25 Signs That You’re Trapped in Addictive Relationships

We’ve heard many people describe their love as addicting. Or say that they are addicted to their partner or spouse.

People even use this word in songs, showing how deep one’s love is. However, it’s wrong to associate the word addiction with the feeling of love.

Addiction is described as a great interest in something in particular. Often, it makes it hard for this person to think clearly and only focuses on their addiction.

Unfortunately, addictive relationships exist.

It’s not the ‘addiction’ that we often hear in songs about being deeply in love. Relationship addiction is something else, and it’s far more common than you think it is.

How do you define an addictive relationship?

Can you be addicted to a person?

The answer here is yes. An addictive relationship is when you fall in love so deeply that you begin to lose yourself in the process.

Addictive relationships can happen to only one partner or both. But most of the time, when this happens, the person who exhibits addiction stops taking care of their personal needs and will only focus on their partner.

Emotional addiction to a person is no different from being addicted to drugs.

What is an addictive relationship? What makes it different from a healthy relationship?

A person who is in addictive relationships feels incomplete, unhappy, desperate, and even insecure. This is the exact opposite if you are in a healthy relationship.

Being in a relationship with an addict for love will give everything, to the point of being obsessive. They aim to be with the person they love.

They want to make their partners happy feel loved, and they want to show how much they love their partners that it becomes unhealthy.

As these people drain themselves of their self-love and self-worth, they begin to feel emptier.

What is the psychology behind addictive relationships?

Addictive behaviors in relationships start with pure intentions.

You fall in love, and you want this person to feel the love you have to offer. Being in a relationship and being happy in love is the ultimate goal.

Of course, every relationship also has trials.

A healthy relationship will talk, understand, and work together. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case with addictive relationships.

They feel extreme emotions and fail to communicate. When this happens, the person experiencing addiction will obsessively think about their partner.

They become ‘high’ with happiness when they are okay yet succumb to sadness and depression when there’s a problem.

Over time, they would focus all their energy, time, and happiness on their relationship and partner. It becomes an addictive relationships cycle that will eventually destroy their self-respect, self-love, and even self-compassion.

What happens when you allow yourself to get lost in the love that you thought would make you a better person?

What are the different characteristics of an addictive relationship?

When you mix addiction and relationships, your love may turn into a toxic one. 

Here are some of the characteristics of addictive relationships:

• Addictive love is all-consuming and obsessive.
• This type of love is inhibited.
• Being addicted to love is being dependent on your partner.
• Addictive love demands.
• A love bounded by addiction lacks real intimacy and connection.
• Addictive love is also manipulative.
• Love addiction often has insecurities.

If you feel that you are in addictive relationships or someone you know does, it helps to know the signs.

25 Signs that you’re trapped in an addictive relationship

If you can relate to the signs below, you might be in an addictive relationship.

Here are 25 signs of addictive relationships:

1. You always have issues

It’s normal to have issues in a relationship, but with addictive relationships, the problems become too frequent and too damaging.

Problems in a relationship can strengthen the couple when they solve them together. It requires patience, understanding, love, maturity, and communication.

However, when the couple is just focusing on the recurring issues, and it doesn’t lead them anywhere, then it becomes toxic. The relationship can be described as complicated, more than harmonious.

2. Your love is inconsistent

Addictive personalities and relationships have similarities to substance abuse; in the sense that you get addicted to the ‘happy’ or high moments. Then, you have issues again, and then you fall hard.

It’s called an addictive relationships cycle, where someone gets addicted to the love and pain that the relationship brings.

A person addicted to love feels like when they are feeling pain, it’s worth the battle to feel the ‘happy’ or high moments again. So they hold on, even if it hurts.

3. You always think about your love and partner non-stop

When you’re in love, you always think of your special someone, right.

It brings you happiness, inspiration, and that feeling of butterflies in your stomach. 

That’s one of the best feelings, but when you are stuck in addictive relationships, your mind becomes obsessed with the thought of your lover.

You can delay work, a meal, and even your sleep to monitor your loved one, think about your future, what your issues are, and what this person is doing every moment.

