23 Ways to Focus on Yourself in a Relationship

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When it’s just us, we’re really good at prioritizing ourselves. Many people do well by themselves. However, once in a relationship, people can begin to lose their individuality to avoid trouble and satisfy their partner.

Don’t forget, this is not to say that pleasing and being pleased with your partner aren’t necessary in a relationship. However, every relationship requires a healthy balance of alone time and time shared with your partner. You must understand when you need distance and when you’ve gone overboard with your partner.

So, what happens when we get lost in a relationship? In the next few parts, we will learn more about how to focus on yourself in a relationship.

What does it really mean to “focus on yourself”?

When was the last time you gave yourself some “me” time? Is it really that long? That’s reasonable, considering that you most likely have a lot on your plate. 

On the other hand, you would like to spend time with your loved ones, which can lead to you agreeing to just about everything they ask. It is difficult to deny that your loved ones play an essential role in your life. 

However, if you neglect other parts of your life, you may begin to feel out of sync. And, as with most things in life, working on yourself while in a relationship is all about finding a fine balance.

Prioritizing your own needs and goals over those of others is the closest to “focusing on yourself” meaning. Consider your presence to be a garden, with each plant representing a different aspect of your well-being.

As you water each garden bed, your watering can will ultimately run dry. As a result, you must know which plants are deserving of your attention in order to avoid running out of supplies.

It does not suggest that you are actively focusing on one plant at the expense of others. It simply means that you are not depleting your watering can too fast in order to keep all of the plants happy.

Thus, focusing on yourself is comparable to recharging your watering can so that you can keep taking care of every aspect of your existence. Learning how to focus on yourself in a relationship can also help you recognize plants that require an unnecessary amount of water from you.

Making time for your passions and long-term objectives, for example, can help you understand what it means to focus on yourself. This increased self-esteem can spill over into your career and connections, resulting in a positive energy that you radiate to others.

At first, this may appear to be egocentric. However, taking a step back from your relationship is a chance to better yourself and start focusing on what is truly important in your life.

In the long run, understanding how to focus on yourself while in a relationship may encourage a healthy environment in which you and your partner can be individual people while appreciating each other for your uniqueness. 

It is one reason why it is critical for you to be able to do so in a partnership. More importantly, it is critical to discuss your priorities openly so that you can truly reflect on yourself and sort out what is best for you and your relationship. 

Understand that each pair will find its own conclusion. So, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for every couple on the planet; it is entirely dependent on the conversation.

23 ways to focus on yourself in your relationship

It’s natural to focus on relationships and become absorbed in other people because, after all, humans are sociable beings. Having your own identity is essential because you are a unique individual with your own personality, likes, and dislikes.

It can be tricky when it comes to focusing on yourself in a relationship, but you can learn to be your authentic self and walk the road to self-improvement. 

Only you can provide what you have to give, and knowing how to focus on yourself is one method of ensuring that.

Below, we have shared 23 tips to help you learn more about how to focus on yourself while in a relationship.

1. Be gentler with yourself

Being gentler with yourself is the most crucial stage in understanding how to stop looking for love and focus on yourself. Understand that you have the right to take care of yourself.

Be aware of negative ideas and self-talk. Also, try not to be too concerned with what others, including your partner, may think. Instead, think about how you’d like to spend your self-care time.

2. Don’t cover your partner’s emotions

Your partner has the same right to their feelings as you do to your privacy. Allow your partner to process their emotions if they are upset because you are focusing on yourself.

They’ll grow accustomed to your new boundary. If they don’t encourage you to take care of yourself, they might not be a good companion for you.

3. Take proper time alone

There is no right or wrong amount of alone time in a relationship. Your partner should recognize your need for quiet time, but you should also keep them informed and make time for them.

If you’d rather remain at home and do your stuff, don’t make it appear that you’re unhappy with the partnership. Allow your partner as much quiet time as they require.

4. Exercise

Even when it’s tough, exercise feels lovely. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. If you’re interested, you and your partner could train together.

5. Set goals

Every pair has relationship ambitions. However, take into account your personal objectives. Set short-term and long-term objectives and organize them into the small steps required to achieve them.

6. Maintain your connections

When people enter a new relationship, they typically overlook their friendships. So, invest time with your friends and reunite with them. You might not get as much time as you used to, but you can still make time for them.

