17 Ways to Turn around a Rollercoaster Relationship

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Imagine being on a thrilling roller coaster: one moment you’re soaring high, exhilarated by love and connection, and the next, you’re plummeting into emotional turmoil and doubt. This is the reality for many couples navigating a roller-coaster relationship. 

The ups and downs can be both exhilarating and exhausting, leaving partners feeling drained and uncertain about their future together. However, it’s possible to turn around a rollercoaster relationship with intentional effort and understanding. 

By recognizing the patterns that contribute to emotional instability and implementing practical strategies, couples can foster a more balanced and fulfilling partnership. 

In this article, we’ll look at what causes these emotional roller coasters and share effective tips to help you regain control and stability in your relationship.

What is a rollercoaster relationship?

A rollercoaster relationship is characterized by extreme highs and lows. 

One moment you might feel intense love and passion, and the next you’re in a heated argument or experiencing deep insecurity. This constant instability creates a cycle of excitement and drama, followed by conflict and uncertainty. 

These relationships are often fueled by a lack of trust, poor communication, and inconsistent emotional connection. While the highs can be exhilarating, the lows can be emotionally draining and damaging.

While some say love is like a roller coaster, it isn’t the same as an emotional roller coaster. A typical love relationship is stable and full of highs and downs. However, they are emotionally stable with healthy ways of resolving conflicts. 

An emotional roller coaster drives you down the hill of heartbreaks, leaving you shallow and bitter.

What causes an emotional roller coaster?

An emotional roller coaster happens for several reasons you may not know. It is characterized by impulsive and irrational decisions, rapidly changing decisions, intense anger, swirling emotions, and angry and unnecessary rants.

In a relationship, emotions can feel like a roller coaster ride when you allow your emotions to get the better of you. Life is full of uncertainties, and so is your relationship. It’s not perfect like you watch on television. How you feel about it is what determines the state of your relationship. When you focus on negative emotions, it affects your reaction.

Some of the causes of an emotional roller include:

1. Fear of abandonment

A top reason for an emotional roller coaster in a relationship is an unsettling fear of someone leaving. People with unstable emotions become insecure in their relationships and, as a result, show frantic efforts to avoid their partner leaving them, even if it’s imagined.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

Feeling secure in a relationship often has a lot to do with the person, not the partner. Working to feel secure within yourself is a good way to start feeling secure with your partner.

Sometimes, they push their loved ones away.

2. Overthinking

Someone who overthinks also worries a lot about imagined ideas rather than actual events. 

Consequently, this anxiety that something might not go their way affects their mood and makes them react. Accepting that relational life is a roller coaster is the best way to avoid overthinking.

3. Intense emotions

Extreme emotions can occur from hours to days. It fluctuates rapidly, showing a progression from overthinking, depression, hopelessness, anxiety, panic attacks, anger, aggression, and self-harm to suicidal thoughts.

4. Feeling of emptiness

Another reason for an emotional roller coaster is the uneasy feeling of loneliness and boredom. Also, people with unstable emotions may feel like they don’t belong or lack a sense of purpose.

Just as Maggie Martinez suggests:

These feelings can cause someone to want to feel negative emotions just to feel SOMETHING.

5. Lack of a sense of purpose

People with emotional roller coasters often have no sense of direction. Also, their goals, principles, and values may appear unstable or shift over time. 

For example, you might see them switch careers quickly or go from one relationship to another. In addition, an emotionally unstable person lacks self-confidence and self-esteem. 

6. Unstable relationship with loved ones

Family members and friends often shield one another from life issues. It will affect your subsequent relationship if you have no connection or a shaky one with your loved ones. Anger, aggression, and devaluation will dominate your dealings with other people.

17 ways to turn around a rollercoaster relationship

Dealing with the ups and downs of a roller-coaster relationship can be challenging, but implementing practical strategies can help. 

The following tips provide guidance on how to turn around a relationship marked by emotional turmoil. By fostering healthy communication and setting boundaries, couples can work toward a more stable and fulfilling partnership.

1. Be patient

A way to deal with the roller coasters of emotions ideally is to take a deep breath and be patient. Accepting that relational life is a roller coaster full of good and bad moments will help you understand things better. 

Besides, understand that you and your partner have different backgrounds, experiences, and upbringings. As such, you will react to issues differently, which doesn’t make anyone feel less valid.

2. Stay open-minded

When issues arise, it’s easy to close your mind to your partner and ignore them. However, there are better solutions than this. Instead, be mindful and check with yourself about the source of your feelings. Where is it coming from, and why? 

Also, you can take a walk when conflicts come up to cool off, then meet your partner to explain your perspective. Remember, you are both different and see things differently. The goal is to allow your partner to understand your feelings and point of view.

3. Practice mindfulness

Constantly dealing with issues of life can take a toll on your emotions. Thankfully, a way out is mindfulness. 

This state describes observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. You accept them as they come without labeling them as good or bad. When you know why you feel the way you think, you are better off combating them as quickly as they come.

