How to Stop Being Shy in a Relationship: 17 Tips

Listen to this article

Imagine you’re on a date, heart racing, struggling to make eye contact as your mind fills with self-doubt. This scenario is all too familiar for many people, especially those looking to forge deeper connections.

Understanding how to stop being shy in a relationship is essential for nurturing intimacy and communication. Getting over shyness can significantly enhance your romantic experiences, allowing you to express your feelings openly and engage meaningfully with your partner. 

While shyness may offer a sense of protection, it can also create barriers that prevent you from fully enjoying a relationship. 

In this article, we’ll explore the nature of shyness, its impact on relationships, and practical tips to help you overcome it and thrive in love.

Is shyness good for a relationship?

Yes, shyness can be good for a relationship in some ways. 

Shy individuals often exhibit qualities like being thoughtful listeners, good observers, and considerate partners. Their introspective nature allows them to understand their partner’s needs and emotions on a deeper level. 

Additionally, shyness can make a person appear more approachable and less intimidating, which can be attractive to some. 

However, it’s important to balance shyness with open communication to ensure healthy relationship development.

Is it normal to be shy in relationships?

Yes, it is normal to be shy in a relationship, especially at the beginning getting along might not be smooth. Even if you have known your love interest for a long time, dating requires another level of interaction. 

You want to know each other’s interests, hobbies, likeness, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Getting through this level in the relationship usually involves some awkwardness. However, usually after some months, you should be able to relate with your partner normally.

However, if you find it challenging to keep eye contact with your partner, go out or hold a conversation all the time because you are frightened, you are dealing with shyness. All you need to do is learn how to stop being shy or be less shy around your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Why do shy people find getting into a relationship so difficult?

Human interaction is pertinent to living a fulfilled life. Unfortunately, extreme shyness denies you this advantage. If you avoid social interactions or anything that involves long discussions, you may be dealing with social anxiety.

A relationship permits partners to be vulnerable with each other. Many people will assume you are snobbish if you avoid talking to them. Therefore, your partner may not open up as well. 

Vulnerability isn’t a forte of a shy person.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

This can lead them to feel less inclined to want to be around others or engage in extended interactions with others out of fear.

Besides, shyness makes people develop some physical and emotional symptoms. For example, when a shy person sees their partner coming, they might begin to sweat or palpitate. A shy person can also develop depression and become emotionally unstable with constant isolation.

Most people don’t like to deal people they perceive as snobbish. So, learn ways to overcome shyness as an intimate relationship may not be possible for a shy person due to other people’s perception of them.

How to stop being shy in a relationship: 15 tips

Being nervous and shy every day is not the way to live. You need to stop being shy and embrace interacting with people. It doesn’t have to be constant, but you shouldn’t be scared of being in the midst of other people. Here are tips showing how to stop being shy:

1. Explore the root causes

The reason behind shyness can be different for different people. Some people are shy from the beginning, while others change because of certain experiences. Some of the common reasons for shyness, according to experts, are:

• Parenting style
• Genetics
• Life experiences
• Childhood experience
• Trauma
• Bullying
• Family issues

For example, if your parents used to prevent you from going out when you were younger, you can have trouble interacting with other people. Extremely strict and controlling parents can bring up shy children.

In addition, if you face too many rejections or criticisms, you may not want to put yourself in similar situations in the future. Getting to the source is the first step to overcoming shyness.

Maggie Martinez further states:

Once you’ve identified where this may be coming from, you can take the steps to expose yourself to more social situations to decrease anxiety.

2. Determine if you are shy

The word shyness is often attached to other conditions. For example, it’s not strange to see shyness, introversion and social anxiety being used interchangeably. 

Introversion is a personality trait that focuses on one’s thoughts and feelings rather than external factors. 

Of course, shyness involves some social anxiety traits, but it doesn’t entirely qualify for it. It may be challenging, but interaction becomes easy once a shy person is comfortable around others.

3. Identify the triggers

How can I stop being shy? One way to do that is to recognize the triggers of shyness. You can assess who, what are why you end up feeling shy. 

Do you get scared in front of a crowd? Is it when you meet someone new or when you ask someone out? 

By getting familiar with these events, you can prepare yourself in advance to handle shyness in different situations.

4. Create a plan for tough situations

Now that you know all the situations that make you anxious, sketch out a plan for each of them. For example, if meeting a new person brings out your shyness, write down how you plan to solve it. You may check the following plan:

• Start by saying hello
• Tell the other person your name
• Ask for their name

Even though making a plan on paper isn’t the same as a real-life situation, it boosts your confidence to go out more.

5. Consider shyness as your strength

Instead of seeing shyness as your weakness, it may help to explore it as your strength. Think about it; not going out as often protects you from specific threats outside. 

Also, it allows you to try new skills, hobbies and interests. Seeing shyness from a new perspective might boost your self-esteem and confidence – a baby step in learning how to stop being shy and awkward.

6. Do some research

Another way to learn how to stop being shy is to arm yourself with ample information about people and places. For instance, if you meet someone new, you can google up the latest news in town, any new government policy, celebrity news, etc. 

You don’t have to do deep academic research. All you need is the gist of information to have enough to say if any conversation comes up. It can even help you initiate a discussion that you can comfortably talk about.

7. Maintain eye contact

Maintaining eye contact is one of the ways to build active listening in conversations. Looking at someone when they speak shows you are confident and value the speaker. It also shows the speaker you are listening to them, which makes them tell you things without holding back. 

Eye contact ultimately creates a connection without trying much.