4. You always feel insecure and nervous

What if your boyfriend is doing overtime or is away for an out-of-town project, and you are filled with thoughts of him accompanied by anxiety?

This is one of the signs of relationship addiction.

You might feel that he can meet someone new or have a good time and is no longer thinking of you. These thoughts are not healthy and are destructive.

These thoughts can get worst and will take up literally your whole day.

The sad part is when you’re consumed, it can already affect how you think and talk to your partner.

Related Reading: What is Relationship Anxiety and How can you Deal with it?

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes, a clinical psychotherapist, discusses the reality of having relationship insecurities:

5. Your relationship only brings out the worst in you

Dating someone with an addictive personality can have tantrums or outbursts that can be out of line.

Too much insecurity, obsessive thoughts, and jealousy can trigger a person under addictive relationships to burst into anger or fit.

You know you’re not like this before, but now, you’ve been uncontrollable, and you’re not proud of what you’ve become. Unfortunately, this is a cycle, and you’ll find yourself repeating these behaviors over and over again.

6. You are always tired and sick

Relationship addiction symptoms can take a toll on your physical and mental health. This is why people experiencing this type of love addiction often become sickly.

7. You are in a relationship, yet you feel alone

Ironic, isn’t it? You’re in a relationship, but you feel alone.

It’s when you realize that you don’t have a lot in common, and your relationship is filled with the same issue. It’s when you obsessively think about your partner, yet you seem to feel like you’re falling apart.

You start to feel unhappy and alone.

Related Reading: 15 Signs of Loneliness in a Relationship and How to Deal With It

8. You always break up and makeup

An addictive relationship is a cycle.

You’re super in love today, and tomorrow you might hate each other to the point that you choose to let go. Then, after a few hours, days, or even weeks, you find yourself in each other’s arms again.

Sadly, most of these relationships would go in circles. Fighting over the same issue and feeling in love the next. This prevents you from growing.

Related Reading: Healing Relationships After Breaking Up And Making Up

9. You turn to sex to fix your relationship

If a person is emotionally weak and is too dependent on their lover, this can lead to sexually addictive relationships.

They might start to think that sex can fix the relationship and begin sexualizing trust, nurturing, and even love.

Related Relationship: 4 Effective Steps to Repair Your Relationship

10. Don’t confuse this with making love or healthy sex 

Being too dependent to your partner

Have you ever felt that you can’t function without your partner?

From doing simple tasks making decisions to your emotions, you feel like you need your partner to validate you.

If you become too dependent on your partner, they may feel suffocated, and you would also feel unhappy and lost.

11. Trying to justify your partner’s mistakes and flaws

Some people in addictive relationships may also be victims of abuse.

A person addicted to the thought that love means understanding will have a false belief that no matter how abusive their partner is, there’s a chance to be better.

They would justify their partner’s wrongdoing and even start to believe the lies themselves.

12. Trying to change yourself to be perfect for your partner

Addictive personality traits in relationships include changing yourself to be the ‘perfect’ partner.

You may even start asking your partner, what he likes, hates, or just about anything to please him.

Having the ultimate goal of being the perfect partner and changing yourself in the process to show your love is not healthy.

13. You always feel that you’re not enough

It’s exhausting that no matter how hard you try, you feel that you are not enough for the person you love.

You feel that you have so much love that your heart will burst. You want to try your best to be perfect, yet you know that you’re not enough. This can cause stress and anxiety, adding to the addictive relationships cycles.

14. You’re often jealous and insecure

Addictive behaviors in relationships include extreme, often uncontrolled jealousy.

It stems from insecurity and excessive thinking.

If you give in to these intrusive thoughts, it becomes a habit and becomes addicting. One day, you’ll find yourself stalking every friend your partner has, every text or call.

What happens when something triggers you? You pick up a fight, or you nag, leading to another issue.

Related Reading: 15 Tips on How to Stop Being Jealous in Your Relationship

15. Turning to substances to cope or numb the emptiness

If someone is in addictive relationships, this person is also susceptible to substance abuse.

When in pain, this person can turn to alcohol, drugs, or other illegal substances to ‘numb’ the pain and emptiness.