7. Make time for your hobbies

If you took up a hobby before you started a relationship, pick up wherever you left off. Alternatively, choose something related to your talents. Find your interest and devote some of your time to it, as it is one way to learn how to give yourself attention.

8. Rearrange your living space

Take a look around your house. If it isn’t filled with items that bring you joy and signify pleasant memories, have a clear-out and throw away anything you don’t need.

9. Relive your nostalgic memories

Is there a show you no longer watch because your partner doesn’t like it? Consider the things you enjoy when no one is looking because they can refresh your identity as a person.

10. Appreciate the fresh air

Going outside has numerous health advantages, including better cognitive performance and reduced stress. Even if you don’t enjoy being outside, an easy walk to the park can be beneficial.

11. Fill out your diary

Journaling can help you process your ideas and feelings. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you gain clarity in your life.

12. Take good care of yourself

Maintain your health by consuming a well-balanced diet, sleeping well, and drinking plenty of water. Also, maintain your hair, face, and nails. Make sure your body and soul are both in decent shape.

13. Practice meditation

Mindful meditation is also an excellent method to cultivate self-compassion. Find a calm, silent location and settle into a comfortable posture. Focus on your breathing and relax your muscles.

14. Concentrate on your career

If you’re in a romantic relationship, don’t overlook your career. If you enjoy what you’re doing for a living, look for ways to improve. Otherwise, look for ways to get closer to your ideal career.

15. Don’t measure yourself against others

Don’t be fooled by perfect images on social media or the media’s unrealistic portrayal of appearance. When you compare yourself to others, you develop unrealistic standards.

16. Take daily breaks

If you need a break, ask for it and take it. Take breaks to savor the day and recharge your energy. Do something comforting to help you feel re-energized.

17. Understand how to say no

Those who hesitate to say no can be quite often overwhelmed by the number of things they must do for others. Make boundaries and simply say no to people.

18. Turn off your gadgets

Be at ease and content with your own company. If you tell your partner that you will be unavailable for a couple of hours, they will understand.

19. Consider therapy

Getting help when you need it is part of taking responsibility for yourself. If you still have issues that are limiting your serenity, speak with a therapist about them.

20. Laugh and smile

Another thing to learn about the ways to focus on yourself is to be cheerful and try to smile more often. Smiling is healthy for you, and it can spread. So, remember to have some fun from time to time.

21. Explore new learning opportunities

Learning new skills or exploring new subjects can lead to personal growth. Take a class, start a new book, or explore a subject you’ve always been interested in. 

It can add a fresh element to your life and conversations, enriching your personal development and bringing new perspectives to your relationships.

22. Reflect on your achievements

Sometimes, focusing on yourself means taking the time to reflect on what you have accomplished, both as an individual and in your relationship. This reflection can promote a sense of pride and self-worth. 

Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and recognize the strengths you bring to your partnership.

23. Set personal boundaries

Setting clear personal boundaries is crucial in maintaining a healthy sense of self in a relationship. These boundaries can pertain to your time, energy, and emotional needs. 

Communicating these boundaries to your partner helps ensure that your needs are respected, which is vital for your well-being and the health of the relationship.

7 simple ways to keep yourself from losing yourself in your relationship

The significance of learning how to focus on yourself in a relationship cannot be overstated. If you’ve ever been in one, you know that putting yourself first before loving others is essential to having a solid and thriving relationship.

However, it is not easy to deny that, with all of a relationship’s ups and downs, we tend to lose ourselves. 

Losing yourself in a relationship means that your mind is so consumed by the connection that you have neglected your own identity. Unfortunately, losing yourself doesn’t feel good for both you and your partner.

Follow the 7 simple steps below to prevent losing too much of yourself in a romantic relationship.

1. Practice self-love

A relationship is engaging and delightful, which is why you want to spend as much time as possible with each other. However, it is critical that you do not neglect how to fix yourself in a relationship.

One of the most common things people overlook in a partnership is self-love. 

When you learn to appreciate yourself, your affection for your partner will blossom. It not only enables you to stay completely loving yourself, but it also lets you zero in on things other than your partner that satisfy your needs.

If you typically try new things with a partner, for example, it’s time to get out of your habit. This will assist you in returning to your inner personality, listening only to your personal internal dialogue.

