15 Ways to Deal With Someone Who Blames You for Everything

Even the happiest couples must manage disagreements and disappointments. What makes them remain happy is that they develop calm, loving, and productive ways of handling their anger and disappointment.

Over a period of time, as the resentment grows, partners begin blaming each other, and this has no end. This will eventually turn the relationship toxic or lead to a breakup. Not just this, constant blaming can also be a feature of emotional abuse. 

However, it is important to know the triggers and act in the right direction to deal with the situation.

In this article, we will look at the signs and effects of being blamed for everything. Furthermore, it will give you a chance to deal with someone who blames you for everything. 

What does it mean when someone blames you for everything?

When someone constantly blames you for everything, it often indicates a pattern of unhealthy behavior characterized by a lack of accountability, emotional manipulation, or a need to deflect responsibility. 

This behavior, known as blame-shifting, can be a sign of deeper issues within the relationship, such as communication breakdown, power struggles, or unresolved conflicts. It can make you think, “Everything is always my fault in my relationship.”

It may also suggest an individual’s inability or unwillingness to introspect and take ownership of their actions. Addressing such patterns requires open communication, setting boundaries, and, in some cases, seeking professional support to foster a healthier and more constructive dynamic.

Why do people blame others? 7 reasons

People may engage in blaming others for various reasons, and the motivations behind this behavior can be complex. Some common reasons include:

1. Avoiding responsibility

Blaming others can serve as a defense mechanism to avoid taking responsibility for one’s actions or decisions. It allows individuals to shift the focus away from their own shortcomings or mistakes.

2. Preserving self-esteem

Blame can be a way for individuals to protect their self-esteem. By attributing negative outcomes to external factors or other people, they maintain a positive self-image and avoid feelings of inadequacy.

3. Control and power dynamics

Blaming others may be a tactic to exert control or power in relationships. By assigning blame, individuals may manipulate situations to gain the upper hand or maintain dominance.

4. Fear of consequences

The fear of facing consequences for one’s actions can drive blame. Admitting fault may be perceived as threatening, leading individuals to deflect blame to avoid potential repercussions.

According to marriage & family therapist Jelisha Gatling:

Experiencing consistent blame over time can chip away at your willingness to be vulnerable with your partner. Ironically, vulnerability is central to healthy conflict resolution and overall relationship fulfillment.

5. Lack of empathy

Some individuals may struggle with empathy, making it difficult for them to understand or acknowledge the impact of their actions on others. Blaming becomes a way to distance themselves from the emotions of those they affect.

6. Coping with stress

During times of stress or crisis, people may resort to blaming as a coping mechanism. It provides a temporary outlet for frustration and helps individuals manage overwhelming emotions.

7. Pattern of learned behavior

Growing up in an environment where blame is a common response to challenges or conflicts can contribute to a learned behavior pattern. Individuals may adopt this approach as a way of navigating relationships based on their upbringing.

Understanding these underlying reasons can be crucial for fostering healthier communication and addressing the root causes of blaming behavior in both personal and professional relationships.

5 key effects of being blamed for everything

Being consistently blamed for various aspects of one’s life can have profound and far-reaching effects. Beyond the immediate emotional impact, the repercussions extend to self-esteem, relationships, mental health, and personal development. 

Understanding these key effects is crucial for individuals navigating situations where blame becomes a pervasive and detrimental dynamic.

1. Erosion of self-esteem

Constant blame can significantly impact self-esteem. Individuals blamed for everything may internalize negative perceptions, leading to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and diminished confidence in their abilities.

2. Strained relationships

Being consistently blamed can strain relationships, both personally and professionally. It creates an atmosphere of distrust, resentment, and emotional distance, potentially damaging the quality of interactions and connections with others.

3. Increased stress and anxiety

Enduring blame regularly can contribute to heightened stress and anxiety levels. The emotional toll of shouldering constant accusations may lead to physical and mental health issues, impacting overall well-being.

4. Diminished sense of control

Persistent blame may erode an individual’s sense of control over their life. Feeling helpless in the face of constant accusations can lead to a sense of powerlessness, making it challenging to assert oneself or make decisions confidently.

5. Inhibited personal growth

Continuous blame may hinder personal growth and development. Individuals blamed for everything may become reluctant to take risks, voice opinions, or pursue new opportunities due to fear of further blame and criticism, limiting their potential for growth and success.

How to stop someone from blaming you for everything

To stop someone from constantly blaming you, initiate an open and calm conversation. Clearly express your feelings, emphasizing the impact of their blaming behavior. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. 

Set boundaries, making it clear that unjust accusations are not acceptable. Encourage mutual accountability and problem-solving. Seek to understand their perspective while asserting your own. 

If the blaming persists, consider involving a mediator or seeking professional advice. Prioritize self-care, bolster your self-esteem, and surround yourself with a supportive network. Consistent communication and boundary-setting are crucial for fostering a healthier and more respectful dynamic.

15 things to do if your partner blames you all the time

The thousands of couples I’ve counseled have asked me, “Why is everything my fault? They have also shown me what works for them. 

So what do you do when you are in a situation like ‘wife blames me for everything’ or ‘husband blames me for everything?’

Here are the top ten tested and effective ways that these happy couples use as a solution for how to deal with someone who blames you for everything or when there’s a situation of blaming the spouse for unhappiness.