4. Think before you act

Whenever you are compelled to act in the heat of an argument or dispute, pause, anger from the feeling of hurt can make you throw caution in the air and act irrationally. Instead, take a deep breath and calm down. It might help if you walk away to calm down before meeting your partner. 

This break might help you see things from an indifferent perspective and give you time to reassess your decision. Hasty decisions often don’t end well. When you realize the damage, it might be too late to rectify the situation.

5. Don’t compare your relationship with others

We have all pictured a perfect relationship with no qualms. However, a wrong move you can take concerning your relationship is to use others’ partnership as a metric to measure yours. Each relationship is unique in its ups and downs. 

No matter how flawless it looks to you, another person’s relationship has its problems as well. You are not alone! You can never know what others deal with in their partnership. Therefore, avoiding judging or comparing your reality to theirs is better.

6. Identify the causes of your emotional roller coaster relationship

Now, it’s time to have a one-to-one discussion with yourself. It might help if you ask yourself the following questions:

• Why do you feel this way?
• When did these unstable emotions start?
• Have you always been this way? If no. 
• When did things change around?
• Who was about during the time you changed?
• Is there something in my background that caused this emotional roller coaster?

These questions might help you see things clearly and get to the root of the matter. An emotional roller coaster often results from adverse childhood experiences (ACE). Other causes include anger, stress, and anxiety. 

Therefore, you should dig deeper into your upbringing and background. In addition, you may need to talk to your partner to hear their side as well.

7. Talk to your partner

Besides discussing with your partner the possible cause of the roller coaster of emotions in your relationship, you should have a one-to-one conversation. This time around, let it be an intentional communication done in an unhealthy way. Love is like a roller coaster, but most relationships don’t start this way. 

The beginning is often exciting and full of happy moments. So, what changed in your situation? Why do you have a recurrence of cases? When did it start? This conversation will help you analyze the problem and map a plausible solution together.

8. Learn to accept your feelings

The psychology behind roller coasters is that you can feel them; they are right there. So, there is little you can do to run away from them. However, you can mitigate the situation by accepting them. 

Feel everything that comes to you, even if you don’t like them. Then, take them without judging them as good or bad. Remember, you are a human to have this feeling. And it doesn’t mean you are overreacting.

9. Express your feelings clearly

Again, the psychology behind roller coasters is that feelings come at you very fast. You think about many things simultaneously, and focusing on one becomes challenging. Therefore, your best option in this situation is to communicate better. 

Focus on one emotion at a time and describe it clearly to your partner. When you are alone, imagine your partner is in front of you and talking to them. Then, when you see them in real life, do the same without mincing words.

10. Forgive

The easiest reaction in a tense situation is to flare up and act rashly. Anger can be so overwhelming that it prevents you from seeing the good in things. However, it is best to forgive your partner. 

Forgiveness in a relationship is an important skill every person should learn. It helps you reconnect with your partner and gives you the strength to develop the relationship. Besides, it makes you an emotionally mature person who isn’t clouded or controlled by situations. It also helps you move on as quickly as possible.

11. Align your relationship with your goals

During your discussion with your partner, you might have realized that you and your partner are different. While this is okay, a wide gap might indicate that you will have more significant issues in the future. 

Most successful relationships involve partners who want the same thing. If your and your partner’s goals differ, you might have problems later. As a result, it might lead to resentment, anger, and frustration.

12. Don’t have too many expectations

You aren’t perfect, and the same goes for your partner. Regardless of the experience in the past, it is best to avoid placing your partner on some unrealistic metrics and expect them to act accordingly. 

Life can become unpleasant when you think you can control things. Instead, be open to possibilities and change and give room for the unexpected. In turn, it limits the feeling of disappointment or dissatisfaction.

13. Create a healthy relationship 

After highlighting your goals for your relationship, it’s time to focus on having a healthy partnership. A healthy relationship is emotionally stable and open to constant and intentional communication. It has issues, but the individuals concerned usually find a way around them.

14. Take care of yourself

Self-care is the best way to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence. Paying attention to yourself has been proven to boost one’s mood.

Clinical social worker Maggie Martinez further explains:

Remember that when you feel good, your relationship will too.

Go for an outing and enjoy yourself. Take yourself out shopping with the little you have. Indulge in some cravings and go somewhere new. It helps you see things better and clear your mind.

15. Consider relationship counseling

Seeking help isn’t an act of cowardice. Instead, it shows strength. When it seems you have tried everything to make it work, but it proves abortive, it’s best to go for relationship counseling. 

A therapist or marriage counselor can help you highlight and analyze the issues in your relationship. They also proffer suitable and proven solutions to them.

16. Establish boundaries  

Setting and respecting boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Clearly communicate your needs and limits to your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Establishing boundaries helps create a sense of safety and respect, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts. 

Discuss what behaviors are acceptable and what aren’t; this is essential in how to turn around a bad relationship.

17. Celebrate small wins  

Recognizing and celebrating small achievements in your relationship can foster positivity and strengthen your bond. Take the time to acknowledge moments of connection, progress in communication, or successful conflict resolution. 

