10 Best Ways to Outsmart a Romance Scammer

The world of online dating can be incredibly useful, and for some, it can lead to finding a lifelong partner. However, the anonymity of the Internet can compel some scammers to use online dating profiles to find victims.

These scammers will lure in their victims with promises of fairytale love, only to end up extracting money from the victims. 

 If you’re using Internet dating apps or websites, it’s important to know how to outsmart a romance scammer so you don’t end up with a broken heart and in some cases, thousands of dollars of debt. 

How can you tell if someone is a romance scammer? 

The best way to tell that someone is a romance scammer is that they are just seeking something from you. They may be overly friendly and affectionate in the beginning, but they will quickly begin asking for things from you, most often money.

A romance scammer may suddenly claim to have a tragic incident, such as being robbed, and ask that you wire them thousands of dollars. Or, they may claim that they cannot come to see you until you send money for a plane ticket.

Because you’re blinded by love, if you’re dealing with a romance scammer, you may agree to send the money. The scammer will make promises to meet up with you, marry you, or come to visit, but they never show, even if you send money for tickets and other travel expenses. 

If you want to know how to outsmart a scammer, it’s important to realize that romance scammers are experts. They use carefully calculated actions to get victims to fall in love with them, and then they take advantage of the victim financially.

A romance scammer will often have a perfectly crafted story, but in reality, they have created a fake profile. They’re pretending to be someone they aren’t in order to extract money.

If you’ve been communicating with someone for several months, and they ultimately ask you for money, despite never meeting you, they’re probably a romance scammer. 

The following video provides more information about what romance scamming is, as well as how to outsmart a scammer if you ever encounter one:

How do you know if someone is scamming you? 

If you’ve fallen for someone you’ve met online, you may not recognize when you’re being scammed. Scammers often target people who might fall into a category of being more vulnerable to manipulation.  Sometimes a deep craving for connection, isolation, age, or even grief can make someone a target.  If you want to know how to catch a romance scammer, look for the following signs that suggest this person isn’t being genuine:

• They rush into a relationship much more quickly than expected because they’re desperate to get you attached.
• They shower you with affection and attention, even though you’ve never even met.
• Their profile seems unrealistic. For instance, they seem to be a “dream partner” with a high-paying, prestigious job and photos that look as if they were taken from a fashion magazine.
• They state that they want to meet in person, but they never follow through with this.
• They make statements about wanting to get married early on in the relationship.
• You make plans to meet up with this person, but they always come up with a last-minute excuse about why they cannot see you.
• They ask for financial information, such as your bank account numbers.
• They come up with elaborate stories about why they need money for you. For instance, they may claim to be the victim of a terrible crime, or they will have a tragic workplace accident. 

10 ways to outsmart a romance scammer

If you want to know how to stop a romance scammer, it’s helpful to understand the tactics that these people use, as well as the signs of scamming above. Below are 10 tips for how to outsmart a romance scammer so you do not fall victim to their tactics. 

1. Request a current picture

Pictures of romance scammers are often photos that have been stolen from elsewhere on the Internet. In some cases, a romance scammer may take a photo of a model or other attractive person from a webpage and claim it as their own in their dating profile.

That being said, one of the best ways how to stop a romance scammer is to request a current picture. 

To ensure that it’s current, ask them to perform a specific action, such as putting their finger on their nose, or ask them to hold a sheet of paper with the current date.

A romance scammer will not be able to send such a picture because if they did, their true identity would be revealed. Rather than sending a photo, a scammer will have a list of excuses why this isn’t possible. 

2. Keep an eye out for inconsistencies 

Perhaps the best way to mess with a romance scammer is to keep an eye out for inconsistencies as soon as you start to suspect that this person isn’t legitimate. Sometimes multiple people will work together on dating scams, and they may not always communicate in the same way.

For example, you might catch a scammer if in one conversation they claim to work in construction, but in another conversation, they mention working in transportation. Or, the usual lingo that they use during conversation may change.

Call the scammer out on their inconsistencies, and they may leave you alone altogether, because they’ll realize that you’re onto them.

3. Ask them to meet in person

Some questions to ask a romance scammer are when and where they’d like to meet in person. A scammer will be very forward with you about wanting to spend their life with you, but as soon as you request to meet in person, they’ll have an excuse not to.

Ask them to meet in person at a public location. If they decline, avoid the question, or make excuses, it’s time to cut off contact. 

4. Ask detailed questions 

Since scammers rush into relationships to try to win you over, they often don’t provide anything more than superficial, surface-level information about themselves. 

They may claim to have all the same interests as you in terms of music, hobbies, and work, but in reality, they don’t know much about you at all.

If you’re looking for strategies for how to outsmart a romance scammer,  begin asking them specific questions about their interests. 

For instance, if they claim to like the same music as you, ask them about their favorite albums, or if they claim to be interested in running, ask about their favorite road races.

A scammer who isn’t legitimate won’t be able to give detailed information.

“ A common manipulation tactic for a scammer is to overwhelm the target with feelings of being important, special and doted on.  This one sided trend in affection is often a clear sign something isn’t right in the relationship.” said by Emily Pray.

Related Reading: 100 Interesting Questions to Ask Your Crush

5. Request a video chat 

A surefire method of how to stop a romance scammer is to request a video chat. Because scammers pretend to be someone they aren’t, a video chat would reveal their true identity.

For instance, if a romance scammer claims they are a construction worker stationed across the country, but they video chat you from a local motel room, it would be pretty clear that they are running a scam.  

Once you request a video chat, they are likely to become fearful and leave you alone, or they will make every excuse under the sun about why they cannot chat via video. 

6. Refuse to give out personal information

Romance scammers will request personal information, such as email addresses, bank account logins, and addresses. One of the top ways how to catch a romance scammer is to refuse to provide any such information.

Once a scammer realizes that you’re not going to give them personal details, they’ll move on to another victim who will provide them with what they want. 

7. Copy and paste their profile

People who are legitimately looking for love will create their own unique profile on a dating site, but scammers may copy and paste information from another profile or webpage because they’re trying to throw something together quickly.

If someone’s profile seems too good to be true, copy and paste portions of it into a Google search. If you find results that take you to other pages or another person’s profile, they’re probably stealing the info and creating a fake profile for the purpose of scamming. 

8. Ask for their phone number 

It’s normal to ask someone for their phone number when you’re dating, but a scammer will be hesitant to give out this information. You could perform a reverse phone number search and learn their true identity, which would put an end to their act.

When asked for their phone number, scammers will have an excuse, such as stating that they are out of minutes or that their phone was stolen. 

Related Reading: My Wife Is Addicted to Her Phone: What to Do?

9. Do some research

Romance scammers often claim to have successful careers as doctors, engineers, or construction managers. This is because having a lucrative career makes them attractive to potential victims. 

Instead of falling for these claims, do some background research on the person. If they claim to be an engineer, but you can find nothing about their professional life anywhere else on the Internet, it’s probably fake.

10. Report them to authorities

One of the main ways how to outsmart a romance scammer is to report them to authorities. Scammers often believe that they are smarter than others and that they’ll win you over with their forwardness and their promises of love and affection.

When you report their behavior, you’ll probably stop them in their tracks. File a report through the Federal Trade Commission, and you might be able to stop this person from scamming in the future. 

How do you deal with a romance scammer?

So, what should you do to deal with a scammer? Once you have suspicions or you’ve found out how to outsmart a romance scammer, take the following steps to protect yourself: 

•  Cut off all contact; you may be tempted to stay in touch, but the only way to stay safe is to eliminate this person from your life.
• Never agree to send money to anyone you haven’t met in person; if the scammer asks for money, refuse to send it.
• Do not give out any personal information, such as addresses, bank account information, or anything else that would allow the scammer to steal your identity. 
• Do not fall for excuses, such as the scammer telling you that they’ve been in a horrible workplace accident and need money.
• If the scammer is not willing to have a video chat, meet in person, or have a legitimate phone call, do not continue to engage with this person because they are not actually interested in a relationship.

Some common questions 

Here are some more questions and their answers on the same topic. People who are wondering how to outsmart a romance scammer often have the following questions:

• Will a scammer video call you? 

A romance scammer will often refuse to video call because it would reveal their true identity. Remember, scammers pretend to be someone else in order to get you to fall in love.

Scammers hide behind the anonymity that the Internet provides, so if you ask for a video call, they will make excuses about why they cannot communicate through this method. 

• Can a scammer fall in love with his victim?

People often feel heartbroken when duped by a scammer because they were convinced the love was real. This may lead people to ask if scammers can actually fall in love.

If you’ve been a victim of a romance scammer, it’s important to understand that this person does not love you. Their only goal is to extract something from you, most often money. Any promises of love or a future together are manipulations. 

• How do you reveal a romance scammer?

The best way to detect that someone is a romance scanner is to recognize the following pattern: they quickly rush into a relationship and make promises of a blissful future together, but they will never meet up with you in person, nor will they talk with you via phone or video chat.

They will ask you to send them money to help them deal with some sort of crisis, but they will always have an excuse for why you cannot meet up in person or talk to each other. 

• How do I get over a scammer? 

If you’re trying to figure out how to get over a romance scammer, remember that this relationship is not real. 

You might convince yourself that it was, but you’ll move on more quickly if you repeat the truth to yourself: this was not a real person, but a scammer who tried to take advantage of me.

License Therapist Emily Pray says “It’s so important to recognize that your desire to connect with others isn’t a problem or a liability in and of itself.  Everyone deserves to pursue authentic connections in their lives.”

It can also be helpful to erase the false image you had of the scammer. Recognize that they were not the successful or attractive person they claimed to be in their dating profile. Instead, they were a criminal willing to take advantage of another person.

Don’t let your emotions take you down 

In our modern world, romance scamming is an unfortunate reality, but there are things you can do to protect yourself. 

When a person rushes quickly into a relationship after meeting you on a dating website but they refuse to ever meet up with you, they’re probably a scammer, especially if they ask for money.

The best thing to do is to immediately block this person so they cannot contact you. If you continue to struggle with romance scammers, or you have difficulty formulating healthy relationships, you may benefit from relationship counseling to help you learn tools for asserting yourself and forming fulfilling romantic relationships. 

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Dr. Jenni Schulz is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she earned her Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology from National University. She has worked in the social work field for 14 years and is currently a professor at Ashland University.... Read more She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. Dr. Schulz is licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and a school social worker through Ohio Department of Education. She currently works primarily as a crisis therapist at her local hospital and jail, while engaging in mental health consulting virtually. Read less

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