10 Coping Strategies When There Is No Intimacy in a Marriage

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Not everyone can talk about the lack of intimacy in their marriage but it’s a very real problem. There are a lot of married couples who have problems with intimacy, and it’s more common than you think.

No intimacy in marriage consequences are real and one of the hardest realities of married life. Can such a relationship still be saved?

Imagine a scenario in marriage without intimacy.

It’s been a long busy day. You finally get home and feel exhausted – like most days, right? You just want to take a hot and comforting shower, eat a full meal, and just sleep.

Sounds familiar?

The thought of being intimate with your spouse looks like a tough chore. Not unlike before when you had plenty of time to experiment with different lovemaking positions and be spontaneous.

Now, it may have suddenly dawned on you that you have a marriage without intimacy!

What does no intimacy in marriage mean?

No intimacy in marriage from wife or husband means that a couple is no longer sexually and emotionally involved with each other. It can indicate deeper physical, emotional or relationship issues between the couple. 

Some of the most common reasons why there is a lack of sexuality in marriage are:

• Low libido
• Mismatched sex drives
• Childbirth
• Workload
• Stress
• Medical conditions such as erectile dysfunction
• History of sexual abuse
• Infidelity
• Insecurities or other personal factors
• Unresolved problems
• Anger and resentment
• Financial problems

No intimacy in marriage consequences are sometimes from lack of sexuality in marriage and sometimes because of lack of emotional intimacy. 

Licensed psychologist and certified coach Silvana Mici says

It can also come from a lack of communication of sexual needs between the partners. It is crucial and very important that you have open communication with your partner. This also increases self-esteem and breaks the barriers between partners.

And no, it’s not like the both of you decided to have no intimacy in marriage. Things have changed, right?

We all know the numerous effects of no intimacy in a relationship. How about the hard work of restoring intimacy in marriage if you realize that your marriage needs help?

How important is intimacy in marriage

Intimacy is an important aspect of most marriages. But first, what is intimacy?

Intimacy in a marriage is the comfort and closeness that a couple shares with each other. It covers both emotional and sexual intimacy. 

If you are lacking intimacy in marriage, then you can address the issue healthily and constructively. Ignoring the issue can further aggravate the issue. 

Intimacy intensifies the bond between two people and allows them to open up in front of each other. It fulfills an individual’s emotional and physical desires. 

Signs of lack of sexual intimacy in marriage

To truly understand intimacy’s meaning we can look out for certain signs that become visible when there is no intimacy in marriage from wife or husband. These can act as warning signs that indicate that some changes need to be made. 

A marriage that lacks intimacy will affect other aspects of the relationship. It can also play an impact on a person’s confidence and self-worth. 

Try to understand the signs of lack of intimacy in marriage to assess whether you need to make some corrections. 

5 effects of lack of intimacy in marriage

As you drift from your spouse’s lack of physical intimacy in marriage to a lack of emotional connection, expect to see changes in your marriage soon.

A marriage without intimacy may not be the leading cause of divorce. Still, its effects on marriage are enough to know how important it is in any relationship.

Here are the top no intimacy in marriage consequences to watch out for

1. Infidelity

Let’s face it. Lack of intimacy in marriage causes a person to be prone to temptations.

We all know that temptation exists and it’s everywhere. From your workmates to friends, to even just random strangers, can pose a threat to your marriage.

What more when there is no intimacy in a marriage? How can you keep your promise when the need is too strong? One of the most drastic effects of lack of sex in marriage is flirting and infidelity.

Related Reading: Help With Infidelity in Marriage

2. You become roommates instead of a couple

One of the effects of no intimacy in a marriage is simply being distant from each other.

Apart from the obvious sexless marriage effects, there are other types of intimacy, like emotional and intellectual intimacy.

If a couple starts to drift apart, it’s just two people living in the same house and that’s all. You may be married on paper but aside from that, you’d see and feel the effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship.

3. Creates insecurities 

It is important to learn about what is intimacy in marriage because without it, partners may develop insecurities. 