2. Develop clear communication habits

One of the most important things to concentrate on in a relationship is clearly communicating your needs. Clear communication habits will be advantageous to the relationship in the long run.

Communication will help you establish limits and expectations and avoid confusion about what you want and require from your relationship. You’ll both have a clear idea of what you want out of a partnership and can work on it from there.

Bad communication, on the other hand, can lead to a toxic partnership. This is why you should make it a habit to share and discuss what you want to improve on as individuals and as a couple.

3. Set aside specific days for yourself

If you spend every day together, you’ll grow bored quickly, which is why making time for yourself is essential for your partnership. There are numerous activities you can do on your own to feel valued and pleased.

You can, for example, go to a farmer’s market and stock up on fresh produce that you love. You could also take a free online class to learn a skill you’ve always aspired to.

It is essential to understand your individuality and the differences between you and your partner. Furthermore, the activities you engage in on your alone days can all provide you with a feeling of fulfillment.

4. Take responsibility for your happiness

Many people start dating with unrealistic expectations of their partner. They believe that their partner will leave them feeling loved, valued, and appreciated. Then, both parties are stuck in a situation where neither is ready to reach out and help the other.

Just as Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor, adds

You are responsible for your happiness; don’t depend on your partner or anyone for it.

Entering a partnership with the expectation that your partner will be your sole source of happiness is a recipe for disaster. For starters, you are the only person who fully understands yourself. So, why bother to place all of the blame on your partner?

Please keep in mind that you have complete power over your happiness. Allow your partner to experience a happier and more fulfilled version of you. It will be simpler for them if you look after your own happiness.

5. Challenge and grow yourself

If you feel like you’ve lost yourself in your relationship, odds are you’re keeping a big, terrifying dream in your core. So, toss out any excuses, find the goal you’ve been putting off, and give it a priority!

By standing up for your goals and ambitions, you show your partner that you, too, are human. You inform them that you deserve every chance to develop and that you are not there as a pleaser but as an equal.

6. Cultivate a support network

It’s crucial to have a strong support network outside of your romantic relationship. This can include friends, family, or even a community group that shares your interests. These connections can provide a different perspective and emotional support that can help you maintain a balanced life. 

Engaging with your support network may allow you to retain your independence and receive encouragement from a variety of sources, not just your partner.

Watch this TED Talk where Jen Oliver talks about how one can love themselves to the fullest:

7. Regularly revisit your personal values

Your core values and principles guide your decisions and shape who you are. In a relationship, it’s easy to make compromises, but it’s vital to ensure these don’t lead to losing sight of what truly matters to you.

Christiana Njoku suggests,

As much as you can, never compromise your core values and what you stand for in a relationship. It is one way to lose yourself!

Regularly revisiting and reaffirming your personal values can help you stay true to yourself and prevent you from getting lost in the relationship. This practice also encourages you to align your actions with your beliefs, ensuring that your relationship complements your personal growth rather than overshadowing it.

FAQs

Focusing on yourself is of utmost importance. Check out these commonly asked questions on this topic:

• Can you focus on yourself while in a relationship?

The issue with the question, “Can you focus on yourself?” is that many people think that being in a relationship means we can no longer be ourselves. But this is not the point of dating or marriage.

In reality, being in a relationship allows us to discover a lot more about ourselves. Relationships serve as a mirror in which we can see what kinds of conduct and behaviors we have to offer.

• Is it selfish to break up with someone to focus on yourself?

Relationships are messy, which is why there is often guilt when things end, particularly in a presumably perfect relationship. Despite your guilt, it is not selfish to end a relationship in order to focus on yourself.

What you did was instinctive and essential for your personal development and long-term well-being. Remember that taking care of ourselves first is the greatest thing we can do to strengthen our relationships.

Takeaway

When we lose ourselves in a relationship, we may become highly preoccupied with and reliant on our beloved. We see fewer of our peers and may shift our habits to have more time with them. This motivation to satisfy can then turn into an obsession.

Moreover, our need for intimacy can cause us to deny our partner’s behavior and question our own views. The healthy boundaries we once had have become blurred, and we’ve now started to accept our partner’s point of view, no matter how wrong it is.

That is why you must learn how to focus on yourself in a relationship. Taking care of yourself also includes asking for assistance when you need it, such as relationship counseling. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, and a good partner will always understand.