16. Turning to binge eating or even gambling

Some people who are addicted to love may turn to binge eating and gambling.

When they are in a lonely and addictive relationship, they are susceptible to finding ways that can help them feel happy, even just for a while.

It is their temporary solution to a deeper problem.

17. You can’t imagine your life without your partner

People who love you will notice what’s happening. They might start asking you to seek professional help or just let go.

However, the mere thought of being parted with your loved one, even if the relationship is toxic, is unbearable for you.

You cannot imagine living your life without this person, even if they love you’re holding on to is already unhealthy.

18. Making your partner your whole life

Can you be addicted to a person and make this person your whole world?

A person addicted to love means giving everything they have until they have nothing left behind.

That’s how it feels for someone in an addictive relationship. You are willing to give everything you have, making your partner their whole world.

Your whole love, life, and attention will go to one person, but what’s left for you?

19. You always doubt your partner

You have given everything to your partner. And because you no longer have anything for yourself, you begin to feel insecure and afraid.

You’re afraid that this person will leave you, so you always feel doubtful and scared.

This will lead to issues, and the addictive relationship cycle starts again.

Related Reading: 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships

20. You start distancing yourself from your family and friends

It’s hard when the people you love don’t support or understand where you are coming from.

You may even feel like the world is trying to keep you apart.

That’s one of the most common things that people who are addicted to love to feel. In the end, they choose to distance themselves from their own family and friends.

21. You start losing your self-worth and self-respect

You start giving everything to your partner, and unknowingly, you’re leaving nothing behind.

You drain your self-respect, self-compassion, and self-love.

22. You’re out of control and can show obsessiveness

Emotional stress and too many emotions can take a toll, and this can cause you to have a nervous breakdown.

The more your partner distances, the more you become obsessed.

The more you feel that your relationship is falling apart, the more eager you are to cling on and fight for it.

23. You try to post that you have a perfect relationship online

This is very common. Addictive behaviors in relationships include obsessing over online approval.

You may find yourself posting sweet photos, sweet messages, and so much more. You want everyone to see how happy and perfect you are together.

24. You start to beg for your partner’s love

Have you found yourself on the edge of your sanity with your continuous love-hate relationship? Has your partner tried to leave you, and you found yourself begging for this person to stay?

Losing yourself in love is a sad reality that some people deal with. Even if they no longer have pride, self-love, and self-respect, they would try to hold on.

25. You look in the mirror, and you can no longer recognize yourself

Look yourself in the mirror.

Do you even recognize the once happy, independent, and bright person you used to be? Have you felt that you’re drowning in this addiction and want to save yourself?

If you feel this way, you’re in an addictive relationship, and you’ve recognized that. 

5 Ways to overcome addictive relationships

Once you have seen and realized that something is wrong, decide to do something about it.

Address the issue and commit. Start overcoming addictive relationships by trying these 5 steps:

1. Recognize that there is a problem

Focus on your recovery first. To regain your self-love and self-respect, you need to start fixing that person in front of the mirror.

2. Take a break

Take a break from the relationship if needed. This will be very hard, but think of it this way, how can you fix your relationship when you’re broken inside?

3. Focus on yourself first

Start nurturing yourself and practice self-love, self-respect, self-compassion, and everything that can bring back the old you. Remember that loving yourself is very important.

4. Talk

Try talking to people who love and understand you. Don’t push the people who love you away. Embrace them and allow them to help you heal.

5. Consult a professional

In any event that everything seems so hard and you feel lost, then please do consult a professional. A licensed therapist is someone who can help you go through the process. They’re not here to judge but to help.

Conclusion

Meeting someone and falling in love is beautiful, but as they say, too much of everything won’t be good for us.

It’s normal to want a loving relationship. 

Everyone wants a healthy relationship, but sometimes, we get lost.

In the depth of extreme love and emotion, we drown in addictive relationships.

By knowing the different signs of addicting love, you’re given a chance to change the course of your love story.

It’s not too late to try again and start re-building yourself. See how worthy you are of a love that is healthy and beautiful.

Just remember that in falling in love, we should not lose ourselves.