How Many Dates Before a Relationship Is Official: 7 Milestones

Listen to this article

When dating someone you love, you may feel anxious to make things official as soon as possible. You might be already daydreaming about your future together and crave to turn your casual relationship into a real and enduring one.

But before you upgrade your relationship status to official, it is vital to know the answer to the question, “How many dates before a relationship becomes official?”

You may want to avoid the ongoing casual relationship as early as possible. But is there a magic number of dates you must have had to sit down with the person you’re dating and make it exclusive?

Keep reading to uncover some secret dating milestones and how many dates before making it official.

What does official mean in a relationship?

In a romantic or interpersonal relationship, “official” typically refers to a stage or status that signifies a formal commitment or acknowledgment of the partnership. 

When a relationship becomes “official,” it may imply that the individuals involved have openly declared their commitment to each other and may have taken steps to make their partnership known to others, such as friends and family.

Some common aspects or characteristics of a relationship becoming “official” may include exclusivity, declaration, communication, meeting friends and family, long-term intentions, and emotional commitment. It’s important to note that what constitutes an “official” relationship can vary from person to person and culture to culture. 

Some individuals may consider a relationship official as soon as they become exclusive. In contrast, others may require more time and commitment before using such labels. 

Ultimately, the meaning of “official” in a relationship is a matter of mutual agreement and personal understanding between the individuals involved. Communication and clarity about each person’s expectations are key to defining the status of a relationship.

How many dates before making it official? 7 milestones

The number of dates before making a relationship official can vary greatly depending on the individuals involved and the pace at which they feel comfortable progressing. So, the answer to the question, “How many dates before making it official/” may not be straightforward. 

However, here are some common milestones that can help guide you on your journey toward making a relationship official:

1. Initial connection

The first milestone is making that initial connection with someone. This could happen through a dating app, a mutual friend, or in a social setting. The key is to find someone you’re interested in getting to know better.

2. Getting to know each other

After your first few dates, you should have a good sense of whether you have common interests, values, and goals. Are you compatible in terms of lifestyle and long-term aspirations?

3. Exclusive dating

Once you’ve established a strong connection and believe there’s potential for a deeper relationship, you might decide to become exclusive. This can typically involve both parties agreeing not to date or see other people while you explore your connection further.

4. Meeting friends and family

Introducing your partner to your friends and family is a significant step. It can indicate that you see a future together and are comfortable bringing them into your social circle.

5. Traveling together

Going on a trip together can be a revealing experience. It allows you to see how well you function as a team, handle challenges, and spend extended time in each other’s company.

6. Overcoming challenges

Every relationship faces its challenges. It’s essential to work through disagreements and difficulties together. This milestone can signify your ability to communicate effectively and resolve issues as a couple.

7. Mutual commitment

The final milestone is making the relationship official. This may involve a conversation where you both express your commitment to one another, decide to move in together, or even get engaged. It’s the point where you both feel confident in calling yourselves a couple and working toward a shared future.

Remember, there’s no fixed timeline for reaching these milestones, and it’s crucial to go at a pace that feels right for both partners. What’s most important is open communication, mutual understanding, and being on the same page about the direction of the relationship.

What is the 10-date rule?

The 10-date rule refers to the general idea that relationships become official only after you’ve dated at least ten times.

Waiting until your 10th date before emotionally investing in yourself may allow you to think about the relationship prospect rationally. You can think clearly about how you want the relationship to turn out. It also can allow you to study your partner critically and understand whether you are compatible. 

The 10-date rule can offer valuable insights into the average number of dates before a relationship becomes official, helping you confidently navigate this significant step. Furthermore, it can help answer questions like “How long to date before a relationship becomes official?” 

9 Signs you are going from casually dating to an official relationship

There are many things to remember when going from “dating” to “a relationship” status. The best way to understand “When does dating turn into a relationship?” is to read the other person.

Analyzing the time spent together and tuning in to your partner’s gestures can make it easier to discern if they want the same things as you concerning your relationship status.

