“Why do I feel insecure in my relationship?”

Do you want to know how to overcome insecurity in a relationship but don’t know where to start? The answer lies inside you.

You won’t be able to stop feeling insecure if you do not know the root cause of it. Think back.

What happened in the past that made you feel insecure about yourself or in your relationship?

Was it something your parents said to you? Was it because your ex cheated on you?

There can be many factors that could cause someone to feel insecure.

Once you have learned the root cause, it will be easier to get over it.

2. Don’t impose insecurity on yourself

If you are being insecure in a relationship, the foremost step for dealing with insecurity is to stop imposing things on yourself.

Sometimes, you become so self-conscious that you start holding yourself responsible for everything that goes wrong with you. And it’s a chain reaction that pushes you deep down into the quagmire of insecurity and anxiety.

Self-introspection is good. But make sure that it doesn’t become an obsession that further escalates your relationship insecurities.

Try to develop proper reasoning. Not all bad happens because of you. Seek professional help or read self-help books to help you align your thoughts and eliminate insecurity.

3. Communicate to your partner about your insecurities

One of the best ways to overcome insecurity in relationships is to talk about them to your partner.

Talk to them, and tell them what makes you feel insecure.

For instance, is it them being too friendly to some girl or a boy other than you? Tell them and communicate with them about it. This is important as sometimes we need self-assurance to boost our confidence.

However, an important aspect here is that you tell your partner about it calmly instead of lashing out at them because it is not their fault either.

Thus, make sure to talk it out with your partner, and instead of making them suffer, seek a solution together.

Related Read: 20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship

4. Form a habit of looking at your positives daily or often at least

What causes insecurity in a relationship?

If you feel insecure in a relationship, ask yourself – do you often feel unloved?

This might not be the case, but you could impose these negative thoughts on yourself. You could be weighing your flaws way beyond, causing you to feel low about yourself.

It is no hidden fact that insecurities emerge from the things we lack and revolve around our negatives or flaws. These insecurities then start to make us feel less valuable as a whole, as our prime focus is only on our flaws at that moment.

Thus, looking at your positives every time you feel insecure about escaping this feeling is important.

In fact, make it a habit. Remind yourself of your worth and value, and be happy about who you are.

However, make sure that this does not lure you into being arrogant and away from humbleness, which is another toxic trait that can harm you as an individual and your other relationships.

5. Practice self-compassion and build a self-esteem

People who are insecure in relationships tend to have poor self-esteem. It explains that when we feel no satisfaction on the inside, even seeking validation on the outside does not help us much.

Thus, it is important to practice self-compassion and build strong self-esteem. This invokes satisfaction about who you are as a whole and allows you to love yourself.

This, on a bigger picture, cuts the root cause of your insecurities in the relationship, helping you achieve the peace you deserve!

The following provides you with essential advice on how to stop being insecure in a relationship.

6. Work on your weaknesses and accept them

To stop being insecure in a relationship, it is important to acknowledge the fact that no human being has ever been perfect.

Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor, adds,

Our weaknesses and strengths are what makes us unique. Accepting our weaknesses and finding ways to deal with them makes us better.

We all have our own set of positives and flaws, and it is completely perfect to be flawed. They are a part of your identity.

Thus, own them and remember that your flaws are not the only part of you. Adopt positive behavior towards yourself and others as well.

And additionally, work on your flaws if they can be fixed. 

7. Don’t be a people pleaser

To get over insecurity in your marriage, you might inadvertently resort to the habit of pleasing your spouse for no reason. You might compromise on the wrong foot, inviting yourself into more trouble.

Remember that you cannot get rid of insecurities by being fake and trying to please your spouse, other family members, or friends. Some selfish people around can take good advantage of this habit.

So, how to get over insecurities in this case?

You need to practice self-love if you want to stop being insecure in a relationship. You cannot expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself the way you are.

And, in this process, if you happen to annoy somebody around you, let go! You are not liable to keep everyone happy. If people misinterpret your actions, you can try to explain yourself politely by holding your head high.

If you still find yourself ruminating over how to deal with trust issues and insecurities in a relationship, you must seek professional help.

8. Ask for professional help

Being insecure in a relationship is not just damaging to your relationship but also to your mental health and emotional well-being.

Sometimes, as much as you want to, getting over insecurity in a relationship can be tough and unbearable.

It’s not too late! There is still hope, and you can still do it with the help of a licensed therapist.

A professional counselor or therapist can help you decipher the underlying problems leading to insecurity and other behavioral issues. By using a systematic approach, they can equip you to identify your concerns and tackle them effectively.

It would also be helpful if you and your partner would work on this together. As you overcome your insecurities, you’re also strengthening your relationship.

9. Stop asking for reassurance

Who wouldn’t want to feel secure in the person they love? If your partner reassures you, it gives you peace, especially when you feel insecure.

However, this could be addicting.

Some partners would always assure their insecure partner, hoping they would remember all this and feel better.

Unfortunately, this can backfire. Instead of feeling better, the insecure partner gets addicted to being pacified.

The insecurities grow and become a vicious cycle until your partner gets tired of always giving you compliments and assurance.

Christiana Njoku states, 

Always seeking validation and reassurance from your partner is a sign of insecurity in a relationship. Learn to feel good about yourself without necessarily seeking validation from others.

Learning how to be less insecure in a relationship starts with controlling yourself from asking for reassurance. If you feel insecure, deal with it. Pacify yourself and learn to reason on your own.

You don’t have to depend on anyone else, especially your partner, to feel better about yourself.

10. Start doing and enjoying things independently

Lastly, if you want to know how to not be insecure in a relationship, you need to be independent and see your worth.

You can do everything so your partner can be sweeter, have more time with you, etc. But the truth is, you’re the only one who can control your intrusive thoughts.

How can you escape the addicting thoughts when they attack?

Be busy and divert your thoughts. Start doing things on your own and learn to enjoy your own company.

Remember this:

“Your happiness doesn’t rely on someone else, even with your partner or your kids. Happiness starts with you.”

You don’t have to spend all your time with your partner.

Do things you love and enjoy! If you want to unwind, do so. If you want to feel relaxed and go watch a movie, do it and be happy.

Robert Sharma, a best-selling author and global leadership coach, teaches us how to be comfortable and enjoy being alone.

FAQ’s

Do you still remember when you were not insecure? Aside from the tips given above, it would be better to understand the difference between being in a secure relationship and an insecure one.

What does a secure relationship feel like?

Once you learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship, you experience what it’s like to be in a secure partnership.

In a secure relationship, both put in equal effort, trust, honesty, loyalty, love, and respect for each other.

There is open communication, and doubt is almost non-existent. An open and honest relationship has deep communication, where couples talk about issues rather than keeping them in.

They value each other’s opinions, and they aim for mutual growth, and the best part is that they both feel secure with one another.

Related Read: What Is Security in a Relationship?

Can insecurity ruin a relationship?

Learning how to stop being insecure in a relationship is important because we don’t want our relationship to end just because of this issue.

Insecurity in a relationship is like a poison that kills the trust and love of couples. It may start small, but soon, you will seek constant reassurance, and once that has controlled your thinking, you’ll start being toxic.

So, if you ask if insecurities could kill a relationship? The answer is a big yes.

Now, will you let it, or will you do something?

Final thought

Like any other self-improvement goal, learning how to stop being insecure in a relationship is a lot of work, but it’s definitely worth it.

Don’t let your love and respect for each other be tainted with negative emotions such as insecurities. Follow the steps to recover from insecurities and work to be better – together.