10 Ways to Survive the First Fight in a Relationship

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The first fight in a relationship feels like someone slapped you in the face. It’s like someone took your rose-colored glasses and shattered them to pieces. Then took the pieces and pierced your heart.

The first argument in a relationship is usually the sign that the “honeymoon phase” is over, which is not as bad as you think. It’s actually good because this is what makes or breaks a relationship.

No one thinks about how to handle a fight in a relationship in the first couple of weeks. Why would you? But once we start really getting to know each other, we get to see that our Prince charming is not perfect at all, or that our Goddess can be annoying too at times.

What exactly is conflict in a relationship?

Conflict in a relationship refers to a disagreement or argument between two or more people in a romantic or platonic partnership. It occurs when there is a perceived or real difference in opinion, values, beliefs, needs, or expectations. 

Conflict can be expressed through verbal or nonverbal communication and can lead to emotional distress, tension, and even physical violence. 

Resolving conflicts in a healthy manner is crucial for maintaining a strong and fulfilling relationship. It requires effective communication, empathy, active listening, and a willingness to compromise and negotiate.

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology:

Conflict is a natural and healthy part of any relationship, but couples have to learn how to resolve it effectively.

How does a relationship change after the first fight?

It’s inevitable it will happen. What can you do to fight for your relationship instead of fighting with each other? 

Don’t let the first fight in a relationship start the end of you.

The first big argument in a relationship is definitely not the last, but it’s a milestone and an obstacle to be overcome, not a chance to find all the reasons you’re not the right fit for each other.

The first fight in a relationship is the start of a new chapter for the two of you. It’s a test to see how willing you both are to invest time and patience, effort, and understanding into your relationship.

It can be a great way to strengthen your relationship. Change the perspective and seek for good in it. This way, you will find a way to overcome it and have a strong, loving, and respectful relationship with your partner.

10 ways to survive that first fight

So, how to deal with fights in a relationship? Learn to fight for your relationship by developing a mutual language of love and understanding, not undermining and undervaluing each other. Check out these 10 ways to survive it:

1. Don’t text if you’re mad at them

Literally, the worst thing you can do is try to solve a problem through texts. Wait till you both have some time to sit down and talk in person about what’s going on, especially when it comes to the first fight in a relationship.

When we text, the other person can easily misunderstand what we want to say, and that’s when things get even worse.

The first fight with a girlfriend or boyfriend is definitely an important milestone and should be addressed seriously.

2. Take a deep breath and step back

Don’t make an elephant out of a fly. The first argument is just a sign your relationship is maturing.

Take a step back and try to be as objective as possible. Is this our first fight because there is a serious disagreement, or is it something that can be easily solved by making a compromise?

3. Think about them first

When we’re in the middle of the first fight in a relationship, it’s too easy to slip into egoistic behavior and think only about us and how we feel.

Shift the perspective and think about the other person. How did they feel before the argument escalated, and why couldn’t you communicate more effectively to see this coming?

When we’re focused only on ourselves, we think small and selfishly, but when we include the other person and put them in the spotlight, we are more caring, make different and better decisions that help both partners grow.

4. No better time than now

Don’t push it under the rug. Couples’ first fights can be very stressful, and therefore, partners have a tendency to overlook the disagreement and try to act as if nothing has happened just because they don’t want their fairy tale bubble to burst.

The sooner you address the issue and talk it out, the better.

You have to resolve the fight in order to move on to the next phase of your relationship, so don’t wait because you are robbing yourselves of the chance to be happy and experience new, exciting things together.

5. Fact it out

Humans are very emotional beings (at least most of us are), and we can easily snap at each other for things that might have never even happened.

Sit down and talk about what is going on, how to get over the fight, and how to survive the fight without hurting each other with words you didn’t mean to say. Surely you have experienced the “wreath” of an angry person: shouting, swearing, using all secret weapons to hurt you.

Choose wiser, don’t react. Respond.

What are the facts?

Once you lay out the facts, you will realize you both have very different perspectives of the same situation, and this is why you’re fighting.

The first fight in a relationship doesn’t have to be a reason for ongoing drama if you focus on what’s really going on and stop making up scenarios in your head.

6. The magic word

I know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not “I’m sorry.” It’s “compromise.” Your way is not working for everyone. For some people, a romantic date is a walk by the beach. For others, it’s a night in with pizza and a good movie.

Why not do both?

Learning to compromise will prevent relationship fights and will create a good balance and harmony in your relationship. If you’re in the middle of your first fight in a relationship, think about how you can come up with a solution that is a compromise – a mixture of both of your wants.

Dr. Jacobsen says:

Compromise should be the goal of any disagreement; you shouldn’t aim to win the fight or make the other person feel bad.

It works like magic.

Related Reading: 30 Romantic Ways To Express Your Love Through Words & Actions

7. It’s not black & white

Bickering in relationships can often lead to a couple fighting with rash statements such as “we should break up” or “we’re not good for each other.” I see you’re nodding your head. We’ve all been there.

The first fight in a relationship may be about bigger things as well, but if it’s bickering that got you into a fight, just know that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and good relationships take effort and patience.

If you’re bickering in your relationship and asking yourself, “Is this our first fight.”

Well, ask yourself, do you want it to be? Or will you be mature enough to accept anything less than perfect and, in return, get a loving relationship and possibly happily ever after?

8. Forgive and let go

People tend to say “I’m sorry” when they don’t really mean it, and they also say they have forgiven, but they hold grudges. Forgive and let go. Make space for new memories by “deleting” the ones you don’t like.

It’s water under the bridge, and the worst thing you can do in your first fight (or any fight) is to bring up things that bothered you from ages ago that you never had the courage to say to the other person.

