5 Things to Do if Your Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

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Do you feel “my wife never initiates intimacy”? No doubt you’re frustrated. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life.

If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that “my wife won’t touch me sexually,” you’re not alone.

The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife.

What’s more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! But you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know the cause. That’s why we’re looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex.

8 reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy

Here are some reasons that your wife might  never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. 

1. She is stressed out

One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress.

Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy.

2. She is in mom-mode

Being a mom is a 24-7 job with a constant cycle of happiness, stress, and worry. If your wife doesn’t want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance that’s getting in the way of things.

Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage.

Psychologist Mert Şeker points out,

Getting out of “mom mode” to increase sexual desire requires a woman to practice self-care and relaxation. Regular self-care is important to strengthen physical health and increase energy levels. Additionally, strengethening emotional communication, reducing stress and resorting to relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga can help increase sexual desire. 

3. She doesn’t feel connected to you

Emotional intimacy is a big factor in a happy marriage and a satisfying sex life.

While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and emotional intimacy to feel connected to her partner.

If your wife won’t have sex, it could be that she just doesn’t feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable.

4. She’s had some hormonal changes

Another reason “my wife never initiates physical contact” may be due to hormonal changes.

If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter.

On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause.

Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. Lowered estrogen can also cause her libido to lag.

Related Reading: Love Hormones Unraveling the Veracity of the Science of Love

5. She’s depressed

Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido.

Psychologist Mert Şeker shed more light on the situation by pointing out,

Depression is a complex psychological condition that may involve a number of factors that cause a decrease in desire for sexual intercourse. These factors may include lack of energy, low self-esteem, decreased libido, and sexual dysfunction. Additionally, side effects of antidepressant medications can negatively affect sexual desire.

Depression can lead to negative thought patterns towards oneself, weakening body image and sexual self-confidence. Therefore, a multiple approach may be required to deal with decreased sexual desire due to depression.

6. She’s interested in someone else

One of the scariest reasons your wife won’t have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else.

If your wife won’t have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse.

Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym.

7. She feels self-conscious

Does your wife struggle with self-love? The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a woman’s sexual functions.

If your wife doesn’t feel confident about her physical appearance, she may have inadvertently shut down your sex life.

8. She isn’t satisfied

If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that – horror of horrors – you may be bad in bed.

A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer you’re together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up.

If she isn’t satisfied in bed, it could be that she’s tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting.

5 things to do if your wife never initiates intimacy

Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesn’t initiate  intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. 

1. Talk about it

The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it.

Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. If she senses you’re blaming her for something, she’ll go on the defensive.

Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her.

Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women.

2. Refocus on your marriage

When was the last time you went out on a date together?

With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week.

Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship.

3. Express concern for her mental health

If your wife is struggling with mental health concerns, anxiety, or depression that are not being handled professionally, gently encourage her to talk with someone about how she’s feeling.

Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with.

Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help.

4. Do a self-examination

There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife won’t have sex with you anymore. While it’s good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good.

• Can I be more attentive to my wife?
• Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling?
• How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her?
• What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood?

Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife.

5. Go to marital counseling

If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still aren’t feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling.

Marital counseling can help couples identify underlying conflicts and improve their communication skills. It is a great resource for relationship help.

My wife never wants to have sex – 8 ways to initiate intimacy

Here are some things that you can try if you want to get intimate with your spouse.

1. Don’t put pressure on it

If your wife never initiates affection, it’s time to take the pressure off.

If you build sex up to be a giant deal, you’re putting pressure on both you and your wife. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter.

2. Plan ahead

Still, feeling like your wife doesn’t want sex anymore?

Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when you’re both exhausted, start planning for it.

Make time when you are both relaxed. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners.

3. Start dating again

If you search “my wife won’t touch me sexually,” – it may be time to stop thinking about sex and start thinking about dating.

Dating your wife, of course.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker,

Planning a special evening also has different contributions to sexual intercourse. This type of planning can increase intimacy between couples and increase sexual desire by creating a romantic atmosphere. It also offers partners the opportunity to give each other more attention and care, which can strengthen the emotional bond.

In particular, planning a romantic evening can reduce stress and help couples relax, which can improve sexual performance and satisfaction.

If your wife never initiates sex, it’s time to bring out your inner charmer and start romancing your wife.

Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow.

Related Reading: Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

4. Genuinely compliment your wife

Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal.

If your wife doesn’t feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. Self-love is the answer, but you can help, too.

Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again.

5. Make your marriage a priority

Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom.

6. Look for ways to help each other

The less stressed she is, the more free space she has in her mind to devote to all things naughty.

7. Focus on foreplay

Tired of initiating intimacy? It’s time to change your strategy.

Don’t jump straight to the finale.

Take your time and show your wife you’re not in a hurry. Focusing on her pleasure will make her banish any thought that “my wife never wants to have sex.”

Related Reading: 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life

8. Never stop communicating

This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously.

FAQs

Let’s discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. 

• My wife never initiates intimacy. What does it mean when your wife won’t touch you?

If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. However, another simple answer is that she isn’t used to being the initiator.

If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out.

• My wife is never in the mood. Can a marriage survive without intimacy?

If you feel that “my wife never initiates physical contact,” you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed.

You can be in a marriage without sex. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship.

However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship won’t survive.

Takeaway 

Feeling like “my wife never initiates intimacy” is incredibly frustrating. Not only are you missing out on some fun in the bedroom, but most importantly, you’re missing that intimate connection it creates with your wife.

Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, “My wife never initiates intimacy,” is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you.

Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage.

If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesn’t want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling.

Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom.