15 Ways of Being Independent in a Relationship

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Being in a relationship feels good, especially when our significant other spoils us, right? Who wouldn’t get used to being treated special? When you’re in love, you want to spend every day with your special someone; it’s like your day won’t be complete without them being with you.

All of us can relate to this, no doubt about it, but we also have to ask ourselves if this is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Enjoy love but also be independent in a relationship for it to work, but where do we start?

Are you independent?

Being independent can have many definitions depending on the situation that is presented. Someone who has been single for a long time, this person might have gotten used to being independent and can come off as being too independent for a relationship.

LMHC Grady Shumway says,

Knowing how independent you are is key in relationships. Remember, everyone’s idea of independence can look different and change over time. Thinking about what independence means to you helps in talking openly with partners and finding the right match. Finding a balance between doing things on your own and together is crucial for a healthy, happy relationship.

There can also be some people who are independent in many other things, such as with their careers but are clingy in their relationships. Lastly, some people want to remain independent in a relationship, which we are discussing. Which one are you?

What is independence in relationships?

How well do you understand wanting to be independent in a relationship?

Being independent in a relationship doesn’t mean that you will dominate your partner in any way; that’s a different story.

Being independent in a relationship means that you know how to be your person in a relationship.

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to give up the things that made you happy before; it doesn’t mean that you have to spend 100% of your time and attention on your relationship alone. This will make you dependent on your partner in the relationship, and you will soon find yourself lost.

You’ll see that you won’t be able to function if you fight or feel that you can’t do something if your partner isn’t there or they don’t approve of your decision.

A romantic relationship should keep us inspired and help us be a better person, but that will only happen if we can be independent in a relationship.

The importance of independence in a relationship

You might wonder about the importance of independence in a relationship and how do we achieve it. Maintaining independence in a relationship is vital in every relationship because we don’t want to lose ourselves just because we have fallen in love. Rather, we should know how to be independent in a relationship.

It’s important that we are still being our own person in a relationship so that we can still dream and decide for ourselves. Being too clingy, needy and dependent on our partners isn’t just being toxic. It also drains our partner’s energy in many ways.

Staying independent in a relationship will allow you and your partner to grow together as a couple and an individual. In short, you are helping each other to be a better person.

How simple it may seem to be independent in a relationship, it remains a challenge for most couples because of different situations that can happen in the relationship.

Past experiences, self-worth, fear, and even some mental or behavioral disorders can sometimes play a role for someone to hinder working on themselves while in a relationship.

Grady Shumway further states,

Keeping your independence in a relationship isn’t about pulling away from your partner; it’s about keeping your own identity and interests alive. It lets both of you grow individually while also growing together. Sure, finding that balance can be tricky, influenced by your past and your personality, but with honest talk, respect, and support for each other’s personal journeys, you can both thrive together.

5 signs you have an independent relationship

So, what is an independent relationship? Here are a few signs you may already be in one.

1. You celebrate each other’s successes

One sign that you are being independent in a relationship is when you can celebrate each other’s successes. This means that you will root for each other when meeting goals. You can also be happy for them whenever something good happens, or they get a promotion. They can also do the same for you.

There will be no reason to be jealous when they succeed since you are also doing your own thing.

2. You are allowed to make decisions for yourself

Something else that may be part of the independent relationship definition is when you can make decisions for yourself. In some relationships, you may be unable to choose who you want to hang out with and what you want to do, but this won’t be a problem in an independent relationship.

Instead, there will be times when you can hang out with your friends and times you can hang out with your partner’s friends. The same goes for the activities you take part in. It will be fair to both parties.

3. You can spend time apart

Couples that have an independent relationship will also be able to spend time apart. You don’t have to spend every minute together; you can have your own space. This can help prevent you from becoming too frustrated with each other, which could lead to arguments and disagreements when you aren’t able to have time to relax and unwind for yourself.

Having time to yourself can also boost your mood and help your mental health. Remember that even spending a few hours a week doing your own thing can benefit your mind and body.

4. You talk about all things together

You will also be able to talk about everything. If there is a situation that comes up where you feel uncomfortable, or you have a difference of opinion from your partner, it will be okay for you to speak up.

There will be less of a problem reaching a compromise with your partner when you are both independent, able to make decisions for yourself and respect this part of the relationship. While arguments may not be able to be avoided at all times, it may be easier to reach an agreement since the relationship is relatively equal for both of you.

5. You can set goals for yourself

While it is okay to have couple goals, it will be no problem for you to also have goals for yourself. If there are things that you want to do, whether in your personal life or your career, your partner will be unlikely to get in your way when you are in an independent relationship.

Instead, they may encourage you and be in your corner to help you meet any goals you want. It could be like having your cheering section. You will need to do the same thing for your partner as well, and you will probably be happy to do so, since this doesn’t take away from the things that you are doing.

Related Reading : 100 Cute Relationship Goals for Young People in Love

5 benefits of being independent in a relationship

There are certain benefits of being independent in a relationship as well. Here’s a look at 5 of them.

1. You can be who you are

One of the best things about being in an independent relationship is the ability to be whoever you are. You won’t have to pretend to like things your partner likes, so you can keep them interested. They will know that you have your likes and appreciate them, even if they are starkly different from what they like.

In other words, you can show all the aspects of your personality to your partner since they won’t judge you on these things or try to change you. This can, in turn, lead to a deeper bond with one another since you are being straightforward at all times. If they like who you are, this is not likely to change.

Also try:  How Well Do You Know Your Partner

2. You can have a good sense of self-worth

Something else that you can look forward to is having a good sense of self-worth. This can improve your self-respect and self-esteem, letting you know that you are an important person who deserves to be loved and respected.

When you like yourself, this can give you the confidence you need to succeed, allow your partner to treat you like you want to be treated and much more. If you have problems with your self-esteem, you can talk to a counselor for help. You can also talk to people you trust and who love you since they can offer kind words when you are feeling down.

3. You may feel more secure in your relationship

When you are yourself and know that you are worthy of the love and support your partner provides you, this can help you feel more secure in your relationship. You won’t have to feel like your partner will up and leave you or hurt you.

This can also give you the boost you need to continue building your relationship and trust with your partner, so you can have a long-lasting healthy relationship if this is what both of you want.

4. You can be honest

Being independent in a relationship can also mean being honest with yourself and your partner. If there are things that you need to work on within yourself, you can be open and honest about these things. On the other hand, if there are things you would like your partner to work on, you can nicely discuss these things too.

Remember that this isn’t about quirks that your mate may have that you don’t like, but instead, trying to uplift them. For instance, if your partner isn’t practicing good sleeping habits, you can talk to them about what is happening and tell them what helps you sleep at night.

5. It can be good for your mental health

An independent relationship can benefit your mental health since you can be yourself and know your opinions are valid. You won’t have to constantly worry about what will happen next and if your partner will keep loving you.

You will be able to know for sure that your relationship is stable and support your mate no matter what they are going through. They will probably be able to do the same thing for you. This is like having a best friend with whom you are also in a relationship, which can be refreshing and comforting.

Related Reading: 10 Ways on Dealing From Spouse With Mental Illness

How to be independent in a relationship: 15 Ways

Do you want to be independent in a relationship? Do you want to practice this so you can also have the base of independence in marriage? Like any other habit, it takes time and a healthy mindset to be independent, even if you are in a relationship. You can start with these simple steps.

1. Don’t be scared to spend some time alone

Being alone doesn’t mean that you don’t have time for each other or that you don’t love each other. Time alone in a relationship can give you the time to relax. It’s not like relationships are toxic but having alone time replenishes not just our mind but also our soul as well.

It’s a way for us to rethink our decisions, goals, and lives as it is. It also allows us time to miss each other and make decisions by ourselves.

2. Start with privacy and the space that we all need

Want to know how to be more independent in a relationship?

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you must do everything together. That’s impossible and will only cause problems later on. Allow yourself and your partner to have a life outside your partnership.

Let them go out with friends; you don’t have to do everything with your partner and vice versa. Trust is needed to pull this off. Also, don’t spend and waste your time checking your partner every now and then – that’s not healthy at all.

3. Have your own personality

Another thing to remember on how to remain independent in a relationship is to still have your own personality. When in love and in a relationship, we would want to change the bad traits of our partner, right?

Though, losing yourself in the process isn’t healthy at all. You still need to have your own voice and opinion and make sure you stand firm on what you believe in.

4. Learn to still enjoy the things that you love to do before

Travel alone, watch a movie, have sleepovers with friends and many more. Don’t rush into moving in together or getting married. Enjoy life, enjoy your career, set goals and live your life.

To be independent in a relationship also means you have to be reasonable and understanding.

You also have to work on yourself and your personal development to help each other. Remember that falling in love and being in a relationship should help you be better.

