17 Practical Ways to Practice Accountability in Relationships

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Accountability in relationships is necessary for building healthy relationships, which can work as evidence that you can be trusted. Taking responsibility for your actions in a relationship and acknowledging the effects of your behavior and choices shows you have a sense of control over your life. 

Furthermore, it also reflects that you are a credible person, and your strength of character cannot in any way be questioned.

To have the most of a relationship, apart from declaring love for each other, both parties need to make conscious efforts to be transparent, honest, and ready to trust each other. So, let’s understand how to be more accountable in a relationship and why it’s so important.

What is accountability in a relationship?

Accountability is a willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions, words, and feelings. When you take ownership and accept responsibility for each of your actions in a relationship, it becomes easy for your partner to trust and depend on you.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

In addition to having willingness, there must also be honesty and positive regard for others in order to come full circle with being accountable.

Knowing how to hold yourself accountable in a relationship helps build profitable relationships with others. It involves recognizing the effects of your behaviors on your partner and the relationship and accepting responsibility for it.

Accountability in relationships can be difficult, but by practicing some ways, you can learn to be more accountable and hold someone accountable.

5 reasons why accountability is vital in a relationship

Accountability is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, acting as the glue that binds partners together through trust, responsibility, and mutual respect. 

It ensures that both individuals are committed to their words, actions, and the relationship’s overall growth. Here are 5 reasons why accountability is essential in a relationship:

1. Builds trust

Accountability is fundamental in building and maintaining trust between partners. When each person takes responsibility for their actions and follows through on their promises, it reinforces the belief that they can rely on each other. 

Such trust enables a safe and secure environment where both individuals feel valued and understood, essential for a deep and enduring connection.

2. Promotes open communication

Accountability encourages open and honest communication. By being accountable, partners feel more comfortable discussing their feelings, concerns, and desires without fear of judgment or retaliation.

Openness allows for the resolution of conflicts in a constructive manner, strengthens the emotional bond, and ensures that both partners are heard and understood.

3. Encourages personal growth

When partners hold each other accountable, they challenge each other to grow and improve. This doesn’t mean pointing out each other’s flaws in a negative way but rather supporting each other’s goals and personal development.

Accountability in a relationship helps individuals become the best versions of themselves, which, in turn, benefits the relationship.

As Grady Shumway explains:

Personal growth is not an easy task. Typically, personal growth is accompanied by hard work and honest efforts.

4. Ensures equality and respect

Accountability encourages a sense of equality and respect in a relationship. When both partners are held to the same standards, it prevents power imbalances. 

It ensures that neither partner feels burdened or taken for granted. This mutual respect is crucial for maintaining a healthy and balanced relationship where both individuals feel valued.

5. Facilitates reliability and predictability

In relationships, knowing you can depend on your partner is comforting. Accountability makes behavior more predictable, reducing uncertainty and stress. 

When partners consistently show they are accountable, it reassures each other of their commitment and reliability, strengthening the relationship and making it more resilient against challenges.

How to take accountability in a relationship: 17 tips

Taking accountability in relationships is not always easy, especially in the ones with records of cheating, infidelity, and the like. 

It could be a deal breaker for those with partners who don’t take responsibility for their actions by accepting their mistakes and owning up, which invariably puts the relationship in danger.

Now that you know what accountability means, here are 17 effective ways to practice accountability and hold someone accountable in a relationship.

1. Do a self-assessment and review of yourself

Self-assessment of yourself brings about self-awareness of who you truly are. To hold yourself accountable in a relationship, you need to assess your personality to be aware of your feelings and emotions. 

When you engage in self-assessment, it reflects your most inherent qualities, behaviors, values, and preferences. This helps you be aware of yourself, know what triggers you, and how to respond and not react to relationship issues.

However, it is just not enough to be self-aware. Reviewing your words and actions to visualize their impact on your partner and the relationship would be best.

2. Set goals to improve yourself

It is one thing to be aware of how your words and actions can affect your relationship. It is another thing to seek ways to improve yourself, especially if your behavior negatively impacts your partner. 

Accountability in relationships requires you to write the behaviors you are willing to work on by setting a smart goal to help you achieve them. Accountability in love relationships is a joint effort from both parties to keep improving themselves to be more accountable.

3. Do away with the blame game

A partner who is accountable for their actions and takes ownership of what they have done wrong does not engage in blaming their significant other for every mistake in the relationship.

When you blame your partner for everything happening in your relationship but refuse to see your contribution as part of the issue, be assured that you are heading toward ruining the relationship and game of accountability vs blame in relationships.

One of the telltale signs of a lack of accountability in relationships is getting involved in the blaming game, which is unhealthy for the relationship to thrive. So, accountability in relationships is necessary for having a healthy relationship.

4. Learn to apologize

Mistakes are inevitable, and nobody is perfect. Still, your ability to accept personal responsibility for your wrongs and apologize for them in a relationship indicates that you are more accountable. 

Before you say you are working toward taking more accountability in a relationship, you must accept and own up to what you have done and sincerely apologize where necessary.

Doing this will encourage your partner to forgive you, knowing fully well you have realized your mistakes and are willing to change. This is how to hold yourself accountable in a relationship and hold your partner accountable, too.

5. Be open and transparent

In order to be more accountable in a relationship, there is a need to be open and transparent. 

If you are committed to changing those behaviors that make you react in a certain manner toward your partner, you have to be open and clear about them so that your partner can understand you better and why you behave the way you do.

Clinical Social Worker Grady Shumway further says:

It may be a challenge to be open, which takes you back to the details of personal growth being a working task rather than an effortless routine.

Being open and transparent with your partner about how you feel is one of the ways that you can take more accountability in relationships. This will help you not be misunderstood and judged too quickly because your partner is fully aware of what is happening to you.

6. Be open to meaningful compromise

In every healthy relationship, compromise is inevitable. Your ability to reach a consensus with your partner on some issues in your relationship indicates that you value your relationship more than your interest, and that’s what compromise is all about.

Do you want to be more accountable? Then, you have to be open to compromise. Compromising in a relationship is a way of supporting each other. 

It makes your partner feel loved, important, and valued because you are working toward achieving one goal to benefit the relationship, not as an opponent but as a team. 

7. Be committed to your words

It is one thing to say something, and it’s another thing to do accordingly. When you say what you mean and mean what you say, people will likely trust you for standing by your words, especially if your actions match your words.

How often you follow through on your commitments to yourself and your partner will determine whether you can be trusted. Accountability in relationships is about taking responsibility for your words and actions; being committed to your words is one way to show that you are accountable.

8. Get feedback from your partner

Seeking feedback from your partner on what you are doing right or wrong in a relationship will show you how to hold a person accountable. Holding someone accountable for hurting you also helps you know if their words and actions impede or improve the relationship.

It is typical of what happens in a relationship where one partner struggles with being accountable for their feelings, words, and actions but expects their significant other to be accountable to them, which often causes friction in a relationship.

9. Consider your partner’s perspective

There is something about accountability in relationships that makes it about the two parties in that relationship. It is about having some emotional intelligence to understand why you both behave and act in a particular way and manner.

Sometimes, your partner’s view of a particular issue differs from yours. That is not the time to pick offense against them but to see things from their perspective by being empathetic to see how you would act if you were in their shoes.

10. Do not overcommit

To be more accountable in a relationship, you must avoid overcommitments. Why make commitments you cannot meet up with? Before making commitments, be sure they are what you can do. 

That is why it is crucial to gauge your words with your actions, knowing that overcommitments can lead to over-expectations, which often lead to disappointment.   

If you find meeting your commitments to your significant other and those around you challenging, check if you have yet to overcommit yourself.

11. Identify your role 

Taking accountability in relationships will only be easy if you are clear about what you are responsible for. Until you know your role and what your partner expects from you, you might not know if your actions are right or wrong to hold yourself accountable.

Not knowing what you are accountable for can create confusion, a loss of focus, and a lack of accountability in relationships.