Below are some telltale signs to help you know whether it’s time to make your relationship official.

1. Randomly speaking about your relationship 

If you both speak about your relationship frequently, it could be a great sign. Talking about how great you will be as a girlfriend or boyfriend is a perfect example. At such times, that person might be trying to show you they are ready for commitment. 

They may understand how interested you might be in the same course. At this point, the good question would be, “Are you happy?” This could signal readiness and tell you how many dates you need before your relationship becomes official.

2. You only wish to hang out with each other 

You both need to be at a stage where you value each other. If this isn’t the case, thinking about a formal relationship might not be the right thing.

When they’re exclusive to you, it can signify that they’re ready to be in a relationship. If they tell you they’re not seeing anyone else and they don’t want to, it’s safe to bring out the relationship buzz. They may be most likely waiting for you.

If you both implicitly trust each other and neither want to see anyone else, then it may be time for you to establish your relationship as official. This is typically the point when people start wondering, how many dates before exclusivity should be expected?”

3. They seek relationship opinions from you 

If they ask you how you feel about relationships and what you think about certain aspects of them, they may want to be in a relationship with you. They might be trying to find out how you picture the relationship as much as possible. 

A sign like this may help you understand how many dates before a relationship becomes official. When a person expresses their interest in meeting someone special and having some emotional intimacy, this may signal that they would like to take things to another level. 

On the other hand, if someone tells you that they don’t know what they want in a relationship, it can indicate that that person is not ready for anything formal. The same applies to a person recovering from a previous breakup.

4. They bring it first

If they ask you if you want to be in a relationship or if they call you their boyfriend or girlfriend, they probably want to have a relationship with you. Now, deciding if you’re ready to join them is up to you. You should wait a little longer.

A significant issue at the heart of every relationship is whether the two people see each other together in the future. If this is different, there might be better ideas than committing to an official relationship. 

5. They introduce you to family and friends 

If they introduce you to their family and friends, talk about traveling with you, or even how your children would look, it’s a potential sign that they want a relationship. This is the closest sign to helping you understand how many dates you need before making your relationship official.

As noted by a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach, Christiana Njoku, 

If they do not want to have anything to do with you, they may never introduce you to their family and friends. They will never make that mistake of letting them know about the relationship, but if they are willing to, then it simply means there’s a future in it.

Family is always something special for everyone; we all appreciate and want to protect. So, if your date takes you to his house and introduces you to his family, it might be a great sign that they want you to be part of his family. 

6. You are treated as if you are already in a relationship

When asking yourself how many dates before a relationship becomes official, one major factor you should always consider is how your partner treats you. If you are both constantly communicating and sharing your feelings throughout the day, you may have reached the point where making your relationship official is imminent.

If they are comfortable enough to talk to you about their feelings, plans, and thoughts, it’s okay to prepare your speech to move your relationship to the next level.

Remember that a relationship is about two people. If you notice a balanced scale, it could be a good time to make things happen.

7. You both feel a deep emotional connection

A powerful sign that you’re ready to transition from casual dating to an official relationship is when you share a profound emotional bond and consider each other your closest confidants. 

You naturally gravitate toward each other to share life’s ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and all the in-between moments. This emotional intimacy and unwavering support can indicate that you’ve found a romantic partner, making it an ideal time to acknowledge and celebrate your special connection officially.

8. They share their long-term plans

When you start discussing and making long-term plans together, it can indicate that you’re transitioning into an official relationship. This might include talking about vacations in the distant future, planning to attend events or celebrations together, or even discussing potential living arrangements. 

Sharing and aligning your long-term goals might indicate that you see a future together.

Two studies of college freshmen roommates found that adopting compassionate goals and avoiding self-image goals can lead to high-quality, responsive relationships. Researchers tracked weekly measures of goals and partner responsiveness for 10 weeks, concluding that such goals can foster positive relationships among partners, which may prove the same for relationships.

