5 Effects of Emotional Invalidation in Relationships

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If you have been in a situation where you don’t feel good about yourself because of what someone said or how someone reacted to you, it might be one of the emotional invalidation examples. 

Emotional invalidation, the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s feelings, is, unfortunately, a common occurrence in many relationships. 

Whether intentional or not, invalidating someone’s emotions can cause deep emotional pain and damage the relationship. When someone faces invalidation in a relationship, it can negatively impact their mental health and affect the relationship in the long run. 

Understanding and addressing emotional invalidation is crucial for maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships. In this article, you will learn the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships and how to deal with it.

What is emotional invalidation?

Emotional invalidation is a type of emotional abuse in which a person is made to believe their feelings are untrue or unworthy and that is why, invalid. This can make the person feel lonely, worthless, underconfident, and helpless, and they might develop mental health problems. 

One of the common examples of emotional invalidation is when the perpetrator says things to the victim that robs them of their self-confidence and independence.

To understand a broader view on emotional validation, check out this study by Gregory Witkowski titled ‘’The Effect of Emotionally Validating and Invalidating Responses on Emotional Self-Efficacy.’’ 

5 common reasons for emotional invalidation

When emotional invalidation happens continuously in a relationship, it is a clear sign that it is unhealthy. Here are some common reasons why emotional invalidation in relationships may be present.

1. Desire to exert control

When your partner ignores your feelings, it might be one of the signs of emotional invalidation. They might do this because they want to manipulate or control you. 

In most cases, they expect you to inform them of your activities so they can approve or reject them as they deem fit. People who control their partners in a relationship often feel better when someone answers.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

2. Insecurity

If you are feeling invalidated by your partner, it’s possible that they are feeling insecure. When someone is insecure, they do things that make them feel better or more important. Therefore, they may project their opinions, fears, or thoughts on their partner to create invalidated feelings.

3. Lack of empathy

When someone lacks empathy, they may find it hard to put themselves in the position of other people. Sometimes, the inability to empathize can lead to invalidating feelings. For instance, someone lacking empathy may look down on their partner who is feeling bad about something.

4. Jealousy

If partners are jealous of each other, it can breed hatred, which is one of the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships. Jealousy can make partners look for fault in everything they do.

Watch this video to know why a little bit of Jealousy can be healthy for relationships: 

5. Self-inflated sense of importance

Anyone with a large ego or a self-inflated sense of importance will find it hard to believe they are wrong. 

Hence, when someone is feeling invalidated, they depend on their partner as the standard when it comes to being right or wrong, which is one of the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships.

To understand how emotional invalidation affects the mind, try reading this book by Joseph Miller titled Mind Control. 

How emotional invalidation affects your relationship: 5 ways

When left unchecked, the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships can be devastating. Here are some of the negative effects of emotional invalidation.

Inability to manage their emotions

If you are feeling invalidated by your partner, it might be hard for you to manage your emotions. You will doubt how you feel and may begin to believe what your partner says about you. When you have a personal experience, you might not trust the validity of what you witnessed.

Low self-esteem

One of the common effects of emotional invalidation in relationships is when the individual develops a low self-esteem. The person might feel it would be hard to amount to anything good.

Maggie Martinez advises,

Lack of intimacy

When there is no intimacy in the picture, it might be one of the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships. Victim of emotional invalidation may not be free to be intimate with their partner because they feel unloved and uncared for.

Increased conflicts

If partners find it hard to resolve their conflicts, it can be one of the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships. They may be unable to solve their relationship problems, leading to resentment.

The feeling of lack of support

When it comes to the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships, the lack of support is one of them. Victim who feels invalidated will find it hard to believe their partner supports them. 

Therefore, it might be hard for them to take the initiative and do things because they don’t have the needed support.

How to deal with emotional invalidation from your partner?

When someone disregards your feelings, you may feel worthless. It might be hard for you to think you can amount to anything, which is one of the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships. 

To know how to stop seeking external validation, understand that you are not the problem. It would also be helpful to communicate with the person about how they make you feel and if they can make changes.

Emotions matter no matter whose

When you are well aware of the effects of emotional invalidation in relationships, it is important to take a bold step and confront the underlying issue. You and your partner can consider going for relationship counseling to solve the problem of emotional invalidation.

You can try reading Joyce Meyer’s book titled Living Beyond Your Feelings which helps you learn how to control emotions so they don’t control you. Remember, everybody’s emotions are equally important.