12. Seek professional help

A forward-thinking partner who truly desires their relationship to grow and become successful can reach out for help from professionals to guide them through how to avoid behaviors and attitudes that are capable of causing an impediment to the success of that relationship. 

Involving a professional counselor to analyze and identify those behaviors, such as a partner refusing to be accountable, can help you take accountability for what you are doing right or wrong in a relationship.

13. Make accountability a priority

The relationship is not a one-person show; it takes two to tango. In making accountability a priority in your relationship, all you need to do is take a step back, think of how you have contributed to what is happening in your relationship, and seek ways to make changes.

Accountability in relationships enhances your ability to hold yourself accountable and shows you how to hold your partner accountable, thereby creating a healthy environment for you and your partner to thrive in the relationship. 

14. Manage your time effectively

The importance of time management cannot be overemphasized when taking accountability in relationships. Managing time can be difficult, but you can manage your time effectively with discipline.

Suppose you easily forget dates, especially those important to you, your partner, and your relationship. In that case, you can use tools for timing, planning, and remembering important dates. This is what accountability in love relationships is all about.

15. Learn to respond and not react

Regarding taking accountability in relationships, you need to learn to respond to issues you have with your partner rather than reacting. Responding to what happens in your relationship allows you to think through the situation before saying anything about it. 

Still, when you react, you need to take the time to analyze the situation before acting, which can worsen the situation.

By learning to be calm and analyze what is happening in your relationship before you respond, you stand a chance of not becoming defensive, which may help you be more accountable.

16. Practice active listening

To enhance accountability, focus on actively listening to your partner. This means giving them your full attention, not interrupting, and making an effort to understand their perspective before responding.

Active listening demonstrates respect for your partner’s feelings and opinions. It can prevent misunderstandings that might arise from assuming or misinterpreting their words. 

For example, when your partner shares something important, summarize what they’ve said to ensure you’ve understood correctly, showing that you value their input and are accountable for your role in the communication process.

Watch this video where Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, explains how to stop being defensive and learn to listen in your relationship:

17. Establish mutual respect for boundaries

Setting and respecting boundaries is crucial for accountability in relationships. Discuss and agree upon boundaries that support the well-being of both partners. This could include personal space, privacy, or how to handle disagreements. 

When both partners respect these boundaries, it shows a commitment to the relationship’s health and each other’s happiness. 

For instance, if your partner needs some alone time to decompress after work, respecting this boundary without taking it personally demonstrates your accountability in nurturing a supportive and understanding relationship.

FAQs

Accountability is a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships, cultivating trust, respect, and mutual growth. Here are some frequently asked questions about accountability, providing insights into its significance in relationships:

• What does accountability look like?

Accountability in relationships manifests as taking responsibility for one’s actions, communicating openly, and making amends when necessary. 

It involves actively listening, respecting boundaries, and being honest about one’s feelings and mistakes. Practicing accountability shows a commitment to the relationship’s well-being and personal growth.

• What is accountability in love?

In love, accountability means being responsible for your actions and their impact on your partner. It entails honesty, transparent communication, and the willingness to improve oneself for the betterment of the relationship. 

Being accountable in love supports a foundation of trust and respect, which is essential for a healthy, lasting partnership.

• What is the difference between accountability and blame in relationships?

Accountability is about owning your actions and their consequences, focusing on growth and solutions. Blame, however, shifts responsibility onto others, avoiding self-reflection and growth. 

While accountability strengthens relationships through mutual respect and understanding, blame creates resentment and division.

• Are trust and accountability the same thing?

No, trust and accountability are not the same, but they are closely linked. Trust is the belief in your partner’s reliability and character, built over time through consistent, accountable behavior. 

Accountability, the practice of being reliable and owning one’s actions, lays the groundwork for trust to develop and flourish in a relationship.

The takeaway

Why hold someone accountable when you are not? Partners who take accountability in their relationship always consider what they need to do to salvage the situation and improve the relationship.

If you want to be more accountable in relationships, you must communicate with your partner about how you feel, avoid playing the victim, and apologize for what you have done wrong. To learn more about how to have a healthier and happier relationship, take a course.