How to Address Fear in Relationships and Support Your Partner

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Were there any times throughout your relationship where you felt fearful?

Fearful that your partner wasn’t connected with you any longer, fearful that your partner was being unfaithful, or even fearful that you did something that created anger in your partner?

Both fear and love are common in relationships. The emotion of fear is something that both women and men experience.

If fear in relationships is not spoken about or addressed properly, it can lead the couple to experience an increase in arguments and relationship distress.

Understanding fear in relationships

Fear is a biochemical reaction in the brain that occurs when an individual feels threatened. The emotional responses to fear are personalized based on a person’s past.

Due to the complexities of fear, it is important for couples to know and fully understand the relationship fears to support their partner effectively and lovingly.

In the following sections, fear in relationships is discussed in detail, and some effective strategies are given to stop being fearful and let go of anxiety in a relationship.

How does fear manifest itself in a relationship?

Fear can present itself in several ways within a relationship. In order to stop living in fear, you need to know how fear in relationships gets manifested.

• The first example is through your behavior. If fear is a factor in the relationship, you may experience behavioral changes such as an increase in hypervigilance.
• Additionally, you may obsess over things that typically would not bother you in the past.
• You may experience noticeable irritability or terseness in your responses.
•  Fear can also present itself through one’s thoughts. Fear-related thoughts would be related to obsessions you are having in regards to the fear.
• Furthermore, your thoughts regarding fear in relationships can give rise to high levels of worry, such as what my partner is doing right now, is he/she really at work.
• Lastly, these thoughts could be logical reality-based thoughts, or they can become irrational based on the fear you are experiencing.

Related Reading: How to Overcome Fear of Emotional Intimacy

3 Signs that the fear is affecting your life

Fear, if not managed properly, will take control of a person’s life. Fear of being in love and anxiety ruins relationships.

In order to ensure that you address fear within your relationship at early onset, you should look for the following signs of fears and insecurities.

1. First, are your behaviors more obsessive and out of the norm regarding how you typically respond to worry?
2. Additionally, do you find it hard to stay focused on tasks and remain in the present moment?
3. Furthermore, has your mood changed to where you are not feeling like yourself?

Finally, if your thoughts become consistent and you are having trouble controlling them, you want to notify your spouse and seek additional support to help reduce fear.

4 Ways to address fear

If you are experiencing fear, the following are given some of the effective ways to address fear in relationships.

Read on for overcoming fear in relationships effectively:

1. Firstly, the individual experiencing fear should identify where the fear is coming from.
2. Then they need to work to understand if the fear that they are experiencing within their relationship comes from something from the past or something that is currently going on in their life.
3. Once the individual better understands the root of their fear, they need to communicate further what they learned with their partner. Without communication, fear can not be addressed properly.
4. At times, using writing as a tool to communicate can help shift the focus, making it easier to acknowledge and further release what has created the fear. It is essential to properly identify the root of where the fear in the relationship has come from.

How to support your partner when they experience fear in the relationship?

When your partner approaches you regarding fear in the relationship, it is always important to be patient and listen.

While you’re listening, work to understand what your partner is experiencing and work to better understand where their fear in the relationship is coming from.

Actively listening to your partner’s concerns not only helps in solving the problems but also helps in improving relationship satisfaction.

• It is important to eliminate your defensiveness so that you can be fully present and aware of what is contributing to your partner’s feelings of fear.
  

Understanding what is contributing to the fear allows you to understand what needs to be focused on to alleviate the feelings of fear in relationships.

• After understanding what is driving out the fearful feelings, work with your partner to reduce the threat. This can be done by first testing your partner’s fears.

This can be done by exposing the fear and working through the fearful concept together. Rationalizing the thoughts associated with fear in relationships will help your partner de-sensitize the emotion and alleviate thoughts trapping them in the past.

• Next, you can work with your partner to combat negative thoughts. Focus on thoughts that prove that there is no threat and thoughts that help them stay present-focused.
• Another way to support your spouse with their feelings of fear in relationships is helping them to desensitize themself to the fearful stimuli.

This can be done by creating a reinforcement schedule where you and your partner will consistently expose yourself to the fearful topic or situation for an extended period of time. One example of this would be a scheduled discussion time where this information can be exposed.

• When addressing fear within the relationship, other helpful tools are engaging in activities that help keep a mindful focus. Staying in the moment helps to alleviate thoughts from the past, which will further reduce and eliminate the threat that is creating the fear.
  

Focusing on the breath and how the breath enters and exits your body. Also, you can focus on using your senses to help you stay in the moment.

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• Lastly, work with your partner on reducing fear by further increasing the level of emotional support that is being provided.
  

This can be done by scheduling one on one time to listen and communicate. This can also be done by engaging in one on one activities without any environmental distractions.

• Furthermore, you can work to build emotional support with your partner by providing physical touch and reassurance to help them deal with fear in relationships.

Related Reading: Fear Of Intimacy: Everything You Need To Know

Wrapping up

Fear is a common emotion that all individuals experience. In order to control fear in the relationship, you have to be open and honest with your partner.

Additionally, you have to understand what is creating the threat and how your fear in relationships relates to past situations.

If you have a fear of your spouse leaving because you were abandoned as a child, understanding the abandonment (past stimuli) will help your partner provide you with the correct emotional support.