Whether it’s a simple thank you, a heartfelt compliment, or planning a special date, celebrating these wins can help you turn around a rollercoaster relationship and reinforce your commitment to each other.

10 ways to cope with a rollercoaster relationship

If you find more reasons to stay in a roller coaster relationship than leave, it is best to consider ways to cope. This step will help you deal with the situation better without compromising your feelings for your partner. Here they are:

1. Highlight the good things in your relationship

Sometimes it’s easy to focus on the bad experiences while neglecting the good ones. However, this leaves you empty and sad. Instead, highlight all the ways that your relationship has made you happy. 

Remember how you both started and the activities You did. This will lift your mood and even help you make an informed decision.

• Start with this: Keep a gratitude journal specifically for your relationship. Each week, write down three things you appreciate about your partner or moments that made you happy. This can help you learn how to turn things around in a relationship by focusing on the positives.

2. Focus on your partner’s good side

Think about all the times your partner has made you happy. The truth is that person is still there. All you need is to harness a way to wake that part up.

• Start with this: Set aside time to verbally acknowledge at least one positive trait or action of your partner every day. This could be during a casual conversation or a designated “appreciation moment,” which is crucial if you want to learn how to turn a failing relationship around.

3. Make your partner happy

Understanding an emotional roller coaster’s meaning will help you see that sometimes your partner wants to be happy. So, please do something to elevate their mood for a change. You may encourage them to try a new activity, plan a dimmer date or join them in an activity they enjoy.

• Start with this: Plan a surprise date night or activity tailored to your partner’s interests. This could be a picnic at their favorite park, cooking their favorite meal, or watching a movie they love, which can help you turn around a rollercoaster relationship by showing care and thoughtfulness.

4. Work on yourself 

Self-evaluation is the best mirror you need when you have constant conflicts in your relationship. Is your partner just ranting, or are there elements of truth in what they say? See if you are doing something correctly before you label your partner. After all, no one is perfect.

• Start with this: Schedule a weekly reflection session where you evaluate your own behavior in the relationship. Ask yourself if there are patterns you can improve upon and set one specific personal goal to work on each week. This personal growth can contribute to your ability to turn around a rollercoaster relationship.

5. Understand their perspective

Switch up your approach to issues by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. See things from their perspective. If they complain that you neglect things, ask yourself why they feel this way.

• Start with this: Practice active listening during conversations. Repeat back what your partner says to ensure you understand their point of view, and ask open-ended questions to delve deeper into their feelings, aiding you in how to turn things around in a relationship.

6. Accept that things happen

Accepting that relational life is a roller coaster will help you understand that things in your relationship are no different from others. You will always disagree with your partner since you are different. The best way to accept them and seek solutions together.

• Start with this: Create a mantra or affirmation to remind yourself that ups and downs are normal in relationships. Whenever you feel frustrated, repeat this affirmation to help shift your mindset. This acceptance can help you better turn around a rollercoaster relationship.

To learn more about how acceptance can be a tool to deal with both interpersonal issues, as well have a healthier personal state of mind, watch this video:

7. Focus on solutions

Dwelling on problems is time-wasting. Instead, focus on seeking solutions to the issue at hand.

• Start with this: Establish a “problem-solving meeting” with your partner where you both can discuss one issue at a time, brainstorming solutions together rather than venting frustrations. This solution-oriented approach is key to how to turn a failing relationship around.

8. Don’t attack your partner

No matter how heated the situation is, do not attack your partner emotionally or physically. Hurtful words scar your mind, while physical injury can be hard to forget. It is also unhealthy.

• Start with this: Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements during disagreements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…” to prevent the conversation from becoming accusatory, which can be crucial for learning how to turn things around in a relationship.

9. Go out often

If you have a roller coaster of emotions constantly, going out often might help. Attending events or visiting friends can lighten your mood and help you focus on other things. It also brings a breath of fresh air and new thinking.

• Start with this: Schedule at least one outing per week, whether it’s visiting friends, going to a local event, or trying a new restaurant together. This can help provide a refreshing break from routine and is an important step to turn around a rollercoaster relationship.

10. Love yourself

While you focus on loving your partner, don’t neglect yourself. Loving yourself helps you make better decisions. You will only have yourself to deal with when things don’t go your way.

• Start with this: Dedicate time each week for self-care activities that you enjoy, such as reading, exercising, or pursuing a hobby. Prioritize this time in your calendar as you would any important appointment, as loving yourself is foundational to learning how to turn a failing relationship around.

Takeaway

If you find yourself in an emotionally rollercoaster relationship, it’s time to take action and implement strategies that can lead to a turnaround. By focusing on communication, empathy, and shared goals, you can transform the ups and downs into a more stable and fulfilling partnership. 

Remember, every relationship faces challenges, but with commitment and effort, you can navigate these turbulent times together. 

Take the first step by discussing your feelings openly with your partner and exploring ways to address the underlying issues. Don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance if needed. 

Together, you can turn around a rollercoaster relationship and create a stronger foundation for a happier future. Your relationship deserves the effort!