The lack of intimacy can make a person doubt their sexual appeal and importance in their partner’s life. The absence of intimacy might be correctly or incorrectly seen as a personal failure to keep one’s partner interested. All this can impact one’s self-worth and confidence. 

4. Higher resentment and distance

If there is no emotional intimacy in a marriage, it can lead to the couple growing apart. It can ultimately affect the bond that they share on an emotional and sexual level. 

In the absence of intimacy, they will likely be unable to trust each other and can also grow resentment of their partner or the relationship itself. 

Watch this video to learn more about why we grow cold towards our partners:

5. Divorce

Deciding to divorce because of no intimacy or because of the effects of a sexless marriage might be the most adverse effect. This may be the ultimate consequence when there is no intimacy in a marriage.

Lack of intimacy, may be sexual, physical, and even emotional, may leave your partner asking, “What’s wrong?”

It may be hard to understand why all of a sudden, the sweetness and fire of intimacy you once had is gone, and with these questions would also come the feeling of being inadequate.

Having no intimacy in a relationship may be more common than you think, but the ultimate question here is, is it too late to make it work? And is it too late to reverse the sexless relationship effects that your marriage has suffered?

Related Reading: 10 Things You Should Know When Getting a Divorce

5 tips for restoring intimacy in marriage

Learning how to cope with no intimacy in marriage from husband or wife can seem difficult, but with proper guidance, this is possible. 

Recognizing the lack of physical intimacy in marriage or even emotional intimacy is not a lost cost. It can help you bring back the fire and fix your marriage if addressed early.

No intimacy in marriage consequences can be seen and felt, so those are your signs to make your marriage work.

1. Recognize the problem

Know what happened to your marriage. Recognize what triggered the lack of intimacy and why you still need to do something about it.

Be honest with yourself and talk to your spouse.

2. Commit to change

Now that you can talk to your spouse, it’s time to ask them if it’s possible to commit. As husband and wife, it’s just right that you work on your relationship together.

It should never be a one-person battle. You are in this together, so it’s just right that you work towards your goals.

3. Focus on rebuilding intimacy

If you have decided that you want to make things work out, then compromise.

If you need more sex, then have a good schedule for it. If you need to be more romantic, find a place to stay for the weekends and pamper yourselves.

Being able to commit and make efforts to make these things happen is the start of rebuilding our intimacy.

4. Focus on building emotional intimacy too

When we talk about intimacy, both sexual and emotional intimacy are equally important and closely related to each other. But often, learning what is emotional intimacy and ways to improve it are overlooked. 

Please pay special attention to communicating openly with your partner and sharing with them how you feel. Listen as your partner tells you about their feelings and try to lend your understanding to them. By being there for each other, you can enhance both emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. 

Related Reading: Best Tips For Growing Intimacy In Marriage

5. Ask for professional help

As there are other underlying causes of lack of intimacy, seeking outside help may be vital.

Therapists to doctors who can help you with your diagnosis are very important if you want to work on bringing back the intimacy in your marriage. Marriage counseling can also help you resolve some of these issues. 

Commonly asked question

Intimacy keeps a relationship alive and ensures that both members of a couple feel supported and positive about the collective future. Answers to certain questions about the topic can give you a better understanding of this key aspect of a relationship.

Is it normal to have no intimacy in marriage?

Usually, marriages are built on the wholesome bond between two people. The intimacy between the couple allows them to feel sexually and emotionally fulfilled. While there are ups and downs in a marriage, if there is no intimacy in a marriage, it can lead to further problems. 

In a nutshell

Marriage requires two people who are willing to work together, but if there is no intimacy in marriage, then it’s time to double your efforts to save your marriage.

Remember that it’s not too late yet and as long as your spouse is willing to work with you, you can be sure that you’ll see positive changes in your marriage soon. Communicate your needs, be empathic and open to your partners.

Always remember that intimacy is vital to any relationship and should be treasured.