The Do’s and Don’ts of Break up

Marriage.com Editorial Team

Expertise: Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice.

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Updated: 6 Sep, 2022

Table of Contents

In-person, honest breakup respects her and sets a compassionate tone, so you can end things with clarity and preserve space for healing.
Give her room to share her feelings and listen actively, which helps both of you feel seen and fosters a deeper, if difficult, emotional connection.
Be final and avoid promising you’ll stay friends, so you both can move forward with honesty and create space for new, meaningful connections.

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for several months or several years, breaking up with your girlfriend is not an easy thing to do. You still have feelings for her, even if they are only friendly ones, and she is the last person you wish to hurt. But you know deep in your core that it is time to move on.

So, learn how to break up with your girlfriend without making the situation too nasty for both of you.

After all, you no longer look forward to spending time with your partner, and your dates have become routine and lack the spark that initially brought you together. You’ve tried to work things out, but nothing has changed.

So, it’s time to say goodbye. Let’s examine some ways to break up with your girlfriend that, while never pleasant, can make this parting less painful.

First, let us hear from a couple of women who have some tips to share on how NOT to break up with your girlfriend.

The following are the “don’ts” on the list of “Dos and Don’ts” when breaking up with your girlfriend.

Don’t just ghost your girlfriend. She deserves to be part of the breakup conversation.
Don’t break up by phone, text, email, or (the horror) changing your Facebook status to “single”. This is just heartless, cowardly and rude. It shows a huge lack of respect for someone you once were close to. A break up should be done in person, no matter how tough it may be to deliver this bad news face to face.
Don’t let her find out she’s been dumped by someone else. Tell her yourself.
Don’t start dating another woman until you have properly ended your relationship with your current girlfriend. You need closure, and so does she.
Don’t lie. Tell her the true reasons behind the breakup. Don’t be brutal, but do be honest.
Take the initiative. Don’t do the weak thing by being mean, provoking her to leave you. If you are making the unilateral decision to break up with your girlfriend, meet this unpleasant situation head-on. So many men are too wimpy to do so, and end up acting badly because they’d rather their girlfriend leave them than be the instigator of the breakup.

Now, let’s focus on the “dos” of how to nicely break up with a girl.

How to break up with a girl without hurting her

1. Be a grown-up

If you are old enough to have a meaningful relationship, you are old enough to stop the relationship in an adult way.

This means that you are prepared to have a face-to-face conversation with your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

2. Pick a place where you can both talk

It’s a good idea to select a place that does not have a heavy symbolic meaning for either of you. It would not be ideal to meet up where you had your first date or another space that holds significant memories.

You may not want to break up with her in either of your homes. Choose a neutral place where you are not likely to be interrupted by friends or colleagues. Make sure you can have a private conversation and that the ambient noise is not too loud.

3. Give her a chance to talk

When breaking up with your girlfriend, it is important for you to go over your reasons, but also let her have a chance to talk. Make sure you listen to her responses and acknowledge that you are hearing her.

She will have a need to address what you are telling her, and you owe it to her to let her express her emotions.

4. End on a good note

Prepare what you are going to say so that you can deliver this sad news calmly. Make sure you begin the breakup conversation by reminding her that while you had many good moments in the relationship, you have made a decision to end things.

You don’t need to use the classic “It’s not you, it’s me,” but you can say something similar like you just aren’t satisfied by your relationship anymore. Remind her that she is a great person and that you enjoyed your time together.

But your story ends here and all you can do is wishing her well. Avoid any personal attacks or criticism, the point is to break up nicely so that both of you can move forward with a sense of respect for each other.

5. Avoid the one big mistake

Avoid one mistake during break up When you break up with your girlfriend, try to avoid making that one big mistake so many people do when breaking up.

“I hope we can still be friends.” Your break up needs to be final, so promising a future friendship can be harmful. It can mislead your girlfriend into thinking that one day you might get back together. It can be detrimental for you as you wish to begin a new life, free of ties to an old relationship.

It is likely that once you start dating again, a new girlfriend will not like that you maintain a friendship with an ex-girlfriend.

So do not promise that you will remain friends. It rarely works out to be beneficial to either party. A break up needs to be definitive, final, clean and clear. Anything else muddies the situation and makes things harder than they already are.

Be that boyfriend that she will always remember fondly, even if things did not work out at the end.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less