8. Focus on your goals

Do you want to know how to overcome being shy? Right now, your focus must be on yourself, not on people’s perceptions of you. After writing down your plan of getting over being shy, don’t let the fear of being judged crumble your plan. 

You may feel people are thinking about you, but everyone usually has problems in their own life that they are focused on. Therefore, focus on your plan to overcome shyness.

9. Participate in conversations more

One of the top ways to overcome shyness is to communicate more. Look for any chance that involves conversations on different topics, and participate. 

You don’t need to be actively engaged in the conversation. Just be in tune with the chatter around you and use your facial expressions. With time, you can start contributing.

10. Ask simple questions

You can also overcome shyness by asking simple questions in conversations. This trick can act as the foundation for deeper conversations. 

Asking questions gives you time to respond, listen attentively and plan what to say next. For example, if you meet someone in a restaurant, you can ask, “What do you think about this place?”

11. Smile

Smiling doesn’t just make you look good but also approachable, accommodating and friendly. Besides, it puts your partner at ease, making them converse with you more easily.

12. Don’t pretend

Planning how you will act when you go outside doesn’t mean you have to pretend. Pretending to be bold and courageous might help for a while, but it leaves you exhausted. Instead, take one step at a time.

13. Be vulnerable

Many shy people have challenges letting people know about their fears, insecurities and weaknesses. If you want to overcome shyness, be open-minded in conversation.

Maggie Martinez adds that:

You can also share something that you normally wouldn’t when you first talk to someone if it feels appropriate.

One subtle way to start is to tell a stranger that you are a shy person or you narrate a story from your background.

14. Invest in personal care

Personal care generally boosts one’s morale and confidence. For example, buying new clothes, going to a spa, massage and getting a new haircut to make you seem more presentable. This can help you relate well to any type of personality.

15. Talk to a therapist

Although shyness isn’t a mental condition, it can lead to emotional and psychological distress. That may affect your day-to-day activities and cause concern for your family members. Thankfully, a therapist can help you sail through this challenge. For example, a therapist can help you:

• Identify the causes of shyness
• Manage the effect of shyness in your life
• Create strategies to help you relate with people
• Identify other social concerns you may have

16. Practice active listening

Engaging in active listening can significantly reduce anxiety in conversations. Instead of worrying about what to say next, focus fully on the speaker. 

Nod, maintain eye contact, and ask follow-up questions based on what they share. This not only helps you feel more present in the moment but also takes the pressure off you to constantly contribute to the conversation. 

By showing genuine interest, you can create a more comfortable atmosphere for both you and the other person.

To learn more about the art of active listening, watch this video:

17. Join social groups or clubs

Participating in social groups or clubs that align with your interests can be an effective way to ease into social interactions. 

Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals creates a more relaxed environment where conversations can flow naturally. 

Whether it’s a book club, a sports team, or a hobby group, these settings often foster camaraderie and provide opportunities to practice social skills in a low-pressure context. Over time, as you get to know the group, your confidence in interacting with others will likely grow.

7 common causes of shyness

Shyness is a complex emotional response that can arise in various social situations, including romantic relationships. Understanding its underlying causes can help individuals manage their feelings and improve their connections with others. 

Here we explore the different factors that contribute to shyness, particularly in the context of intimate partnerships. 

1. Early experiences

Shyness often stems from negative social interactions in childhood, such as bullying or ridicule. These experiences can lead to feelings of unworthiness and internalized beliefs that persist into adulthood. 

For example, you might find yourself wondering, “Why do I get shy so fast?” when faced with social situations that remind you of those past experiences.

2. Personality traits

Some individuals are naturally introverted or reserved, making social situations more challenging. Introverts may feel drained by social interactions, which can contribute to feelings of shyness, especially in unfamiliar settings. 

If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I feel shy around my partner?” it could be that your personality makes it difficult to open up, even to those you care about most.

3. Cultural factors

Cultural background influences comfort levels in social situations. In cultures that prioritize humility or discourage self-expression, individuals may feel shy or anxious about engaging socially. These cultural expectations can make you ponder, “Why am I still shy around my partner?” even when they are supportive and understanding.

4. Parental influence

Parenting styles significantly impact a child’s social development. Overprotective or critical parents may instill insecurity and fear of failure, leading to avoidance of social interactions and shyness in adulthood. This influence can linger, making it harder to feel secure in expressing yourself within relationships.

5. Social anxiety

Shyness can be linked to social anxiety disorder (SAD), characterized by intense fear of judgment in social situations. This fear often leads to avoidance, making it difficult to form connections. Understanding that this anxiety can be a contributing factor to your shyness can help you address it more effectively.

6. Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem plays a significant role in shyness. Negative self-beliefs can hinder assertiveness in social situations, causing individuals to withdraw and miss opportunities for connection. Building self-esteem through positive reinforcement and self-acceptance can help mitigate feelings of shyness and promote healthier relationships.

7. Past relationship experiences

Previous negative experiences in relationships, such as heartbreak or rejection, can foster hesitance in new romantic endeavors. This fear of repeating past mistakes can create barriers to open communication and intimacy. Reflecting on these experiences can help you understand your current feelings of shyness, especially around your partner.

Conclusion

If you’re looking to enhance your romantic life, it’s time to take action on how to stop being shy in a relationship. 

Remember that overcoming shyness is a gradual process; each step you take brings you closer to the confidence you desire. 

Embrace the journey, and don’t hesitate to seek support when needed. Consider how to stop being so shy by practicing the tips shared in this article, such as open communication and setting small goals. 

As you grow more comfortable with yourself, you’ll find it easier to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Transform your shyness into a strength, and watch your relationship flourish in ways you never thought possible. Take that first step today!