9. There is open communication about expectations

Effective communication is key to any successful relationship. If you both openly discuss your expectations for the relationship, such as exclusivity, commitment, and your desires for the future, it may signify that you are serious about taking the relationship to the next level. 

Having these conversations can help you ensure you’re on the same page and ready to make the relationship official when the time is right.

How do you make a relationship official? 5 ways

You may have now figured out how many dates you need before making your relationship official, and the big day might be just around the corner. So, what next? 

Making a relationship official typically involves both partners openly acknowledging and committing to the fact that they are in a committed, exclusive relationship. Here are a few ways to make a relationship official:

1. Have a conversation

Communication is key in any relationship. Sit down with your partner and honestly discuss your feelings and intentions. Let them know you want to make the relationship official and ask if they feel the same way. Ensure you’re on the same page regarding exclusivity and commitment.

2. Define the relationship

During your conversation, define what being “official” means to both of you. Discuss whether you’ll be exclusive, how you’ll handle conflicts, and your long-term goals and expectations for the relationship.

3. Update social media

While not necessary, many people choose to update their relationship status on social media as a symbolic gesture of making it official. This can help friends and family know about the new status of your relationship.

Watch Stephan Labossiere, a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author, as he explains the signs that you should look out for when you want to confirm if they are ready for a relationship:

4. Introduce each other to friends and family

Meeting and spending time with each other’s friends and family members is a significant step in making a relationship official. It shows that you’re serious about each other and want to integrate into each other’s lives.

5. Celebrate the occasion

Some couples like to celebrate the official status of their relationship with a special date night, a small party, or a memorable event. It’s a way to mark the occasion and create lasting memories.

Remember that making a relationship official is a personal decision, which may vary between couples. The most important thing is that both partners are comfortable and committed to the relationship’s new status. Open communication and mutual understanding are key throughout this process.

Commonly asked questions

Relationships are complex, and the dynamics between individuals can vary significantly. In this context, let’s explore a few questions about relationships’ nature and emotional milestones’ timing.

• Can a relationship be official without a formal declaration? 

In many cases, it can be possible. Relationships can become official through actions and mutual understanding without a formal declaration. It often depends on the individuals involved and their communication style. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words, and a shared commitment is more significant than a formal declaration.

• Is it essential to define the relationship? 

Defining the relationship is crucial for clear expectations and understanding between partners. It may help prevent misunderstandings and provide a foundation for trust and commitment.

According to Christiana Njoku,

As much as you can, do not let your relationship be based on assumption; let it be thoroughly defined and have a clear purpose, so as to avoid any form of misunderstanding later in the relationship.

Open communication about intentions, exclusivity, and future goals can lead to a healthier, more satisfying partnership.

• How many dates before saying I love you? 

The timeline for saying “I love you” can vary significantly between individuals and relationships. There’s no fixed number of dates. Love develops at different paces for everyone. It’s important to let it happen naturally and not rush the process. Focus on building a deep connection first.

• Can you fall in love after two dates? 

It’s possible to feel a strong connection after two dates, but true love usually can take time to develop. Love involves knowing someone deeply, understanding their flaws, and building trust. Strong initial feelings may indicate potential, but long-term love can require more time and shared experiences.

• How many dates before sharing a kiss?

The timing of when to share a first kiss varies from person to person. It can depend on the chemistry and comfort level between two individuals. No specific number of dates universally can dictate when a kiss should happen. 

It’s vital to gauge mutual interest, read each other’s body language, and ensure both parties feel comfortable and consent to the moment. Communication and respecting each other’s boundaries are key factors in making this decision.

In a nutshell

The journey from casual dating to a committed relationship varies from person to person. The question “How long should you date before becoming official?” ultimately depends on your unique connection and circumstances.

However, if you’re usually cautious with your feelings, there is no need to have a set number of dates before establishing an official relationship. 

Consulting a relationship therapist can be the best way to go if you still feel uneasy and need help with how many dates before a relationship becomes official.