You and your partner should help each grow individually in a relationship and you can expect a steady, strong, and understanding relationship.

5. Go after the things you want

You should go after the things you want. If you want to do something but have been holding back, there is no reason to do this. It is okay to treat yourself when possible since this can be good for your mental health and make you feel special.

6. Work towards meeting your personal goals

If you have goals that you want to meet, today is the day to start working toward them. These may be things you want to accomplish in life, at your job or even things you want to learn and become masterful with.

Try to break goals down into smaller steps so you won’t get discouraged. This can help you have a better chance of meeting your goals.

7. Hang out with your friends

Hanging out with friends can be just the break you need when stressed. Talk to them about old times or reminisce. This can leave you laughing for hours and remembering how you used to act.

It could also cause you to be grateful for the life you have now and the relationship you have with your mate.

8. Be vocal when you need to be

You don’t have to be quiet when something hurts your feelings or you feel like you have been slighted. For instance, if you are on a project and your boss gives you more work to do than you can handle, it is okay to tell them that you won’t be able to finish everything in the time they asked.

You can give them an alternate, more reasonable time frame, and you can feel confident that you are being fair and true to yourself.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Disappointment in Relationships: 10 Ways

9. Let your partner know your intentions

Instead of asking for permission, you can tell your partner what you want to do. You may want to learn how to cook a special dish or study watercolor painting. You will be able to do these things with confidence, where someone won’t tell you that you can’t do it or that you won’t succeed.

Your mate will probably support you during the process and celebrate with you when you have also completed your goal.

10. Understand you and your mate are different

It is okay for you and your partner to be different. You don’t have to like all the same things and want to go to the same places. It is okay to be a little bit different. This way they can expand your horizons and you can do the same for them.

In other words, you will be able to see their point of view and its validity, even though it is a bit different from your own. This can help you grow together as a couple.

Related Reading : Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Try to Change Your Partner

11. Have your own likes

It is okay for you to like the things you like. You don’t have to change these things about yourself because you are dating someone. They may not have experienced some of the things that you like and want to know more about. They usually won’t think you are unusual because you have a favorite food, book, or movie. All of us do!

12. Take care of your health

You must take care of your health and wellness. No one else is going to do this for you. This includes getting around 7 hours of sleep each night, exercising regularly, and eating a balanced diet. These things can help you feel better both physically and emotionally.

If you aren’t sure where to begin, talk to friends about their habits or read websites online for more information.

Watch this video to learn some key tips for starting a healthy lifestyle:

13. Spend time with a hobby

If there is a hobby that you like to spend time with, continue to do so. Perhaps you play video games, which helps you unwind after a tough day; this is something you should keep up with. Even if your partner doesn’t like gaming, maybe you could find a game they enjoy and play with them.

Having a hobby can help you relieve stress, have fun, and accomplish something sometimes.

Related Reading : How to Make Time for Your Personal Hobbies When Married

14. Work out any issues

You should work out any issues as soon as possible when you are independent in a relationship. If you and your partner argue, make sure you take the time to make up with them. When you effectively communicate, you can come to a resolution together where neither of you feels slighted.

Moreover, when you can work out a compromise, this can strengthen your relationship.

Related Reading: 4 Relationship Conversations You Can Have With Your Partner

15. Talk to a counselor

Seeking relationship counseling may be something you want to do as well, especially if you are trying to learn more about how to be independent in a respectful manner to your partner. You can talk to a therapist about what you should be doing separately and what you should be doing together.

Furthermore, you can work with a therapist alone or together to improve your connection. They will be able to help you either way.

Is being independent a good thing in a relationship?

Being independent in a relationship can be good because it can offer you a chance to feel more secure with your partner. This is because you will likely be able to have your own time and space, and you don’t have to go along with what the other one says all the time.

You will be able to talk to each other about all situations and although you are partners, you can still be autonomous and have your own likes, dislikes, hobbies, friends, and more. If you want these things for your relationship, it may be time to talk to your mate about what you want. Together you can decide the next steps.

Related Reading: 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships

Final takeaway

Anytime you want to focus on being independent in a relationship, there are many things that you can do. You can have your own likes and dislikes, work towards your own goals, spend time doing your own thing, and even work with a therapist to learn more.

Being independent can be helpful for your relationship and it can keep you secure and satisfied with your mate as well. If you want to, follow the tips in this article, or view additional information online to learn more. There are many reasons why you may want to have an independent relationship.