If something is bothering you, clear the air, don’t keep quiet, and save it like ammo for the next relationship fight.

If we tend to think about the first fight in a relationship long after it happened, it can scar us for life, and holding a grudge is just fertilizing the soil for new disagreements to arise in the future.

9. Listen more, speak less

If you asked any relationship expert on how to handle fights in a relationship or to build better relationships in general, they would say listen more and speak less.

Nowadays, it seems people listen only to hear when the other person stops talking so they could start speaking. Be a good listener. You will detect disagreements or unhappiness easier, and you won’t have to get into a first fight, or any fight not only with partners but with other people too.

Tune in to what they are saying, listen to the words they are speaking, and observe their body language too. Sometimes people use hurtful words to cover up their own weaknesses, yet we think they are aiming them against us when in reality, they are just a mirror of their own insecurities.

Related Reading: 20 Tips for Fighting Fair in a Relationship

10.  B.O.A.H

Are you currently going through your first fight in a relationship, and you feel lost? Take the B.O.A.H approach.

Be Open and Honest. Spill the beans.

Tell them how you feel and be vulnerable. We all know that the honeymoon phase can’t last forever, so don’t be afraid to take the “mask” off and show them you, too, have weak spots.

This will help them understand you much better. We can’t expect a happy and harmonious relationship without both partners being ready to open up and talk about their feelings, wants, fears, and insecurities.

The video below discusses why it is important to be honest at the beginning of a relationship and how it helps instill positivity.

5 benefits of fighting in a relationship

When people think of fighting in a relationship, they usually associate it with something negative. After all, conflict and disagreements can be uncomfortable, and it’s natural to want to avoid them. However, it’s important to remember that healthy conflict can actually be beneficial for relationships. 

Here are five benefits of fighting in a relationship:

1. Increased communication

Conflict can actually increase communication between partners. When there is a disagreement or argument, it forces both people to express their opinions and feelings. 

This can be a good thing because it helps each person better understand where the other is coming from. When communication is increased, it can also lead to deeper intimacy and trust within the relationship.

Related Reading: Easy Tips for Effective Communication Between Couples

2. Greater understanding

Fighting can also help each partner gain a greater understanding of the other’s needs and desires. When couples argue, they are forced to listen to each other and try to understand each other’s perspectives. This can lead to greater empathy and compassion for one another. 

As a result, couples may become more in tune with each other’s emotional needs and more sensitive to their partner’s thoughts and feelings.

3. Strengthened emotional bonds

Conflict can actually strengthen emotional bonds between partners. When couples fight and work through their issues, it can make them feel closer and more connected. 

Going through a difficult time together can bring couples closer as they realize that they can rely on each other to get through tough times. This increased closeness and emotional intimacy can help make a relationship stronger in the long run.

Related Reading: How Important Is An Emotional Connection In A Relationship?

4. Improved problem-solving skills

Fighting can also improve problem-solving skills. When couples disagree, they are forced to work together to find a solution that works for both of them. 

This can be challenging, but it can also be a great opportunity to learn how to solve problems effectively. Couples who can work together to solve problems are more likely to have a successful and long-lasting relationship.

5. Reduced resentment

Finally, fighting can actually reduce resentment in a relationship. When couples avoid conflict, it can lead to bottled-up emotions and feelings of frustration. Over time, these emotions can turn into resentment and bitterness, which can be very damaging to a relationship. 

By addressing issues head-on and working through them, couples can avoid this buildup of negative emotions and prevent long-term damage to their relationship.

It’s important to remember that fighting in a relationship doesn’t mean being hurtful or disrespectful towards your partner. Healthy conflict means expressing your feelings in a constructive and respectful way, and being open to hearing your partner’s perspective as well. 

It’s also important to remember that not all conflicts can be resolved, and sometimes it’s better to agree to disagree rather than continue to argue.

Related Reading: How Much Resentment do You Have Towards Your Partner?

More questions on how to handle first fights in a relationship

While fighting in a relationship may not always be pleasant, it can actually be beneficial for couples. By increasing communication, promoting greater understanding, strengthening emotional bonds, improving problem-solving skills, and reducing resentment, healthy conflict can help couples build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

Check out these questions on how to handle first fights in the relationship:

• Is it normal to fight at the beginning of a relationship?

It’s not uncommon for couples to have disagreements or conflicts at the start of a relationship. These can arise from misunderstandings or differences in communication styles. 

However, excessive fighting or verbal or physical abuse is not normal or healthy. It’s important for both partners to communicate openly and respectfully, and seek help if needed to improve the relationship.

• How long should you be in a relationship before the first couple fight?

There’s no set timeline for when couples may experience their first disagreement or argument. 

Every relationship is unique, and the timing can vary depending on factors such as communication styles, personalities, and external stressors. It’s important to remember that occasional conflicts are normal in relationships, but excessive fighting or abusive behavior is not acceptable. 

Open and respectful communication can help resolve issues and strengthen the relationship.

• How often does a normal couple fight?

You may wonder, “When does the first fight happen in a relationship, or how common it is to?” “Is it normal to fight in a relationship?

There’s no set number for how often couples may argue or fight, as every relationship is unique. However, healthy couples tend to have disagreements or conflicts occasionally, but they are typically resolved through open and respectful communication. 

Excessive fighting or abusive behavior is not normal or healthy and may indicate underlying issues in the relationship. 

It’s important for both partners to work together to maintain a positive and respectful dynamic. It is best to opt for relationship counseling to understand the core of the fights and solve them before it’s too late.

Takeaway

An old lady who was happily married for almost 80 years said that the secret to her happy marriage is that she was born at a time when things were fixed and not thrown away after they got broken.

The same applies to our relationships. Work it out, talk it out, and accept that no one is perfect.