1. Understand your partner’s mindset

Begin with “getting into the mindset” of your partner. What do you know about your partner’s upbringing? For example, which caregiver, sibling, or other people in the family acted lovingly? Who got angry, dismissive, critical, sarcastic, or abusive? Who, if anyone, came to their aid?  

Know the emotional issues that can cause your partner to get angry and blame you. Often, when a partner’s anger flares up, the cause can come from not feeling loved. Blame, then, becomes the way they express this emotional hurt.

2. Check the pattern

Think about the past times that your partner blamed you for something. What words would you use to describe how they handled the situation? 

For example, did they walk away or leave home, throw or break something, criticize you or other family members, threaten you, or take away your money? Did they tell the children what a terrible person you are?

3. Look for solutions in the past

If you are looking for how to stop your partner from blaming you for everything, think about how you handled a situation effectively when your partner blamed you. 

Why did it work? What gets in the way of you using that approach now? What did you learn from your caregivers about effective or ineffective ways of handling arguments, disagreements, and blame?

4. Change your strategy

In learning how to deal with someone who blames you for everything, in your mind—and heart—change the goal from “winning or getting your way” to developing calm, loving, and effective techniques.

5. Be calm

Remain calm. Do not get sarcastic. Don’t make faces. Don’t make an aggravating sigh. Do not walk away—unless you feel that you are in danger. If you need to walk away, tell your partner that you want to talk about the issue but that you need time to think. 

If possible, set a time limit within the next few days to discuss and fix the issue. This can help you when someone hurts you but blames you. 

6. Listen

How to deal with blamers? 

One of the important elements of communication is listening to your partner. Listen. Don’t talk in between your partner’s words. There must be a lot of built-up emotions inside them. So, allow them to release before you explain your side of the story.

Once they feel light, they will be ready to entertain you, too.

7. Apologize

If you did do something that was not the best action, own up to it. Apologize. Explain—without making excuses—but do add what you think contributed to your behavior. 

If possible, reach out for your partner’s hand—and hold it there so your partner can cool off enough to take your hand. Relax your face. Smile.

8. Develop a plan to overcome the situation together

Develop a plan for handling these situations, disagreements, and disappointments. For example, the couples I counseled used the following approaches. Test them out to see what works. 

Modify them to fit your situation. The following suggestions are the top ideas that my clients developed. Ask your partner to read these suggestions or rate the ones that they think would work.

9. Don’t hesitate to ask questions

If you are at fault, tell your partner that you want to get in “learning mode.” 

Ask your partner how they would have handled the situation. Explain—without making excuses—why you think the situation happened.

10. Use gestures

If your partner is getting hot-headed, use your hands to indicate a “calm down” or “time out” moment when you feel you are getting blamed for everything. 

As a solution to how to deal with someone who blames you for everything, ensure not to be sharp in your actions. Soften your facial expressions. No “tsking or hissing.”

11. Choose to pen down the issue

When you are being blamed for something you didn’t do, write on a piece of paper why you handled the situation the way you did. 

What was going on with you at the time of your action? Be concise—you are not writing your whole personal history.

12. Change your routine

Modify each of your couple or family tasks so that there is less room for error. 

Blaming each other could also happen because of the bad management of work at home. This can get pretty messy and unclear because of this.

13. Share the load

Learn from each other how to do some of the other tasks, so you each can be a backup for each other. 

Be patient. After all, most partners agree to share the work and do specific tasks because they feel confident in doing them.

14. Focus on the positives

If you are trying to deal with someone who blames you for everything, make a list of the good things about your partner and give the list to your partner. 

Just because things have been difficult between you two of late doesn’t mean your partner is a bad human being altogether. Shift your mind towards why you like them, and this will help you in avoiding further fights.

Watch this video to learn more about how to reprogram your brain into thinking positively:

15. Ask for help

If your partner is someone who blames others for their problems, ask for help when you feel overwhelmed or unable to do something. 

You could count on your friends and family for help or even get in touch with relationship counselors to understand the root cause of the problem and come home with a solution.

FAQs

Going through situations where blame becomes pervasive requires insight and proactive measures. Explore these questions for guidance on understanding, identifying, and addressing scenarios where self-blame or external blame may be challenging.

• Is it normal to blame yourself for everything?

Excessive self-blame can stem from various factors, but constant self-condemnation may indicate deeper emotional issues. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide perspectives to break this pattern.

• How can I tell if someone is blaming me for everything?

Signs include consistent accusations, deflection of responsibility, and a pattern of criticism. Recognizing these behaviors helps establish healthy boundaries and facilitates open communication to address underlying issues.

• What should I do if my partner blames me for everything?

Addressing the issue involves open communication, expressing feelings, and seeking couples’ therapy if necessary. Establishing mutual respect and understanding is crucial for fostering a healthier dynamic.

• What should I do if my boss blames me for everything?

Communicate openly, seek constructive feedback, and document achievements to counter accusations. If the situation persists, consider discussing concerns with HR or seeking guidance from a mentor.

• How can I protect myself from being blamed for everything?

Establish clear communication, set boundaries, and document your contributions. Prioritize self-care, maintain a support network, and, if needed, seek guidance from a supervisor or HR to address unjust blame in a professional context.

Takeaway

Relationships can be difficult at times, but every problem has a solution.

When you seek solutions for how to deal with someone who blames you for everything, you must know it isn’t always about living in the extremes, like ignoring the situation or walking out of the relationship.

You can handle the relationship using various easy advice and turn your bond with your partner into a healthy one.